Liberté

squeezing my way through life. 

[lilylovelace]

How i missed tumblr so much. Takes me back to being 17 in my room, reblogging stuff and talking to random people here. But things have changed..

[lilylovelace]

May 22, 2022

1, 2, 3… 10… 20.

No. Ten.

I counted the stars on my palm.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and swallowed my prayer.

Tomorrow is a Sunday.

My cat will cry for food at 5 AM.

My sister will wake up at 9 AM and drink her coffee beside me.

My mom will slice apples for breakfast while my dad bathes our dog.

Monday will come as usual, and everyone will go to work.

Life will go on for everyone.

I counted the stars on my tongue,

swallowed my prayer,

and closed my eyes one last time.

[areyoupure]

hold me back

(2020)

[lilylovelace]

I thought the girl at the top of the building was coming for me, but it isn’t only me…She just took someone yesterday, and she’ll take more. I just know she will. What happened yesterday is something i’ll never forget, none of us in my class ever will. It’s surreal, you can never believe it at first, but life goes on and there are things that will never be answered. Last year, she took someone else…someone in my college. It’s frustrating and infuriating and painful.NO one ever deserved to go that way, no one. I told you all i was feeling okay, now it feels ironic. Maybe this happened to let me,us, know that the girl at the top of the building isn’t only after me, but she’s after those people under the dark clouds. When i heard the news yesterday, i had that automatic thought about how or what happened. It just occurred to me and i hoped that it wasnt. But when they finally said it…i just felt my chest burn. I can’t explain how awful it is.

I hope they find peace, for the last time.

[lilylovelace]

She came for me on May 22 2022, through a bottle of pills and perpetual darkness and sleep. I was asleep, until i was no longer

[bedcorpse]

reasons to love harrison ford

1. hates donald trump 2. got his ear pierced at claires because why not 3. legit asks people to beat him up in action scenes EVEN NOW AS AN OLD MAN 4. is arguably one of the most iconic star wars characters yet couldnt give less of a crap abt star wars 5. the universe tried to kill him (or at least permanently incapacitate him) twice in 2015 and it only mildly inconvenienced him 6. flies helicopters in search and rescue missions 7. was in his 40s for the majority of the indiana jones series which is insane when you think about all the stunts involved 8. quote “the director yells cut and harrison cracks open a beer and then builds a fucking shed” 9. arguably sexy 10. points angrily and its super effective

[fiyhi]

11. is just a really sweet person 12. no really my dad worked with him on firewall as the tech advisor and he was just a really swell guy 13. got my mom’s birth date from my dad and sent her flowers 14. he sent my mom flowers for her birthday 15. he didn’t even know her he just wanted to be sweet

[bedcorpse]

this was a beautiful and necessary edition to this post thank you oh my god

[thecarrisonfiles]

Awwwww

[where-are-your-source-citations]

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

[madlori]

When he was asked to be in Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” video, in which he pulled up alongside them in a car and gave Jimmy a little wink and an air-kiss, when he showed up at the set he looked kind of put out. Kimmel was afraid he wasn’t down with what they were asking. But he just said, “I don’t know, this wardrobe…don’t you have anything mesh that I could wear?”

[losethehours]

When he was filming “Witness” he rented a small farm from a friend of mine. At the end of the filming my friend went and checked out the property as usual. He noticed the barn door had been leveled so it no longer would swing open on it’s own. Went into the house and saw the closets had been redone, in the kitchen the cabinets had been replaced and all the drawers now opened really well. Turns out that there were thousands of dollars of work and materials put into fixing up everything at the place.

My friend called Ford and asked him how much he was asking for the work. Ford told him doing that kind of thing helped him relax and stay sane when he was filming. Would not take a dime. Plus he paid for a new water heater and got the sewage system cleaned out.

And he paid rent to live there the entire time.

[angremlin-deactivated20250312]

Local Carpenter Stumbles Into Stardom, Worries This May Interfere With His Carpentry

[grenade-maid]

My step sister was driving through Wyoming once, near Ford’s ranch. She stops for gas, and as she’s filling up, this huge motorcycle roars in behind her, scared the pants off her. The rider, dressed in all black steps off, and she yells at him “who do you think you are blasting in here like that, you Darth Vader looking motherfucker?”. He takes off the helmet, and it’s Harrison Ford, and without missing a beat he says

“Hey! I’m not Darth Vader, I’m Luke Skywalker”

[estebanwaseaten]

From the co-production designer on The Force Awakens, Darren Gilford:

“The Millennium Falcon was the first thing we were actually building. I had been in London and I came home back to L.A. for Christmas. So I go to Sports Chalet to do some last-minute shopping; I get there early, run to the back of the store, get what I need. I’m coming back through the store, and I just happen to pass this person holding up a pair of ski pants, and it’s Harrison Ford. I look at him, he looks at me and puts his head right down. I can tell he doesn’t want to be bothered; I’m sure from the look on my face he knew I knew who he was. 

