leave me alone

[lambhearted-sin]

I can see how me trying to fulfill one of my needs would come across as me trying to make them schedule their lil space. Bc I said they could use it if they wanted. The channel.for.giving "me* a schedule. Idk. I wanted like one solid hang out with a big I liked. Day. A week if helped and a schedule sooths the little part of me. Tbh I wanted to do that and like take care of them the rest of the week..I also think a lot of..i really felt like they were begging me to be more little? I don't know. I'm trying to remember all the reasoning.

[lambhearted-sin]

Was introduced to the idea that you can't properly tell right from wrong when psychotic... And that can't be true. That can't be true. If it was true they both wouldn't have acted like I calculated it all and did it all on purpose..... That can't be t r u e

[lambhearted-sin]

I was never trying to hurt anyone I was never trying to guilt anyone into anything. I don't know. I should have known better but sometimes I look back and can't figure out how with certain things. And I was never trying to be mean I genuinely think I got confused between being mean and playing a lot for sure. I don't know. I don't know anything other than I deserve to die.

[lambhearted-sin]

Was introduced to the idea that you can't properly tell right from wrong when psychotic... And that can't be true. That can't be true. If it was true they both wouldn't have acted like I calculated it all and did it all on purpose..... That can't be t r u e

[andromedaaap]

Path to the Light: Liberation

[oldjewelryfeed]

Antique Victorian Gold Micro Mosaic Cross Pendant C 1860

[lambhearted-sin]

I don't think we're ever gonna tell anyone what was done to us ever again

[lambhearted-sin]

Semi weekly I want to fucking die post

[lambhearted-sin]

I'm so close to checking us into IOP again

[ourdarling]

insane shit happening over on uquiz right now

[lambhearted-sin]

We were making progress. We were making progress I was really breaking through with him. About all the rape.

Were you trying to make it harder for me?

[lambhearted-sin]

I hate knowing I opened up to you about my fucking assault and knowing you probably didn't even believe me at the time. I hate that I open d up to you about what happened to me and as soon as you don't like me anymore you weaponized it against me. I will never tell anyone anything that happened to me eve r again that's for fucking sure.

[lambhearted-sin]

I hate that they took a story I told about a pattern of people I rejected and turned it into a pattern of abuse. I've dated four people. In my entire life.

Did tony not abuse me because he was a year younger? Was my relationship where my partner barely fucking spoke to me not neglectful? Was the way moss would not engage with me at all unless it was sexual or emotional support justified because I was older? Was I just expected to take it and say nothing because I was older because that's what I did. That's what I did for two fucking years. Because I was older and was supposed to have all the power and all those experience that I didn't have. I sat as tolorated being treated like a sex object and not a person for two years because I was older and he wasn't supposed to have any power over me. And I deserved it I guess. And I'm a rotten bastard for wanting to try to set boundaries after WAITING TO HAVE THAT CONVERSATION. FOR A FULL YEAR. That wasn't the first time I asked.

And I don't get to heal from it I don't get to process what happened to me I just have to sit and take it and accept I deservednit for being older than him. Just like I deserved the rape..and the death threats and the verbal abuse and the threats to fucking beat me half to death. I deserved it. I should kill myself.

[lambhearted-sin]

I'm.not even supposed to have post breakup depression I'm an abuser I don't get to feel bad OR good I don't get to be anything anymore

[lambhearted-sin]

My dad abused me because I am a monster. He did those things because I am weak and worthless. I was right. I was always right. As soon as we aren't taking care of everyone around us first no one is left

[lambhearted-sin]

I hate that our actions mean they can treat us however they want now. I hate that I can't even be upset about it. I hate that they're justified in hurting us. I hate that they can do it again, however they want, and that I can't tell them to stop. I haven't checked but I know they didn't delete that fucking post. I know they are trying to find this blog again so they can tear us down again. And they're just allowed to do that. Fine fine

King if you're reading this we know that we groomed moss into raping us. Ok? We are never gonna let a therapist convince us that wasn't our fault. Just leave us alone.

[lambhearted-sin]

Sometimes we also forced it. Sometimes we also felt pressure to perform as a dom. When we didn't really want to. But it doesn't matter because it's us. And what we did matters more because it happened to not us.

I'm so sick of things mattering less because it happened to us.

[lambhearted-sin]

I think what fucks with me is that I literally gave them an account they could turn me into a private lolcow over and they used the place I made an outlet instead. Should I have switched the URL yeah but for some reason I had trust. For some reason.

And even if they did see this blog I didn't expect the first thing to happen is us being blamed for our own fucking assault.