Do it for the stories @letstrytohidethisagain - Tumblr Blog

⚠️ ROAD WORK AHEAD ⚠️

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________________ SPEEDING FINES DOUBLED WHEN WORKERS PRESENT —————————

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⚠️ ROAD WORK 500FT ⚠️

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🚚 🚚 🔩 웃 🧰 🕳️ 🪚웃 웃📋 웃 웃 🛠️ 🔨웃 🏗️ 🕳️ 웃 웃 🔧 🚚 🔩 🔩 🔩

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⚠️ END ROAD WORK ⚠️

rambler-of-procrastination

how does this only have 1400 notes

thebadevil

end road work? aw fuck i hope this car flies

here

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krystal-prisms

Someone add do you love the color of the sky

liquid-geodes

Someone do NOT do that, I’ll kill you with my flying car

yupokaysuremhm

I don’t have the original but I have this. Kill me.

kennyswurvegurl

I’m going to hurt all of you

cobalt-snowdin

Good to know we all are hellspawns with the same mindset

Welcome to hellsite, babes

Take a fuckin sip

you’re all insane

the-only-useful-lesbian

I think this is the longest post on this site

im-a-dragon-cawcaw

I AM

SOBBING

MOBILE USERS IM SO SORRY

entities-of-posts

The Vast

memewhore

peppermintquartz

the eye was removed ... in 2019

jcalvinist

disgruntledturtle

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

equalistmako

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

seasonoftowers

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

people-are-garbage

well you did ask

defilerwyrm

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

mrtacomam

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

kariachi

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

pulltheotheroneithasbellson

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

blueandbluer

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.

plumslices

❤️

mojoflower

“But [Tumblr’s] value, of course, is more than just what it isn’t, and what it points away from. Despite all the drama and discourse lurking in its corners, it’s easy to make your own Tumblr life as simple and as happy as you want it to be. There are no algorithmic threats lurking around every corner, no onslaught of promoted posts from politicians or influencers. More than anything else, Tumblr in 2020 is a self-sustaining ecosystem. It’s a semi-sealed and increasingly fertile terrarium, a nigh-impossible perpetual-motion machine of a platform going productively psychotic in its isolation.”

— @areyougonnabe, “The Ever-Mutating Life of Tumblr Dot Com”

fox-in-the-library

Let’s be honest, going productively psychotic in isolation is this year’s mood.

octoberbastards

silver-tongues-blog

Tumblr is a hellsite but goddammit its our hellsite

dancing-thru-clouds

Hellsite (affectionate)

jessebloom

the illegal sprinkles saga > bad art friend.

jessebloom

pwesident

sleeping under a blanket in just your underwear when it’s cold and your blanket is warm enough to make up for it is the best fucking thing

wheezinghorre

until the demon living under your bed rips it off and has full access to your body

pwesident

and the demon is probably hot so she can do what she wants what’s your point

pwesident

a lot more likes than reblogs on this post bc this webbed site is full of cowards that know im right

‘Top’

I hope they start having better sex, what a shame

danandphilnews

tropesarenotbad

[image description: a printed out flyer with the picture of a sleeping grey tabby cat on it. It has text on it that reads:

Muffin disclaimer

So you’ve ordered a muffin! We hope you’re up for a challenge.

Our wobbly tabby cat Bea REALLY likes muffins so there are a few things to be aware of if you have a muffin in the cat area.

- She WILL climb you to try and get your muffin - She is not very good at climbing so she will claw her way up your body - It WILL hurt - She WILL NOT give up - She may try to eat the muffin right out of your mouth - She is not allowed to eat muffins

You may pick her up / move her away if needed and if you’re really struggling, come and talk to us and we will help. No matter how much she wants to, it is still very important that you don’t let her eat any muffin as it will make her sick.

Good luck and we hope you enjoy your muffin experience!

She may look sweet and innocent but we promise you she’s not

/end image description]

musicalhell

Bea the muffin thief has come upon my timeline again and I am obliged to reblog.

homunculus-argument

Avian intelligence research is hilarious from a distance because there's some scientist in Sweden who has six hand-reared somewhat-tame crows in his facility and one wild one. Like she wasn't captured from anywhere or even officially live there. She's just a wild crow who showed up one day to volunteer like "hello I would like to participate in these puzzles that measure intelligence, they look fun.

doomhamster

The corvid version of the "hello yes I would like to do a science" penguin!

cipheramnesia

Crow showing up like listen buddy you need a control group.

catsoverloaded

A black dragón floating above the clouds

themediocrehuman

So others need not squint to read “On March 11, 889 CE, 17 year-old Emperor Uda wrote: ‘On the 6th day of the 2nd Month of the First Year of the Kampo era. Taking a moment of my free time, I wish to express my joy of the cat. It arrived by boat as a gift to the late Emperor, received from the hands of Minamoto no Kuwasahi. The color of its fur is peerless. None could find the words to describe it, although one said it was reminiscent of the deepest ink. It has an air about it, similar to Kanno. Its length is 5 sun, and its height is 6 sun. I affixed a bow about its neck, but it did not remain for long. In rebellion, it narrows its eyes and extends its needles. It shows its back. When it lies down, it curls in a circle like a coin. you cannot see its feet. It’s as if it were a circular Bi disk. When it stands, its cry expresses profound loneliness, like a black dragon floating above the clouds. By nature, it stalks birds. It lowers its head and works its tail. It can extend its spine to raise its height by at least 2 sun. Its color allows it to disappear at night. I am convinced it is superior to all other cats.’”

sadwhore04

if a demon possessed me I’d just b like ok take it from here good luck man

guerrillatech

sirheisenberg

homunculus-argument

fact: Birds have an instinctive urge to feed their young, and sometimes some birds in captivity feed fish because their open mouths and the act of feeding them feels very similar to feeding young.

wrong and boring take: This bird is too fucking stupid to tell apart fish and its own young.

alternative take: While birds lack the cognitive skills for the kind of introspection required to wonder WHY they derive enjoyment of something, this bird is having fun.

roach-works

additional take: despite having a brain exponentially bigger and more complex than that of a bird's, you also enjoy feeding the fish

gallusrostromegalus

If I go around playing "human infant simulator" with my cat, the birds, who have infinitely more sense than any creature that willingly wears pants, are perfectly capable of having pet fish

memewhore

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