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@lesbianchromia
"butches can be feminine!" shut UPPPPPPP
my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)
transcript: my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)
this written for instagram because of this post. but thought tumblr may like it too. “you” means general you, no one specific.
the instagram post and this on wordpress
this disclaimer is for instagram but also for anyone new to this discussion:
in full honestly, don’t know how to write this. am tired, language and complex ideas too much at time of writing, and general exhaust at having to argue same thing over and over again and justify own existence. tired of being minority within minority, wish there are others to do these work for me so i don’t have to do it all by self, singlehandedly advocate for everyone (not to mention problem with that—i can’t speak for everyone).
so honestly, if you don’t have anything nice to say, especially if you speaking (yes, even if you lose speech. include you), just don't say anything at all. move on.
online actually autistic community (AAut) dominated by white, lower support needs. level 1, speaking, late diagnosed, high masking autistics. find people like you is great, what not great is you treat your very narrow community as “voice of all autistic” and your experience as ultimate autistic experience. i write plenty about that, many more elaborate than this, if you not familiar with this concept.
many people in this community experience times when cannot speak, sometimes because overwhelm, shutdown, dissociate, or anxiety (situational mutism), but do not struggle with act of speaking rest of time (some struggle with speech all the time but still can speak - more on that later). the community call “going nonverbal/nonspeaking,” or even “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking” (not talking about those nonverbal as child and verbal now older), after clinical term “nonverbal” (nonverbal autism) and term coined by apraxic nonspeaking autistics “nonspeaking.”
both of which talk about it as an “all the time” experience.
when i search nonverbal or nonspeaking because i want community too, want see people like me too, two category i see: 1) parents of nonverbal nonspeaking children, whom can’t relate to because age, who can’t write own experience because their age and developmental ability. and 2) overwhelming amount of speaking autistic talk about going nonverbal going nonspeaking.
and the very very few fully nonverbal nonspeaking voices. drowned out. cannot find anyone.
nonverbal used to be term to describe us, people who can’t speak or cannot functionally speak beyond few words. medical term, alright, so some of us don’t like. so some of us reject that and create term all of our own, called nonspeaking. created by nonspeaking autistics with severe apraxia and brain body disconnect, describe their own experience of able to think in words able to spell out words (with great dedication and work and support), just cannot do that with mouth. their term. they create.
and you take it? without knowing context? without reading anything by those same nonspeaking coiners?
when is last time you purposely seek out nonverbal nonspeaking voices? when is last time you accidentally came across us? can you name any nonverbal nonspeaking advocate that talk about their experiences? one? two? three? a BIPOC person, a (specifically) Black person? a Black woman? a trans person? a physically disabled person? a person not from western world?
same narrative over and over. “i can speak for nonverbal autistic i understand their experience because i am autistic i can’t talk sometimes” no you cannot. as someone who was able to speak when young who lose speech (”go nonverbal”) but now have no speech to lose because full time nonverbal. no the experience not the same. not comparable. you gain it back. i don’t. you can explain with mouth words what happen when you get out. i can’t, i only have AAC. countless nonverbal nonspeaking people without AAC or sign cannot, at all. you never experience daily small and big struggle of casually being nonverbal all the time.
your experience of lose speech unique from my nonverbal. but if you so insist to compare and equate, you only guest to my experience, my daily life.
“when i go nonverbal and no one understand so have to force to speak” i cannot force words out. know you don’t mean to say this, and not saying you at fault for this, but nevertheless accidental perpetuate and reinforce idea that anyone who don’t speak can just be forced to speak if try hard enough. but often not how it works. and this exact harmful rhetoric devoid and delays nonverbal nonspeaking people given access to AAC, because “need try to force words out first, AAC unnatural so last resort.”
this may be new concept for you. new concept to instagram, to tiktok. to other places. it may seem i only one with this problem, “i once saw a nonspeaking person’s account and they don’t have problem.”
yeah, because we are not monolith. some nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t care. some nonverbal nonspeaking people may even welcome “go nonverbal nonspeaking” or “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking.”
