doe, a deer

think you're escaping and run into yourself. longest way round is the shortest way home ((lily "ginger judas" evans with legatumrpg)))

[lionheartlily]

DATE: August 20th, 1979

TIME: 18:00

LOCATION: Dorcas Meadowes’ grave

AVAILABILITY: open

When Lily was a kid, she’d thought she could swim in the deep end of the pool. Petunia could, and apart from about a foot and a few years, she saw no reason why she couldn’t do something her sister could. Of course, her spindly arms weren’t enough to keep her above water, and she’d fallen so far, so far her feet had scraped the bottom of the 2-metre deep pool. She’d tried to breathe, but only filled her lungs with chlorinated water. The pressure of the water had flattened her, sent her spiraling. 

Lily was spiraling now. Her lungs were filled with water again, but instead of the pool water, it was the tears she wouldn’t allow herself to cry. She dropped the flowers at Dorcas’s grave for the 3rd time this week, a meticulously-curated bouquet. White carnations for the “sweet and lovely”, zinnia for “remembrance of friends lost”, dill for “power against evil”, and sunflowers because she’d liked them. The flowers joined a pile of identical bouquets. Although Lily preferred the language of flowers, there was only so much she had to say. 

Footsteps from behind her were like nails on a chalkboard, sending shivers down her spine. She came here to be alone. “Can I help you?” She said flatly, refusing to turn around. 

[lionheartlily]

Angst Starter Masterlist

" Aren't you going to say something?"

" And I thought I loved you."

" And I thought you loved me."

" Angry. I'm.. I'm angry."

" Aren't you even going to cry?"

" Are you going to cry?"

" Are you crying?"

" Are you okay?"

" Ask if I'm okay. Just ask."

" And this is why I don't want to stay anymore."

" Addiction isn't the way to go, ___ "

" Are you angry with me?"

" Are you afraid?"

" And now is the part where we say goodbye."

" And now you're going to leave me!"

" Are you just going to leave me?"

" Be friends with someone else."

" Boy/Girlfriend? Is that what you thought I meant?"

" Because you're such an ass and I- I just hate you!"

" But I've changed."

" But you've changed."

" Buy yourself something nice. Because I don't want this ring."

" But.. you're still alive?"

" Can't you just let me be happy for one?!"

" Can't you be happy for once?

" Can't you just be happy for me?"

" Come on, leave already!"

" Coward. That's all you are. A coward."

" Do you even know what you've done to me?"

" Do you have any remorse? "

" Don't you dare close your eyes on me!"

" Don't you dare die."

" Don't you care about me/her/him/them anymore?"

" Don't give me that look"

" Don't you want me to be happy?"

" Dammit! Everything was just starting to get better and then you do this!"

" Damn you."

" Don't lie to me."

" Don't like to him/her/them."

" Dammit.. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! You fucking ass!"

" Everything is fucked up now- everything is fucked because of you!"

" Everything's gone to hell."

" Everyone hates me."

" Everyone hates you."

" Everything hurts."

" Everything's going to be okay."

" Everyone loves you, not me."

" Everything is falling apart."

" Everything fell apart and I can't pick up the pieces anymore."

" For someone whose dying, you seem kind of happy."

" Friends forever, right? Isn't that what you said?"

" Fuck off!"

" Fuck you!"

" Find a new place to live."

" Find a new girlfriend/boyfriend."

" Find a new best-friend."

" Fine. I'll leave."

" Forever and ever. That's how long I said I loved you. But you never said it back."

" Fucking hell, I hate you!"

" Get lost!"

" Get a job, you ass!"

" Get out of here!"

" Go get a life."

" Go. Just go."

" How are you still alive?"

" How long are you going to keep this up?"

" How long until you finally get lost?"

" How about I just leave."

" Hold up. You're breaking up with me?"

" Heaven doesn't exist."

" Hell is the only place we're going to be going."

" How about you leave now?"

" Is this how you're going to treat me?"

" I can't believe you."

" I'm a monster."

" I killed someone."

" I want to kill myself."

