alas, life trots on 😔 let's just say 2.22 so I hold myself accountable

titsay
$LAYYYTER
dirt enthusiast
Cosimo Galluzzi

blake kathryn
NASA

⁂
YOU ARE THE REASON
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Xuebing Du
Not today Justin
todays bird
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Misplaced Lens Cap

if i look back, i am lost

tannertan36
tumblr dot com
No title available

oozey mess

Janaina Medeiros
seen from France

seen from United States
seen from India
seen from South Korea
seen from United States

seen from Spain

seen from United States

seen from Australia
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Finland

seen from Spain
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from Sweden

seen from Russia
@latenightswaudiobooks
alas, life trots on 😔 let's just say 2.22 so I hold myself accountable
01/30/2024
Current Book: If Only You
Reading or Listening: Listening
Where I’m at: Chapter 15 4hr 45minutes
What it’s about: Ren Bergman’s (Always Only Us) bad boy best friend and sheltered good girl little sister. Decide to fake being “friends” to “fix” their current images.
How invested am I: as I am with every Chloe Liese book I listen to or read I’m all in 😂😅
Trigger warnings? Yes
‼️ Beyond Here Contains Spoilers ‼️
Favorite Part so Far: Chapter 15 during Seb’s breakdown and Ziggy making him let her in giving the queen Charlotte speech vibes that make my heart flutter in the romance genre
Thoughts so Far: I like it a lot more than I thought I would admittedly I despised Ziggy in Always Only You. She was the me that was never allowed to be seen because of how I grew up. The part of me that I hate to this day the parts that need special accommodations. That I was never allowed and when I’d ask for them I’d be belittled or be told “I was over exaggerating to get attention” So coming into it I didn’t have the highest hopes so I started it and I ended up stopping it but I thought about it quite often. Here I am finally back into it and I’m invested! Heavily heavily heavily invested. I love her now and I know my despise came from my own internal conflict not her as a character. She is something that I wished I would have been allowed to be. She is an advocate I wish I had had in myself and I still need for myself some days. The chemistry that her and Seb have me begging for more and when I get it I just need more. So all in all I’m loving the book.
Favorite Character: Main character wise I’m gonna go with Sebastian just because I see the closed off me that became of the trauma that’s stated above.
Least Favorite Character: Is it weird for me as a chronic hater of people to say I don’t have one yet? 😅
What do I hope will happen next: We all know I want them together, but currently I’m gonna replay chapter 15 because I just need to hear that scene one more time!
Side note to the previous post I got Hades!
Current read/listen tonight while I play Disney Dreamlight 😍
Introduction
* Book Title: the words i could never say
* Author: yogesh Chandra
* Brief Overview: This is a poetry book that follows someone through their highs and lows of bipolar and an inevitable heartbreak
Content and Themes
* Main Themes: Bipolar, mental illness, and heartbreak
Poetic Devices and Language
* Imagery: There weren’t many images in the kindle version it may be different for the print addition
* Metaphors and Similes: The author often refers to depression in the instance of rain clouds or rain.
* Tone and Mood: It’s very melancholic but in a relatable way.
Personal Reflection
* Favorite Poem: “how dearly i long for a sense of normalcy. each day is either a walk on water or a suffocation beneath the waves. there is no in-between. -the highs and the lows”
* Emotional Impact and Connection: I felt very seen as a person and felt very connected with the poems because they reflected my actual feelings and thoughts I had had as a person when I had first gotten a bipolar diagnosis and during my struggle with it.
Recommendation
* Who Would Enjoy This Book: People dealing with the highs and lows of mental illness
* Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
* Final Thoughts: I could not put this book down for long and it left me wanting more of these poems I felt so deeply connected with
Hey everyone! Sorry I’ve been mia besides a few reposts. I have had some very eventful months, in which I didn’t get much reading or listening to audiobooks done.
To give you the smallest amount of details my health has dwindled and my partner has had some bad health as well. I also had a giant project at work in November and December basically I’m exhausted from it all and in a giant reading rut.
Thankfully though I’m seeing a light at the end of that tunnel and have been doing some light reading. I restarted my kindle unlimited subscription last night and have been listening to audiobooks on my car rides.
