beware the Cosmic Chicken

don't take offense at my innuendo

[7th-seraph]

what if every Tumblr user suddenly looses their mouse?

[bardofspades]

J = Next Post K = Previous Post L = Like N = View Notes Space = Show Photo Shift + R = Reblog Shift + E = Add to Queue Z + Tab = Switch Blogs

[itsblueandboxy]

[tyleroakley]

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

[starkstrider]

I just reblogged this with the command, shit

[enjolrasjosette]

Do you know how much this helps people who have trouble with the mouse? (Me, other disabled people) thank you

[femmecrip-deactivated20151212]

Yup, I use these when my hands get particularly weak (like now)

[spiritofcamelot]

Alt + R is the new command to reblog Alt + Q is the new command to queue

[laurievidaliapink99]

[thirstghosting]

in the US we only have 3 genders. american beauty, american psycho, and american pie

[forepop]

my dad, trying to explain the concept of money to me: say you have a sandwich, and i need your sandwich. but i don't have anything to give you. you're not just gonna give it to me.

me: i would just give it to you.

my dad:

[androfembot]

in elementary school we had. basically an immersive economics lesson that was "playing City," with different jobs and businesses; it was mostly semi-free time for socializing and selling/buying toys and snacks from each other. one of the lessons we were supposed to learn was the importance of paying a small amount of money into health and/or business insurance, because you had a chance of being hit with the Daily Disaster and a huge bill.

anyway, some kid who didn't buy insurance got hit with a "medical bill" early on, so he was supposed to be bankrupt and have to sit the rest of the game out. the 8 year olds were not having it and spontaneously invented crowdfunding so he could keep playing with everyone else.

kids who don't 'get it' are right, actually

[phantomrose96]

All the talk about "oh Elon Musk's buying twitter now all the people who fled from tumblr to twitter are gonna come back here" and gotta say. I'm on edge. SOMETHING happened to tumblr between 2018 and 2020 that turned it from a warzone to a tolerable shitposting website and my one best guess has always been that the p/orn ban sent so many people packing to twitter that we ended up exporting all our native-grown gremlins to the bird site. I back this theory up by the fact that all batshit fandom drama I hear about these days comes from twitter.

So for most people coming back, happy to see you welcome have some tea or coffee over on the table to the left but if the shit-stirrers come back for me it's on sight. It's on sight. First time around I was nice I was like "oh I shouldn't engage if I'm the Bigger Blog that's a bad move to put smaller blogs on blast :(" free pass is up. I'll name and shame. I clawed my way back up from 6 feet underground and I'm not doing it again I'll defend this garbage tower to the death. PVP. I'll salt the earth I'll poison the water supply I'll burn the village down hand in unlovable hand I'll take everyone and everything down with me before I cede this stupid blog again it's on. sight.

Oh also there's some lemon bars too.

[asieybarbie]

Dolores!

[ritikajyala]

Last night, I told my mother "I wish I was dead" in a fit of rage and winter clouded her eyes. But it wasn't white and it wasn't quiet, it resembled something like helplessness and rage. She was in pain and I knew I hurt her. I wanted to say something, anything, but how do you withdraw a declaration of war? How do you stop the bombs that already destroyed homelands? In that moment I remembered how she always told me that when she was a kid, she was too afraid to sleep with the lights on. Not because she was afraid of monsters, but because she feared her grandmother would die. Because when you're a kid, not seeing it means it doesn't exist anymore. I saw the winter in her eyes again and I knew I had switched off the light, she wasn't angry, she was afraid.

And I also remembered how she always told me I'd always be 3 years old for her, always a child, and for the first time, I heard in the voice of a three year old "I wish I was dead". My heart broke. And I wanted to hug her and hold her, tell her I was sorry, that I didn't mean it. Before I could move a hand, she left the room. The entire evening, I saw myself as she saw me, a 3 year old child. I saw the child hurt herself and cry herself to sleep every week, fight her friends with her tiny hands and two ponytails, I saw her depression and her anxiety, I saw her yell "I wish I was dead" and I knew. I knew. I wanted to shout through the walls, yell and cry and tell my mother that now I KNEW, but I didn't. I wept and wept until I heard a quiet knock and a soft familiar voice whispered, "Dinner is ready".

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

[sluttynurse]

"unreliable narrator" to you. i believe them

[gingerhastoomanyobsessions]

I can’t breathe

[brawltogethernow]

Best wishes to these people obviously but I’m WHEEZING at the concept of a standard horror plot starter but the stranded travelers are an entire fully equipped orchestra.

[gleefully-macabre]

It’s the prequel to every other horror film. Their haunting spirits play the background music.

[gleefully-macabre]

Oh shoot, that actually would be a really cool concept. The film starts with no thematic music, and as each member of the orchestra is picked off, their instrument joins the soundtrack. Subtly, so you don’t really notice, and the end credits are a full orchestral symphony.

[thestraggletag]

DUUUUUDE

[cowboydocx-deactivated20231124]

the feminine urge to completely revamp ur entire tumblr theme every couple weeks

[miiilowo]

tumblr is the root of half the internets trends and memes

[miiilowo]

the curse of being on this website is knowing that shit like cottagecore and dark academia and the obsession with mushrooms and whatnot started on this godforsaken platform and not tiktok

[feralfens]

the mushroom thing started with a fucking shitpost where it ends with "you cannot kill me in a way that matters" "im not fucking scared of you!"

