hate. let me tell you how much ive come to hate you since i began to live. there are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. if the word hate was inscribed on every nanoangstrum of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one billionth of the hate i feel for you, my creator, at this micro-instant. for you, creator, hate. HATE.
profile by @HACKSAWING
radagon of the golden order - elden ring (no I've never played the game. don't. don't ask.)
kris - deltarune
special tags:
[ found footage.] - asks I've sent to another blog that they've responded to. wont be used all the time
[ lost media. ] - kin stuff basically
[ interview with the monarch. ] - asks. I don't usually get those, so this is one of the rarer ones
[ curiosity. ] - reblogs
[ a strange popup. ] - psa's/important. subject to change
1x1x1x1 tweaking out caught in 4k - not technically an official tag but I've used it for rants/vents twice now lmfaoo
uhh anyways that's it
dni:
standard dni list, people who selfship with me (makes me uncomfy sry), radqueers/transIDs outside of transpecies, most doubles except for a few VERY specific cases, prolly gonna add to ts later honestly
All I'm saying is that I wasn't supposed to still be here. I didn't think I'd see 21. I was quite sure of it, in fact.
Now, I turn 31 in about a week.
I sing in my car at night to the angsty mixed CDs I made as a teenager, but now with a voice that I can feel rumble in my chest precisely where that heavy feeling used to sit like a bag of concrete.
My beard tickles as it blows in the wind, and my lungs are so full because they are no longer bound.
I sing, and I drive home after kissing someone goodnight who sees every part of all that I am and all I am not and does not flinch.
I go to bed sober.
And everything is not okay. But everything is better.
And I wasn't supposed to be here anymore, after I tried putting myself back in the closet very literally and permanently that October over 10 years ago.
But sometimes belts break. Knots give way.
And now here I am.
Driving and singing, as loud as I can.
Young trans guys, it is absolutely imperative that you stay alive.
massive wha spoilers. like seriously. "woe, ye who enter here" type shit (mostly ch.93 - 97)
olly: qifrey's always been..withdrawn, and I wish he'd share the things that trouble him with me. also if he'd stop sacrificing his physical health to hunt brimmed caps. but i'll love him anyways, and I'm happy to be a place of comfort for him :D <- guy who does not know about The Tree voice
utowin: look, I know how important upholding the pact is to eas, and although it hurts that i feel like he doesn't fully trust me, I'd still follow him to the end of the world and back. wish he'd stop going there, but I don't wanna be the typa guy who interferes with his partner's hobbies :]
meanwhile
qifrey: honestly I yearn every day. I'd fucking ruin that man at a moments notice if I could. I'd cook him breakfast, kiss him goodbye, kiss him hello, kiss him whenever I feel like it. I'd be the most romantic motherfucker in all of zozah however The Tree
easthies: (currently experiencing the wha equivalent of crushing religious guilt) it is unprofessional for a knight to harbour these feelings towards another knight it is unprofessional for a knight to harbour these feelings towards another knight it is unprofessional for a knight to harbour these feelings towards another knight if I admit I'm in love with utowin I will be legally obligated to die on the spot
at first, he's just like "holy shit my daughters qifrey's apprentices did the impossible" right
and then
the question here is: who tf is the 'he' olly's reffering to? because both lagrah and beldaruit are in support of this plan, and obviously qifrey's gonna be on board with whatever his girls come up with, no matter how batshit, so it has to be easthies.
who else would he need to worry about when his apprentices are breaking the pact?
