Somehow A Trusted Adult

I have a new hyperfixation like every other day | 22 y.o | he/they

[daco-showman]

why can rockstar games institutionalise you for life like nikita kruschev for being autistic

[transhuman-priestess]

He didn't steal 10 million dollars. They made that number up as a loss, they never fucking had it. Rockstar has spent more than a billion fucking dollars on GTA VI and will likely make billions more when it gets released.

Uber is a fucking shell game of a company designed to leech investor capital and output bootleg cabs.

Nvidia posted a profit in 2023 of $4.37 billion. This is like someone stealing less than a penny from me.

And they lock this kid in a prison hospital for LIFE?

Capitalism is disgusting.

[fuckblast]

Nobody should buy GTA til they free Arion Kurtaj

[transhuman-priestess]

What with GTA VI going up for pre-order i'd just like to remind everyone that rockstar conspired with the UK government to lock an 18-year-old away for life for hacking them.

[bugsnbites]

Picture it. Decades after the world is saved, a huge alien spacecraft touches down on earth.

Scientist, politicians, and thousands of reporters gather to witness the aliens disembark the ship. A group of boulder-like creatures, clicking and whistling to the humans around them.

One of them raises something large and metallic towards the crowd.

There's an immediate recoil of fear (is it a weapon?!) before the audience realises it's human technology. A laptop, old and beaten and looks like it was put back together by a drunk.

The alien presses a button.

"Hello Earth, this is Doctor Captain Ryland Grace. These guys are Eridians and they're here on a shopping trip. I have a list and no money, but I did save the world so that has to count for something. Number one, salt and vinegar chips. Actually anything potato. Number two, I miss apple juice. Number three,"

[pomegranatesunn]

Silly Ben 10 x Blue Beetle things

People asked for these two

[vamptits]

they want you to make fried rice

[memser]

who is "they"

[vamptits]

the wok left

[solongandthanksforallthefish42]

how am I supposed to make fried rice if the wok left

[6qubed]

skillet issue

[ifwgossip]

How I feel when the author describes y/n as petite, zero figure, -50 kg weight, hourglass, perky 💔💔

[avocad0ess]

I wonder who I would be today if I didn’t develop an obsession with fanficion when I was 11

[thelhc]

nobody has been there for me like the ‘x reader’ tag has been there for me

[maryscinema]

me if reading x reader fanfics was illegal

[deadpoolssister]

Steve Rogers is the kind of man who would hold your hair back when you're sick and then make you soup and then tell you it's going to be okay in that voice and you would believe him because it's Steve Rogers and he doesn't lie and also his arms are the size of my head.

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 45 (masterpost here)

*two connecting pings*

Damian: sorry in advance akhi-

Tim, yelling over him: -OK FUCK THIS, i call bullshit on the Red Hood. he's a fucking hypocrite.

*a beat*

Dick: *confused chuckle* what?

Jason, lost: fuck i do?

Tim: he- HE, he has spent his entire time here in Gotham campaigning to stop kids from being able to access recreational drugs. IT'S HIS WHOLE THING.

Dick: ...yeah?

Tim: AND NOW--NOW, ROBIN TELLS ME THAT HOOD GAVE HIM WEED LAST WEEK.

*a beat*

Jason: *snorts* that's what this is about?

Dick: wait, you let Damian smoke?

Jason: yeah i let him try a joint in my apartment. i figured he's gettin' to that rebellious age, you know? and i'd rather he do it in the house n' all that,

Damian: it really was not that big a deal. he just showed me how to smoke it and then put on a dinosaur documentary.

Dick: ...huh. cool.

Tim: ...WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

Jason, laughing: why are you so pissed about this?

Tim: ?! BECAUSE YOU'VE HAD ME BLACKLISTED FROM EVERY FUCKING DEALER IN GOTHAM! HOW COME ROBIN CAN SMOKE BUT I CAN'T?

Jason: ...dude i just didn't want you to have access to the harder shit. if you just want weed i can give you weed, i don’t care.

Tim: *disbelieving laugh* *sarcastic* oh- oh yeah, you'll let me have weed, will you?

*a beat*

Jason: ...yeah? i'm by Gotham Theatre right now, i got some on me. you can drop by and have it if you want?

Tim: *pauses* ...wait seriously?

Dick: *snort*

Jason, confused: yeah?

*a beat*

Tim, meekly: ok on my way thank you,

Damian: this is sad to watch.

*fast forwarding audio*

*burst of static*

Dick: *yelp* *metal thud* ...well that was close. you get that other robber?

Jason, breathing heavily: yeah, we're good.

Dick, also heaving: ok, nice.

*six seconds of silence*

Dick: you know i can't believe you folded that quickly with Tim.

Jason, without missing a beat: yeah i gave him a bag of dried oregano.

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 43 (masterpost here)

Dick: -i will tell you one thing about my childhood, and that is i have never once called Bruce dad.

Jason: i did call him daddy once when i was thirteen, but it was to piss him off.

Dick, fondly: oh yeah, i remember that.

