Learning Balance

I'm on a lifelong journey to discover the truly important elements of life while learning how to balance all that is good in this world.

[learningbalance]

What Keeps Me on My Toes

In my last post, I talked a little bit about my journey to discovering new balance lessons, and how boxing (of all things!) helped get me there.

Okay, so boxing isn't just about your arm strength. In fact, most of your strength in a punch actually comes from the shoulder and/or the hip. In order to have some power body-blow punches, you have to have a solid core - which you also need for balance.

And since that's what this blog is all about, it leads me to learning balance through boxing.

I know, you are probably like, "Katie, seriously? How is that possible?" Boxing is all about beating the crap out of your opponent and going for the preferable TKO, but will settle for a KO. And if need be, go for the decision win. Right?"

Well, sure, for a few minutes on the fight card. But that's not what boxing is really about. The root of boxing encompasses focus, endurance, dedication, and of course, balance... "How?", you ask?

Before we get to lessons learned while boxing, first let me just remind everyone that when Tim, my personal trainer, told me I was going to box when I first started working with him, I thought he was CRAZY. NO WAY IN HELL was I going to be doing THAT! "I don't hit people and things", I thought.

It took a few months of lacing up to get the hang of it. I was by no means “good”, but I wasn't too bad either ... after about 6 months of attempting this boxing thing. And then life took a pivot, and I had to hit the reset button. Through it all, I still got back in the ring, and managed to stand back up after a heavy blog, just before the ref got to the number 10.

I've been working out with Tim once a week for about 18 months now. I started taking some of Wayne's classes earlier this year - Mac Assault - which is really is an assault on the body.... in a good way. I took a class over at Knockout Fitness, too.

Somewhere along the way in the past month or so while training for greatness (Team Wayne!), it hit me. I really, really, really like boxing. I am possibly borderline obsessed with it. If I don't "box" at least 4-5 times a week, I start to break out in hives and itch like crazy. True story!

Recently, on my way home from work, it dawned on me why I enjoy boxing so much. It's not just because of the cheap therapeutic outlet to release frustration, or the amazing caloric burn from the cardio workout - the endorphins are a bonus. It's not because I now have a set of back muscles and shoulders worth flexing in the mirror. Nope. It's because boxing has taught me life lessons that I haven't really been able to tap into until recently. 

So what have I learned from boxing? Truth is, more than I've realized at this point. Every day, I notice another way that boxing has provided discipline in various areas of my life that I never imagined would be connected. So here you go... (the cliche's were unavoidable, I promise)

Life Lessons Learned While Leaning to Throw a Punch

1. Roll with the punches It's not just a cliche, it's a real truth. Literally and figuratively. They say "roll with the punches", and when in the ring, either you roll with the punch or you get punched by your opponent. To not only throw a great punch or punch combo, but to also avoid contact by your opponent, you have to learn how to, literally, roll with the punch. Roll into the punch, out of the punch; slip left, slip right, roll with the fake...

Whatever you do, you have to always remember to roll with it. Then pivot.

2. Focus Whether shadow boxing, practicing with the heavy bag, going a minute with the speed bag, or dancing in the ring, focus is a requirement. You have to focus on the opponent. Keep your eye on the prize. Every round. Stay with the fight.

Whatever you do, you have to balance simultaneously focusing on the immediate and the long term vision to keep the overall whole-being centered and balanced.

3. Keep your eyes up. This is something we really focus on in one of my boxing classes. When boxing, the moment you drop your eyes you reveal your next move - the opponent knows where you are planing to strike next. Eyes looking down can indicate weakness or fatigue. It could also be that you've lost sight of the end goal, the vision, direction. With your eyes up, you are able to stay focused, and because of lesson #2,  also balanced.

Keeping your eyes up helps you see the whole journey, not just the current point on the map.

4. Keep your guard up. This goes without saying.. but it's an important lesson, nonetheless. Let your guard down, and you get hurt. Scratch that. You get knocked out. With your guard up, you have the ability to be offensive, rather than defensive - you control the fight. You are in control of whether you win or lose, whether you meet your goal or try another day. You determine the next move in your strategy.