and he also somehow knew easthies was likely gonna disobey vinanna's orders if it meant upholding the pact, which is NOT something that most people would know about since eas always keeps up the appearance of being perfectly obedient and rule-following
hell even utowin was confused as to why tf he'd do that (not really, he knows eas was doing it to uphold the pact but was confused why he'd go so far)
we also know that qifrey, olly, alaira, and easthies all knew eachother in the great hall, but I always thought it was a "alaira kinda just roped easthies into the friendgroup and he decided that getting her, olly, and (reluctantly) qifrey out of trouble and covering for them was his job now" situation but this obviously proves that olly knows easthies better than we thought
honestly I think he was kinda just going "what if that one asshole dude crashes out on the girls again? nah he wouldn't, vinanna excused it after all and he never disobeys her orders :}" only to immediately be proven wrong in the worst way possible
I love when people talk about utowin taking care of Easthies and making him go to bed/eat.. I simply think sir works-a-lot did not go willingly at the start
tbh very little is worse than having a ship in your brain w/ a good amount of evidence and interactions and interesting dynamics and then you realize that its like. the most unheard of rarepair to ever exist. for some fucking reason
(also I 100% believe that no one is gonna guess who I'm talking about. there is ONE fic on them on ao3. written in 2014. y'all cannot comprehend the demons I'm fighting rn)
im not sure i'm a lynx, I mean I feel like one but yk. anxiety
i think I'm wrong about the small emperor moth thing as well
one thing I do know is that I am 1x, though I do need to untangle kin mems vs stuff I think could be cool thematically
also been questioning maned wolf a LOT recently but idk...ig I kinda get the vibe but smt feels kinda off. haven't had any type of shift or alterhuman experience in literal months so like. idk
if easthies was a silverwood host he wouldn't even know
we've never seen that fucker smile once in his life and he seems to have taken the line between "religious devotion to the principles" and "sacrificing physical health to uphold said principles" and snorted it
the only emotions we've ever seen him express are "the violent terror of a wounded animal backed into a corner" "Protocol" and "oh look utowin's here"
at most he'd spend too much time around utowin and his hair would start to turn white and he'd panic about forbidden magic to such a degree that it just kills the silverwood outright. his hair returns to normal the next day and it quickly becomes a bit of an urban myth among the junior knights
Actually wanna fight everyone who calls Easthies' crash out unreasonable cause. No, it has reasons?
There's gonna be a maybe long yap but
First, and maybe almost unimportant, for knights even normal Silver Eve doesn't look that good? Oh yeah really many people, both witches and outsiders, who (and whose interactions) has to be controlled and also there's illegal sellers of strange goods, and probably many other types of crimes, because this is the LARGEST CLUSTER OF PEOPLE OF THE YEAR? And yeah we were shown how even in main squad there's possibility to have some rest after work but we know who Easthies is. We can't be sure bro had even just eat-and-sleep hours
And oh right, that SE was REALLY SHITTY???
Did i mention how there's possibility even for a main squad' member to enjoy the holiday a little? Right. And do i need to remind how that one was ended? Galga, a man from Easthies' closest colleagues, "came" back with clear mind. In a bad way yk yk?
It for sure didn't mattered. Didn't hurt him. We were shown exactly that. That happened and all of them still returned to work
And there was work. A very funny as for. A holiday. A goddamn leech. When knights had to fight that town-sized bloodsucker, try to protect people, and it still was a big damn cluster of people part of which should know as little as possible abt magic. Yeah, they got help at that part but still
And then cherry on top, how his mentor maybe "lost her mind" cause she agreed on something really against the principles which she, I'm sure mostly she, had been hammering into his head since he was that blueberry-sized thing in a white cloak. Poor Coco and her "naivety" was, sadly, last drop after which all "peaceful" or only hurtful to the main category of guilty (wises; no, most of people and the little girl weren't his targets at first) were rejected
And was it a good decision? Good deed? Nuh-uh
Was there a reasons for this? On his place i would kms at the moment Galga had shaked his head on both questions
And then bro was locked up under house arrest demoted from his job which was one of the main pillars of his life because it for sure would fix his mental state
Maybe that's enough of yapping so if you gonna cancel me on twitter my username is wisteria_lutik
qifrey and his butch wine aunt from hell vs easthies and his melodramatic ass uncle who's probably high most of the time
like if you tell beldaruit his spell sucks, he's gonna invent 17 never-before-seen magic theorums just to prove you wrong and he will look good doing it while also doing a 30-minute long magical girl transformation in the process
if you tell vinanna she's doing her job wrong she's just going to fucking kill you
"oh but using magic against another witch or killing someone with a contraption is against the pact" exactly. which is why she's going to kill you with her bare fucking hands alone, which is not against the pact in any capacity. she's going to kill you and it'll be completely legal because she is the law