" I want to kill something."

" I'm running away."

" I'm leaving you."

" I can't look at you right now."

" I hope you die!"

" I don't understand."

" I'm so angry/sad. But you don't care."

" I can't hear anything."

" I'm dying."

" I have cancer."

" I can feel the darkness coming."

" I can't breathe."

" Just joking, I don't love you."

" Just go."

" Just leave me alone!"

" Just fuck off."

" Kill yourself. "

" Kindly get the hell away from me."

" Kids? I don't want kids."

" Kind. That's the one thing you can never manage to be."

" Lie. Just lie."

" Lie to me."

" Life is not worth living."

" Living isn't possible."

" Like I give a shit about you."

" Lies are all you're capable of."

" Lay down. It'll all be over soon."

" My heart is broken. "

" My.. everything hurts."

" My girlfriend/boyfriend left."

" My ____ is dead."

" Man, you're an asshole."

" My lies aren't working anymore."

" Mutt."

" Many times I lay awake and wonder why I'm alive anymore."

" Never again."

" Never speak to me again."

" No. I won't do it."

" No, I don't like you like that."

" No way in hell!"

" Now, now, is there really any reason to cry?"

" Now and again I really start to hate you."

" No. Stop crying, just stop it."

" Not how I wanted to spend my life."

" Never look at me again."

" People hate me."

" People hate you."

" Person? No, no. You're not a person. You're a robot."

" People like you sicken me."

" People like you deserve to die."

" Perhaps you should just leave, then."

" Piss off."

" Question: why are you still here?"

" Quiet. I'm getting sick of hearing your voice."

" Run away. That's what I'm doing."

" See? I hate you."

" See? You hate me."

" Sometimes I wonder why you stay with me."

" So.. you hate me, then?"

" So this is how it ends."

" Shoot me."

" Shit..."

" So why are you still here?"

" Sometimes people lie to me."

" Stories are just that. Stories."

" Took off with everything I had!"

" Time to go."

" This is the end. It's done."

" The story is ending now."

" This is the end."

" This is why I hate you."

" Then why do you say you love me?!"

" Unlike you I have friends."

" Unlike me, you have friends"

" Under the bed is were I have to hide from you."

" Underwater is where i want me coffin to be."

" Utter it again and I swear I'll kill you!"

" Very mature. Cunt."

" Why can't you row up?"

" Why cant you care about me?"

" Why do you hate me?"

" Why do I hate you?"

" What do you mean?"

" What?You're dying?"

" Why can't you just be you."

" When am I supposed to get my time to be happy?'

" Well. This isn't how it was supposed to end between us."

" Whatever, you asshole."

" Whenever you decide you can stand to talk to me ago, please do."

" Well. I hate you now."

" Well, you hate me now."

[lionheartlily]

narcisscblck:

It was surprising that Narcissa hadn’t poisoned everyone else in the class yet considering she was being forced to play nice with trash. Of course, forced is used lightly as Slughorn was always conveniently turned away whenever she blew a spell at a Gryffindor. It’s amazing what one could getaway with with a little bat of an eyelash and an invitation to various pureblood galas, balls, and dinners. But even blatant bribery couldn’t keep him from pairing the Black daughter with a MUDBLOOD. Pairings are random, he’ll say before nervously shuffling away to let them work.  ‘ Hmf, ’  she hummed,  ‘ shouldn’t be, so long as you’re doing what I say. ’

“Do as you say?” Lily’s smile had become frozen on her face, looking more like a grimace than a grin. Unlike some people in this school, Lily’s Slug Club membership was based solely on her potioneering talent, which was quite considerable. It was all she could do to keep her tone light as she informed Narcissa “y’know, I’ve actually done this one before, so I can take lead on this one, if you’d like.” She knew she shouldn’t let this become a screaming match- her temper was getting quite a reputation- but she felt the telltale tightening of her throat that nearly always heralded a beatdown.

