a moth, for the flame

the rat in the walls is I, I’m after the wires

[machinesonmute-deactivated20210]

the temptation every time there’s heavy rainfall to just go out on the street and

[vangogh-vanhoe]

[cleo-fox]

Writing tips:

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets

[maple-seed]

Both options convey that he's horny

[cleo-fox]

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

[miquellah]

consuming this alongside beef cup noodle to see what happens to my digestive system

[miquellah]

this was all after having a twinkie ice latte for brunch btw too. there is defiinitely a jungle juice situation going on in my stomacht

[miquellah]

[nyquil-guzzler-420]

I hate that every social media platform has switched to a video centric format. I fucking hate it. Every app is so loud now. Instagram used to be quite. You could put on music and scroll to see what people are up too. Nope. Now everything has music on it or gets turned into a reel. This is why I fuck with tumblr. It's the quiet website. Just you and and the voices.

[quinoaphoenicks]

I love you guys but I think a lot of you are the kind of people who are susceptible to falling in with a cult.

[teaboot]

You’re right. We should all band together under a trustworthy and influential leader who can keep us safe from outside threats

[punlich]

Reblog if you would date a robot. I'm not a robot I'm just asking for a friend. I have skin.

[kiloueka]

is it your own skin though? As in you grew it, on your own body, from birth?

[punlich]

This skin was grown yes. On a human body. That is mine. I’m not a robot

[kiloueka]

Ok ok I’ll believe you… If you first tell me what this says:

[punlich]

I don’t need to prove myself to you how dare you, I love breathing oxygen

[porrn-deactivated20160804]

Is it just me or you don’t really realise how drunk you are until you are in a bathroom alone???

[mostly10]

[sunpalms]

thanks to tumblr literally every time i go to the bathroom when i’m drunk i think about this post and sit there laughing to myself trying not to fall off the toilet

[ravioliet]

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

[ravioliet]

to everyone in the notes saying this is mean or rude or a callout, this post was autobiographical. we're in this together. take my paw

[shutupmerlin]

A series of events:

1. I put in an Annual Leave request form almost 3 weeks ago and my boss has not approved it yet

2. I went into my office today and replaced every single writing utensil with crayons in preparation for April Fools Day on Monday

3. Whilst searching for pens to remove, I found my unsigned Annual Leave form in my boss’s drawer

4. I placed my unsigned Annual Leave form in a photo frame and put it on his desk

5. The frame I used was from a photo of his kids that I deemed less important than my Leave form

6. My boss sometimes goes into the office on Saturdays to work

7.

[shutupmerlin]

Happy 2 year anniversary to the post that my old boss allegedly now has framed in his office, next to the recovered photo of his children.

[excuse-me-thanks]

“i should take a walk for my mental health” boring, tired, i don’t even really wanna do it tbh

“i need to check the perimeter” i need to check the perimeter

[pissvortex]

[mysticalcats]

it's really gross how you can be self aware enough to know what's going on in your head but you can't actually stop it from happening. i need to grab it like a pigeon that got stuck in a house and throw it out the window. be free

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

realized i have started texting like mr darcy

[plasmalogical]

[werewolf-transgenderism]

breaking news! new beautiful photo of the best species of frog in the world just dropped

cochranella euknemos, 📸 nuqui_herping on instagram

[werewolf-transgenderism]

for everyone in the notes lamenting that this guy is poisonous: they are not! they're just pretty :) since they're a glass frog, their major defense mechanism is being translucent and hiding their blood while they sleep so they look extra translucent and blend in with leaves <3

[mckitterick]

[hornestoothgap]

T. Kingfisher - What Stalks the Deep

[rylandsgrace]

[johnnycrass]

faeries are not real but i wish thwy were so i could spray one with raid

[helloitsbees]

harry houdini to his wife after a long exhausting dinner with arthur conan doyle