When you are on guard, you own the strategy instead of letting life lead you. It's important to remember that in order to land a punch, you have to risk letting your guard down. 

5. Know when to have a wide stance vs. tight stance. A wide-base stance is good, especially for power punches. A more narrow stance is beneficial when going for quick snaps, nimble footwork, and fancy dancing - being able to stay on your toes. In life, a wide base is your total support network. These could be people that are occasionally in your life, places you go to visit, multiple hobbies and ways to unwind. Having a bounty in your support system keeps you mindful and balanced... and able to go in for the power punch - take big risks. Your wide networks carries you through the follow-up combo, the next strategy, the next opportunity. They are there to support you if you miss.. and if you land the big one.

A narrow base, or close-knit base, is what you need for the day to day trials and tribulations. A select group of close friends, colleagues, and places to go to zen that can help you unwind, reset, hit pause while you regroup. They are there for the fancy footwork, for the fight in the clinch.

Find your stance. If you step off balance, they are there to help you square up the hips again, and help balance you back to norm. 6. Fight the GOOD fight. Remember that not all fights are worth fighting, and the good fight is only one worth the energy. Why waste time and energy when the outcome simply isn't worth it?  Fighting anything other than the good fight will not help you be a better fighter - it will simply go down as winning against a weak opponent. Staying focused, with the right stance, eyes up, guard up, and rolling with the punch will help you get through the good fights. When combined, much like punch combos, you keep the left in front of the right, the jab before the cross (unless fighting the unorthodox / southpaws!), balanced, and most importantly... moving FORWARD with your mind focused on the whole journey. 

There you go ... those are the first 5 life lessons that boxing has allowed me to see, and connect to my roots. Boxing is helping me with .... learning balance.

[learningbalance]

Rolling with the punches

Lately, I've been lacing up gloves more than I've been spinning wheels on a bike at the gym. A little over a year ago, I decided to join a gym and see if this wild beast could be tamed. I was frustrated with life, struggled with balance, wasn't sleeping... Ugh. Not in a good place. I have some joint issues, which makes made most athletic efforts next to impossible for me - coming from the chick that never turned down a challenge on the court, slopes, or track back in my hay days. Also coming from the chick that was in a wheelchair a little over a decade ago, with a life sentence of about 5 years thanks to illnesses.

If I'm not good at something out of the gate, I get frustrated and quickly throw in the towel. Thank you, maternal side of the family genetics. So when I committed to the gym, there wasn't much I could do. I could do some serious abs work, and maybe some stretches. I could throw around some wimpy weights, and that was about it. The first Body Pump class I took, I thought I was going to be carted off the floor to an embarrassing black hole, that secretly, I wished is what had actually happened.

So when I failed at being good at the gym (inner competitive self), I decided to hire a trainer. Or two. The first session with Tim wasn't quite what I prepared myself for. He was super nice and mindful, which I appreciated. He handed me a pair of gloves and said, "So, I like to box with my clients as part of the cardio workout."

I looked at him like he was an alien. Inside I was screaming, "What the hell have you gotten yourself into, Katie?! RUN!! RUN NOW!!!"

But, because there are few challenges I refuse to take on, I gave it a go.

Turns out, I sucked. I mean, I couldn't make contact to save my life. We started with a simple 1-1-1, and 1-2-1-2 punch combo. I couldn't even get my 1 from my 2 straight. Forget about the boxer stance. I was terrible.

I went home thinking I made a horrible decision. Waste of money. BUT, I said I would give it another go. And, another round I went. Thank god Tim is patient! (And the good news is, I probably wasn't the WORST client he ever coached from the ground up.)

Round 2 - I still sucked. But I was a little bit better, and he kept telling me to stick to it. I explained to him that I had a recent TBI which makes remembering number sequences kinda difficult. It's light we clicked on a new level. He realized I needed to plant the combo and punch in my head a few times, then ground and pound it out.

A few weeks later, I bought a pair of boxing gloves. I mean, at this point I was all in ... and I really didn't like using gloves that other people used. Ew! Because I was still on the side of, "this is the dumbest damn workout EVER", I went for glamor over function. Who doesn't go right out to the store and buy a pair of bright pink gloves to overcome insecurities? Okay, so maybe not everyone, but that's what I did.