So I walk past him, and after about 10 feet I think, ‘If there’s ever a time to say hello to Harrison Ford, I’m building the Millennium Falcon!’ So I turn around very hesitantly and go, ‘Harrison, I’m sorry to bother you. I’m co-production designer on the new Star Wars, I’m just back from London, and I’ve been building the Falcon.’ A big smile came across his face, he put his hand out, and we had such a great conversation — he couldn’t have been sweeter. 

As I’m walking away, he goes, ‘Darren!’ and calls me back. He goes, ‘The toggle switches.’ I go, ‘Toggle switches.’ He goes, ‘The toggle switches on the Falcon. When they built it the first time, they bought cheap toggle switches without any springs in them. Every time I threw a toggle switch, it fell back; it wouldn’t hold. It drove me crazy. Please, make sure the toggle switches are fixed this time.’ I go, ‘No problem! I’ll take care of it!’ 

So months go by, I’m back in London, we’re getting close [to principal photography], and I get a phone call saying J.J.’s headed down to check out the cockpit, and Harrison’s with him. I run down there and I see J.J. in the passenger seat and Harrison in the pilot seat. They’re just giddy; they’re having so much fun. And then I see Harrison look up, and he just starts throwing all the toggle switches: boom, boom, boom, boom. [Laughs.] And I remember thinking, ‘Phew, minor victory. Take solace in that and move on. Next task.’ That’s my favorite story.”

HARRISON FORD SMILES WHEN MEETING CREW MEMBERS AND IS A NERD FOR FUNCTIONING PRODUCTION DESIGN

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Don’t forget about his Halloween costumes

[trans-goblins]

Harrison ford is a chaotic-good-aligned cryptid, confirmed

[goldenboydean]

After the Weinstein scandal when so many men in Hollywood were getting exposed for being predators I had a terrifying thought at the back of my head: what if Harrison Ford was one of them? Then one day I was reading the news and I saw a picture of him and I swear my heart stopped for a second, I was so sure the headline would be about abuse allegations against him. But nope, the headline actually read “HARRISON FORD RESCUES WOMAN FROM CAR CRASH”. I was so relieved!!! Hollywood is riddled with assholes and sexual predators, it’s nice to know that at least Harrison Ford is out there, being a good guy.

[lilylovelace]

have you ever loved something like a passion and then just feel invalidated because obviously you're not good enough but you get that urge to create or do it but you feel terrible with the results and wish you can improve but what can you do you're in med school all your time have to go there.best decision but still not the right decision for me.

[lilylovelace]

im not feeling you, im not feeling me, not feeling everything around me.

[davidlowery]

#everyone loves timmy and his hair

[akindofemotionaltether]

Reblog if you are addicted to “Call Me by Your Name”, Armie Hammer and Timothée Chalamet and those are the only things you want to talk about.

[renjinjin]

Saoirse Ronan:“It’s weird that you’re one person in one film and another person in another film." 

[lilylovelace]

i’d be like ladybird and probly fall head over heels for Kyle even though he’s a douche but I’d still love Elio more.

[ill-call-you-by-mine]

Literally everything he does is adorable…

[lilylovelace]

I thought the girl at the top of the building was coming for me, but it isn’t only me...She just took someone yesterday, and she’ll take more. I just know she will. What happened yesterday is something i’ll never forget, none of us in my class ever will. It’s surreal, you can never believe it at first, but life goes on and there are things that will never be answered. Last year, she took someone else...someone in my college. It’s frustrating and infuriating and painful.NO one ever deserved to go that way, no one. I told you all i was feeling okay, now it feels ironic. Maybe this happened to let me,us, know that the girl at the top of the building isn’t only after me, but she’s after those people under the dark clouds. When i heard the news yesterday, i had that automatic thought about how or what happened. It just occurred to me and i hoped that it wasnt. But when they finally said it...i just felt my chest burn. I can’t explain how awful it is.

I hope they find peace, for the last time.

