[dankmemeuniversity]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[jaded-gentleman]

[paper-mario-wiki]

if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:

do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”

while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.

[shitload-of-muses]

this is an oddly specific post are you ok

[bigthecat]

[theshitneyspears]

[originalweirdough-deactivated20]

i got Questions

[majortvjunkie]

[heavensghost]

Sorry I didn’t text back I don’t have anything 2 say

[ingridbergman]

(x)

[nokiabae]

it’s been 4 months and I can’t stop thinking about this tweet

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was joining random dating sites and i came across one called “Top Tier” which was apparently only for very rich people with high IQs. Only, there was no vetting process so i figured it was just for pompous assholes who thought they were top tier.

I signed up to see what it was like. The color scheme of the site was yellow on black. You had to select one of three options indicating if you were single or not. I don’t remember what the first two were, but the third one was, “you can go to hell,” which meant that for whichever reason, you weren’t interested in anyone. If you chose this option you couldn’t even search the site, so I backed up and chose a different option.

I found Uma Thurman on the site and jokingly sent her a date request, but she actually accepted and now I had a date with her set for tomorrow evening. I was in a panic because I didn’t want to date Uma Thurman. In the dream, she was known for being mean. I was still stressing about how I was gonna break this date, when I woke up.

[technicoloursunsetsky]

again, I really need to read the usernames on this fucking site

[whitepeopletwitter]

Dry liquids.

[depsidase]

[punkrockdragonrainbowhipster-de]

[akamxru]

cup a dert little worms babey!!!!!!!!!!!!

[akamxru]

YOU ALREADY KNO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN ON

[mp3juice]

[alltheladiesyouhate]

All this time I’ve been playing video games when I could have been holding a turtle

[tomfordvelvetorchid-deactivated]

i’m just like so happy for myself and like so worried for you because obviously you’re like fucking eight years old and like you’ve obviously like spent your time partying and stuff like that and it’s starting to take its toll on your face and your body and like the boyfriends that you have had were like really bad for you and would come over and cum on your stomach and like yeah, no, totally, absolutely but like whatever works for you works for you and that’s amazing

[hamtastrophe]