Jason: yeah i used a real sexy sultry voice and did it in front of four potential WE investors and he wouldn't let me patrol with him for a week.

Tim: Jason, you're a horrible human being.

Jason: no, what was horrible was when Bruce was visibly displeased with me trying to cat-call him in public, i said 'alright fine, be unappreciative, i'll find a new man', and then i turned to Dick and called him daddy to piss Bruce off further, and without missing a beat Dick matched my tone of voice and went *coy, flirtatious tone* 'well hello to you too, baby boy, you wanna come home with me?'

Tim: *bursts out laughing*

Dick: listen- LISTEN. we had a PACT. we PROMISED each other that if one of us started a bit at a gala, the the other HAD TO CARRY IT ON WITHOUT QUESTION. I WAS TRAPPED.

Jason: yeah Bruce was like, really mad at us the next day, because some of the newspapers started printing us on the front pages with theories that i was like- brought in as the Wayne-Family-Concubine or something.

Dick, sombre: the pack omega.

Jason: the pa-*loud cackles* *struggling to breath* you- you piece of shit- *wheeze*

Tim: *uncontrollable laughing*

Dick: i'm just saying-

Jason: *cackling* fucking- don't say that shit out loud. don't bring forth that idea. don't let the people of Gotham hear that shit and add it to their Gotham-elite fanfiction headcanons,

Dick: *wheezes* I HAVE THE GET THE IDEA OUT THERE SOMEHOW HOOD, IT'S A SEVERELY LACKING TROPE.

Jason: FUCK YOU-!

Tim, through giggles: you guys are such fucking weirdos,

Damian, deadly serious: if... you... two... start talking... about fucking fanfiction again... i am going to cut off your legs and drop you both in the harbour.

Tim: *cackling*

Dick: this child is not down with the ao3 culture.

Jason: wait till he finds out what a lemon is,

Damian: i can swing to your location in under five minutes. fucking try me.

Jason: -this coming from the anime enjoyer is insane, by the way.

Tim and Dick: *burst out laughing*

[papayafromtv]

ten year old Tim Drake having a minor phase of liking archeology bcs of his parents so he starts digging shit up in his garden, but because he’s Tim Fucking Drake he does it too well and accidentally unearths one of the tunnels that connects to the fucking batcave.

ten year old Tim Drake who already knew who Batman and Robin were, finding out he now has a secret tunnel in his garden connecting his house to their lair, and he’s just like ‘fuck yeah that’s cool.’ and starts exploring.

thirteen year old Jason Todd bored and fucking around alone in the batcave system when he comes across a fucking ten year old who knows his identity, clearly idolises the hell out of him, and is just kinda wandering around the cave system alone and completely chill about it. they see a super dangerous spider and Tim just starts info-dumping on the species. when asked if he has a curfew to go back home by he goes ‘uh, July i guess? that’s when mom and dad get back.’ it is early February.

thirteen year old Jason Todd who takes a minute and then goes ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

Jason Todd and Tim Drake being secret cave buddies. Jason Todd and Tim Drake hanging out in the tunnels and making fun of Batman and Nightwing from the shadows. Tim Drake who has to buy a whole new set of night-vision camera lenses for his new photo album that’s just photos and selfies of him and his new best friend Robin fucking around in the underground pitch-dark.

Jason Todd who dies, gets revived, is told by Talia that Tim Drake has ‘replaced him’ unknowing they’re already friends, and Jason who all he can think of is that time they played hide and seek in the cave system and Tim clung to the fucking ceiling via a stalactite for 45 minutes straight. Jason Todd who just looks at Talia and goes ‘yeah sounds about right for him.’

Jason Todd being told he has to deliver Damian to Bruce and he decides ‘absolutely the fuck not’ to the idea of even touching the front door. they have a Ring camera he is not getting caught on that bullshit.

Jason Todd who just goes to Drake Manor and uses Tim’s old entrance to get into the tunnels, his home away from home, dragging Damian along, until he gets to a spot where he can secretly signal into the batcave for Tim to sneak the fuck away.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who gets called into the tunnels to find the Red Hood, unmasked as Jason, presenting to him a random child which he declares to be the son of Batman.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who comes full circle and says ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

the cave boys are reunited. a third is added to the club. a new photo album is filled. when Tim brings Damian up through the tunnels into the cave he looks Bruce dead in the eyes and says fully straight-faced ‘this is your cave son. i found him wandering, he was born from the shadows of the bat.’

eleven year old Damian Al Ghul-Wayne who’s spent the past three and a half years under Jason Todd’s influence and sombrely declares ‘the cave birthed me for you, father. i am darkness. i am your child.’

Bruce Wayne who genuinely is starting to lose it.

[papayafromtv]

ok somebody requested this as a fic within an hour of me posting it LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

[mesothelihomo]

[mesothelihomo]

[dannopocalypse]

[iaroespantalho]

I can't help myself he's everywhere

[wastefulreverie]

[answrs]

ao3 changing their header to omega from beta as an April Fools, then the next day instead of switching the header back they announce they're officially no longer in beta anymore is absolute peak 👌