DANCE LITTLE LIAR.

Arctic Monkeys things, funny shit...occasional rants and raves...who knows what'll happen here

[illbeyoursafety]

[alexandrasavior]

Visit Original Link

[dawngrl]

it’s a cold and it’s a broken hollaback girl 

[yea-u-right-deactivated20190716]

It goes like this, the B the A,

The minor N, and the major A,

The baffled queen composing “It’s bananas”

[deltasquadformingup]

I’d heard, that you, were talkin shit

And didn’t, think, that I’d hear it

[xbox-nun]

The other day I politely returned the question “how are you doing?” at a driver who asked the same of me, and he replied “oh, you know, same soup just reheated” and I can’t stop thinking about that

[liartakesalotless]

Hot take but Alex Turner is starting to Pete Davidson more and more every day

Y’all heard it here first

[valtsv]

concept: a fantasy cowboy who rides a dragon instead of a horse

[valtsv]

dragon riders are actually just fantasy cowboys you heard it here first

[r6t0]

H… howdy train your dragon

[valtsv]

do you just want the password to my blog while you’re at it with these god tier takes

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

So today at church we had a talent show and one of the kids did the talent of telling jokes and he set up a joke “what do you call a duck with fangs” and one of the little kids shouted “A FUCK!” and I almost died.

[no-mere-mortals]

What DO you call a duck with fangs?

[tanenwa]

Count Quackula

[alwaysabeautifullife]

So I’ve been ruining my kids lives by saying “weird flex but ok” to everything and when I do it they scream no and tell me they’re running away and I made this lovely photo lemme get it

[alwaysabeautifullife]

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Ok so I need some help coming up with the absolute worst “to flex on” live memes ever to pretend I’m an even more really lame parent. they don’t have to make sense but they need to be absolutely awful yet believable enough that it isn’t obvious I’m intentionally trying to be more lame

Here’s the ones I came up with so far

“You ever just eat a well balanced diet and exercise daily to flex on heart disease?”

“You ever just boil chilies to flex on your eyes?”

“You ever just be cool to flex on your kids?”

“You ever just use sanitizer to flex on 99.9% of all bacteria and viruses?”

“You ever just turn all the lights and up the heater to flex on Dad?”

Catholic edition:

“You ever just like receive the sacraments frequently to flex on Satan?”

“You ever just like love your Mom to flex on Protestants?”

[alwaysabeautifullife]

So I executed the first one in the kitchen then I dabbed and my son didn’t say anything he just set down his pomegranate and walked out the front door with no shoes on and now he’s walking down the street

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Ok so I walked down the block and I found him

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Update

[squirtle-daddy-deactivated20250]

Your son is named Egg.

[hamburgeroisie]

Every part of this is hilarious

[mattrnurdock]

[bpdpeter]

me: *sees a body of water*

brain: throw phone

[thebootydiaries]

wow not gonna name any names but SOMEBODY (me) needs 2 calm down!!!!

[official-kircheis]

[livelegatolagrange-deactivated2]

Janet from The Good Place is one of the best character on any tv show ever

[bjork-bork]

Icon

[ruinedchildhood]

[fuckrealityihaveablog]

I want a story about an Italian vampire.

No romance, no action.

Just 200 pages of “What do you mean, I can’t have garlic? Do you know where I’m from?”

[absinthenoir-deactivated2019090]

TBH I think the main issue would be the mirror thing

have you ever met an Italian man

the amount of time they spend looking in the mirror jfc

[wunderlass]

#the more you think about it the more all vampire rules are just anti-italian rules#can’t go out in sunlight?? IN ITALY???#Can’t go near crucifixes? IN ITALY???

[princezane-deactivated20151205]

a bunch of pissed off vampires stuck in Venice because they can’t go over moving water

[theresoneofyou]

Not to victim blame, but you’d have to be a pretty bad Italian to even get turned into a vampire in the first place.

[hey-there-nutlet-deactivated201]

the only two places practically immune to vampires are texas and italy

[darkestelemental616]

Let me tell you of A Thing.

Lithuania has no vampires, I guarantee it.

[stephendann]

Lithuania has one vampire, and let me tell you, she’s gonna be FURY UNLEASHED once someone gets her out of the centre of that crossterfuck of a burial point.

[princesshamlet-deactivated20210]

#never seen texas and italy in the same sentence before

(via @tchallabread)

[valtsv]

from now on my blog focus is going to be niche memes about and aimed at the prince of egypt (1998)

[valtsv]

moses when he leaves egypt and flees into the desert:

[valtsv]

moses returning to egypt:

[valtsv]

ramses: you can’t persuade me to let your people go

moses:

[valtsv]

[valtsv]

ramses: i’ll never let your people go

moses:

[greelin]

good responses to getting stabbed with a sword

rude

that’s fair

not again

are you gonna want this back or can i keep it