[cal3ris]

is this gonna get me fired you think

[json-derulo]

phrases which, if you hear them come out of your own mouth or anyone else’s, should prompt you to pause and reevaluate your situation:

- “We don’t have time to follow the official procedure.”

- “I can cut my own bangs.”

- “Do you think I should be wearing eye protection right now?”

- “I’ll just trim up my bangs real quick before we leave.”

- “You marked that one as “flammable,” right?

- “How long could it possibly take to properly trim my own bangs? Five minutes?”

[innerchildabortionclinic]

❔

[caffedorzo]

[fairycosmos]

girl dinner. fattest fucking plate of pasta you've ever seen in your life

[theehorsepusssy]

[romanceyourdemons]

guy currently hurtling toward a migraine at a rate that would impress most astrophysicists: i wonder wgat is happening in my beautiful telephone

[mini-wrants]

Outdoor in sun perfec t place for president to do speech! Outdoor very warm very soft put old man on green lawn under sun. Put old man in warm sun. no problem ever in warm sun because good view and audience can see long speech. Nice podium outdoor sunny perfect place for old president can trust warm sun to give nice view to President good luck to President. friend sun.

[skopostheorie]

Once I "made" a custom emoji for my mum by crudely drawing a hijab on it and now whenever she wants me to buy a coffee for her I get a text like this

[cnmcn]

absolutley enchanted by cobepee

[thedogeveryonehates]

[moniquill]

[dramatic-dolphin]

i love declining birth rates 🥰 "what a horrible problem! society will collapse!" oopsie it looks like you're gonna have to make having children worth it 😊 teehee you're gonna have to improve society in order to fix this problem, or it will all collapse. oh noooooo. how horrible. :3c

[weirdthingifoundonline]

[fidelcostco]

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

[mushroom-soup-is-my-religion]

[everyday-cutephoto]

[ailithnight]

This is a worm? Or perhaps some sort of slug?

[marlynnofmany]

And it's gonna getcha

[creepymutelilbugger]

posting the spotted hyena vision diagram again

[pupdotcom]

real

[memorycycle]

youtube video: can i survive a week in the dark cave with only 5$

the thumbnail: handing 1$ to a centipede

[frogmoss1]

hiring a mercenary

[hisuizorua]

they call it amtrak because the trains am on the trak

[mmilhouse]

goodbye $200 helloooo 3 groceries