Once a week, for almost a year, Tim and I met in the boxing studio and went through different combos, flurries, burnouts, and god knows what else. Not to mention kettle bell destruction, maxing out on serious weights, and then some. We shared many stories that led us both to where we are in our lives today. I shed a few tears along the way, and Tim was always there, serving as the trainer and the friend.

September 2012, I started pre-hab for a pending knee reconstruction. The idea was to try this pre-hab and see if I could get my body conditioned for a shorter recovery when I had a knee reconstruction. The pre-hab pretty much made things worse, and made working out at the gym not only painful, but miserable. I began to despise going to the gym. Anddd, I gained all the weight back that Tim helped me shed over the previous months. I still worked out with Tim once a week, but I wasn't in it. I was pulling back on workouts, on weights, on what I was willing to do. I wasn't what you would consider the ideal client. I'm sure I drove him crazy.

Feb 8, 2013, I had knee reconstruction surgery.

No pool for 12 weeks. No walking for a week. No driving for 8 weeks. No gym - time undetermined. Sure, I had PT, but that's not exactly maxing out with dead lifts, bench presses, rip and ride spin class, and more importantly .... going for 3200 punches in a single session.

When I had the all clear to get back in the pool, I was there. I built my knee strength back up, a little at a time. I built my trust in the joint up, slowly. I still don't entirely trust it and find myself protecting the joint from time to time. Hey - I had one step shy of a knee replacement. I got the Lindsay Vonn-meets-RG3 special. Ligament replacements, tendon reconstruction, bone grafts. Other than adding titanium, I pretty much got everything on the menu. I think anyone would be a little nervous about their knee going out or post-workout residual pain.. or even worse, delayed onset of swelling and pain. Or tearing something. This wasn't the first surgery on this knee either, so I had history to break down my trust, too.

So I started back in the pool, taking deep-water classes, working with an aquatics instructor for 1:1 training focusing on building strength in my knee. In parallel, I was still going to physical therapy religiously, 3-5 times a week over a 4 month period.

Eventually, I moved from water to a land-water hybrid workout with the goal to do most of my workouts on land as opposed to water. I made it.

Tim and I started boxing again, as we worked in more lower body weight training to compliment the upper body weight training we were already doing. I don't know who was more nervous the first time we gloved up - him or me! Trust was important - he needed to know that I would tell him when I needed to stop or where my limits where. I needed to know that he wasn't going to push me beyond a place that was "safe" for me. That was May 2013.

I worked in other workouts, like Piloxing, Les Mills Body Combat, and some other DVDs lying around the house. I kept finding myself going for workouts that involved a fighting discipline.

In late June, I heard about a free class at a local boxing training studio in conjunction with a sporting goods store. I said what the hey, let's go. I recruited a friend to join me and we had a blast.

I knew I liked boxing up until this point, and over time I got to be decent at a few mid-level box combos and could throw a decent power punch when I needed to. It was a good workout, I liked the way boxing chiseled my back and shoulders, I liked the way I felt after a massive pore-cleasing sweat session. Most of all, I liked the way I felt after taking out some of my aggression on a set of mitts or heavy bag! Cheaper than a therapist!

One day, and I'm not sure which one it was specifically or what triggered it, but I realized that I didn't just like boxing. I loved it. It was the one constant in the past year that has kept me grounded and focused. And helped me work on balance - figuratively and literally. I realized boxing wasn't just about a good cardio + strength workout, it was more than that. I found myself being more calm, letting things go that I used to get frustrated with. I found myself being a better person. A better holistic person. It wasn't the obsession with hitting the hardest punch I've ever hit, or mastering a 6-punch combo hurricane style for 1+ minutes at all power. It wasn't about the sweat or the 600+ caloric burn I often experienced. It was the fact that the roots of boxing were finding there way in with my roots. My inner self.

I realized that the defense and offensive moves Tim helped me perfect over the past year weren't just so I could be badass in front of others at the gym - I was building roots in finding my balance.