Here’s what my current library looks like on my phone kindle app (haven’t even broke out my actual kindle yet)! Lots of poetry which I haven’t exactly decided on how I’m going to review yet but I’ll figure it out!
Anywho I hope you all are doing well! I’ve missed posting and reading so hopefully I’m back now! I’m gonna try my best to be back and hopefully will have some new posts by Friday!
I plan on getting the sunshine court soon! Besides that I’m kind of reading whatever peaks my interest right now to try to get me out of this rut!
Let me know how you’re doing and leave me some book recommendations if you have any you’d like me to review!
All my love 💛
being mutuals isn’t enough we need to eat breakfast in the garden together
Current Read
10/28/2024
Current Book: Ghosted by J.M. Darhower
Reading or Listening: Listening
Where I’m at: Chapter 23 6 hours and 3 minutes
What it's about: A troubled young actor and a single assistant manager at a grocery store. You'd think they never would have anything in common. You'd be wrong the thing they have in common is a daughter. A daughter that the actor can't see because of his "trouble". He's cleaning up his act and hoping to make emends to his daughter and the woman he loves.
How invested am I: Very I can't go a day without listening
Trigger warnings? Yes
‼️ Beyond Here Contains Spoilers
Favorite Part so Far: When Jonathan got the picture from Maddie, but the hug after the duck scene was a close second.
Thoughts so Far: I love it! It may be my chronic need to fix everyone but, I love Jonathan and how hard he seems to be trying and I'm begging Kennedy to give him a chance. Maddie is the cutest and has my heart she is adorable and so witty. I love their childhood love story and just got to the part where they are running off together. The way Kennedy's mom supports them makes my heart swell. It's such a sweet story and and so far there has been a few great spice scenes so far as well! Overall my current rating it a 7/10 but that can change with over half the book left!
Favorite Character: Kennedy's Mom has to be I'm so sad she died and we don't get present POV with her. She is so understanding and want's her daughter to have her own experiences while making sure she stay's safe.
Least Favorite Character: Fucking Drew fucking Hastings fuck that guy. As Maddie is right when she says since he can't call Kennedy pretty he shouldn't get to see her. How he treats Jonathan, how he treats Kennedy, how he acts in general he's the absolute worst. I mean he didn;t let Kennedy talk about anything ontheir date it was only about him. Then he wanted to drive around drunk with her and felt entitled to fuck her. Yeah he's just a no for me.
What do I hope will happen next: I hope they get to be a family, but I'm sure it will get fucked up and I will be devastated and I am not prepared at all.
Weekly Mental Health Check In
10/29/2024
Hey! It’s me, your local messy book blogger here to check in because our mental health is important and typing about it to strangers on the internet is easier than opening up to people in person sometimes! I have this as another template so it’ll typically be the same questions, but if you’d also like to answer you do not have to follow it!
How are you doing this week? I'm doing okay. My mental health hasn't been doing the best I have had some BPD splits which I felt coming on for a few weeks so have been very low and isolating trying not to have one. It has seemed to lift though today I'm feeling social and excited.
What’s been on your mind this week? We have to deep clean the house this weekend and I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do it if I keep flaring up (POTS & chronic pain) like this.
How are you coping with that? I'm angry at myself.
How have you been sleeping? not the best most of the week but i slept great last night!
Have you been meeting your body's needs? I should probably eat and brush my hair a lot more often if I'm honest!
What one thing can you do for yourself this week? I'm gonna try to get outside more this week
What entertainment are you taking in this week? I've been watching Grimm with my fiancee I've never watched it before, but I really like it!
One thing I'm grateful for this week: My fiancee and her endless patience, kindness, and her want to understand me. I couldn't ever thank her enough for that.
One thing you're looking forward to this week: I've got meeting/dinner/game night with all my coworkers tonight and a group of us are participating a trivia night this weekend so I'm excited to hangout with my friends from work!
Remember you are not alone! Remember no matter what you are deserving of self care! Remember no matter what someone cares for you even if you don’t know it. You have made it through all the hard times before you can make it through this too! If nothing else, live out of spite that you could outlive your enemy.
