my author has clearly lost the plot

Lena || she/her || 21 || resident bi disaster || help(?) || https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleena_Pallaz/works

[koviakore]

The plan was to design a tattoo for myself and then I got distracted, blacked out, and drew the Batboys instead

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 56 (masterpost here)

Tim: investigating the sex crime rings is the worst, but you gotta admit it does open your eyes to how... wide, the range of people's specific tastes are.

Damian: ok i'm not touching that box. that's clearly a box of uncleaned sex toys; im a minor, that's all you Nightwing.

Dick: *disgusted* mmmmm..... *whining* i'm gonna get a disease,

Tim: you're literally wearing gloves; we need to take some stuff back for DNA tracking.

Dick: well that's easy for you to say, you don't have to look through the used stuff!

Tim, unsympathetic: -listen i wanted to raid this place yesterday, before the orgy. you made us wait, you can deal with the consequences.

Damian: what are you looking at Red?

Tim: come see.

*a beat*

Damian: *snort* holy fuck, how many different ones are there?

Tim: that's what i mean, like who decides to manufacture this?!

Dick: *sounding slightly ill* what are you two looking at? i don't want Robin too deeply involved in this case, guys, he's just supposed to be lookout.

Damian: Red found the lube stash. we're seeing how many different flavours there are.

Tim: i feel like if banging isn't that satisfying for you on its own, then the problem is probably something way different than the flavour. i don't think these would help.

Damian: honestly if i was sucking dick and i tasted blueberries it would probably take me out of the mood, just from pure confusion.

Dick, aghast: ROBIN. i don't wanna hear you talking about that kind of thing?!

Damian: i'm almost fifteen, Nightwing.

Tim: *abrupt laugh* ok, you turned fourteen like two months ago-,

Dick: EITHER WAY TOO YOUNG.

Damian: *snicker*

*dull clattering*

Tim: HOLD ON, EVERYBODY SHUT UP. ok i found the winner. ladies and gentlemen, bakewell tart flavoured lube.

Damian: *cackles* no way,

Dick: guys, stop messing around. we don't know when they'll come back.

Tim: my thing about flavoured lube is that, like; somebody at the factory has to check the flavour is right before they roll it out to the public, right? so do you think- *snicker* do you- somewhere out there, there is a guy whose job is literally, 'eat lube'.

Damian, holding back laughter: ah, my dream job.

Tim: *cackle*

Damian: do you think it's accurate?

Tim, pointed: ...i dunno..,

*three seconds of silence*

Dick, wary: what are you guys doing over there?

Tim: i mean... it's still sealed and unopened, nobody's touched this one.

Damian: i will give you five dollars.

Tim: five dollars is not worth eating strange foraged lube from a crate in a warehouse, Robin.

Damian: ten.

*a beat*

Tim: yeah ok.

*faint uncapping noise*

Dick: woah hey hold on- OI- PUT THAT DOWN- YOUR DAD IS A BILLIONAIRE WHATDOYOUNEEDTENDOLLARSFOR-

[collision-ant]

BEES BEES BEES BEES

[chubby-p1nk]

SWEATY JASON AFTER TRAINING? YESS SIRRRRR

I don't regret anything (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠) Take this as a little "I'm not dead!" Or "IM ALIVE BUT HYPERFOCUSED IN OTHER THING"

Also, big jacket Jason Todd + tiny waist = Canon Jason Todd

[papayafromtv]

ten year old Tim Drake having a minor phase of liking archeology bcs of his parents so he starts digging shit up in his garden, but because he’s Tim Fucking Drake he does it too well and accidentally unearths one of the tunnels that connects to the fucking batcave.

ten year old Tim Drake who already knew who Batman and Robin were, finding out he now has a secret tunnel in his garden connecting his house to their lair, and he’s just like ‘fuck yeah that’s cool.’ and starts exploring.

thirteen year old Jason Todd bored and fucking around alone in the batcave system when he comes across a fucking ten year old who knows his identity, clearly idolises the hell out of him, and is just kinda wandering around the cave system alone and completely chill about it. they see a super dangerous spider and Tim just starts info-dumping on the species. when asked if he has a curfew to go back home by he goes ‘uh, July i guess? that’s when mom and dad get back.’ it is early February.

thirteen year old Jason Todd who takes a minute and then goes ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

Jason Todd and Tim Drake being secret cave buddies. Jason Todd and Tim Drake hanging out in the tunnels and making fun of Batman and Nightwing from the shadows. Tim Drake who has to buy a whole new set of night-vision camera lenses for his new photo album that’s just photos and selfies of him and his new best friend Robin fucking around in the underground pitch-dark.