So what are some of the lessons that boxing has taught me?

Tune in to my next blog post where I share some of the ways boxing has allowed me to find a center. Learning balance.

[learningbalance]

TAKE EVERY RISK. DROP EVERY FEAR.

[learningbalance]

DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS

[learningbalance]

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." – Anna Quindlen

[learningbalance]

"The life you are leading is simply a reflection of your thinking." -- Doug Firebaugh

[learningbalance]

No Regrets

For the life of me, I can't remember where or when I heard this and haven't been able to find it online, so what's to follow is based on my interpretation of something I am pretty confidant that I overheard on the tube. I was watching one of the plethora of interviews with Olympians on some TV station, probably NBC... and knowing me, it was probably within one of the silly Ryan Seacrest interviews...

I don't recall the specific question asked, but one of the female gymnasts was asked about how she has prepared for the Olympics. Her response is one that has resonated with me. She, in so many words, said, "I made a commitment to have no regrets after leaving the gym every day for the past 2 years." No regrets. For 730 days. At the Olympic training level.

I mean, WOW, right?

So the first thing that ran through my head was my perceived idea that these girls - and they are girls some not even allowed to drive a car yet! - train for 4-8 hours every day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year.. for years on end. Wrapping my head around leaving no regrets for 2 years straight is amazing. After training all of those hours, day after day and committing to no regrets... now that's pretty remarkable. So how did the interviewer then respond? By asking her if she has any regrets. To which she said (from my memory), "No. I left the gym every day, leaving absolutely nothing on the table."

After processing what that actually means in the real world, she busted taillights at a level beyond what I can comprehend. I immediately felt lazy. Then deflated and started questioning my own commitments.

Now I know what you are thinking.. You may be thinking that this is what it takes to compete at the Olympic level and what is often referred to as the "mindset of an Olympian". I get it. This is their JOB - to train and prepare to "do work" every few years while representing our country. But the concept of taking this to the nth degree mentally with committing to something so incredible - that is pretty remarkable. At least in my opinion. So as I started thinking about this, I immediately went into introspection mode - something I love to do, despite how much I end up beating myself up over... I started questioning my commitments and what have I "left on the table". After I beat myself up a bit, I spent a few moments flipping the situation. Once I recognized that I have left a few morsels on the table from time to time, I had to figure out a new plan to make sure I was doing what I set out to do. If you are reading this, you are familiar with my new approach on life - finding a balanced lifestyle while juggling the work demands, social life, and taking on a new wellness challenge at the gym. So what's my plan? Leave nothing on the table. No regrets. Every single day. At the gym. My butt will be in the gym every single day - no matter what. I said I would make this a priority in my life and I intent to stick to it. I have done pretty good at this so far. But I've definitely lost some motivation from time to time and I didn't give it all I had, every single time. I ducked out a set early because I was bored. I didn't kick in the pool until sheer exhaustion every single time. I've stopped early a few times during group exercises- and not because I was sore.. but because I wasn't in the zone and chose to be lazy instead of operate at my full potential.

This may sound insane to you. I'm okay with that. This isn't about you... this is about me and my goals, my aspirations, and where I want to be. (I've hardly ever terribly bothered by what others think of me...) I want to make sure I am making the most of every minute here on earth. I've been given a few extra chances in life and I intent to make the most of them.

It may even appear as being a bit obsessive, which is probably pretty accurate. I'm an obsessive kind of person, and I'm kind of okay with that... usually. So rather than beating myself up when I don't hit a check-in goal and looking back and all the sneaks and cheats I took along the way, I am going to opt to put it all out there every single time so I have absolutely no one or anything to blame. Part of this is a mental game for me, too. Regrets begone! At least not when it comes to my health and wellness goals. Part of my journey to find life balance is recognizing that I have to learn along the way. Reflection, introspection, observation are three of the best ways to learn. Which, after this life lesson epiphany, is why today I declare I will have no regrets while Learning Balance.

How do you overcome regrets or bouncing back after falling off the wagon?

[learningbalance]

"Find a purpose in life so big it will challenge every capacity to be at your best." -- David O. McKay

[learningbalance]

Twenty years

20 years.