"I like that library books have secret lives. All those hands that have held them. All those eyes that have read them."
―Same Sun Here by Neela Vaswani
With You Forever
Book 4 In Bergman Brothers Series
What it’s about: After a kiss with her crush (a grumpy self proclaimed recluse) during his family game of charades our heroine tries to distance herself from the Bergman family, but months later needing a get away she takes up her best friends offer on her family's "empty" cabin surprise surprise it's not empty and our hero is between a rock and a hard place. After a night of our hero being a graceful host his friends show up to help solve the problem. They unfortunately unknowingly divulge to our heroine. Now the two characters who are "in lust" with each other are in a fake marriage and living together for the next month while trying to stay as friends and keep it all a secret from his family.
Pages or Run Time: 10 Hours 47 Minutes
⭐ Overall Rating: 7/10 (Not particularly for me but it's still a good book)
🌶️ Spice Rating: 8/10 (More Spice then Book 2!)
Trigger warning for this one! Check the triggers listed in the book! (I never want to list them just in case I miss or forget one!)
Why to Read/Listen: Accurate representation of chronic illness and disabilities (Which I'm starting to think is Chloe's specialty!), sunshine x grumpy (Another one of her specialties! (and one of my favorites)), marriage of convenience (but is that the only reason 👀), the hero and heroine playing house, everyone knows they're in love besides them, and it's another romantic comedy with great banter between almost all the characters!
‼️ Beyond Here Contains Spoilers ‼️
My Thoughts: This one drove me insane, but kind of in a good way? They were just both so clueless towards each others obvious feelings even when others would spell it out for them. Which I guess in retrospect is cute I just was begging for them the whole time to just talk to each other about it. That was because A: They would get so close to doing it and then would stop themselves every time (which I guess could be intentional because one of them did have a thing for edging/depriving themselves which must of been beyond the sexual kind.) Finally though FINALLY they confess and then Axel misunderstands a situation and then has a bad reaction? (I wouldn't count it as a autistic meltdown necessarily at least if I had done it. I would say more of an overstimulation snap? (Not that I can blame him because honestly I would of done the same) Then Rooney just packs up and leaves? Like leaves the state. All I could think was "What the fuck" how did that play out so bad? I went into it thinking she was gonna ask him to let her stay permanently. Welp that is not how it went at all. It had the cutest redemption at the end so it was worth it. The journey that got me there though had me questioning it there. It did have the cutest fluff scenes, some great steamy scenes, and some deep and honest scenes about their illness and disability. There was one scene in particular that saved the whole book for me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this book it just wasn't my favorite because I'm so impatient. I loved the characters though even if they did frustrate the hell out of me. Again that was just my impatience.
Favorite Character: Skyler, she for sure would beat me at candy land. That kid could rule the world if she wanted to.
Least Favorite Character: Skugga, that audiobook meow will haunt me for the rest of my life
Favorite Part: When Rooney asks to hug him and he basically says that he normally doesn't like hugs but he feels safe enough to hug her and he actually enjoys the hug. It melted my heart and saved the book for me.
Least Favorite Part: When Rooney just up and leaves because she did not follow Axel's boundaries and he had a valid and typical autism reaction to being put in a situation like that. She did not even give him a chance to explain just shut him out. I was livid. (I may prefer Axel 😅)
Favorite Quote: “I gave him a romance novel because they’re a safe place to step deeper into our emotions, the happy ones and the hard ones. To recognize and process complex, sometimes difficult feelings within ourselves that the world tells men, in all its gendered, toxic bullshit, we have no obligation to face and feel, when we really do. As humans, we owe it to ourselves to know our hearts.”
I will read more in the series! I'm actually working my way through one currently. Any guesses on which one?
Always Only You
Book 2 In Bergman Brothers Series
