Debrief: in which your ex was a Manchild and their reactions to it
Case Notes: for an anon Request! Enjoy!
Dick Grayson
“He told me he couldn’t text me for three days because Mercury was in retrograde and his ‘communication energy was blocked.’ But he liked ten of my posts in that time.”
Dick’s jaw drops.
He’s the mix of older-brother disbelief and lowkey jealous boyfriend energy.
“Mercury was in—? No. No. You deserve an apology and a NASA-level excuse for that one.”
He’s dramatic about it too:
“I swear, Y/N, I’ve fought clowns and supervillains with more emotional intelligence.”
He will not stop bringing it up later — “Hey, Mercury’s clear today, want to actually be communicated with?”
Jason Todd
“He said he couldn’t come to my birthday dinner because it ‘conflicted with his self-care night.’ Which, by the way, was just him playing Call of Duty with his friends.”
Jason leans back, silent for a beat, then lets out the longest exhale.
“I would’ve gifted him a self-care night. Six feet under.”He’s visibly restraining himself,you can see the murderous twitch in his jaw.
Later, when he’s calmer, “You know what? You dodged a bullet. I’m just mad you didn’t let me fire one.”
Tim Drake
“He broke up with me because I didn’t ‘match his vibe’ anymore. Then texted me a week later asking for my HBO password.”
Tim looks up from his coffee like 😐.
“He WHAT?”
Cue the analyst in him going feral, “So he emotionally disconnected, then tried to mooch? That’s… statistically the worst combination of traits.”
Tim absolutely goes and changes all your passwords for you that night, muttering, “We’re not letting this idiot touch your login again.”
Roy Harper
“He told me he couldn’t commit because his fantasy football league was too emotionally demanding.”
Roy almost chokes on his drink.
“His WHAT now?!”
He’s laughing, but it’s the angry kind of laugh, “You were out here trying to build a life, and he was drafting quarterbacks for an imaginary team?”
He gets real soft after though, “his loss. You’re building a life with me now.”
Kyle Rayner
“He ghosted me, but still kept reposting my art on his story with ‘credit to the artist.’ Like— sir, I’m the artist. You know that. Text me back.”
Kyle winces so hard.
“That’s criminal behavior. Actual villain arc material.”
He’s both offended as an artist and as someone with taste.
“You mean he appreciated your talent but couldn’t appreciate you? Nah. Give me his handle. I’ll ‘accidentally’ roast him in my next Lantern construct.”
Wally West
“He told me he was ‘too busy working on himself’… then immediately started dating someone who looked exactly like me, but worse.”
Wally blinks.
“You’re telling me he wanted you— but with lag?”
He’s pacing, doing that fast-talking rant.
“See, that’s the thing. People say they’re working on themselves, but what they mean is ‘I don’t want to get called out for being lazy.’ You know what you deserve? Someone who actually wants to do the work with you.”
He’s blushing by the end of that speech, “but now I’ve got ya, babe. And we’re doing this life thing together.”
Garth
“He said I was ‘too emotional’ because I cried when my pet fish died. He said it was just a fish. HIS DOG’S NAME WAS KEVIN.”
Garth is offended on a spiritual level.
“That’s not ‘too emotional,’ that’s being human! Or… Atlantean. Whatever.”
He puts a hand on your shoulder, earnest and soft, “I would’ve held a funeral. With candles. And sea flowers. That’s what your fish deserved.”
You melt a little. This man gets it. He’s writing a eulogy in his head already.
Conner Kent
“He said he wanted a ‘low-maintenance’ girlfriend. But then he’d sulk for days if I didn’t text him good morning first.”
Kon groans and actually leans back like he’s in pain.
“I swear, some guys just want a mom, not a girlfriend.”
He’s looking at you with that boyish half-smile, “You shouldn’t have to raise your boyfriend.”
And when you laugh, he adds under his breath,
“Let me at least prove I can handle basic maintenance.”
Jaime Reyes
“He said I was ‘too intimidating’ because I have a career and opinions. And then he asked if I could help him fix his resume.”
Jaime bursts out laughing— then immediately stops.
“Wait. Wait. He insulted you and asked for help?”
Khaji-Da chimes in from the Scarab saying something that makes him smirk, “Khaji says ‘The male in question appears to lack basic self-awareness.’ And I agree! You want me to send him a ‘resume tip’? Like, ‘try growing a pair’?”
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Tried to animate Jaime's terrifying magical girl transformation
[ID: A gif of Jaime Reyes transforming into Blue Beetle. It starts with him looking at the camera with his hands folded. His clothes start burning off as the suit spreads on his skin. He ends up in the blue beetle suit after 9 frames. End ID.]
