maybe tomorrow, Satan..

Abi. Physically 26. Mentally a Goddamn Mess™️. Emotionally compromised. Previous URL: simplysmoak

[least-i-aint-that-guy]

Am I Re-bloging While Backed-out: Or Has Someone Hacked My Account

A Novel

[rhinco]

you know what dad? maybe i don't wanna be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned. it's a lot of pressure to put on me and honestly i've been feeling stressed recently because of it

[concentrated-mug-of-me]

hold on lemme google something

[concentrated-mug-of-me]

ok yeah this is funny

[eizagonzalezs]

[hurleyquinnzel]

Bridesmaid to a waiter: What a beautiful wedding

Waiter, about to reveal that the poor groom’s bride is a whore: Oh you haven’t heard?

[hurleyquinnzel]

the number of people making comments on this post about how there’s nothing wrong with being a whore is far too high like i’m not trying to shame people who are promiscuous or sex workers this is a fucking reference to a song and if you dont understand the reference dont reblog with some idiotic trying too hard to be progressive shit its literally a joke about a lyric from a song it was never, and never will be, that fucking deep. if you dont get the reference literally just shut up and dont reblog this post oh my god

[christopher-bryant]

by fall out boy

[hurleyquinnzel]

I dont know what’s funnier the people getting offended because they don’t get the panic reference or the people getting offended because they don’t get the fall out boy joke

[politijohn]

Solidarity with Kroger workers

[suns-up-bunshine-deactivated202]

Bitches be like ‘I’m so tired and sleepy’ and then stay up doing hyperfixtation shit for the next 5 hours

[laurbyboom]

a man shooting a nerf gun at his light switch from the bed, missing every shot, and going to sleep with the lights on

[fadeintocase]

None Pizza with Left Beef is 10 years old today.

happy birthday to a decade-old meme.

[greystripe]

happy 12th birthday none pizza with left beef

[shayberri789]

Happy 13th birthday none pizza with left beef

[catgirlcadaver-deactivated20241]

happy 14th birthday none pizza with left beef

[sabacc]

Steve Rogers did, in fact, realize that something was off when he saw the outline of the woman’s odd bra (a push-up bra, he would later learn), but being an officer and a gentleman, he said that it was the game that gave the future away.

[ignisgayentia]

#EXCUSE ME MA’AM BUT YOUR TITTIES ARE NOT CONES I’M CALLING BULLSHIT (via)

[lohelim]

No, see, this scene is just amazing. The costume department deserves so many kudos for this, it’s unreal, especially given the fact that they pulled off Peggy pretty much flawlessly.

1) Her hair is completely wrong for the 40’s. No professional/working woman  would have her hair loose like that. Since they’re trying to pass this off as a military hospital, Steve would know that she would at least have her hair carefully pulled back, if maybe not in the elaborate coiffures that would have been popular.

2) Her tie? Too wide, too long. That’s a man’s tie, not a woman’s. They did, however, get the knot correct as far as I can see - that looks like a Windsor.

3) That. Bra. There is so much clashing between that bra and what Steve would expect (remember, he worked with a bunch of women for a long time) that it has to be intentional. She’s wearing a foam cup, which would have been unheard of back then. It’s also an exceptionally old or ill-fitting bra - why else can you see the tops of the cups? No woman would have been caught dead with misbehaving lingerie like that back then, and the soft satin cups of 40’s lingerie made it nearly impossible anyway. Her breasts are also sitting at a much lower angle than would be acceptable in the 40’s.

Look at his eyes. He knows by the time he gets to her hair that something is very, very wrong.

[2spoopy5you]

so what you are saying is S.H.E.I.L.D. has a super shitty costume division….

[kk-maker]

Nope, Nick Fury totally did this on purpose.

There’s no knowing what kind of condition Steve’s in, or what kind of person he really is, after decades of nostalgia blur the reality and the long years in the ice (after a plane crash and a shitload of radiation) do their work. (Pre-crash Steve is in lots of files, I’m sure. Nick Fury does not trust files.) So Fury instructs his people to build a stage, and makes sure that the right people put up some of the wrong cues.