20 years in marriage is considered amazing by today's standards. 20 years of age seems so young. 20 years as being a survivor is impressive. 20 years at work seems middle of the road. 20 year high school reunion seems frightening.

20 years since he's been gone feels like an eternity. And it grows infinitely with each passing year.

Few in my life know of my unique relationship with my grandfather. Even fewer understand the bind that could never be broken between the two of us. Some days I'm not even sure that I understand the magnitude of our relationship. Just when I think I've lost the spark that we shared, or am confused about something in life, or forget special moments, he pops into my life to remind me of why I am here. Why I'm a survivor. Why, at the end of the day, I am pretty damn lucky.

In 1992, I lost one of the most influential people in my life. I lost a man that I am most certain was... is... my soul mate. I understand that it may be a strange concept for most people to identify with. I don't know how to explain it, really. For 36 years, I've tried to wrap my head around it. We could finish each others' sentences without speaking. We could sit for hours on the bay on his boat and not say a word yet have the best moments of our lives, together. I would know he was calling before the phone rang. I knew he would be driving up the driveway momentarily before I could hear the 455 rocket reving it's engine 1/2 mile away. I just knew. We were connected.

My grandfather, a child of immigrants, a family of 11, set up roots in the states.  They, like many immigrants, struggled growing up. They spoke several languages, learned many trades, set off to fight for the new frontier in wars through the years, all while trying to do well by everything that the new world had to offer. From the stories Ive heard, his father was one funny guy, his mother not so much. Enlisting in the army when he was young, he saw many tides turn around the world. A man that survived losing several siblings to bullets or bombs on foreign soil, two of whom received purple hearts for courage and strength. He became the family patriarch when his father couldn't swig another bottle of homemade "brew" and somehow managed to help take care of and support the other siblings as they grew up and had families on their own. Stationed in Pearl Harbor during the attacks, he was once again a survivor. There is something about our bloodline that makes us all survivors. The stories of times gone by were both mesmerizing and overwhelming as he told them. It was as if I lost a brother on the field. Or a sister to polio. The pain ran threw my veins as he relived every trying day of his life.

After the wars ended, he and his wife attempted to have children several times over. My mother was the only surviving child. I'm not sure if it was guilt or just the right thing to do, but he was a worker bee. Serving in the military still, while owning his own business and hosting the Chesapeake Beach post office in the living room with his wife as the post master, he was always making a life for my mother and his wife. This left little time to tend to the family. Not long before I was born, his wife passed away and it was as if half of him was gone. Or so I have been told. After losing so many family members in the preceding years, he lost the one thing he couldn't live without. My mother never really had a good relationship with him - he was always working and helping to take care of brother Nick and sisters Ann and Mary. On that fateful day of learning of my grandmother's passing, mom had to get to know the man she called "Daddy" - a stranger in her world. With me, a newborn, to tend to.

I don't know if it was the loneliness or regret, but I was the twinkle in his eye from the moment I was born... or so mother tells me. Was it the loneliness of not having someone to share a bed with, tell stories to, or even better - to hear of the stories of an independent woman paving the path of the world, long ahead of her time? Or perhaps it was the regret of being so tied up in making a living during my mother's childhood that he forgot to be a dad. He forgot to ask her how her day went. Or what she caught while fishing down at the beach. He never knew about her amazement by science and trying to figure out how things worked - finding new ways to rig a fishing net on Brownie's Beach. Or how many shark's teeth she found at low tide. He didn't talk to her about her hopes and dreams and tell her how wonderful she was as a person.  She was as much a stranger to him and he to her.

I suppose we all live with a bit of loneliness and regret.. but the power of this lonely energy in my grandfather changed my life. I'm not sure he ever knew that. I hope that he hears as I say it today. Our bond, as unique as it seems, was remarkable all in the same. We were inseparable. Yes, he spoiled me rotten by taking me shopping and buying whatever I wanted. (that's where it all started!) But he gave me something in life that no penny or large bill or trust fund could every buy. He gave me a spirit that lives on in me. The energy to know that I have a sense of purpose here on earth and that I can make a difference and inspire people. He continues to share friendly reminders of the importance of making a difference, just like he did tonight.