but don’t be fooled into believe i only one. have many nonverbal/nonspeaking and/or higher support needs friends on tumblr, who talk about this who have been saying this for years. *years*. years before i joined. i am not creator, i only bring message here, because many of us are too high support needs too disabled to do anything else. many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because it most peaceful, because at least some listen, because least hostile, because need to defend our experience against our own community the least. (but it happens less doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, we still exhausted.) many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because that all we can handle, or because we not allowed or shouldn’t be on other social media because age or abilities or both.
i cannot handle conflict i do not do well and i shouldn’t be here. but if not me, who else? if i don’t do it, who else is going to?
some nonverbal nonspeaking people and parents of them may question, why you start debate about useless term when so many nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t even have access to communicate, real problems. to that i say i do those work too. and to that i say this is real problem too, because am autistic so online actually autistic community should also be my space too but it not. but it hostile. because am lonely because seeing yourself so crucial because don’t know anyone in person like me don’t have any friends in person like me, so i go online to find people like me and i cannot because no own term to search and what used to be term many people without similar experience insist they understand and can speak for me because they say we have similar experience. because this aloneness and the unique difficulty from being full time nonverbal and the struggle of future and the unique mistreatment from both outside but also inside community have drove me over edge many times and it is presence and knowing their presence of my tumblr nonverbal nonspeaking / higher support needs friends that gave me hope to stay. because so many people don’t listen and instead speak over. terminology only a symptom of problem. address roots, sure, but part of address roots is address symptoms.
‘well nonverbal people are never around” maybe it because you don’t make it welcome for us to join.
“fully nonverbal rare anyway” estimated 30% of us nonverbal nonspeaking, which this statistic probably only count those nonverbal since birth. even more are minimally speaking or without full functional communication, abilities limited to requests. sure, 30% still not majority. but significant amount never the less. speaking lower support needs autistic without intellectual disability not majority anyway too but your experience still deserve heard. ours too.
“see less nonverbal people because they don't have ability to communicate and use social media” yes, many nonverbal nonspeaking people not given access to communication (like AAC), forced to live in silence (because body language communication not enough alone!). silence from birth to teenage years, to adulthood, even until they die. some cannot understand social media or AAC because intellectual disability or cognitive ability. some not allowed on there because safety, some not allowed on because presumed incompetent and abused. all true. do you advocate for them too? or is it just talking point against me, pretend you care?
but not all of us, we exist. some of us thankfully supportive parents all along, parents given resources, us given resources, so we access to AAC since beginning. some of us became nonverbal later in life (which not same experience as those early in life, i acknowledge). some of us after years of forced silence, finally given access to AAC and can now communicate and advocate! some of us on social media - do you listen?
but you see none of us in your community anyway. maybe one token person.
you can go nonverbal. i cannot go verbal. see difference? you can come close to my experience, but i never will have (future) ability to go to yours.
it frustrate that have to specify am nonverbal **all the time** when write this, because if don’t do that will be assumed otherwise. frustrate that when in neurodivergent space stranger see me AAC they assume i can speak because they only know part time users (know part time users frustrate too because people assume they cannot speak and get surprised when they do. me being assumed automatic part time is not fault of part time AAC users.)
even been told am privileged to be nonverbal nonspeaking, privilege over speaking autistic who lose speech because in their mind it mean i get all support i need i get all recognition get all the representation. which. couldn’t be farther from truth.
all that. is fraction of reason i frustrate at “going nonverbal nonspeaking” and “when i was nonverbal nonspeaking.”
so many other words. lose speech. intermittent speech.
just want have own sub community where can find people similar experience.
I'd like to recommend a really interesting article on colorism in pre-digitally colored comics (so broadly speaking, all or most comics published in the 20th c.) and how the printing process itself screwed with Black skin tones as well as how there was no (or minimal/uncommon) effort put in by creatives and publishers to correct for that.