Jason Todd who dies, gets revived, is told by Talia that Tim Drake has ‘replaced him’ unknowing they’re already friends, and Jason who all he can think of is that time they played hide and seek in the cave system and Tim clung to the fucking ceiling via a stalactite for 45 minutes straight. Jason Todd who just looks at Talia and goes ‘yeah sounds about right for him.’

Jason Todd being told he has to deliver Damian to Bruce and he decides ‘absolutely the fuck not’ to the idea of even touching the front door. they have a Ring camera he is not getting caught on that bullshit.

Jason Todd who just goes to Drake Manor and uses Tim’s old entrance to get into the tunnels, his home away from home, dragging Damian along, until he gets to a spot where he can secretly signal into the batcave for Tim to sneak the fuck away.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who gets called into the tunnels to find the Red Hood, unmasked as Jason, presenting to him a random child which he declares to be the son of Batman.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who comes full circle and says ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

the cave boys are reunited. a third is added to the club. a new photo album is filled. when Tim brings Damian up through the tunnels into the cave he looks Bruce dead in the eyes and says fully straight-faced ‘this is your cave son. i found him wandering, he was born from the shadows of the bat.’

eleven year old Damian Al Ghul-Wayne who’s spent the past three and a half years under Jason Todd’s influence and sombrely declares ‘the cave birthed me for you, father. i am darkness. i am your child.’

Bruce Wayne who genuinely is starting to lose it.

[chalkboi72]

Caine hacked himself into Wii Sports and is finally taking his revenge on Bubble! O.o

[doublecounter]

look at my two dysfunctional losers

[ciricearts]

absolute jason yaaaay

[abyssaldyke]

It's spring now which means the kids in my city have started drawing hopscotches on the sidewalk and as a rule I do every hopscotch I see because 1. Use it or lose it (ability to scotch) and 2. If a child got down on the hardscrabble streets of Boston Massachusetts to draw a scotch the least I can do is use it, but in doing the hopscotches, I've learned that about 50% of them are the typical 8-10 step scotch and the other 50% are. Somewhat avant-garde. And of course I'm not vetting the entire scotch before I start it so sometimes it's like haha 8 steps woo! Childlike whimsy! And sometimes they're 20 steps or 30 or they've got a section with three squares instead of two where you have to do a little Charleston to step on all three, or, memorably, FORTY one foot squares. A full BLOCK of jumping on one foot but I'm no quitter so once I've started Jigsaw Junior's fuckin hopscotch gauntlet I'm there til the end just a daily pot smoker in her thirties jumping kasa-obake style through an affluent suburb while some little proto-kennedy watches from his bedroom window rubbing his sadistic little third grade hands together and cackling. It's amazing. I love spring.

[fladurblegon]

“Your days are numbered” yeah it’s called a calendar you fucking idiot.

[im-god-now-fight-me-deactivated]

things i always keep in my backpack: 

the bible (king james edition)

a copy of the U.S. consitution

a copy of my school’s current rulebook

i do this so that whenever someone at school tries to make a point and then defends it by saying ‘it’s in the constitution!’ or ‘it’s from the bible!’ or something else along those lines, i can pull out my own copy and say, ‘where exactly does it say that?’

also it’s just great to confuse people by pulling a fucking book of school rules out of nowhere in order to discuss what qualifies as a dresscode violation.

[im-god-now-fight-me-deactivated]

today during lunch a kid and i were debating the gender of god and he said “god’s a man in the bible” and i said “i’m pretty sure god is technically nonbinary or genderfluid, but let me check that” and i unzipped my backpack and the boy said “what’s she doing?” and my friend replied “she’s getting her bible” and i’m not sure how he felt when i set it down on the lunch table and flipped open to genesis but i definitely felt amazing.

