pairing: ben platt x reader
prompt: there are a lot of firsts in a relationship. this is the story of your firsts with ben.
warnings: a little swearing, enough fluff to stuff a teddy bear
a/n: hi!! sorry it’s taken so long.. i couldn’t get this to post right. the part 2 to “you’re drunk” should be out soon! take this fic as my apology :)
The first time he asked you on a date, you weren’t expecting it. Hell, you barely knew the guy. But his eyes made you cave - not that you would ever tell him that.
You had barely spoken to him before today. A few casual hello’s in passing, some “you dropped this,” and once an “are you okay?” after you had fallen on your face in front of him. That one made you keep your distance. So when you mentioned needed a new lamp in your apartment after your cat had broken yours, you were shocked that he was he first one to speak up.
“My cat knocked my over last week,” Ben said quickly.
You laughed a little, unsure. “Maybe we should be dog people.”
He gave you a smile - one that felt more real to him than any of his smiles in the past week.
“Maybe we should get lamps together. Maybe with coffee first?” It was smooth, like it had been planned. (It wasn’t.)
You blinked, taken aback. Had he just ask you on a date? Sure, he was gorgeous, but you didn’t really know him. Just about everything you knew was that his name was Ben and he was an actor.
Ben's stomach dropped. He shouldn’t have done that. What the hell was he thinking? You’ve barely talked to one another. That didn’t stop him from noticing how your hair dell so flawlessly over your shoulders, you how your laugh was so bright it lit up any room. When you met anyone, you were always so genuine, so he didn’t understand why you were also so guarded. Ben dropped it until now - when he fucking accidentally asked you out. All he needed was a lamp -
“Sure, but you’re buying.”
Don’t guys usually do that on dates? Ben wondered. It made sense when he picked you up and made a comment about the “date.” You slapped his shoulder lightly, insisting it wasn’t a date. You barely knew him. That’s why the butterflies were in your stomach, you told yourself - not the incredibly handsome man in front of you.
Ben wasn’t expecting his first kiss with you to be only a few weeks later. It was three weeks, eleven dates that you insisted weren’t, in fact, dates, later. He had walked you to your apartment.
You were shuffling, playing with the hem of your dress. You almost turned to leave, sure that he wasn’t going to kiss you. He gave you this smile though - the one you were positive he reserved only for you.
He was close to you. Like, kissing-proximity-close. Ben leaned in, kissing you softly and far too quickly. It was barely a peck. When he pulled back, you all but slapped him. Pushing his chest a little, you were frustrated. This guy that had you up at the brink of dawn thinking about him kissed you like that? This guy that had your heart doing jumping jacks when you saw him kiss you like that? This guy that understood you better than anyone kissed you like that?
“What the hell, Ben?” You asked, a little more than frustrated.
He almost fainted. He had completely ruined everything he had made with you. God, he actually was stupid enough to believe that you could like him like that. It’s not like you were “dating.” Ben was tripping over his words, trying to apologize.
“I’m sorry I just… I don’t know, I wanted to do something and I thought - I shouldn’t have. I just…” You cut him off, kissing him hard and deep, swallowing his words with kiss.
His hands immediately clung to your waist, pulling you as close as he could. Your hands wrapped around his neck, savoring the moment. It was heavy and you were sure that your landlord would be pissed if he saw you making out at the front door to the lobby. It didn’t stop you from tugging him closer, wanting nothing more than to stay like that forever.
You pulled away only because you desperately needed to breathe. When you finally could, you smirked at him, “Now that’s how you kiss someone.”
He smiled, unsure if he was more amused by how forward you had been or if he was just trying desperately not to fall in love with you so soon.
The first time he brought up his parents, you were petrified. Ben had mentioned that his parents were coming to town for the week and he wanted to introduce you.
“I mean, it has been like four months,” he said softly, as though not trying to scare you too much.
You couldn’t breathe, “What if they hate me? What if they don’t think I’m good enough for -“
He cut you off with a quick, chaste kiss. “You are more than enough for me. And if they don’t like you, I’d tell them to shut up.”
This made you laugh, it was sweet of him to try and do this - ease your paranoia - but it was no use. You were terrified to meet them, and no matter how much you tried to deny it, you were terrified they wouldn’t like you with Ben.
In the four months of your relationship, you had tried to tell yourself to stay calm. It was early and the odds of you breaking up were sky-high. He was working on a new Broadway production, you were slaving to get through college at Columbia. For that, you told yourself, he would likely break up with you and hurt you. It was inevitable, you told yourself. He won’t want you forever, you told yourself. You continued to dig yourself this grave, that maybe his parents wouldn’t like you and he would end it quickly, while there relationship was still early.
You told yourself this because in reality, it wasn’t that you liked him little enough that you wanted him to break up with you and just end it already. The opposite rather - you like him far too much for your own good. And lov - liking a guy so much this soon was not safe.
A week and a half you met them anyways. They loved you, which almost hurt more, because if Ben still wanted you now, how long would he after?
Maybe this wasn’t so much about the first time you met his parents, but more the first time you realized how much you cared for him.