I will never forget the day he passed. It's one I play over in my mind several times a day. Every single day. For twenty years and counting. Still. Before he got really sick, he said to me, "Look for me in sunsets and rainbows." Two of our favorite things to do - watch sunsets and hope for rainbows.

To this day, I still look for him in every sunset and hope for rainbows in the worst of rain storms. All so that I can have a sign, even if for a short moment, that he's still a part of me. That we are still together.

It's no secret to those in my life that I've been thrown some curve balls and I'm dealing with some pretty big things right now. Never more than I can handle, though! I've been hoping to get some sort of sign from him for a while. I was beginning to think he passed over or moved on. Or found someone new to inspire. Tonight, he sent a message, loud and clear. As I was driving home, I was really struggling with finding peace with life as I know it. As I came around a bend, I saw one of the largest rainbows that I've ever seen. It wasn't the brightest, but it was so big that it filled the sky. I could have gone to California chasing the end of the rainbow and would still not have found it. He always finds the worst...  yet strangely the best .... moments to remind me that he's still here. He's still here right next to me, watching over me, providing a guide light, hope, peace. Serenity. He's my serenity.

To Granddad,

Thanks for the wings tonight. I miss you more than the world could ever imagine, hundreds of times over. I am once again reminded that you are still here. Right next to me. Right where you belong. The stars in heaven are twinkling extra bright tonight because of you. Thank you for all that you've given and shown me, and continue to do so. It is truly a blessing.

Today, I was served another lesson on the importance of learning balance.

[learningbalance]

Losing It

I've been wanting to post this for a while. My original post was a rant about how I was losing it because I wasn't losing it - fat, weight, inches... The numbers weren't moving on the scale and I was getting pissed, disgusted, discouraged, annoyed, and every other negative word in the dictionary.

The good part about the past month or so is that I've been ridiculously busy and haven't had much time to post my rants. Today, a new leaf.

Today's "losing it" is about actually losing it. The weight, that is.

I've been going to the gym for about 2 months now. Month 1, I was just trying to keep up with my schedule and trying to find my groove. Figuring out how to work with trainers, which classes to take, how to make this a priority in my life and not work, etc. It was tough to learn how to readjust my whole life and set new boundaries. Slap on top of that the fact that I was going to the gym on a regular basis and the scale wasn't moving... I lost my attitude somewhere along the way.

A few weeks ago a friend posted an update of her progress on Facebook and the competitive side in me came out. I was quite happy for her - she has had tremendous results in the wellness world, but not too far below the surface, I was jealous and bitter.

So I did what any bitter, competitive, crazy woman on a mission would do. I bought the same plan that she's been doing. Tone it Up. For only $150 (for a lifetime, at least for now), the plan offers a nutrition plan that is full of recipes, tips, science, meal plans, motivational messages, grocery lists, and much more. It also includes workout routines from simple pilates to HIIT workouts and everything in between.

On top of the nutrition guidelines, the plan also has me working my booty every morning doing 30 minutes of cardio. I double it up in the evening with another round of cardio, abs, and/or strength training.

My typical week looks like this:

Sunday - Bike or Swim in the morning, abs + HIIT video workout in the evening

Monday - Bike or Eliptical in the morning, personal trainer (Boxing, Kynesis, strength training, abs, stretching) in the evening

Tuesday - Bike, Eliptical, or Swim in the morning, aqua HIIT workout in the evening + stretching

Wednesday - Bike or swim in the morning, pilates + swim in the evening

Thursday - Personal trainer (strength training + abs + stretching) in the morning, aqua HIIT + stretching in the pm

Friday - Some sort of cardio in the morning, zumba or pilates or swim in the evening

Saturday - Cardio in the morning, swimming in the afternoon + strength training

Sunday - Cardio in the morning, timeout in the afternoon. The body needs a break!

Since starting Tone It Up, I've toned up and slimmed down! I checked in with my trainer this morning and was really excited to see the numbers go down!

"Losing it" to Date:

8 lbs - GONE!

