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Me: Thats how they GOT YOU! WOMAN! I WILL BANKRUPT THIS OLIVE GARDEN.
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My mom: Don't fill up on bread, that's how they get you!
Me: Thats how they GOT YOU! WOMAN! I WILL BANKRUPT THIS OLIVE GARDEN.
If you see me all stressed and I say, "Fuck it!" Either you stand next to me or get away from me cuz some type of shit is about to go down!
I had a group of my friends over. Tell me why they are all complaining about why I do not have a TV in my bedroom. I have my books, I have all my "lady products" such as make-up, hair supplies expensive shoes, and my all-time favorite purses blah blah blah. But I don't have a TV.
I don't even like my cell phones in the bedroom but I listened to enough true crime podcasts to know to always keep them on you.
As fun as it sounds I don't like watching TV in bed unless I'm in a hotel or something. Anyways, I'm pretty dam sure due to personal experiences it's not good for your sleep and I know enough studies can back me up on this claim.
Watching TV in bed screws up my REM sleep patterns. Hear me out! You have a news anchor guy, who you don't trust anyway because HELLO Fake news. Always pushing some propaganda. You don't know what is actually true or not but too lazy to do anything about it because hey you're going to bed. But now you can't because you wanna see what happens next and see if there is any resolution to this conundrum so you can talk about it with your office buddies the next day. But then the distrustful anchor guy ends up with some guy pushing a book about everything going to hell and then they're gonna pass a law where everyone with a nose ring is gonna get shipped off to a concentration camp in China. Now all of a sudden you're wondering why you're depressed as you forever take off your nose ring, thinking about we're all gonna die and don't drink the water and now there's anthrax in my bagel. Than BAM! there goes your REM sleep.
I don't get much sleep as it is. So forgive me if me not having TV in my bedroom is off-putting.
Hey y'all! Back again for yet another update...on well...life!
I do not believe that I had mention this before I was. during the better part of 2023ish to 2024 I was in a relationship with someone by the name of The Ginger Beard Man. That is obviosuly thats not his real name. Believe when I tell you I'm SO happy that it's over! of course during the beginning it was great. He had a job was making a lot of money. Now I know what you are thinking, I wasn't with The Gingerbread Man just beacuse he had money even when he had lost his job I stood with him for the rest of the year. Thats not what broke us up. I had 2 jobs you think I needed his money? NAAAAHHHHHH! It was his Heavy drinking. During his bouts of drunken stupors, he would break up with me, call me dumb, wake me up in the middle of night to disrupt my sleep patterns and tickle me until I pissed myself right before I had to go to work. I had no extra clothes with me, so I had to miss work to go and shower and change my clothes. Ask to borrow money from me when he had lost his job and use it for his drinking habits.
The list can go on...but rethinking about will piss me the fuck off! There is a reason why I don't think about the past to keep the peace that I have already found without this man in my life.
Just recently I had to block him from my phone. He kept on trying to get me back. But at that point I had already moved on. months had passed in 2024 I broke up with his dude in late Feb. I did not find the relationship that I am in now with my Gram Cracker.
It was months before he was trying to figure out why I stopped coming around his place. The very last fight I had with his man was when his father died and about 4 months after that he got really drunk. I had enough of him waking me up every 1 to 2 hours. Working 80-hour weeks and taking on Over Time when I can. You can only imagine how little sleep I have gotten. Complained that i took ALL of his inheritance when I had only made him pay me back from the money, I lent him and not a penny more. He blew thur 90k already.
but somehow that was my fault! all the back and fouth I couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't hold down a job that I went out of my way for him to get. He said something that I will never forget. He said that's it's not his fault that I move my boundaries.
Everything in that moment stopped. It was like a flick of a switch. I could no longer be mad at him. He was right! I picked up my stuff and left. He wanted to argue more, and I let him. I didn't say much I let him do all the talking. At this point, I was done, and I was at peace because of it.
When we broke up, he told me that I will be back. I told him that I knew he was drunk and may not remember much but he'd would remember this. And I walked out. Never said anything else. Never did a grand blow out last hurrah hurrah. I was just done.
Never thought about him again until he started calling asking me where the fuck I was at. I told him I was living life. The way I was supposed to.
Him: Why haven't I been around? Me: You don't break up with someone to see them more, right?
Him: When will I coming back?
Me: Never! at least not like that. You want a friend than sure we can be friends. No more No less.