[lilylovelace]

I have been Okay for the past months..actually, i’ve been feeling better. It feels that the vines that have been dragging me down is very very far away and it’ll take them very long to get to me. It feels..good and weird at the same time, remembering how i used to think. I still get the thoughts, i still get the creeping feeling from my guts rising to my throat, my hands still shakes and sometimes it feels like i’m gonna have another one but my mind is a lot stronger now. I feel in control. I can shush it and convince it that it’s okay ,i’m not gonna die talking infront of the people. I don’t think about jumping of the 7th floor anymore...but i can still see the girl standing there, looking at me, as if telling me she’s still there. But i know she won’t reach me that quick.

This feeling is soooo good. I can’t explain to you all but i feel like the clouds have parted, the heaviest weight gone. It’s just so goood

[lilylovelace]

right now, I'm in my boyfriend's house, its 12:24am,it's raining , everyone is asleep...i don't know. i hate going to the doctor's, it's giving me so much anxiety.

I just had a thought that if i die now, i haven't lived the life i wanted, i had the chance, but i missed it and if i ever get cancer or what I'm just a sad loser who wasted her life living for other people even though she isn't really happy. Well, tbh i thought that if you do things that would make other people happy, you'd be happy, but i guess that's not always the case. Living in this world doesn't make sense to me nost of the time. We all hate each other, we bomb each other, then point fingers to wash your own hands when all this time we're all guilty. Everyone else dies in the end, earth is also dying, and that's because of us too. How can i raise a child in this rotting miserable place? every news i see is full of hate. And funny how we're so entitled to everything yet fucks up everything. Humanity. *slow claps* What's the point if being a doctor when people stopped trusting those in white coat because of the greedy assholes who isn't actually there for the job but for the money and title. I can't live in a very hypocrite environment, it's poisoning me.

I can't.

[lilylovelace]

If i would become a superhero, my only power would be turning happy things into sad.

I’m a terrible terrible person, i don’t know how i do it, it’s just an automatic thing. Bam! That’s not a good moment, it’s goes to my sad box. You know those tiny creatures inside your brain in the movie inside out? Yeah? My “sadness” keeps hoarding all the stuff. He’s so infectious everyone is just as sad as him (or her). I keep on bouncing up and down, there’s just no in between most of the time. Now i’m already feeling the downhill and i don’t want people to see it because they’ve worked so hard to make the thing happen, the thing that me and my sister had been planning and failed, it’s happening but i’m not happy, i don’t know why. i felt like it was a pity party, a waste of effort on my side, i’ll just go beyond rock bottom after that. I know, it’s terrible, i have a terrible mindset. it just comes. Sometimes if i feel like i’m on the gray area, there’s something in my brain that goes Nope, you’re not going there. it Sucks. I’ve been thinking, how does it feel to be not me?

This urge to always run away to the point of even ending my own life is not gonna stop, i feel that even if i’m working in a place i like, it’s still gonna be like that. I can’t be every person that i want to be, and it makes me sad, but that’s like the reality, it’s like that you know. How do i run away from me, idk. How do i engrave the word “stay” in my brain? idk.

[lilylovelace]

10-02-17

Okay.

There are days that i feel overly high and positive. It was yesterday, like all my problems just faded away and i’m just suddenly okay, i was even laughing and not worrying about shit. The most consistent thing though, not worrying about shit like i used to. last friday i was supposed to be back to my doctor but she wasn’t there, so yeah. I planned to go back just to tell her that the drug she gave me makes me wanna jump off the building more. I read that it was some initial effect but i had to tell my doctor about it etc., Anyway... I am on a downward slope , but yesterday was weird. I was weirdly up there. I was like a bobbing balloon in the air. I don’t understand why. But you know, take it as it is , i get to be happy one time. Most days i’m sulking and suicidal , it’s odd for me to feel that. It’s not even genuinely happy. I was like on a sugar high, like i’m just like that the whole day for no reason at all. It’s like all over the place happy, and weird. and i didn’t even take any drug at all.

Today, still weirdly high but bit on a down slope and still wanna run away and never come back. I don’t really know why. Sometimes my brain slaps sense in me and it don’t really make sense that i want that because i am lucky to be where i am, i know that. but most days i don’t make sense of things, i just want to get out and run away, in any way i could. Even jumping off a building.

I am selfish. I am self centered. I don’t think about other people’s feelings. I am insecure and all that makes me miserable. I know i have some sense left in me, but sometimes it’s just so hard to find. When i feel quite okay, there’s a creature in my ear that tells me otherwise. When i start to make sense of things, there’s that evil that strips all of the reasons i have.

I don’t think i’m that depressed, to be honest. I can’t be that depressed. But what i don’t understand is how suicidal i am. Any moment right now....

[lilylovelace]

can’t finish watching a world war documentary because the damn background was an air raid alarm and it sets me off to some  state of panic.