It was a month after that when he said it. It was all too perfect: he was holding you, half kissing half watching TV in your room. His lips were grazing your shoulder and you hadn’t felt this comfortable - this peaceful in ages.
“I did something stupid,” he says softly against your skin. You turned quickly, almost pulling yourself from his arms. A look of part venomous jealousy and part utter rage clouding your eyes. He smiled almost, loving your overprotectiveness. “I think I went and fell in love with you.”
You took in a sharp breath, your hands tremoring lightly, “You love me?” You said so softly that you weren’t sure he caught it until he smiled.
He shrugged nonchalantly, “Kind of a lot.”
Your heart was beating far too fast to be safe, so instead of spitting the words out that have been stuck in your throat for months, you simply softened and allowed yourself back into his arms.
It was one of your favorite things about him; he never pressured you. He was patience, obviously, and supported you through everything you did. He held you, squeezing you gently. Ben knew you’d say it when you were ready. He knew (or at least hoped) you felt the same, but he didn’t need to hear three words to know it. After all, somethings don’t need to be said to be felt.
The first time he saw you cry was just as hard for you as it was for him. Ben was always the sensitive one in the relationship, but would only cry when you watched Finding Dory or Moana or something like that. You on the other hand had always been a rock.
Since you were a child, you rarely cried. You mom always thought it was a gift that you could sleep through the night as a baby and thought it was more “funny” than scarring when you would fall and scrape your knee.
But between the pressure of being a junior in college and working as an intern in New York, you started to get overworked. Nothing really had happened that tipped you off the edge and made you start sobbing. It was really just a combination of the past few weeks.
So as you sat in your room, bawling your eyes out, you felt so helpless - so frustrated at the world. Someone had tried to buzz into your apartment but you couldn’t even see straight, your glasses were covered in tears and no matter what you did you couldn’t bite them back.
Still, you figured it was your roommate who had just forgotten her key. What you weren’t expecting to find when you opened your door was Ben standing there with a smile on his face holding a pint of ice cream.
The moment he saw you, though, he almost dropped the ice cream, immediately sweeping you into his arms.
“Oh my… What happened? Talk to me, babe… What happened? Shh… It’s okay…”
You were sure that at this point his shirt was soaked through and despite your embarrassment, you still couldn’t pull yourself from his chest.
Ben stayed there for God knows how long, rubbing soft circles on your back and occasionally pressing his lips to your hair. After a while, when your tears had begun to slow and you were positive the ice cream he had bought was completely melted, you slowly detangled yourself from his arms.
He wouldn’t tell you this, but that was one of the hardest nights for him. No one likes walking in on someone crying. He never knew how much worse it was when the “someone crying” was the one girl who managed to make the heart his most recently used emoji. (And the only girl who made him understand what love was).
Ben’s eyes worked over your face: swollen eyes, tear-stained cheeks, shaky breath… At the sight of you so broken and raw and exhausted in front of him, all he wanted to do was help, to take this awful pain away from the woman he was so completely in love with.
You noticed the strained expression on his face and lightly pressed your lips to his cheek. You walked him over to the couch and started to explain your cry, being sure to keep him as close to you as possible. He was a rock, listening so closely your voice felt like a microphone. He nodded and held you, telling you that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he was staying right there no matter what.
And for the first time, you really believed it.
The first time you stayed over, your had expected your heart to race through the entire night. It didn’t though. Instead, you had never felt more comfortable than lying next to him where, just maybe, you belonged.
It was the middle of January, and there was the biggest snow storm in years just outside Ben’s apartment. You probably should’ve stayed home. There was no way of you getting back to your own complex in the weather.
Still, you eventually went to put your scarf on and Ben almost laughed.
“What the hell do you think your doing?” He laughed, tugging your scarf from around your neck.
“I want to head home before it gets worse,” you said.
This only made him laugh again, “Y/N, it’s 11:30 at night and there’s a monster blizzard going on outside. The cabs aren’t even running! Babe, how do you even think you’re going to get home?”
“I figured I’d walk…” You mumbled.
Ben shook his head, a gentle smile on his face as he helped you out of your coat.
“C’mon, I’ll make the bed up for you and I’ll sleep on the couch.”
You immediately pulled his hand back to you as he started to walk towards his room and everything thing felt warm and intimate, and a little nerve-racking.
“No,” you finally decided. Ben’s face dropped, realizing that he could’ve just completely ruined this entire relationship by moving too soon, but when your face softened, his heart dropped from his throat back to his chest. “I’ve seen your bed, it’s huge. And you’ll hurt your neck on the couch. We can both stay there.”
Ben’s heart leapt back to his throat. He forced out a small nod, taking your hand again in his and walked the two of you towards his room.
You didn’t have sex that night, no. But honestly? Laying beside him, curled in his arms felt much more intimate than anything you had ever experienced.
That night, just before you closed your eyes, you whispered, “I think I did something stupid too.”
Ben’s heart was beating so fast he hoped you couldn’t feel it against your chest.
“I think I went and fell in love with you too.”
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