"4 Colorism, or, the Ashiness of it All" by Zoe D. Smith
Part 1: https://womenwriteaboutcomics.com/2019/05/4-colorism-or-the-ashiness-of-it-all/
Part 2: https://womenwriteaboutcomics.com/2019/05/4-colorism-or-white-paper-brown-pixels/
Zoe D. Smith looks at the printing process for comics in the 1960s and 70s and how that affected portrayals of black characters in Marvel an
Zoe D. Smith looks at the printing process for comics in the 1960s and 70s and how that affected portrayals of black characters in Marvel an
That's dope! Thank you for sharing!
There's an attitude I've been seeing more and more of where having any kind of artistic opinion that isn't praise is seen as some kind of faux pas designed to yuck people's yum or whatever, and while I understand the kneejerk response behind it I do have to wonder like. How sustainable do you think it is to foster an environment where even the most casual criticism is met with hoards of defensive with Whoa Mama Mia Cunt Let People Enjoy Things style comments
“ You are the current leader of the Inquisition… it’s good to know your limits. And now… I do. ”
and my take today is that framing misogynistic writing as an "inability to write female characters" subconsciously takes away most of the blame, implying that women are an alien creature compared to men and that it is no fault of the writer because it's out of their skill set. it's not an inability, not a lack of expertise, it's the simple refusal to consider women as individual people and give them the same depth and grace that comes easily to the writer when they write male characters. it's not that christopher nolan, stephen king, james cameron (and frankly anyone using the argument, both professional and hobbyist; yes, that includes fanfic writers) etc can't write women, it's that they just won't. at that point in time it is a conscious decision driven by the laziness to unpack their misogynistic biases, and should be addressed as such
I think acknowledging that even with your own history of trials and adversities that there are people who have it worse shouldn’t be taken as an attack on your ego or your very real experiences but a push to better the world around you because if it was bad for you, it’s especially unacceptable that there are people who objectively need more support and have faced greater intensity and frequency of violence, poverty and discrimination. None of us should be treated that way. That’s a positive attitude I don’t see many have, merely defensiveness.
Reminder that Canada is fucking evil
An international tribunal has ruled that the Government of Canada’s current policies constitute an ongoing genocide against Indigenous Peopl
People always have a lot to say about caregiver fatigue, but no one gives a shit about the shame of being taken care of. I think it's even heavier than caregiving. As a caregiver, you can always take a break. But when you're on the other side, the shame never ends.
Caregiver fatigue and empathy fatigue are just deeply uninteresting topics to me. Sorry. Can we talk instead about building a world where help isn't rationed according to how likeable someone is?
22-spot Ladybird Beetle (Psyllobora vigintiduopunctata), family Coccinellidae, Germany
T - adult; B - larva
photographs by Michael Kurz
everything can be improved by lesbianism
when did you join tumblr? (don't vote without reblogging)
before 2010
2010-2013
2013-2016
2016-2019
after 2020
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challenging all white women to put in even half the effort they spend on fearmongering to other white women about parking lot abductions to instead support MMIWG initiatives if they want to actually make a difference in protecting women
The AFN's Seeking have yet to see real, on-the-ground changes to end violence against First Nations women, girls, and gender-diverse people.
really tired of seeing the idea that women & girls are less likely to be diagnosed with autism because it "presents differently" so widely accepted even in progressive spaces
it is also widely accepted that women get raises less often because they don't ask as much as men. this is objectively not true.
it is also widely accepted that women are more talkative than men. this is objectively not true.
it is also widely accepted that women are taken less seriously when speaking because their speech patterns are associated with a "lack of confidence". this is objectively not true. [1][2][3]
every time we talk about gender discrimination, people look for an explanation that starts with women's behavior.
and every fucking time, actual research shows that across the board, women actually don't behave that differently from men.
women aren't diagnosed less often with autism due to "presenting differently". it's gendered medical neglect, and weaponized diagnoses disproportionately applied to women (e.g. BPD, HPD, bipolar, etc.)
I can't watch a television show until a demon possesses me and compels me to do it
the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped
"the imaginary or hypothetical harm that we believe a black person to be capable of enacting will always be less socially acceptable than the harm we know for a fact white people materially cause" the movie.
