Domesticated Bastard

he/him • > 2 decades • shitposts are under #thots • fandom blog is @lem0ns-shitshow • animal stuff is on @lem0ns-animals • picrew: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1414503

[greelin]

you have to understand. There are several things wrong with me

[greelin]

maybe even more

[tomhoppusdelonge]

sorry for the mixed signals I don’t know what I want or what I’m doing mostly

[takethemonetandletsgogh]

Czesław Miłosz, “IV. Over Cities”

[waspsinyouryard]

admittedly i know little of the subject but one would think, at 45 years of age, he would be a ryan goose by now

[vitariesocks]

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

[vitariesocks]

2 pics. no caption

[thats-a-cat]

that's a cat ✅️

[kaijuno]

Daily affirmations q

[fairycosmos]

no one is coming to save you its true its true someone might be coming to hang outttttttttt though. someday

[butchniqabi]

a broken link is a kind of dead wife

[densewentz]

Blueberry Lemon Cake (with vanilla and blueberry buttercream, lemon curd, and blueberry preserves)

Design inspo from Birdies Cupcakes 💕

[dragongirlbunny]

the TSA's dick detector is the epitome of security theater. how many times have you ACTUALLY caught a woman trying to smuggle a small bomb in her panties

[dragongirlbunny]

i mean average sized bomb

[ariaste]

PLEASE explain the Latin fuck words. for science

Okay so. The Romans think that sex doesn't count as real sex unless Someone Is Getting Penetrated By A Dick Or Dick-Adjacent Object. Very sort of dick-centric system.

So Latin has six words for "to fuck", divided into three pairs: one pair for each of the possible Holes (ass, mouth, pussy). In each pair there is a word for topping and a word for bottoming.

Most people who know a little about Latin fuck verbs know 'pedicare' and 'irrumare' from the first line of Catullus 16 (Pēdīcābō ego vōs et irrumābō), which is a poem about saying "absolutely shut the fuck up and piss all the way off" to fandom antis and purity police who are making repulsive accusations about you personally, based on things they're reading into your work from a bad-faith perspective. Catullus was so real for that and it's incredibly endearing to me that he was dealing with the same thing we are still dealing with. I got a hater in my askbox doing this about The Wisdom of Emperors just the other day, but I took the high road and, unlike Catullus, did not tell them "I will assfuck you and I will facefuck you" So here sort of a chart about the verbs: Topping | Bottoming Mouth: irrumare | fellare Ass: pedicare | cevere Cunt: futuere | crisare

Another fun fact related to the fuck verbs was that the Romans didn't think about sexual orientation in terms of who you're attracted to, they thought about it in terms of "which is your favorite hole and what do you like to do with it." So you'll get graffiti (ancient roman subtweeting) about things like "Marcus is a fututor [cunt-fucker] and a pedico [ass-fucker] but omg girlies I also heard he's a fellator [cock-sucker] 👀👀👀👀" In the modern day we'd just call him bisexual, but in Ancient Rome it is not enough to know if someone is bisexual (they think it's kind of perverted if a man only fucks women, like do you have some kind of freaky pussy fetish???? you've never once even fucked a twink??? dat's gay, bro. gay to not be bi), you also have to know if he's being bisexual in a respectable sort of way

You will notice that pussy-eating is not on this list, because those words do not mean "to fuck", they translate more directly to just "pussy-licking" (cunnilingus), and because the Romans are sexist as all hell and think that's gross and filthy anyway. This is not ONLY because of pussy terror, it's also that the mouth is the most sacred part of the body -- so eating pussy or sucking a dick is actually considered slightly more "shameful" than getting fucked in the ass. (Please note as well that the fuck verbs are gender neutral -- if you're a roman man and your girlfriend owns a strap-on, she can [pedicare] you. but be careful because your sworn enemy in the forum will have a fucking FIELD DAY if he hears about that and will write a Mean Poem about you or subtweet you on a public wall)

The moral of this story is that the Ancient Romans were absolutely *GAGGING* for social media (see Martial's Epigrams, aka My Best Tweets), and the second moral of this story is that if this was a fun post for you, you should look at my kickstarter for alllllll of this kind of nonsense in the form of A Fantasy Novel That's Pretending To Be An Academic Paper With A Fake Bibliography And Foonotes aka The Wisdom of Emperors. And please signal boost this so everyone can know about Latin Fuck Verbs and Roman Subtweeting, we've really learned so much here together

[tattahitotsunosaetayarikata-dea]

[tuulikki]

#someone had a lot of fun writing this headline

(from @afloweroutofstone)

[butchfagminotaur]

it’s nice seeing other people starting to open their eyes to what i’ve been saying for a while in that the current use and proliferation of the term “gooning” is an outright tool of fascism

[butchfagminotaur]

the second “gooning” stopped referring to a specific sexual practice and started to be used as a replacement for “masturbation” we needed to kill it immediately and sadly we didn’t

[butchfagminotaur]

if you call someone a “masturbator” in a derisive way you sound like a fucking mormon but suddenly you switch to calling them a “gooner” and you’ve created a way to express the same puritanical beliefs around masturbation that is not only palatable to the average person but the attached underlying implications of the term make people way more susceptible to adopting those beliefs themselves

leftists need to fucking stop using the term “gooner” right fucking now

[butchfagminotaur]

demonizing human sexuality and treating masturbation and sexual activity as deviant and disgusting are straight up fascist tools and it’s startling how successful this aspect of it has been the last few years

[slimegargoyle]

guys you gotta stop thinking of women in their 30s as elderly it’s just misogyny

[courtesyname]

you also gotta stop thinking about actual elderly women as lesser human beings. Youth is not a measure of one’s worth.

[owlmylove]

we also gotta remember to recognize elderly women's experiences, perspectives and beauty. Age is a gift not all of us get to receive

[depsidase]

[not100bees]

The Ikea biphobia couch is the funniest thing that's ever happened. We found it gang. Nothing will ever top it in terms of being funny.

[dead-boysss]

The what???

[not100bees]

The Ikea biphobia couch.

[dead-boysss]

???

[not100bees]

I don't know what to tell you man.

[queermystic]

That was the exact thought process

[llitchilitchi]

sorry for not posting any art lately I lost my sense of physical self and now exist only as an ephemeral being