false prophet

iz -- they/he if you care about that sort of nerd stuff

[meetmeinthesandbox]

[hagenlastkiss]

Talking Heads by Robert Mapplethorpe - 1985 publicity photo. L-R; David Byrne, Tina Weymouth, Chris Frantz, and Jerry Harrison

📷 Robert Mapplethorpe/Sire Records

[colorful-horses]

princess

[syzygynephile]

Me, trying to impress my date with a display of my boundless humility: I would like to order one single, solitary crumb.

Waitress taking my order: Such arrogance! Not only do you presume to boast under the guise of being humble, but your order employs the most decadent of linguistic excesses - the tautology!

My date, who until recently thought "tautology" referred to the study of tensile strengths and upon learning her mistake compensated by reading through its Wikipedia article: That would be more correctly identified as a "pleonasm".

The editor I hired to curate my posts who styles himself as a sort of scheming court advisor: My liege, this one is getting away from us. The punchline loses much of its impact when the rest of the joke is derailed by this increasingly self-indulgent meta humour. Were it up to me, your Grace, which of course it is not, I would cut the others and leave myself as the only supporting character. You need noone else, Your Majesty...

My card: Declines

[sephirothhh]

 It has nothing to do with Satan, Mama. It's me.

Carrie (1976) dir. Brian De Palma

[lightupgoldfish]

picrew i made when i was 16 in 2021 vs picrew i made just now. btw

[pnglesbian]

x

[feastofsnakes]

nobody "gets hard" you are doing all that for attention

[znj]

[randomclownsheep]

Equestrian's first cutie mark

[nacht---hexe]

new yorker trying to live on the bleeding edge: i buy my weed from a slav and my perkies from a mysterious stranger online. i sleep in a converted sex lounge in an arrangement with the foxy older landlady. i slay and slaughter all vermin that ender in accordance with her strict religious code and she lets me sleep there and occasionally bring back vulnerable girls like you

remarkably articulate victorian peasant girl: ma'dam i truly am fond of you (internally) tch... she is blinded by the siren song of her empress... though her blade may strike true her heart is besieged. i must save her (verbally, loud) could you explain to me how a sewing machine works

[iamdangerace]

[escuerzoresucitado]

[cruzfucker]

[bunniope]

we transmitted the entirety of allrecipes.com into the brain of a dog and now he's an okay chef. like the food is passable

[bunniope]

like i guess i should've tempered my expectations a bit because 1. he's a dog and 2. allrecipes has some truly vile recipes on it but like. all of it. the whole website. idk i just expected more

[bunniope]

well you see the dog has the entire website in his brain so he kind of just has the good ones And the bad ones and since he's a dog he also doesn't really know the difference. so maybe you should consider all of that the next time you rudely insult my dog who is an average quality chef

[mr-e-gallery]

Robert Mapplethorpe

[noxcordis]

Robert’s hands by Patti Smith (1970)

[irtepagan]

bondage polaroids (1974) by robert mapplethorpe

[ladylingua]

the new york times has such a great series of elevated butter noodles, if you ever want a super fast easy dinner that still feels grown up and you can emulsify pasta water + butter together basically the sky is your limit

ya got

gochujang butter noodles

peanut butter noodles

chili crisp fettuccine alfredo

miso butter noodles

any one of these + a bag of salad or whatever vegetable side you find easiest/cheapest, and you've got yourself a full meal that tastes far above the effort you put in.