Of all the Qur’anic passages about men and women perhaps the one most often misunderstood or misused, by both Muslims and non-Muslims, is verse 34 of Surah an-Nisa. An English translation of this verse reads as follows:;
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.; Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard.; As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) do not share their beds, (and last) beat (tap) them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all). (4:34)
First and foremost, this verse needs two clarifications. One, that it doesn’t apply to any women, but to ONLY those women who are “rebellious” to their husbands in acts of immorality, such as lewdness, adultery, and fornication. Second, the issue of hitting is a mere symbolic tapping of the hand as a serious gesture of disgruntlement from the husband towards the wife, for her disobediences in the morality of the household, because its an issue of integrity of the family, which the husband is responsible to maintain the honor and respect of it.
Therefore, it is not a permission for the husband to “abuse” this verse of the Quran to his advantage and use force against his wife for every kind of refractions and rejections from his wife. Rather it’s for specific actions such as disloyalty to the husband by having an affair with another man, or committing acts of vulgarity that brings shame to the family. Even then, this symbolic tapping of the hand of the wife should be as a last resort, whence all other avenues have been exhausted in making sense of shame to the wife for her rebellious strife. Otherwise the family might disintegrate into a divorce, which is also disliked by God, and His Messenger.
There are numerous narrations of the Prophet (pbuh) which clearly discourage and even prohibit beating, hitting, and use of any brutal force against wives, such that would cause bodily harm or injuries. He, being the role model for all husbands, himself never resorted to such a measure with any of his wives, speaks volumes of his character as a husband which all men should emulate. In addition, in the following verse of the Qur’an, God warns men that if they retain their wives in marriage it should not be to take advantage of them.
“Retain them in kindness or release them in kindness. But do not retain them to their hurt so that you transgress (the limits). If anyone does that he wrongs his own soul. Do not take God’s instructions as a jest” (Qur’an 2:231).
“The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best toward their wives.” (Tirmithi)
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