potato person

hoi, i'm sadie : as awkward as a new born fawn and half as cute

[devoutjunk]

Things Women In Literature Have Died From, Mallory Ortberg

[qhelet-blog]

Tag urself, im Wrist fevers

[ororomunroedontpullout]

ABC: we’re going to hire a racist to make a racist show to appeal to the racist demographic that elected Trump

*the racist does something racist*

ABC:

[sushigal007]

Knowing this, I’m honestly amazed that they actually went and cancelled the show.

[ororomunroedontpullout]

Her comment was too wild to ignore. They would have been in more trouble if they didn’t.

[wholesomethanos]

Remember when Thanos got cockblocked by Deadpool?

[falsedetective]

can you believe south korea impeached their corrupt president through the sheer force of peaceful civilian protests and elected a new guy who, less than a year later, is successfully negotiating peace with the north? can you believe it’s possible for a democracy to work like that? must be nice

[venhediss]

[ahsadler]

it’s good to know that renaissance cats were just as fucked up as renaissance babies

[dullahaunts]

Actually! This isn’t renaissance! These are all by Fernando Botero, who is still alive. This is. Just how he draws. He is also the artist who painted Snart

here’s some of his other stuff

[foxy-mulder-deactivated20190929]

so he’s the snartist

[puregroundbeef-deactivated20170]

Look what I found.

[moriahari]

An Ancient Relic of times long past.

[flashinqlights]

ok so there’s a game me and my friends play called “don’t get me started” and basically someone gives another person a random topic and they have to go on an angry rant about it and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us at parties and car rides so I highly recommend playing sometimes with your friends

[blueandbluer]

I love this idea. We used to do things like this in Improv.

[whatyouwanted-whatyougot]

Related game: “THINK ABOUT IT.” You’re given a random topic, and your job is to build it into an epic conspiracy theory, the crazier the better. You end your rant with a serious face and the command that your listeners “Think about it.” 

[astrojukebox]

Another related game: Illuninati. Similar to Think About It except you are given 2 completely different topics and you have to connect them to each other in a wild conspiracy rant

[a-simpler-life]

Rb to safe an awkward hang out

[red-berin]

We used to have to play this game in 8th grade English where we just had to keep talking about something. We’d start with one topic, but we could go all over the place with it, as long as we kept talking.

One kid just ended up counting. But I think we considered it okay because he didn’t technically stop talking.

[snoopdoggey]

if i die, please bury me in one of two poses:

1. t-pose

2. you know i had to do it to em

[imgonnacronk]

If I die

[cartoon-deactivated20220930]

[mrdsc1010]

Is this what Tom Holland goes through everyday now?

[parkchanwoohoo]

My brother: What’s air ‘bnb’ stand for?

Me: oh a b&b is a bed and br–

My brother: Bungeons and Bragons

[gokufucker45]

*thor hands peter a mug of beer*

Thor: Exellent work in the mission man of spiders!

Tony: Thor no the kid is 15.

Thor: Oh!

*hands peter two mugs of beer*

Thor: You are a growing boy.

Tony: Thor no.

[spidey-hoco]

EVERY TIME I SEE THIS POST IM WEAK

[roseevans]

I’m just gonna leave this here…

[highlandvalley]

[abandonedshops]

stop it youre SCARING him!!

[luaren]

jake gyllenhaal is my favorite celebrity because he’s so goddamn elusive and weird. he’s always in good movies and is a very good actor. he’s also extremely hot. but on the other hand he’s the guy New Yorkers spot wearing a birthday hat at a restaurant and buying ice cream sandwiches in bulk. he’s the guy Taylor swift wrote a near whole album about. and he’s not on any social media so I can’t confront him. honestly who is this man.

[rytfujgkuhhgmjgh]

lord of the rings boys (inspired by this, original audio from this)

[teamtylerandkorey]

“according to my high school’s wikipedia page, there were 4 notable alumni”

[teashoesandhair]

A sitcom about the modern Greek gods where everyone is wildly miscast

Zeus is played by Michael Cera

[dasfeministmermaid]

😂😂😂😂 Hephaestus is Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

[teashoesandhair]

@seerofbirds has cast Danny DeVito as Aphrodite and @qrowxiii has cast Eddie Murphy as Ares, so this is shaping up to be a pretty great TV pitch and if anyone from Hollywood is reading this, could you also consider casting Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson as Hermes and Christopher Walken as Apollo, thanks.

[teashoesandhair]

Hera is Oscar Isaac because are you really going to cheat on Oscar Isaac, Michael Cera? Really? You’d do that? You’d look at that man’s face and chase tail somewhere else, Michael Cera, you sack of shit?

