living fail

Hello there.

[yiffmaster]

[archiemcphee]

[ramsescachorro]

Who Is She?

[advancedbattle-deactivated20130]

[just-shower-thoughts]

shout out to the people who found out which mushrooms were good and which were really really good

[miniwixoide]

[miniwixoide]

[someone-like-robsten]

Tom Holland Accidentally Ghosted Robert Downey Jr. (x)

[fruitofthemoon]

[farty-mcfly]

I’m crying what a cute boy, I love him

[key-the-kitty]

@cannibalcoalition

[dementedgnomicwizard]

oh good

[askaniritual]

[furblee]

[erohoney-deactivated20191218]

[suncrayon]

[narwhalsarefalling]

[houston-i-have-problems]

[michaelburnnham]

[angry-beibers]

[niftyanswersorryiasked]

[izzzzzzieeeeeeeee]

[holesmovingcastle]

[wigpisser]

[justcatposts]

[raspad]

Mutuals do this

[fuckyahumor]

i cry how cute

[anxietyproblem]

[fuck-customers]

A few years back, I was a waitress at a breakfast diner. On the menus there are pictures of omelettes. The omelettes pictured are yellow.

It’s 11 at night, I get the last table before closing, and it’s a girl my age. She asks for tea and an egg white omelette. So I bring over her egg white omelette, and she starts screaming. Why? Because it’s not yellow like in the picture on the menu, it’s white, so something must be wrong. I explained that the yolk is what makes omelettes yellow, and she didn’t want egg yolks. She’s still mad, and yells again. And then realizes she could eat while she’s yelling, so she does, and I get to watch her chew with her mouth open while she rants about eggs. I’m exhausted and dying inside. She finally stops. I ask if she wants a refill of tea, and she says yes. She’s quiet for the rest of her meal, for which I am very grateful.

After she paid and left, I collected her receipt. On it, she wrote in all caps “I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW EGGS WORK BUT IT WAS YUMMY.” She left a $20 bill on the table as a tip. She also left some pills in a bag that my manager sent to the police, which were identified as some sort of amphetamine. 

Don’t do drugs kids, you’ll forget how eggs work.

[yiffmaster]

your boss can’t garnish your tips like that

[killowave]

[lubricates]

good vibe

[87437732156806533-deactivated20]

[catghibli-deactivated20210917]

my mind says college but my heart says isolated sheep herder in Iceland

[human-power]

make yourself your best friend. compliment yourself, do favors for yourself, believe in and movitivate yourself, give yourself pep talks, teach yourself to be a better person. you are your own best friend.

[birlinterrupted]

I am abt to lose my fuckin mind because I happened upon this gender reveal party. and like it’s soo over the top expensive

And like I’m like. Oh great, a horse themed gender reveal party.

complete with like … just truly excessive foods and of course, themed cocktails

and this sign which like… the fragility of like *not* italicizing the word ‘colt’. Like imagine being this weird abt gender

with like, a bucket that eventually ‘revealed’ the gender

But like… the picture that really just completely undid me, for this party which surely was more money than many weddings -

it’s not a horse themed gender reveal party. It’s a gender reveal party FOR A HORSE. I can’t even like imagine the life that would lead to hosting a gender reveal party for a not-yet-born horse. Think abt getting an invitation to this. the cis are at it again.