4.5" (waist, arms, thigh, hips) - MELTED AWAY!

BMI down 1.4

Body Fan down almost 4% (!!!)

Looking forward to going another 4 weeks while keeping up the work and sticking to the nutrition plan and seeing where I am this time next month!

Stay tuned for more updates as they come. This is all part of a new lifestyle for me and I am super excited about the journey. And of course, excitedabout Learning Balance.

[learningbalance]

Correcting Direction

Other than a few quotes here, I've been pretty silent. My friends are thinking, "Thank the lord! She's stopped all that mad hatter chatter about the whole gym and working out thing!"

Yes, I've been quiet, but with good reason. Now a few people know, but most don't. I'm usually an open book, but this was something I wanted to keep close to my chest, at least until I had a better idea of what was going on.

Without going into too many personal details, I've had a medical challenge come to light within the past 6 or so weeks. Right about when I started babbling about finding balance and all that supposed nonsense. This isn't one quite like past challenges. This one was serious. Is serious. I've had a few surgeries, procedures, and tests done. And a lot of waiting... Honest to god, that's the most difficult part. While I am still working out a plan of attack with my team of doctors to identify the best way to overcome this, I had to shift gears slightly.Hence, correcting direction.

Yes, I'll be okay. I just need some time and a good plan, and keep the faith. In the end, everything happens for a reason. I know that sounds so cliche, but I am a firm believer in that. I cannot control most of what happens in life, but I can control how I react and how I manage the balls that are thrown my direction. The only way for me to keep that mindset is to believe that nothing comes my way that I can't serve right back out and what is meant to be will be. I have peace in that.

On Friday, May 11 I had a surgery that should have been pretty straightforward and normal. It was anything but... which is par for the course for me. Naturally. Immediately after receiving anesthesia, I went into an anaphylaxis shock and cardiac distress. Just another day at the surgery center! After controlling the situation and quite a few other things rolled up in that ordeal, docs gave me "light duty" orders. WHAT? Just as I was finding my groove at the gym...

Changing Direction.

After being quite gung ho in week 1 and week 2, week 3 gave me a wake up call that I had never given much though to. I've been under the knife more times than I have fingers and toes, and anesthesia has been involved in nearly all of them. I never really gave much thought to the process. I don't even blink an eye at the side effects and possible risks. What will be, will be. Right? "Light duty for 10 days" to me meant that I could probably do things like pilates, some of the water activities, stretch, etc. Wrong.

Not only did I feel like total crap for the first 10 days, I was depressed and worried that I was being derailed from my new life change. I didn't eat healthy (shh! Don't tell my nutritionist!!) and more or less blew it over the past week. It's so easy for me to go back to what is comfortable, and in this case, sedentary lifestyle is quite comfy in more ways than one! So I tried a few "light duty" workouts. Bad idea.

On day 9 (okay, so I couldn't really wait the full 10 days), I decided to take the "Group Power" class. As was described to me, it's not that bad and you do what you can do.

Yeah. Something like that.

So as not to look like a total wimp, especially next to one of my BFFs who's pregnant, I thought I had to at least do her weight. Afterall, she is a self-proclaimed "wimp" when it comes to the weights in this class. (Her words, not mine. She's a beast! She is def not a wimp!!) I did what she did.

Going into the class, I had a great plan to go to Group Power, than an hour of Pilates and I'm golden for the weekend... starting Monday (today), I can jump back in hard core again.

About 10 minutes into the Group Power class, I thought I was going to die. It was a good thing we were on the far wall in a super full studio - there was no way I could run. I would have interrupted too many "athletes". And would left my girl hanging.That's a "don't do it!" in girl code...

So it was a great class. Really awesome class. Ann, the instructor was hilarious and in general, awesome. About 20 mins into the class, I looked at my friend and started laughing - as if I really thought I could double up on classes that day. Pilates was off the plate at that point. Hell, once class was over, I couldn't even pick up my mat to hang it up - my whole freaking body was burned out. I literally drank a gallon of water and was still quenched for hours on end.

The next day, I couldn't even pick up my mug in the morning for my mid-morning tea!! Seriously!!! That class seriously kicked my ass. Literally.