[angelicfangirl]

I’m dying this is fantastic I NEED THE WHOLE CAST

[teashoesandhair]

Hades is Whoopi Goldberg and Persephone is Jeff Goldblum and Demeter is Julie Andrews. Their interplay makes up 70% of the film and is all improvised.

Athena is played by Amy Schumer (thanks anon!) and she defeats her enemies by being incredibly loud and annoying and plagiarising all their tactics and eventually they just give up in irritation. She only has 3 minutes of screen time and no dialogue. Thank fuck.

Heracles is played by Jesse Eisenberg because Michael Cera got to be Zeus. Sometimes they swap roles. No-one notices.

Poseidon is played by Daniel Craig but his only scene is when he reenacts the famous Bond scene with speedos.

[teashoesandhair]

Artemis is played by Robert Pattinson and all his lines are just slightly amended from Twilight. Dionysus is played by Helen Mirren. It is perhaps the only apt casting in the film.

[teashoesandhair]

To clarify, Hestia is absolutely played by Charles Dance, whose costume includes an apron which gets progressively dirtier throughout the series.

In the sitcom, which precedes the feature film and which focuses on certain myths every episode, Narcissus is played by John Goodman. Echo is played by Billy Crystal. 

Other episodes include the story of Eros and Psyche, played respectively by Jane Fonda and Shirley MacLaine, the story of Daedalus and Icarus, played respectively by Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern, and the story of Zeus overthrowing Cronus, in which Michael Cera as Zeus must defeat Cronus, as played by John Cena, in a battle of wits and muscle. Astonishingly, he wins.

[i-can-do-tricks]

this is all very good gud

but who is perseus and medusa? jason , Midas, circe, media, please I NEED TO KNOW

[teashoesandhair]

These are very important questions and I will answer them immediately.

Perseus and Medusa are played by Andy Samberg and Glenn Howerton. All their scenes together are just them one upping each other with improvised insults.

Jason and Medea are played by John Boyega and Meryl Streep, and all their scenes are so beautifully acted that they both get nominated for Oscars, despite the fact that one of Jason’s lines is “are you trying to fleece me out of the golden fleece?”, to which Medea replies “me, fleece you? Oh no, me dear.”

Midas is played by Steve Buscemi, obviously. For no discernible reason, everything he touches does not turn to gold, but copper alloy. This is possibly due to budget cuts. Due to their on screen chemistry, he bizarrely has several buddy cop style scenes with Jeff Goldblum’s Persephone.

Circe does not appear. If she did, she would be played by Audrey Hepburn, using that creepy CGI from the Galaxy adverts, but her estate refuse to give their permission.

[teashoesandhair]

Important updates:

(Anonymous suggests: Kelsey Asbille Chow playing Achilles, Michelle Obama is Thetis, Danny Trejo as Helen, Terry Crewes as Paris, and Adrien Brody as Hector. olvmpos says: Ganymede is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and regularly benchpresses Michael Cera.)

[giantsnakesextape]

Hey @teashoesandhair I’m not saying that I felt inspired and sketched Whoopi Goldberg and Jeff Goldblum as Hades and Persephone but that’s exactly what I’m saying

[teashoesandhair]

OH GOD THIS IS PERFECTION. THANK YOU. JUST THANK YOU. PHENOMENAL.

[giantsnakesextape]

YOU’RE WELCOME BUT ALSO PLEASE HELP COS I CAN’T STOP

[teashoesandhair]

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE POSTER FOR THE SERIES, YOU HEAR ME

[teashoesandhair]

I’m mad that people are just reblogging the first post here because YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON THE MOST INCREDIBLE ARTWORK YOU’LL EVER SEE

[morietris]

Okay, I gotta ask, who’s the Hyacinthus to Christopher Walken’s Apollo?

I can already hear Apollo’s relevant lines in Walken’s distinct cadence, but I wanna know who he’s cradling, devastated, while crying out in anguish and also pausing at all the wrong places.

[teashoesandhair]

What a great question, and it brings me absolute joy to reveal to you that it’s Jackie Chan. He does all his own stunts. There is only one stunt, and it’s him collapsing into Christopher Walken’s arms. For some reason, there are explosions.

[that-rascal]

@wtfzeus

[wtfzeus]

Oh my god 🤣

[artemisthiswild]

What the fuck is wrong with you children?!

[teashoesandhair]

We’re hurtling towards the void on a dying planet and there’s a 50% chance we’ll exterminate one another in a nuclear winter before the sun dies and we’re all killed by that which sustains us, and also we’ve never seen Zeus played by Michael Cera, so

[duskenpath]

Guys I just realized the last supper was the first murder mystery dinner!!!

[duskenpath]

My Roman Catholic parents did not find this as funny and thought provoking as I did