At this point I could already tell he was drunk either getting drunk or finally coming down from it either way He wasn't him.
i don remember much of the conversation that I had with him. It didn't last long at all. The topic of money came up again and i told him as clear as day.
"You are such a waste! You need help or a woman who has no problem you being drunk all the time. you are one skill away to becoming a millionaire...sobriety!
Before I hung up the phone and blocked him for good. I'm a no Bullshit type person. I'll give you a second chance but that's it only a second chance.
Okay yall I figured it out!
If you are 6 foot and over your pronouns will be
Fe/fi/fo/fum
If your under that it should be oopme/loompa/doompty/doo
When ppl ask me what my pronouns, I say
I identify as a threat
My pronouns are try/me
I’m seriously considering about hiring a spooky butler so he can listen to all my fucked up crazy half assed ideas and he’d stand there only to say “HHHHHHuuuuuMmmmmMmmm, as you wish madame.
And goes get me paper to write it down before I forget and take a nap.
Do you know what’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick so STOP FUCKIN PLAYIN WITH ME!!!!
Fuck the Bull shit 2 week notice! You shoulda noticed that I was about to quit 2 weeks ago!
The most exceptional work that I consider my greatest achievement yet is when my high school friends and I helped organize the prom for my son's entire senior class, and I'm on track to do it all over again for my daughter. About 6 months before the event back in 2023, all of us mothers gathered at the PTA meeting. The topic of prom came up. All of us were so excited! We were all throwing ideas out there for the event. Which then led to all hell breaking loose. It was very tough to try to keep track of anything and to keep structure. A lot of us had side conversations about the color and style of our dresses, where we got our shoes, who took us, and what was trending during our time. We busted out the cheap boxed wine that I personally snuck in, and were reliving our glory days and there was no coming back to reality! Our 1st meeting about the prom was a complete bust. But OH BOY! It was something else seeing every single one of us reminiscing about our past.
Even though the PTA meeting was officially over some of us stood back… got even more hammered!! OHHH YEAH! AND I… proclaimed as their Overlord by putting on a cardboard cutout crown from Burger King. Side note: none of us ate Burger King that day. The one thing I found out the hard way is that drunk women are like small children and ants, we will find EVERYTHING! During this escapade, I came up with the bright idea of social media stock our old scum bag prom dates. If we weren't rowdy before we most certainly were now. After we got done doxing them spoofing our real numbers making prank calls and sending flowers to them acting as their lovers while their partners were home (that was my idea). We were one drink away from becoming a very stereotypic, vulgar group of construction workers from New York. That night ended with our significant others scraping us up from the floors and tables. We learned our lesson.
Once the second meeting came, we all got a better grip on reality, and the real work began. We set a time frame but once again we hit another obstacle, the theme. If California's next big earthquake were to happen it would have happened in the gym for the amount of tension that was given in that room. But we are all grown women here, and we solved it the only way we knew how…we took a vote, and there was a 3-way tie. Then I whipped out a pack of Uno cards and we hasted out our problems that way. I did not win! I was sour about it. A lot of friendships were lost that day for the next 72 hours. Roughly.
Nonetheless, all of us respected the Uno cards too much to ask for a rematch or suggest that anyone cheated. Plus, we lost about 2 meetings of productively already we didn't have any more time. We all got to work on the arrangements. Off we went to try to gather up what we needed for the big event. The theme was, “Under the Sea”. EW!
We were all split up into 3 groups. Decorations and Set up, Location and budget, and food and ticket sales. At least this time we could all pick which ones we wanted to go to. I was picked off to decorations, because let's face it, I'm Awesome! Not to toot my own horn, but I am pretty creative and resourceful. Which is what you needed to be because the budget was abysmal! Do you know how badly I just wanted to throw my hand in the air and say, “FUCK IT” and grab a bunch of random decorations from people's garages and put it all together? That’s right! I would have grabbed all their Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and Valentines Day decorations. Yeah! I was gonna prove my point. Grown-ups always told me to pick my battles and I'M PICKING THIS ONE!!!!