What it’s about: A duel P.O.V. slow-burn forbidden office romance book. Where your leads are a Shakespeare loving hockey player with a heart of gold that I would describe as a golden retriever is hopelessly in love with a fiercely guarded and independent social media manager I would describe as a black cat. This book is comedic gold and has great chronic illness and autism representation!
Pages or Run Time: 10 Hour 18 Minutes
⭐ Overall Rating: 100/10 (I loved this book so much) (I'm not even exaggerating I LOVED this book!)
🌶️ Spice Rating: 6/10 (There are some scenes but nothing crazy but I was content with it!)
I don't think I need a trigger warning for this one unless you count living with the highs and lows of autism or chronic illness. Always check the books for the actual list of trigger warnings though!
Why To Read Listen: Real authentic chronic illness and autism representation, it's a hockey romance, a reverse grumpy x sunshine, and to top it off it's got the best quips/dry humor.
‼️ Beyond Here Contains Spoilers ‼️
Favorite Character: Frankie she was the first character I can say I felt completely seen and understood by and she is hilarious. I wish she was real so I could actually meet her.
Least Favorite Character: Also Frankie? I saw myself in her to much and felt little me screaming at her during every self sabotage. They hurt me just as much as they hurt her. Taking that away I loved her. I guess if I had to pick one outside of her that I unfortunately can't give much commentary on because they technically aren't really in the book except maybe a second. It's the god damn "reporters" more like paparazzi.
Favorite Part: When Ren convinces her they can take care of each other. It wasn't a one way street and that he wasn't leaving.
Least Favorite Part: When Frankie was in the hospital with Pneumonia and freaks out at Ren for missing his game and going with her to the hospital/staying with her. She breaks up with him in a giant moment of self sabotage. It broke me. I was so angry with Frankie in that moment but, I also know I would of done the same which made it more painful.
Favorite Quotes: “I’m okay. Sometimes I feel big feelings and they make me have tears.”
“I’m tough." "I know you are." "I can take care of myself." "You have." "You still do. You always will. I’ve just joined in, too. Now we take care of each other.”
“Men have been objectifying women for millennia. Simply doing my part to settle the score.”
My Thoughts: I will say it again I LOVED this book! This was a slow burn I was sucked right in to, kept my attention, and made me want more every time I had to stop listening! That is rare for me! As a autistic person with a chronic illness and chronic pain I finally found a romance heroine I could actually relate to! She talks about feeling as if no one can love her because of how she acts and reacts to things. She feels as if she will be seen as a burden because of her illnesses and because of it she believes everyone will leave her and she will never be able to find love. Our hero through (almost 😉) everything stays a ball of sunshine and loves her without a thought towards her illnesses in the sense of he doesn't see her illness as any reason to love her any less and the thought never crosses his mind. He cares for her health so much that she feels suffocated towards it at a point. I would describe him as being like a helicopter parent at times which I would also find suffocating. I felt so seen, but also called out by this book which at first I found unsettling, but in the end I loved it. I had never felt like the romance stories could be real or at least real for me until this book. Some of the situations and dialogue reminded me so of my lovely fiance and I. The hero said many things to the heroine that she has said to me. The heroine said many things that I've either thought about her or talked to her about. It has a happy ending in the end and I was left happily content
I will read more in the series!
Give me book recommendations based off this book!
Just a Little Heads Up Plus a Fun Fact!
I read books weird and some people are gonna hate the way I read them. I will apologize in advance for it because I know it will bother a lot of you! Thankfully we aren't doing book club because I will not change the way I read. It works for me even if it might not for you!
So the fun fact/annoying thing (to most readers) I do is if a book doesn't hook me from the start I will read the last chapter first to see if it's worth it and I'll make it a game by trying to guess how the book plays out to that and I wanna know if I got it right. So it entices me to finish it!
Any who! Some Information you may need to know is if I'm reading a series I will read them in the order I choose. Mostly for stand alone series, but sometimes I'm impatient and read some book series in random orders just because I just need to be thrown in the middle of it. I say all of this because I'm currently working through the The Bergman Brothers Series and I am not dong them in order at all! So don't be confused if I give you book 6 before book one!