"So where are you going with all this, Katie??", is probably what you are asking right now..

After a week and a half of going totally off direction, off goal, off plan, I had to force myself to get back ON the plan. That started sort of on Saturday. But again today. I re-committed to my nutrition plan. So far so good. It's been 12 hours!! I trained w/ "Mr. Boxer" this evening, throwing punches left and right - literally. I attempted to jump rope. Oh that was actually quite hilarious to observe. Good thing there weren't many people around. And then I did some crunches on the balance ball. My favorite! And then.... like a red velvet and chocolate swirled cupcake dipped in full-fat buttercream icing... trainer said we were going to cool down with Kinesis. My eyes lit up like Friday's at the cupcake truck.

Seriously, how cool does this look??

So, after 30 minutes of totally destroying it, we cooled down (but still a good workout!) with these amazing machines.

I loooove my pilates rebounder. These Kinesis things are like a standing pilates machine. You can adjust the weight, do all kinds of cool things with the "strings" (I'm quite technical about this). I can't wait to do more of this!!! 

Ahhh! I'm in heaven! *Cue the heavenly ding or choral music*

Oh, and I bought boxing gloves... :) This is now officially a legit commitment.

Me and my pink gloves are back, heading in the right direction.

When you find yourself off course, how do you correct your direction? I'm interested in learning other tips in case this happens again.. Leave a comment, please!

Cheers, Katie

[learningbalance]

"If we wait for the moment when everything is ready, we shall never begin." – Ivan Turgenev

[learningbalance]

"Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you." – Dr. Wayne Dyer

[learningbalance]

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us when adversity takes the place of prosperity when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. - Washington Irving

[learningbalance]

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. - Lao Tzu

[learningbalance]

Learning Balance

Not too long ago, someone said to me that I needed to find my balance. Sort of knowing what that meant, but not entirely, I gave it some thought. Heck, I had plenty of sleeplessness nights to figure out a plan for finding my balance. I can create a plan for just about anything. Finding my balance.... not so much.

One day I woke up, fairly cranky no less, and realized I need to eliminate some things in my life that were not contributing to happiness. They were contributing to the crankiness, the stress, the frustration, the lack of sleep, and the list goes on and on. So I did just that.

I thought by cutting the fat, I would figure out how to balance my life out and everything would be fine.

Ha.

The weight continued to pile on. The headaches didn't reside. Sleeplessness was worse than before. But at least I had more time for Pinterest!

On April 27, I made a decision that I hope will have a positive impact on the rest of my life.

We have this amazing gym in the building I work in. We even get a discount as part of our benefits package. I have plenty of friends that are members and are always talking about "going to the gym." You see, I have this sour taste in my mouth about gyms. For starters, I'm not the average gym-goer as I have some physical limitations making the standard "circuit training" damn near difficult for me, painful even. I have joined gyms in the past and stuck with it for a few months, but eventually gave up when I either got injured or bored. Or turned off.

So I decided to give the gym a chance. One chance. I was a walk in (the best kind of lead!) and "G" showed me around the gym. I shared some of my concerns and limitations with her. She shared some of her stories and right then and there, I knew I was at the right place, at the right time, speaking with the right person.

I signed up for a 7-day pass, knowing full well I probably wouldn't need 7 days to "sell" me. I was already sold. I was so determined that on my way home that day, I swung by the sporting store to pick up a few suits for the pool I planned to introduce the suits to.

The following Monday, April 30, I took the first step to finding balance. After a stressful day, I beat the hell out of the water swimming laps. I paid for it the next day. I hadn't swamp in nearly 18 months and my muscles reminded me of that the following day.

I couldn't wait to get home to email "G" to tell her screw the 7-day trial - sign me up now. She sent me an amazing note back, solidifying that I made the right decision.

The next day, I signed up for a membership. I committed to a personal trainer and nutrition specialist. Balance.

Through this blog, my goal is to share the adventures along my new journey... mostly as a personal journal, but perhaps the inspiration that helped me get here will help inspire someone else to get to where they are going.

So here I am. Learning Balance.