[lionheartlily]

DATE: September 4th 1971

TIME: 14:00

SETTING: The depths of the castle

AVAILABILITY: closed to @ofrosier

It was the fourth day of school, and Lily was already going to be late for a class. Swerving through much taller students, the first year sprinted up the stairs the wrong way, to the dissatisfaction of others, only to end up at a dead end landing. “Jesus,” she swore under her breath, still not converted to Wizarding World profanity. She felt a flush rushing up her cheeks, and a telltale lump forming in her throat. It had been humiliating enough to be so clueless about the Wizarding World, but now not even being able to find her way to class? “Excuse me- sorry,” she called out to an older boy in green robes. “Could you point me towards the Transfiguration classroom? I think I’m very lost.” 

[lionheartlily]

DATE: April 14th 1978

TIME: 13:00

LOCATION: Hogwarts Library

AVAILABILITY: closed to @dvrcvs

“I don’t have time for this,” Lily sighed, peering out at her best friend from behind a pile of textbooks stacked half her height. “N.E.W.T.s are in a month, Dork, and I don’t have time to stop studying and play- what was it you wanted to do? Hide and Seek?” There were very few people she loved as much as she loved Dorcas, but there was very little she prized as much as she prized her grades. “After all, I’m taking seven, and I’ve hardly started revising for Arithmancy.” Did the Ministry grant Time Turners to students who didn’t have enough time to study?

[lionheartlily]

‘ come and kiss me and let’s forget. ’ / ‘ i love you. i don’t always understand you, but i love you. ’ / ‘ it is only once in awhile that you see someone whose electricity and presence matches your at that moment. ’

“You can’t just say that every time you want me to stop being cross with you,” Lily angled herself away from him on the couch. She wasn’t ready to stop arguing yet. “No. Rejected. Thanks for playing.”

Fixing her smile on her face, she felt her heart pound a little harder against her ribcage, and wondered if he couldn’t hear it. She wasn’t quite ready to say it back, and she didn’t know if she ever would be, and it didn’t feel fair for her to be so happy that he loved her. “Maybe it’s good you don’t understand me,” she skirted the question. “Gotta keep you on your toes and all.”

The tears she’d been sniffling back all day were dangerously close to overflowing again. “I know. She was special, James.” She didn’t need anyone to tell her she’d never replace Dorcas- she already knew. “There’s nobody like her,” she managed to gasp out before completely collapsing into a heap of sobs.

[littlelovelymemes]