Maybe the real Steve’s a dick, or just an above-average jock; maybe he had a knack for hanging out with real talent. Maybe he hit his head too hard on the landing and he’s not gonna be Captain anymore. On the flipside, if he really is smart, then putting him in a standard, modern hospital room and telling him the truth is going to have him clamming up and refusing to believe a goddamn thing he hears for a really long time.

The real question here is, how long it does it take for the man, the myth, the legend to notice? What does he do about it? How long does he wait to get his bearings, confirm his suspicions, and gather information before attempting busting out?

Turns out the answer’s about forty-five seconds.

[marguerite26]

Sometimes clever posts die a quiet death in the abyss of the unreblogged. Some clever posts get attention, get comments, get better. Then there’s this one which I’ve watched evolve into a thing of brilliance.

[auntieashleydark]

This is a good example of telling a story with subtle details.

[transfemininomenon]

i can’t keep up with this series

[least-i-aint-that-guy]

[itssophietexas]

god i miss playing minecraft i just wanna eat berries and kill

[gxxthicflower]

good news! you can also do that in new jersey for free

[itssophietexas]

i fucking love this unhinged website

[chongoblog]

Haters be like

“It’s totally possible to make a path that goes through every door exactly once”

[hexea]

Idk if I did it right

[chongoblog]

sorry!

[c0rpseductor]

it’s true you can’t draw one continuous line that would do the trick. but if the kitty and bunny set out by going through the doors they’re marked beside and each walked the certain way their colored arrows show at the same time their “collective path” as a team would go through each door only once. The moral of the story is actually about friendship , and cooperation, because in this world there are tasks you can’t do on your own.

im just fucking with you i’m pretty sure this has no right answer

[2pacula]

i concocted a solution with a 100% mortality rate

[chongoblog]

Stop being so incredibly funny on my impossible puzzle post

[sharkiethedork]

You can switch the tracks so the trolley will kill one person, or you can allow it to attempt the fruitless crusade of running over each person in the maze only once.

[catgirldick]

all in a days work! *passes out*

[kittybunprincess]

My indecisive butt, walking in and being faced with having to make a decision, immediately leaving

[pixiecatsupreme]

oOoOoooo I’m a ghost!

[kipplekipple]

Fire

[jo3mm]

dude my house

[tahthetrickster]

[least-i-aint-that-guy]

Is it just me or do tumblr users do a great job of - for lack of a better term - censoring our own content? And I mean that I don't have to search through 1k+ responses to find the gold (like on FB); someone else did that for me and then reblogged it with that golden comment and someone else rb'd that and so on until there's this beautifully curated arc of conversation that I get to enjoy/learn from/just scroll past if it's not my thing. Like thats really powerful to me.

And the legacy posts that come up when they're seasonally relevant/have been added to that haven't been subject to a weird telephone game of awful? I love seeing that.

Or that wonderful moment when somewhere in the weird flowchart of nonsense there's a sweet mutual thought of "it's the middle of April. Time to recirculate the n-sync thing" and it just like, happens?! Outstanding.

[memewhore]

[bpd-dylan-hall-deactivated20190]

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again but it is absolutely an example of civilizational inadequacy that only deaf people know ASL

“oh we shouldn’t teach children this language, it will only come in handy if they [checks notes] ever have to talk in a situation where it’s noisy or they need to be quiet”

[raginrayguns]

My mom learned it because she figured she’ll go deaf when she gets old

[manyblinkinglights]

My family went holiday SCUBA diving once, and a couple of Deaf guys were in the group. I was really little and I spent most of the briefing overcome with the realization that while the rest of us were going to have regulators in our mouths and be underwater fairly soon, they were going to be able to do all the same stuff and keep talking.

[tell-the-stars-hello]

The only reason some form of sign language is not a standard skill is ableism, as far as I can tell.

[emoracreations]

For anyone interested in learning, Bill Vicars has full lessons of ASL on youtube that were used in my college level classes. 

https://www.youtube.com/user/billvicars

and here’s the link to the website he puts in his videos:

https://www.lifeprint.com/

[maarple]

keep popularising the body neutrality movement gang i wanna see how the makeup and weight loss industries try to capitalise on 'i literally do not give two shits about how i look'

[mellifexfarm]

if chickens were big enough to eat us do you think they would

without question

[pularia]

Without remorse.

[darkequidae]

Without hesitation