I really miss being 13
I miss quietly reading I’m room for hours waiting until I heard my parents upstairs go to sleep
I miss staying up until the early hours of the morning to draw, paint, create, or to be on my laptop and watch movies and tv (on site that weren’t always legal) or read fanfiction made by other 13 year old who’s English isn’t their first language.
I miss creating fake scenarios in my head where I would always end up falling cuddle an imaginary person that I created to comfort myself, so I wasn’t lonely even it just in my head.
I miss overthinking, I know it weird. But the past year I feel like my brain have been sucked out of all his juice because of my mental health, I’m not creative anymore, I don’t feel the need to escape reality through fiction, I don’t get so deeply attached that I have to read the chapters, don’t create oc anymore . My brain is just quiet...
I mean that what I wanted, I wanted the thought who told I wasn’t enough, that people would better of without me, that no body really loved me, like me or cared about me. I wanted them to shut up!
Now, these voices are gone. But they took with them the light in me, my spark as people called it.
I tried to draw but I have inspiration, no creativity left and I end up stuck staring at a blank page.
I try to watch movies and tv shows but i never end up finishing them.
I tried reading fanfiction again but i just ended up reading a few chapters and just forget about it
I tried to make fake stories in my imagination but every thing feels boring
But I’m doing better the voices are gone, but if I’m being honest I wish they came back because maybe they’ll bring back with them the me I was at 13
