my name is commander shepard, and this is jackass

A fucking casual's side blog for videogame-related content.

[leladrexels]

does it make more sense at 45°, director?

[houndsofbalthazar]

Did you know that taxonomically there is no such thing as a video game?

[toasthaste]

a video game is actually more closely related to a camel than it is to a hagfish

[gravehound]

brigmore witches dot jpg

[captain-price-returns]

[transmechanicus]

Revealing the ignorance of my youth here, but who is this and what is she known for?

[boybeetles]

Anita Sarkeesian, feminist who interpreted media under a feminist lens. She did a series about video games and she was the subject of targeted harassment. That was the start of gamergate

[flurrin]

Minor correction, the start of gamergate was based around a different reporter, Zoe Quinn, but they were both absolutely violently threatened over their involvement in video game criticism and development. A hate campaign was started by Quinn's ex-boyfriend when he wrote a post falsely accusing them of dating video game journalists in order to receive positive reviews on their own game, Depression Quest, which led other bad actors to accuse all women in the industry (Zoe identified as female at the time) of perceived sexual immorality. Anita Sarkeesian's brilliant Youtube series Tropes vs Women in Video Games (which everyone should watch, right now) sparked a particular nerve for criticizing popular games of killing and/or victimizing any important female character (there is a CHILLING bit that borders on ludicrous where she describes the plots of a seemingly endless parades of games as "In [title], [male player character's] wife dies, and you then have to rescue [his] daughter."). That series did actually make a huge change in the industry, especially when touted by progressive legacy developers like Tim Schafer (Monkey Island, Psychonauts), who went on to expand hiring in his company to front women and minority voices, but the shift didn't really show for a long time and echoes of the sexism that plagues the industry at its core are still rampant.

[crazy-pages]

In all seriousness, if you live in the US and you aren't familiar with the misogynistic harassment these people in the game industry faced during Gamergate, you need to watch this series right now.

This was the beggining of the current form of the US fascist movement and it underpins the entire thing about it to this day. If you live in the US and Gamergate isn't familiar to you, you're missing critical history to understanding US fascism. I'm not joking even a little bit here, you will understand modern United States fascism so much better if you are familiar with Gamergate.

[cumaeansibyl]

Not an exaggeration. Gamergate led directly to the redpill/incel movement, which white supremacists exploited and colonized. Not to say that most of the white men in those movements weren't already racist to some extent, but that wasn't an active part of their politics until white supremacist recruiters came along and convinced them that the women ruining their videogames were part of the conspiracy to destroy the white race.

That's a very brief summary but you can go back step by step over the past decade and see how they did it.

[sandmandaddy69]

[slightly-sigilant]

in fl, there is an extremely cold place.

the only thing standing between you and the cold is a single stove.

to increase the heat output of the stove, you can weld lead plates covered in a burning eldritch language onto it.

if you stick enough eldritch words onto the stove, it gains sentience and runs away.

you can then hunt down and capture the stove, at which point you'll have to decide what to do with it.

one of the things you can do is fix it up so it's better-equipped to travel the world, and let it go.

doing this gives you a quality called "liberator of stoves".

this quality does absolutely nothing.

you can do this multiple times, and it will increase your "liberator of stoves" quality every time.

the quality will continue to do absolutely nothing.

so naturally, there are a number of players who have made it their personal mission to raise it as high as possible

[twig-the-escaped-cephalopod]

yall cant hide those in the tags T-T

[grimm-the-tiger]

Every time a Fallen London post breaks containment someone inevitably mistakes it for being about Florida instead, and every single time it's glorious.

[glysaturn]

drew a couple more of these based on some reaction pics i found on my computer (+ the first one i did)

[tillero]

Athena said no to the bigger one Ares was planning on. So he had to come up with something else

[polyphonetic]

Not only was she fucked into oblivion, but morrowind and skyrim too

[m0nomercy]

brb beating up my grandpa

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

one of my favorite tidbits about speedrunning that comes up every time the games done quick marathons come around is how Wind Waker speedruns are about five hours long because of the giant wall in Hyrule that actually forces the runner to play the game because they’ve been throwing shit at this wall for over a decade and still can’t figure out a way past it. the wall in hyrule is entirely unglitchable and the only way past it is to play the game properly. the speedrun would be like one hour if they could get past this wall but nope, it’s five hours. fuck the wall.

