been going by my birth name because i cant think or find a name that truly feels me
a lot of people, on top of my feminine fashion, assume that im a woman and my name definitely doesnt help. it's not something that haunts me but it feels like my name's a hotel room instead of a home
i don't really believe names have a gender but it doesnt stop a rando from assuming so. my feelings are complicated too bc even tho i think that my birth name is pretty clearly feminine. fuck gender constructs and all but i cannot erase the reality of people assuming
there's not really a gender neutral version of my birth name. don't really like any of the neutral names i know, don't want to go by an object name (not knocking it just not for me), nor do i want to go by a name not from my culture.
didnt realize canvas let u change yr pronouns which is pretty cool actually! don't think it's gonna stop the incessant misgendering from students and professors alike but it's pretty nice to see others with pronouns by their names
so i've been getting this white powdery residue using my testosterone gel and i was wondering what the hell it is
apparently it's some of the testosterone that was not properly absorbed
i looked up what can help with that and apparently lotion can help with the absorption ! happy to report that there is a significantly less amount of white powder after moisturizing first [:
when i have proper insurance i would love to go to a trans voice therapist. i've been using online resources from voice therapists, but individualized therapy would give better results n feedback that i want i think!
i apply my testosterone gel using a spatula! this does a couple of things for me
ensures i dont lose dosage by having it on my hand
ensures i dont absorb it on my hand
ensures minimal amt on my hand to poison any cats i have in the house/meet
i wash it afterwards with soap and water with my hands. i try to get as much of the gel onto my shoulder as much as possible to minimalize the amt i touch
for a long while i took a break from testosterone since quitting my job and losing financial ability to continue purchasing testosterone. however, i did a small amount left.
it's definitely well expired by two years, but i think it might actually work in my favor since i want such gradual changes to have control over everything! i began testosterone, again, last week and i just applied it again.
when meeting people for the first time, someone genuinely thought i was a guy. i was also mentally exhausted so my voice was lower. i get gender euphoria from my voice when im sick and/or tired.
i also got a nice dream of myself with facial hair and i actually really liked the way it looked. it would be an absolute sensory nightmare, but the visuals are growing on me! the disinterest of permanent facial hair was a large factor in pausing testosterone as well, as not having a job means no funds for electrolysis. it's good to know there are options available though.
i looked at multiple clinics from a trans friend for months, and they weren't accepting new patients at the time. i put in my information for them to contact me for when they do accept new patients.
even now, that i'm on hrt, i still haven't been contacted by these clinics. i'd also been looking at possible appointments for planned parenthood.
there were a couple planned parenthoods by me, but only one of them had LGBTQ+ care. i repeatedly looked at the website for possible appointments for months as well. i tried to call them, but the line could only handle one person talking at a time.
luckily, i was able to schedule an appointment online without having to speak to anyone. this appointment was made in early may, for a virtual meeting with a nurse practitioner! think zoom for how it went, but through a secure calling platform.
my nurse practitioner was incredibly nice, albeit late for 45 minutes. this was okay with me as i'd waited months actively and years mentally for this appointment, making 45 minutes feel like nothing.
she was incredibly nice, smiling the entire time, and incredibly careful with her words. she asked me what i identify as and what my pronouns are and never slipped up once with it.
the questions that were asked were similar to:
how long have you been wanting to do hrt?
do you have gender dysphoria? (and for how long and what about?)
why do you want to do hrt?
what do you want to get out of hrt?
she was incredibly thorough and made sure to ask if i had questions throughout the entire appointment.
i was most worried about how my IUD would affect my HRT, due to the hormones. my NP told me that a lot of her patients have IUDs similar to mine!
after my appointment with her, another person called me to set up my appointment for bloodwork. they were able to get a bloodwork appointment for the same day, but i went for the next day.
there was a couple of mix-ups with the time for the appointment, but nonetheless they were able to take my blood. less than 30 minutes after drawing blood, my NP called me telling me about the results of my bloodwork.
she sent me an e-mail of the effects of testosterone and how to apply it, and i was able to pick up my prescription the same day! unfortunately, i went out of town immediately after getting my bloodwork done, so i had to pick up my prescription the next day.
i was extremely lucky to just be "m'am'ed" at the pharmacy, as i was really worried they were going to give me trouble after misgendering me.
i've only been on testosterone for a little over a month, but the process was easier than a lot of people get. going the route of informed consent rather than needing to get an okay from a psychiatrist seems to be the best option, in my opinion!
i love being non-binary and i love being a lesbian. i truly think it's one of the most wonderful things to be, but it's so lonely and exhausting at the same time.
i have been socially transitioning since last year, and i came out to people whom didn't know me beforehand. they only ever knew me as non-binary and how i only use they/them pronouns.
so why can't people use them? they don't know me. they only ever knew me as non-binary.
it hurts even more because so many of the people whom misgender me are LGB. they're supposed to be a part of the community, and they're supposed to support the T. the only person at my workplace whom ever gendered me properly constantly was another trans person. the other person left.
even other non-binary people, even other non-binary lesbians, would constantly misgender me. it doesn't matter how often i would correct them nor how often i would have pins on me. i had they/them on my locker and i had three pronoun pins on me.
they even had pronoun pins, almost all of the people whom misgendered me wore "trans ally" pins. it was all so performative and insulting.
my ex-girlfriend (also a n-b lesbian) would constantly treat me like a woman and misgender me.
for some reason, it's only ever trans people and one cis person whom genders me properly. (to be clear: all n-b whom misgendered me except two people were non-binary but not trans. non-binary people can always be trans, just not everyone does♥)
it chips away at me because my old workplace is infamously lgbt+ friendly with plenty of lgb coworkers at my location.
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