✰   —  —  —  BOOK SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  it is only once in awhile that you see someone whose electricity and presence matches your at that moment.  ’ ‘  we could have been happy. i know that, and it is perhaps the hardest thing to know.  ’ ‘  i mean, i hope you’re happy, but the sky is still the sky without you and i’m not surprised by that anymore.  ’ ‘  that didn’t happen, of course. things never happened the way i imagined them.  ’ ‘  we need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.  ’ ‘  i still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.  ’ ‘  i used to think i was tough, but then i realized i wasn’t. i was fragile and i wore thick fucking armor. and i hurt people so they couldn’t hurt me. and i thought that was what being tough was, but it isn’t.  ’ ‘  perhaps one did not want to be loved as much as to be understood.  ’ ‘  i tried so hard to be everything you wanted, i forgot who i was.  ’ ‘  is anyone anywhere happy?  ’ ‘  we didn’t talk about anything heavy or light.  ’ ‘  we were just there together and that was enough.  ’ ‘  i looked and looked at you and i knew, as clearly as i know that i will die, that i loved you more than anything i had ever seen or imagined on earth.  ’ ‘  you think ‘okay, i get it, i’m prepared for the worst,’ but you hold out that small hope, see, and that’s what fucks you up. that’s what kills you.  ’ ‘  i belong to moments. not to people.  ’ ‘  loving you was the easiest thing i ever did, even when it was hard, it was easy. loving you was like breathing.  ’ ‘  the you who you are tonight is the same you i was in love with yesterday. the same you i’ll be in love with tomorrow.  ’ ‘  i’ve seen a lot of beautiful things with a heavy heart.  ’ ‘  but the heart has its own memory and i have forgotten nothing.  ’ ‘  after awhile you could get used to anything.  ’ ‘  i crave a dangerous kind of love – one that breaks hearts and bed springs.  ’ ‘  just because you love someone, that doesn’t mean your lives will fit together.  ’ ‘  there is so much stubborn hope in the human heart.  ’ ‘  be patient with me. my heart is heavy.  ’ ‘  my heart talks about nothing but you.  ’ ‘  i want you by my side so that i never feel alone again.  ’ ‘  i think too much. i don’t feel enough.  ’ ‘  i might confess that it’s you i love.  ’ ‘  maybe some things aren’t supposed to last. maybe they mean more that way.  ’ ‘  i was supposed to be having the time of my life.  ’ ‘  i hope i’ll always believe in love even if love shames me and tries to destroy me. i’ll hope i’ll want to start again.  ’ ‘  what does it mean to mourn what never happened?  ’ ‘  i’m awfully difficult but i do know when i love someone and i’ve loved you ever since i can remember.  ’ ‘  the sad truth is that the truth is sad and that what you want does not matter.  ’ ‘  you can’t leave yet. i’m not finished falling in love with you.  ’ ‘  i’m not sorry for who i had to become in order to survive.  ’ ‘  i didn’t necessarily feel like dying, but i’d been feeling a lot like not being alive.  ’ ‘  with me, you’re number one and there isn’t even a number two.  ’ ‘  you shouldn’t miss people who don’t miss you, right?  ’ ‘  i tried so hard to be everything you wanted, i forgot who i was.  ’ ‘  do you know how hard it is to say nothing? when every atom of you strains to do the opposite?  ’ ‘  our only kiss was like an accident – a beautiful gasoline rainbow.  ’ ‘  that’s what’s so damn difficult about making the decision to leave. whether it’s the right or wrong call, it hurts just the same.  ’ ‘  everybody should have to love, and it should last as long as your life does.  ’ ‘  loving you was the easiest thing i ever did. even when it was hard, it was easy. loving you was like breathing.  ’ ‘  i love you. i don’t always understand you, but i love you.  ’ ‘  how do you go back to being strangers with someone who has seen your soul?  ’ ‘  break my heart. break it a thousand times if you like. it was only ever yours to break anyway.  ’ ‘  just so you know, i fucking loved you. i fucking loved the daylights out of you.  ’ ‘  i hope you find someone you can’t live without. i really do. and i hope you never have to know what it’s like to try and live without them.  ’ ‘  i think we almost loved each other, but the only thing i was sure about is that almost wasn’t good enough.  ’ ‘  of course i miss you. one minute you were here and now you’re gone. even if i didn’t love you, i’d miss you. and i loved the fuck out of you.  ’ ‘  people don’t always get what they deserve in this world.  ’ ‘  what if you find your soulmate at the wrong time?  ’ ‘  you drink a little too much and try a little too hard and you go home to a cold bed and think, ‘that was fine.’ and your life is a long line of fine.  ’ ‘  i was so fucking soft for you and you ruined me.  ’ ‘  time will pass; these moods will pass; and i will, eventually, be myself again.  ’ ‘  and i’m over it, i’m over it, i promise i’m over it. but it still hurts sometimes.  ’ ‘  ‘almost’ is the worst way to love someone.  ’ ‘  i don’t know what i think. all i know is that most of the time i would rather be with you than anyone else i know.  ’ ‘  you are pretty much the only thing that makes me get up in the morning.  ’ ‘  what did my fingers do before i held you? what did my heart do with its love?  ’ ‘  it has been a beautiful fight. still is.  ’ ‘  stop insisting on clearing your head – clear your fucking heart instead.  ’ ‘  too often, the only escape is sleep.  ’ ‘  it’s necessary for me sometimes just to be alone and quiet and doing nothing.  ’ ‘  you have a place in my heart no one else ever could have.  ’ ‘  i do love you – i can’t change that.  ’ ‘  come and kiss me and let’s forget.  ’ ‘  i don’t ask you to love me always like this, but i ask you to remember.  ’ ‘  somewhere inside of me there will always be the person i am tonight.  ’ ‘  i used to build dreams about you.  ’ ‘  i love you so much, much, much that it just hurts every minute i’m with you.  ’ ‘  sometimes people just want to be happy, even if it’s not real.  ’ ‘  every nerve in my body could be damaged or numb and i’d still be able to feel you.  ’ ‘  i may be in pain, but i am not weak.  ’ ‘  you look like a dream i’ve never had before.  ’ ‘  you can live a good life without ever knowing real love.  ’ ‘  you are as real as anyone, and your doubts make you more real, not less.  ’ ‘  the one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.  ’ ‘  the only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.  ’ ‘  it’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. we have no scar to show for happiness.  ’ ‘  just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny, but the air is full of bullshit.  ’ ‘  just for the record, the weather today is partly suspicious with chances of betrayal.  ’ ‘  just for the record, the weather today is bitter with occasional bits of jealous rage.  ’ ‘  the weather today is partly angry, leading to resignation and ultimatums.  ’ ‘  for the record, knowing when people are only pretending to like you isn’t such a great skill to have.  ’