What are your weird or "annoying" traits in reading?
All For The Game Series 1-3
What it’s about: All three books center around Neil Josten and his life that revolves around Exy (a fictional sport which is mixed between Hockey and Lacrosse) and his secrets he tries so hard to hide. The secrets he has been running from for most of his life.
Pages or RunTime: B1-260 Pages B2- 9hr 35min B3-12hr 33min
⭐ Overall Rating: 8/10
🌶️ Spice Rating: 5/10
Key Factors: LGBT+, sports, chaotic boyfriends, trauma, a messy found family, main character clueless about peoples emotions and completely misses the love interests attraction, twists and turns throughout the story.
Trigger warning for this one!
‼️ Beyond Here Contains Spoilers ‼️
Favorite Character: Andrew everyone views him as a monster but I could tell he was just traumatized from the beginning. He just wants to protect the family he has created for himself. His anger issues are relatable as someone with BPD. His dry commentary is a hilarious added point especially when Neil doesn't understand it.
Least Favorite Character: Riko if you read the books you'll get it. He is the devil incarnate and though his story may have started sad he was given an opportunity of a life time to turn it around and yes he still has issues being thrown his way but, it does not give him any right to be that cruel and sociopathic.
Favorite Part: When the FBI agents allow Neil is allowed to go speak with his team (family) and he thinks they won't even want to speak or see him Andrew least of all. He gets there and they all try to swarm him with questions of "if he's okay"'s and they were just all so worried. Then Andrew comes in handcuffed to Coach because he had been fighting so hard to get to Neil.
Favorite Quotes: "You're a pipe dream"
"Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it."
“Thank you," he finally said. He couldn't say he meant thanks for all of it: the keys, the trust, the honesty and the kisses. Hopefully Andrew would figure it out eventually. "You were amazing.”
“He was their family. They were his. They were worth every cut and bruise and scream.”
“You know I get it-" (This whole quote)
"Some of the strongest people I know are women"
I will read more from the author!
The Never King
What it’s about: A Dark Retelling of Peter Pan where when the girl descendants of Wendy Darling all disappear on their 18th birthday. They always reappear but all are turned mad on their return. Winnie Darling is determined to not let it happen to her.
Pages or RunTime: 4 Hours 35 Minutes
⭐ Overall Rating: 6/10
🌶️ Spice Rating: 9/10 (First Smut Book I ever read/listened to and I was hooked but also shocked because I did not expect it)
Key Factors: Storybook retelling, dark romance, fantasy, morally grey characters/love interests, Polyamory, Smut, Swinging, Fairy Tale, Suspense, Big Plot Twists, fairies,fairies
Trigger Warning for this one!
‼️ Beyond Here Contains Spoilers ‼️
Favorite Character: The Dark One (I know his name but can't remember how to spell it but don't have the book with me and the internet is no help)
Least Favorite Character: Weirdly enough Winnie there were times I liked her but she also stressed me out so much.
Favorite Part: When TD1 is the one to save Winnie! It was such a big plot twist I was beyond shocked! He had been my favorite character all along the grumpy brooding character that you never thought would become a love interest. Then bam out of nowhere he is who I wanted with Winnie! I love the idea of them all just sharing her but the shadow is possessive and I think it actually stems from TD1 himself.
Least Favorite Part: The only part that actually triggered me and I completely hated because of it was the 🍇 I blocked out most of it. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of Winnie liking it. (I understand and support any and all mutually consensual kinks and sexual experiences.) I couldn't get behind it myself simply because I put myself or at least try to relate to the characters in my books and I couldn't ever see myself getting behind that. So it's just a personal preference.
Favorite Quote: “Most men don’t realize this,” she said once, “but us girls, we have toolboxes too. Ours aren’t stuffed with hammers and wrenches and screwdrivers. We have these.” She gave her boobs a squeeze. “And this.” Then tapped at her temple. “And there’s no greater power than tits and brains, baby girl.”
I will read/listen to more in the series! I listened to the second one, but it was passive listening so I can't recall it all and need to listen to it again. I just have to be in the right head space and mood for it first.