[squishysnake]

and the comedy of this situation is exponentially amplified the more you know about skips and glitches in speedruns in general

as examples of how broken WW is elsewhere, you can clip through walls and go out of bounds to skip entire dungeon sequences pretty much anywhere with a ledge, use the Wind Waker to enter a state where you ignore physics and swim at 5000 miles an hour, and even fly infinitely into the sky after dying like some kind of helium zombie. do you know how many games could be broken wide open by an infinite height trick? TTYD would shave off 3 or 4 hours.

but this fucking barrier around Hyrule Castle, against all odds, is just completely insurmountable with any of this. Ganondorf is literally the most successful and powerful villain in gaming history and this Super Extendo Fuck You Shield™ is a shining testament to it

[ark-shifter]

This is the kind of information I want on my dash

[cozza-frenzy]

Okay but do you have any idea just how big the Super Extendo Fuck You Shield™ actually is? Try approximately four times the height of the castle itself.

And not only that, but even if you get over the invisible wall, there’s another barrier that causes damage and knockback. So even if you managed to get over the invisible wall part of the Nintendo Containment System™, there’s still an additional, cylinder-shaped barrier that will do damage to you and knock you back out, even if you try to get in from the top or bottom. That castle has more security measures than Fort fucking Knox and it’s all to give a middle finger to speedrunners wanting to finish the game in an hour. It’s fucking wild.

[yggidee]

https://youtu.be/7XBPrFYN1MU

As of July 2019, the barrier has been defeated in all versions of the game, and the current World Record is 1hr 04m50s. The current method is to give yourself seventy invisible grappling hooks, which corrupts so much of the game’s memory that there’s not enough left over to load the barrier (or a lot of other things, like enemies or cutscenes. It’s amazing). You can just walk right trough where it’s supposed to be.

[unyanizedcatboys]

Cant believe the only way to beat The wall™ is to stop it from ever existing in the first place

[xcal1bur25]

The line “seventy invisible grappling hooks” killed me

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[100--manslayer]

I love how dated this is now.

• Shortly after the memory corruption method was found, they found there was basically a 1 pixel spot where the wall slightly overlaps itself to make the cylinder. Then through very specific and percise movements you could use the momentary speed granted by dropping a bomb colliding with Link to push through.

• The barrier doesn’t even matter anymore. Very recently, Arbitrary Code Execution (ACE) was discovered in Wind Waker. ACE is a type of glitch found in multiple games where essentially you can use very specific controller inputs in specific areas to modify the code directly. Now basically by getting one of the earliest items. The run using this is now around the 20 minute mark because it warps straight to the credits (I have opinions on the validity of Credits Warping, but that’s neother here nor there). This puts it in the same ballpark as most other Console Zelda Speedruns which tend to be around an hour if not closer to the half hour mark.

Fun enough, Twilight Princess also has a Barrier. It still has yet to be broken and maintains a speedrun of just under 3 hours. There really aren’t really any leads to get around it because it makes Wind Waker’s barrier look like an opened door.

[memorycycle]

cowpool universe is being born

[memorycycle]

hi its been a whole third of a year since i released cowpool, so im finally making it FREE . everyone can go play it now

i still need support to keep making things like this so i also setup my own kofi. help me out a little!!

🔴🐄🐄🐄🟢🐄🐄⚫🐄🐄⚪🐄🐄🐄🐄🐄🔵🐄🐄🐄

[catasters]

[saggyhorse]

just played kitten burst genuinely one of the most beautiful indie games ive played in the last year

fantastic game. felt like one big goodbye to the nostalgic 2000s internet we once knew. extremely underrated i wish more people knew of this gem.

Please check out kitten burst

[bi-accident]

Niche skill check

[dollsahoy]

Slight correction to a lot of the comments--it's not "Baking guy plays piano too," it's "Piano guy bakes too"

Young pianist with a love for yesteryear hits the right notes

Inspired by the entertainers of Bermuda’s “golden age”, composer and pianist Dylan Hollis is hard at work on what he does best — creating mu

I was trying to track down a non-soundcloud version of Chords of Humanity, the song he wrote that when he was 17 was used by Doctors Without Borders, and instead found that it was used in a Fallout New Vegas mod that he may also have made at 17?

The Rockwell Pursuit

A Large Expansive Quest Mod has the courier travelling across Post-Apocalyptic America. To reunite the Rockwell People with their Superstruc

which is a sequel to another mod that's also credited to a Dylan Hollis, which I'm not necessarily assuming is him. Could have been a different Dylan Hollis who happened to have found the song by searching his name--oh, wait, there's a video of game play (with the song as background), and there's a tiny bit of voice acting...yeah, that's him.

[dollsahoy]

More people finding out his Fallout affinity thanks to this shirt

[bubblegum-magnesium]

[snakecmpbl]