[lionheartlily]

AESTHETIC: lily evans & @dromvda

you gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you but just put those colors on, girl come and paint the world with me tonight

[lionheartlily]

AESTHETIC: lily evans & @dvrcvs

but honey I'll be seein' you wherever I go but honey I'll be seein' you down every road

[lionheartlily]

AESTHETIC: lily evans & @bvllvtrix

Do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful? Cause there's a hole where your soul should be

[the-write-ideas]

Send 🔄 for an aesthetic post of our characters' relationship to one another

or send 🔄 + [the character of your choice]

[senseitive]

who cares, do better, move on

[lionheartlily]

legatumlupin:

The fortress of Hogwarts was a fine castle, built with a panorama of the surrounding land. From the towers once stood medieval watchers, quiver and arrow ready to fly. Steadfast walls were built for defense in an age that was defined by jealousy, greed and the love of power as much as honor, nobility and loyalty to the art of magic. Past the iron gates that kept away would-be intruders, lives of scholars were eked, safe from the prying eyes of those who would seek to persecute them. This castle stood to inspire awe in a realm run on deference to royalty, to title and social status. None of which Remus himself possessed.

If it hadn’t been for the kindness of three of the four founders, all those years ago, Remus might not have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. There were those, like the Black family, that thought they were better than other wizards because of what people called pureblood. The term referred to a family or individual without Muggle blood. However, Remus was even worse than a muggleborn in their eyes. He was born a half-blood, but on that fateful night so many years ago, he had become less than that.

Under his fingers the stone was more rough than the callused skin of an old man and it left his skin cold, drawing a dampness into his bones. The bathroom could be described as somewhat dilapidated. It’s only occupant a rather sullen female ghost who was once a student just like himself. She often wailed and sniffled from time to time in one of the crooked stalls to Remus’s right. If Mr. Filch had ever tried to get into the lavatory to clean it didn’t show. The grime on the mirror and windows was apparent of her great dislike of visitors. Remus had slipped in quietly and remained so as he looked over the ingredients he had gathered.

He’d stolen almost everything that lay next to the cauldron he had set on a low simmer. He looked at his father’s wrist watch on his thin wrist. Where was Lily? She’d made it sound like it was a race, like she would beat him here and it was all just a game. It was the deadliest game. If they brewed this potion correctly he could keep his mind about him every time the moon came to call. He wouldn’t need his friends, like he needed them now. Instead they would just be a welcome addition to a rather uncomfortable night.

“Sorry,” Lily dashed in, grin still in place on her face. This really was like a game to her- she loved the adrenaline, the mystery, the obstacles. “I got trapped into one of those terribly long conversations about whether I’d like Slughorn to recommend me to some ‘very fine people’ he knows in the Auror Office. You know how he goes on.” If one looked below her flippant tone, they might notice the faint note of appreciation. She took the piss, but sometimes it felt like Slughorn was the only teacher that saw her talent for what it was. She craved validation and thrived on recognition, and nothing could raise her mood like an ego-booster from Slughorn himself. She’d never forgotten how the Sorting Hat told her she could thrive in Slytherin- she considered her ambition both a blessing and a curse.

