there is a light that never goes out.

30s they/them artist queer punk plant-parent | ko-fi.com/heartsj | sharing my journey w CPTSD, DID, etc. | main begins with "the-beauty-in..."

[likeplantsreachforthelight]

My blogs:

• main - quotes

• primary misc. blog - random

• primary art blog - various artists. about the psyche, dissociation, parts, unreality, water, flowers, trees, forests, mountains, light, words, etc.

• writeblr - on writing and literature

• primary personal blog - CPTSD, DID/dissociation, queerness, etc. & information on coping and healing

• younger parts' blog

• shadow parts' blog

• imogen's blog

• space photos

• 90's kid/ childhood stuff

• capybara appreciation blog

• art by various artists - about the psyche, dissociation, parts

• resources for trauma recovery

• [DM for links to my original art and music blogs, other art curation blogs, and my other personal blog (tw) that I hardly ever use.]

[thoughtcascades]

it turns out acting unaffected does not actually prevent the effects

[likeplantsreachforthelight]

Hello friends. I've missed you all so much. I have reasons I couldn't be here for safety, but I wanted to pop in and say hi, and let you know I'm okay and have missed you all.

Exciting news...I got diagnosed with Schizoaffective bipolar type.

I almost got diagnosed with schizoaffective when I was 17, but I glimpsed it on my psychiatrist's notepad to be brought up next session, and never went back in order to avoid it. I kept quieter about those symptoms for years because I had paranoid delusions about what would happen to me if I was officially diagnosed. I thought I would be put on a list in a database somewhere and locked up against my will or deliberately harmed. This paranoia also let me to avoid applying for disability for years, because I didn't want to disclose my psychosis. But I'm glad I got officially diagnosed now.

I also got rediagnosed with DID and PTSD, along with ME/CFS. And I'm looking into getting official diagnoses for PNES/Pseudo non-epileptic seizures, ADHD, Fibro, and EDS. I'm glad I'm finally doing more important doctor stuff.

[enii]

Do more of the things that make you feel alive💕

[weltenwellen]

Grief in Three Bodies: A Conversation by Victoria Chang, Prageeta Sharma & Khaty Xiong

[dissociativemagicalgirl]

[11thfempachi]

idgaf if my parents are disappointed in me I'm not impressed by them either

[the-sunroom-system]

i think an issue with the obsession with parts in DID spaces is how much it made us overcomplicate ourselves and not treat our parts the way they deserve

a triggered part would come to front, and all we could focus on was "who are you?" then feel like we're faking DID when we didn't get an answer

instead of offering that part support and compassion like they needed, they'd be shut down for not being able to come out with an identity in their triggered state of mind

like they somehow had to earn the right to exist by first stating a name and intention

they are a part. maybe they have a name. maybe they dont. a lot of our parts are mere fragments. and thats ok. nothing is required for them to be allowed a space to exist. they don't have to be mapped out to have the right to simply be.

for so long, our focus was on "do i really have did? am i faking? do i have alters or is it just cptsd? am i faking this disorder for validation of my trauma? am i the host or this alter? am i anyone at all?"

when really we needed to focus on "what do i need right now? what do we need right now? how can we calm down and find a middle ground together? how can i offer this scared and angry part of me the support they need?"

[apocryphics]

great power in refusal

no as complete sentence

[puppydeathfarts]

Switching isn’t random.

I’m working my way through Treating Trauma-Related Dissociation and came across this: 

The book goes on to list some reasons-

to manage closeness or distance in a relationship in the present;

in response to internal conflicts about being in therapy, or about different opinions with regard to the therapist and attachment to him or her;

in response to inner conflict about the topic that is being discussed at that moment;

to receive something from the therapist that is not otherwise acceptable to the person (e.g., patient switches to a child part to receive nurturing);

to express what might otherwise be unacceptable to the person (e.g, patient switches to an angry part to express anger towards the therapist);

to avoid confrontation by the therapist about inappropriate behavior (e.g, patient switches to a scared child part in order to avoid dealing with an episode of cutting or shoplifting);

to avoid the current work of therapy, including to distract the therapist;

in response to particular sensations, movements, and postures that “pull” the patient into a particular part; 

in response to reactivated traumatic memories or to a trigger related to traumatic memories; and

in response to the activity of parts internally-for instance, threats against talking about a certain subject.

It’s a really interesting chapter with case examples and guidance on the appropriate responses to switching in therapy. The lingering thought I have right now though, is… why did I (or another part who’s leaning in) think switching was random? Hmm. Thinking of documenting our overt switches to see if I can determine the reasons and any patterns.

[homunculus-argument]

This counts as vent art.

[daily-reminders-that-ur-enough]

You will not stay stuck in the same patterns forever. You are capable of change. It might be small and you may not be able to see the change day to day, but over time things will get better.

[sandmandaddy69]

[harzilla]

Reblog to cast healing for your homies.

[likeplantsreachforthelight]

Btw new host again. It was Heart since 2022, then Heart II in 2024, now Hue in 2025. Heart II was different from their predecessor, and I'm different from both of them. We have a kid part named Hue but I am another adult part. Split two new hosts in the past year.... I can't really talk about the trauma that caused the splits, but it's rough accepting that I'm a new person again.

[petrichara]

Just as you wish to hug and protect your younger self, your older self wishes the same for you

[aazizam]

no one will come to save you but some will offer you their hand to hold when life gets tough and those are the ppl that matter

[weltenwellen]

Ada Limón, “To Be Made Whole”, On Being with Krista Tippett

[weltenwellen]

Rebecca Solnit, Hope In The Dark

[weltenwellen]

Rebecca Solnit, Hope in the Dark

Paul Eluard, “Right in the Middle of the Month of August”, Selected Poems(trans. Gilbert Bowen) (x)