[m3anint3ll3ctual]

op ur url says it all

[demermio]

Distraction

[ladyloveandjustice]

A complete tangent about why how the female coding thing is implemented in fandom bothers me (again, obviously transfem headcanons are fine and great, this is different), is that while going through someone's blog I literally saw a post they were refuting that was like "who embodies the female experience more Dick Grayson or Jason Todd", someone was like "y'all do know there's actual women in the Batfam right" and this other person responded "yeah but theyre badly written"

And lmaooo point by point

Ah yes because Dick Grayson and Jason Todd have never, ever been badly written. Ever.

All of these women are great characters who have been in some very well written comics and are just as rich and interesting as these men

please don't pretend you've ever tried to read about any of them, you clearly haven't

As for representing the female experience, Stephanie Brown is condescended to and discouraged and sometimes abused by every man in her life (and occasionally a woman joins in), but finds the inner strength to still pursue her goals and be defiant. She goes through a teen pregnancy. She's treated extremely differently from the male Robins and fired unfairly. She goes through sexual violence.She starts believing that she is lesser, and blames herself for being manipulated. She dies and is victim blamed to hell and back. She is not given a memorial like Jason gets nor is her death treated as important/haunting to Bruce. But then she comes back, and she eventually realizes she doesn't have to be dependent on the approval of men in her life and carves out a place for herself and receives support from other women. This doesn't solve the sexism she faces or her self esteem issues, but she's more confident and happier now.

How the hell is that not a representation of a female experience. Often completely unintentionally on the writers part, they agreed with her treatment in parts of this, but she's still so resonant because of that (and the fact that the demands of her largely female fans bought her back is another layer to things, as well as the fact that a DC writer said to my face that the women who fought for her to be recognized the same as Jason were annoying and he wishes he could shoot them. That became part of my female experience for sure.)

As I said, Jason and Dick have been through things women can relate to and that's fine, it's fine to discuss that-- but saying they're female coded or a reflection of the female experience and then ignoring actual female characters and their resonance with women's experiences--that's wrong.

(It's also like any kind of suffering is "female coded" sometimes--I remember a post in the heyday of the MCU that claimed Bucky was female coded because he was brainwashed and tortured- my dude, that happens to men in fiction and irl all the time, it is not the same as the character being a stand in for a woman or female role. )

[izunias-meme-hole]

OUR ROBINS FELLAS!! NICK DRAGOTTA COOKS YET AGAIN!!

[forestofbabel]

The super/bat pairing in relentless in the funniest way.

We can’t have canon Clark/Bruce because the characters are too established with their female partners before it became acceptable to have queer characters in comics.

But they won’t give us canon Conner/Tim despite creating the queerest looking Superboy ever and saying he’s straight while making Tim bi.

Then we had a chance with Damian/Jon, but again they’re like “only one of these boys is queer” and for balance sake they made it the Superboy this time.

So we decided to take an older version of Superboy who came from a parallel universe (that is canonically our real life no powers earth) where he’s technically Clark Kent and got mad about Jason Todd’s death (and other things) and developed powers to punch a hole in the multiverse which is the canon reason Jason Todd came back to life and now we’re like “this one please! Give us this one!”

Meanwhile the only canonical super/bat combo is Kara/Dick and it lasted one terrible date and everyone ships Kara with Babs anyway if they want to keep with the trend.

EDIT: I forgot that Conner and Cas dated. Another failed hetero super/bat relationship. Make it gay and make it work DC!

[gracieparkerr]

Can you believe Happy Hogan has been around since before Tony Stark even got kidnapped in Afghanistan?

He’s seen Tony at the lowest of his lows, watched him come back, crawl out from under the sand with blood in his teeth. He’s watched Tony use every one of his fears and failures and weaknesses to become stronger. He was there when Tony became Iron Man, and a mentor, and a father.

Then he became the protector of one of Tony’s most valuable investments, his chosen kid, his protege— because Happy’s the most trusted head of security, an extension of himself to send where he can’t be. And then Happy continued to protect this legacy after Tony’s death, picking up the pieces and mentoring the best that he could.

Happy truly did watch Peter grow up into the legacy of his best friend. In a way, losing him was like losing Tony again, too.

It’s a shame Happy doesn’t know why he felt like something was missing.

[lizlemondyke]

4 non blondes were right. I DO wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs what’s going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!