“Anyways, that aside, I got us the powdered silver,” she tossed the bag on the ground, following it a moment later by crouching down next to Remus. At this point, she was fairly sure she knew what they were making and why, but she kept it to herself. Lily herself was never keen to share her secrets, and she’d put aside her own burning curiosity for Remus’ comfort. “Well, where do we start?” Her wand came out and her hair went up- two surefire signs Lily was ready to start a new project. 

[lionheartlily]

DATE: March 14th 1977

TIME: 21:00

LOCATION: Gryffindor dormitories 

AVAILABILITY: closed to @afortescue

“You just wouldn’t believe how terrible that class is, Dork,” Lily rambled, beginning her complaining as soon as she was safely in the 6th-year Gryffindor dormitories. “Honestly, who takes N.E.W.T. Arithmancy? Apparently, only me and the most pretentious, arrogant students in the bloody school.” She threw her bag down on her four-poster, turning to face Dorcas for the first time- and realizing she was talking to the wrong brunette. “Oh- er, hi Alice,” she said blithely. If someone had asked Lily about her roommates, she could gush about Dorcas’s optimism and Marlene’s wit for days, but the fourth roommate might slip her mind. It’s not that she didn’t like Alice- she just sometimes forgot Alice lived with her at all. “Good day?”

[lionheartlily]

DATE: December 14th, 1976

TIME: 13:00

LOCATION: The Potions classroom

AVAILABILITY: closed to @narcisscblck

Double Potions should have been Lily’s favorite class. She’d always had an aptitude for Potions- they were logical, straightforward. Things were wrong or right, with no grey space. But any class with Slytherins and Gryffindors was sure to be eventful, and Slughorn never had a shot at diffusing tensions in the classroom. His attempts at creating inter-house unity often ended with hexes, and Lily found herself constantly watching her back. Being paired with Narcissa Black certainly wasn’t improving her mood. “So, Draught of Peace? Shouldn’t be too hard, right?” Her facial muscles were straining to keep a semblance of a smile on her face- she was trying so hard to be congenial. 

[lionheartlily]

lily x bellatrix, lily x dorcas :)

LILY/BELLATRIX

Who would throw the other in the pool:

Both, constantly, pretending it was an accident.

Who is the better carer when the other is sick:

Lily, mainly because of her pesky morals.  

Who would force the other to do extreme sports with them:

Bellatrix keeps getting the wonderful idea to go skydiving. Lily keeps getting the not-so-wonderful idea that Bellatrix is trying to kill her.

Who would cook the better romantic dinner:

Bellatrix- or, rather, Bellatrix’s house elves.

Who would build the blanket fort in the living room:

Neither. #NOWEAKNESS

Who would have the best holiday ideas:

Lily thinks nice holidays are places like Ireland and maybe Paris. Bellatrix wants to go to villas in Rome and Tokyo. 

Who would need to clean out the other’s stuff to make room for their own:

Compared to Bellatrix, Lily doesn’t have any stuff.

LILY/DORCAS

Who would throw the other in the pool:

Dorcas- she’s always saying Lily needs to have more fun.

Who is the better carer when the other is sick:

Lily. She’s surprisingly maternal.

Who would force the other to do extreme sports with them:

Both are Gryffindors, but Dorcas is more of a daredevil.

Who would cook the better romantic dinner:

Neither are gifted in the kitchen.

Who would build the blanket fort in the living room:

Dorcas. Duh.

Who would have the best holiday ideas:

Dorcas would like to visit the moon. Lily would like to visit Rome.

Who would need to clean out the other’s stuff to make room for their own:

Lily has too many sweaters, but Dorcas’s rock collection takes up a lot of space.

[lionheartlily]

starter call!

like for a modern-day starter, comment for a hogwarts-era throwback starter!