Someone else on the committee was like that's not “Under the Sea” themed. My argument was, “Have you seen “The Little Mermaid” before? Insider his Castle there was nothing in it! And have you seen King Triton's room? No? Either. Have. I. Who knows what creepy shit he had up in there! King Triton could have a big ass Christmas tree with a Valentine's Day heart at the top of it and an Ugly Hargitt-looking spider fucking a Thanksgiving turkey while laying an egg! YOU DON’T KNOW! It was at that moment that realized why I was SOOOO HIGHLY REQUESTED to go to the decorations team. Yes, I am resourceful, but I can't stand up and pull miracles outta my butt! You all should have known this! Nobody can! Not for the type of decorations that was being requested. WW 3 broke out, then, negotiations took place. I had a semi better budget to work with. One that was more reasonable to work with. I think I made my point clear enough and I had logical reasoning on my side along with the majority of our entire group. Finally! I got to work.
The 1st places I went to were Amazon and Alibaba. You’d be shocked at how much you can find if you hit up the right places. So, I created a wish list filled it up with ideas and got some of my inspirations from Pinterest. It was very hard to stay within budget. Some of us helped pitch in with our own money and spent our free time making some of these props. Luckily, it wasn't all that much. But we had to be careful about how much and where to put all these decorations. We did find a way to stay within budget. But our next problem was that we had no place to put it because no location was set. So, the teachers gave us a room to place everything in. It wasn't very big. It was the size of a cracker-jack box. So, some of the women employed their husbands to deal with that. 2 of them played Tetris in their free time. I was fully confident they could get the job done without ruining any of it. This took about 2 weeks to make.
The Decorations were mostly done. The food partition was the first of all of us to get done, so none of us had anything to worry about. They did struggle with ticket sales. All of our decorations team helped with that. We volunteered our time after school each day for the next month until ticket sales were where we wanted them to be. Some of the mothers were so bold as to physically chase down the cars, making the parents buy the tickets. Thank God none of us were strangers to one another or that would have been awkward. We all grew up with each other and went to high school. I mean not all of us. We only chased down known family members and classmates that we personally knew on that level. Boundaries matter…kinda.
We had all of this done but once again “the Location Group” didn't have a place yet. What gives?!? The prom date was closing in on us. The leader of this group hasn't been in for the last couple of meetings. Of course, we all banded together and went up to her 2 sidekicks and asked where was she? They all came up with excuses. The 1st time fine we all had those days. We let it slide. The 2nd time, fine! Life does get the best of us. The 5th time? No. Something is up. A small group of us got together and went over to her place. Yeah, we had our problems and our personalities didn't click. But we all held respect towards each other. Our kids are all friends with each other. We all did a pretty dam good job in raising them. So as we approached her place and knocked, none of us knew what to expect.
When she finally answered it wasn't good. Remember when 2 of the husbands were helping us place our decorations into that crack-jack box? When we left it was 2, parentally, while we were away a 3rd husband came. They all went out to the bar afterward. None of us knew that the 3rd husband had a problem with alcohol. I just wish she could have come to us and told us. It wasn't none of our business. She wasn't comfortable enough to let any of us know and that was our fault. To be fair this woman is a bitch anyways, but we are not a bunch of psychos we would have helped. Now she has to deal with family. She wasn't in any state of volunteering any of her time when she had something so serious going on.
She gave what was able to get done. Which wasn't much. It was about 30% of it of this project. Out of respect we still kept her in the loop on what we were doing. 1 member had a personal connection to a business owner who owned a nice-sized boat off of Alameda harbor. We had secured a date for that to give the deposit. Finalized the ticket sales which was in May and the big day came.
It was my idea that the team was to do an even split. Half of the team took care of the food other half was with me for decorations. We had a total of 6 hours to get this all installed take the senior class out for their prom, break everything down, and leave it as we 1st found it. I'll tell you once and I'll say it again. I am not a magician but that day with the help of everyone else we all somehow were able to pull that rabbit out of the hat. It took 1 flat hour to set up all of our decorations and I assure you none of them were random holiday decor. It took 28 mins to fully set up the tables and food in the kitchen area of the boat. Just in time for the senior class of 2023 arrival.
All of our kids had one hell of a night to remember. They all worked so hard for the past 4 years and they deserved it all. We waved them goodbye as the boat took them up and down the Bay Area. Tears of joy were shed. Naturally! A lot of us mothers stood back. For one, we sold a lot of tickets, and we needed the space for them to enjoy. Second, all of us looked like we barely survived a tornado and that was the good half. My half we looked like we just came out of homelessness from the Tendorion distract. There was a deadline to meet as long as I didn't smell like piss or CACA I didn’t care.