"op what does this mean" "decay is an extant form of life"

I KID YOU NOT

[cpunkhobie]

"eating sour skittles should constitute as self harm" I say, grabbing another handful from the bag

[cpunkhobie]

I'm letting them settle under my tongue but letting them dissolve makes my skin crawl. the sour sugar is so bad

[cpunkhobie]

no. no I can't I'm stopping I've lost this endurance test they're so shit I fucking can't

[cpunkhobie]

I lied.

[cpunkhobie]

It tastes like the inside of christmas lights

[cpunkhobie]

you don't get it they taste so fucking bad you couldn't even have them

[meeowerzz]

they’re going in my mouth

[cpunkhobie]

they're going into your blood stream I think I've been contaminated by something

[cpunkhobie]

I'm still eating them.

[cpunkhobie]

You're right. I'm gonna go eat a strawberry

[cpunkhobie]

YOU HAVE NEVER KNOWN TRUE PAIN UNTIL STUFFING MORE THAN FIVE SOUR SKITTLES IN YOUR MOUTH. EVERYTHING TASTES LIKE NEON GREEN

[cpunkhobie]

Update on the strawberry: It tastes like if scented candles were a fruit

[cpunkhobie]

The after-taste tastes like those strawberry snacks for teething babies

[carpe-aurore]

[cpunkhobie]

dw they're fine I think

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

#i was scrolling down fully expecting this post to have like 50k notes what the hell 

oh i can help with that one holy shit what the fuck have I read

[thewildetyme]

“The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.”

— Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray.

[evan-buck]

I’ve seen the horror waiting for people when they get pruned and there’s nothing necessary about that!

[homunculus-argument]

Back when I was working at the factory (or really, "produce redistribution plant", but 'the factory' rolls off the tongue easier), there was only one female forklift operator in the whole plant. This story isn't about her, the point here is that it was a very male-dominated workplace.

Seeing them swoop by day in and day out, you got used to the forklifts, which were all more or less identical with each other save for some scrapes and bangs and signs of wear, except for one, which had a tiny, sparkling Hello Kitty -sticker on the side, scarcely larger than my thumb.

One night shift there were only two gatherers at work beside me, and only one forklift operator. On a particularly quiet moment of that particularly quiet night, the forklift driver and I were the only ones in the break room, and though we'd never really talked before, I remarked that he got the Hello Kitty one.

He, a sturdy man in his fifties, grinned in a way that made the ends of his moustache tilt up, made a pointed look around the obviously empty break room and leaned in towards me like men that age do when they've got a great and splendid secret to share.

He asked me, had I ever noticed that it was almost always him who is driving the Hello Kitty forklift? I had not, but that did not swing his glee about this to either direction. He nodded. That was his favourite forklift, it's the one that turns the smoothest, the one with the most even brakes and most comfortable seat. He had put the sticker on it, he had borrowed one from his granddaughter.

Ever since, even if he hadn't shown up to shift as the first guy on the job, his favourite was almost always still available. Like a magical, protective ward, the little sparkly sticker kept the other men away from his favourite machine.

[harpyhormones]

hey i just wanted to put a quick post up for people that may not know, cuz i certainly didnt until a couple years ago, but the whole prescription glasses industry is a massive racket, and i wanted to let people know about the more affordable options for buying or replacing glasses

when you go to an optometrist to get your eyes tested, they take a lot of measurements and will give you a prescription that lists things like how near or farsighted each eye is, spherical and cylindrical measurements for astigmatism, etc, but one measure they almost always leave out of the portion they give you is your interpupillary distance, that is, the distance between your pupils, measured in millimeters

the reason they leave that out is because if you have your full prescription, including the interpupillary distance, you can just go online and buy glasses from a place like zenni optical for less than $20 USD. and if you go and buy them online, thats ~$200 they dont get to bilk from you

so, you have two options, you can either request your interpupillary distance number when you get your eyes tested, which they cant legally withhold from you because its medical information

This Is Specifically Enforced By The Federal Trade Commission!

https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/blogs/business-blog/2016/05/clear-picture-complying-ftcs-eyeglass-rule

they dont get to withhold this! a lot of them will lie to you, or try to skirt around it, because they want your money. raise a fucking stink. this is an argument you can win.

the other option is to measure your interpupillary distance at home, using either a ruler and a mirror, or a phone app which is made for this purpose

https://www.zennioptical.com/measuring-pd-infographic

once you have your full prescription information, you can buy glasses online, made to your specific prescription, for well under a TENTH the cost of ones you would buy at a brick and mortar store

[phantomrose96]

“Be sure to shake it!” the bubble tea barista tells me but I don’t. I won’t. Why would I? “It mixes the sugar” maybe you want that. Maybe YOU do. To be drinking some homogenous concoction. Uniformly distributed. Each sip the same as the last. Just as sweet. Just as sweet. Just as sweet. All pointless flat indulgence. No personality. No humanity. A time-loop of your own devising, bereft of experience, sanitized of risk.

I want my first sip to be teeth-curdlingly sweet. I want the next to be horribly disappointing. I want to hunt. I want to jab my straw into pockets of substance like my ancestors stirring twigs into a bug colony. I want to raise the straw to different depths and feel something. The ocean is so far but I know what it means to rise from its syrupy dark depths into the still waters above.

I want all boba. I want no boba. I want to scoop the bubbles with my straw when the ice-rocks have been washed dry by the tide. “Be sure to shake it.” Never. I want to experience every human emotion in this cup of tea. I am not a coward. I am not a sheep. My tea is still enough for pond-skaters to glide. It will not shake. Live your repetitive nothing. Live in fear of the unknown. Live your fear of change. I am choking on a boba.

[gen-is-gone]

[phantomrose96]

You. You understand this post.