There were a lot of disagreements, to say the least. But despite all that, and a bunch of name-calling and catfights, we pulled everything together nicely. At the end of the day, we were all still friends who went to high school with each other…. well most of us. We still gather together and laugh about the whole ordeal. To be honest more than half of us were living vicariously through our children. There was a good portion of us who never had prom as an option during our senior.
None of us grew up rich. As a matter of fact, I, myself, was homeless for the better part of my youth. I was extremely fortunate to have gone to my prom. With the help of my besties along the way. The same besties that I worked side by side with in putting together this prom. Our kids are never going to know how hard we all bent over backward to make sure our kids had a good time. I will always consider this to be my most exceptional work. This was my 1st time helping to organize something this big, and I'm so looking forward to doing it all over again for my daughter. Only this time I'll be more prepared. I still have my Burger King crown.
YOu know this past Friday I had the worst nightmare.
This is gonna sound silly thinking back about it now. But it took me about a day and a half to recover.
I remember waking up, alone. And the 1st thing I noticed was that I aged 20-30 years faster than the man I am deeply in love with. There is already an age difference between us so this will always be insecure that I have about the relationship that I'm currently in.
So he left me. i turned back only to find out that my teeth had fallen out. Not all of them but might as well have been all of them. To make matters worse. I swore off love and became a Samantha from Sex in the City. My kids were ashamed of me because I never amounted to anything and a big ass spider the size of a New York racoon was in the corner. and someone whom I knew that it had me as a pet. Yup, you heard that right! Not that I had a pet spider, but the spider had me as the pet! ew gross!
You think that's the end of it? NO! The spider kept playing this sad violin music in the corner of my house because the spider thought that it made me happy!
I told my friends, kids, and mi amor de mi vida this and they all laughed.
I wasn't laughing. as crazy as it all seems...I was shook. I have no idea what any of these means other than I need professional help. But I'm Mexican so we both know that ain't gonna happen any time soon.
Am I just trippin? or is my subconcise telling me something that I shouldn't be ignoring and if so? what is it telling me?
Is it the fact that I'm the older one in this relationship and it's bothering me? or am I just getting in my own way? It's hard to face the fact that all of us are getting old. Like almost every other middle-aged woman I'm trying to hang on to something impossible to hang on to. maybe I'm not the one who's comfortable getting old.
whatever the case may be, i'll for now sum up this whole episode of a bad case of pre-total meltdown. May God help me!
After dating this dude for just about 3 months…
I want to believe that my past relationships doesn’t haunt my current one. The last thing that I ever want is for my gram cracker to pay for something that he broke in the 1st place which is why I stood single from a little before my 2nd kid was born until the age of 29. That’s right you heard that correctly. Now I tried dating here and there…(no sex tho) during this time of my celibately that I had the misfortune to date 2 married men. Now now now, let me finish. At the time i met them both on Christian mingles. They were for the most part up front about everything they are in the process of a divorce and it’s going to be finished going through in about 3 more months. I said okay cool thinking nothing off it but wait a minute! Here comes there wives…apparently they TOO didn’t know that they were getting a divorce!
How embarrassing…for me mostly! I had no problem just saying this isn’t my fault and I walked away. None of those relationships were that deep anyways. I’ve only dated them for about 3 dates give or take. But I had to delete Christian mingles for life because it only seems like that’s where all the married ppl be at! Lookin for a side chick.
Now there’s a reason why I’m telling you this story. About 4 days into my relationship with my gram cracker he had informed me that he is married but have been with this ex for just about 4 ish years have filed for divorce 3 years ago.
When he told me this I was taken back at it. I cried when he left. I feel so betrayed by the fact that he did this to me. He told he was gonna get it fixed and push forward for the divorce when he gets back from the Bohemian Grove.
It’s been about a week now and he has been into the lawyers office. But it was closed. I guess he went to early or something. Ives asked about it 3xs on the progress. But it seems like the same old story. He was busy.
He gave me his location and passwords and lock combos to everything. I have no reason not to trust him on this. He seems pretty adamant that he’s not with her any more.
But something about everything doesn’t sit right. Is it woman’s intuition? God? Or is it my insecurities? seeing how is I already asked about it 3xs already. I will ask no more. And now I have him a time line…which he doesn’t know about. 2 years….
I’ll give him 2 years to get this all fixed. Anything beyond that I can’t any more. When a man or woman wasn’t something done ✅ he/she will do it.
Will my gram cracker do it? I can hope for the best but everyday that passes in my mind I’m already saying Good bye. I’m already morning the loss. I don’t think I can take another loss after this one. IF this does not work out. If this doesn’t work out… I’m done
So I have a doctors apt coming up on the 29th. I'm a little worried. Idk what to expect. I'm 33, and I know that I'm getting older... but I hope I can still have kids. Yes, I know I'm still holding on to hope that one day I can still have 1 - 3 more kids. But, idk if I'll be able to have any in time before menopause takes my fertility. At least on my mother's side, menopause takes it us right around at 40ish. I want more, but idk if that will happen or even get my hopes up. I'm in a new relationship 🤔 🙃 but by the time we get to a place where I can trust Gram Cracker that he'll stay for longer than 6 months (it's a big if) idk if it will be to late. I know what you're gonna say stressing isn't going to get me anywhere.
But that's all I can do right now.
So I went with my BFF Mari and. I came across this book called "How to Tell a Story." Yes, I bought it. I thought by now, yall know me so well that I have a spending problem, lol. But that's a different topic for a different day. 🤔
So I bought it with mari there and the topic of my past came about. No, I don't like talking about it because it's....hard the say the least. She asked me why don't I tell my gram cracker these stories?
It's hard to tell anyone these stories. She's been my BFF longer than gram cracker has been my man. Of course, her smurf and April are gonna know more about me than he does.
But my problem is how do I bring up my past to this new relationship? It's not shits and giggles. It's a very sad story, and most of not, all of my " quirks" would be better explained. 😢
I always keep telling Gram Cracker that'd I'll tell him after 6 months. To him, that'd an odd thing to say. That's a very specific yet odd number to bring up. 6 months?
If only he knew. Other than a father of both my kids, which lasted 3.5 years, no relationship has lasted for more than 6 months. That's usually the time frame where a relationship's honeymoon phase has ended.
I want to tell him. But where do I start? Well, if he sticks around longer than 6 months... I'll worry about it then.
For now, I'll still live in the delusion of a world with self-denial of past trauma that existing like a monster underneath my bed.
Someone asked me for advice recently. He asked me, what type of advice I would give to a much younger person. I looked him dead in the eye and said, Krama always comes to collect WITH interest and there steep.
My speech pattern has been off since my car accident back on NOV 8th. (Hit & Run) I honestly thought the worst was behind me. My stutter stopped within 3 weeks. My long-term memory came back and I can finally remember names and no physical damage to the body. I think I got out quite lucky. There are a lot more ppl out there that didn't make it out at all.
For that, I'm grateful to be alive.
My old life tho it's not like how it was. My speech doesn't make sense. I flip my words or sentence structure around. On paper, I sound normal. But when in person?!?! Holy Crap I sound like a dumb ass. It's really hard for me to communicate at all with ppl.
It's really bad. Hanging out with more of my long-term friends who know me so well (like my Smurf and Mr. Potato Head) They understand what I'm attempting to say. Of course outside of my immediate family. They know what I'm saying. But trying to meet new ppl and form more friendships doesn't come easy for me at all. At least not like I used to.
Now I struggle to find the right words. I can't get my sentence structure enough for it to make ANY sense! It's a hard reality that I have to relearn communication. I have to talk slower and watch my tone. I've noticed that my voice is more pitcher than usual. I mean I always had a loud voice. But nothing like this. Even if I try to talk in a lower tone I still talk as if I'm trying to talk over someone.
I'm too scared to go to the doctor about this. they'll only take my driver's ID away again. and I can't live without an ID. I know that's a little mellow dramatic but it's true. I depend greatly on my car to get to both jobs. ugggggg
Now my problem is that I'm avoiding everyone now or at least long conversations. It's noticeable that I don't wanna talk past pleasantries.
A week ago, I had a flash of insight That COVID's end did not free my mind I used to be the one who loved to roam And seek new gems in California's home But now I wonder if I've been misled By COVID's toll that made me work till dead
Addiction is a monster I can't tame I shop and work as if they were the same I miss the days when I was hooked on fun And shared my life with strangers I don't know But now I long for who I used to be And wish I could escape this apathy
I'm stuck in a routine that won't let go This is the new me, but I hate her so I want to bring the old me back to life For three long years, I've been in constant strife
It seems I have my New Year's goals in sight To find myself and make my future bright