Y'all ever get paranoid that Dan is actually Danial or some other obscure spelling instead of Daniel? And you've just been wrong this whole time but then you know it's Daniel but you have to check to make sure?
No? Just me? ok...
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@lmaosleepwho
Y'all ever get paranoid that Dan is actually Danial or some other obscure spelling instead of Daniel? And you've just been wrong this whole time but then you know it's Daniel but you have to check to make sure?
No? Just me? ok...
Just attempted to eat a Pringle like Dan.
No. Just no Daniel.
QUOTES FROM THE NEW PHUPLOAD (We Tested Products)
Phil is Green
Dan is Orange
"I wanna keep that area. Is this a Saw trap?!" - 0:26
"And it's dead." - 1:12
"Cool Boy Summer." - 1:33
"Submarine roleplay." - 1:43
"What are you seeing? My own dick." - 2:31
"Oh my god, I can see your eyes!" - 2:39 (When the Emo boy's fringe get moved by the smallest breeze)
"Here is your literature." - 3:01
"...stick it in, twist it, boom." - 3:48 (Ummm?)
"Oh, I can feel it against my fingers from the inside." - 4:36 (Dan please.)
"Oh my god, it's squirting. It's leaking." - 4:48
"Remember to eat your pineapple. *side eye*" - 5:34
"This is a good birthing position." - 6:48
"You need like a titty height desk." - 6:51
"With my bae. Feed me a strawberry." - 6:59
"Faster. Faster! Yes!" - 7:16
"They've scammed us. We've been scammed." - 8:26 (Who's gonna tell them it was painfully obviously Ai...)
"Do you wanna hug a tree from another country?" - 9:01
"It's untreelievable." - 9:22
"I'm sick of your shit, Karen." - 10:12
"That's a bit of a sexy face. What's in the hole?" - 10:17
"Get your head in the hole." - 10:47
"Dan inspects an elephant's uterus. Is the baby crowning?" - 11:06
"I might just do this when I don't wanna chat go Phil. I think... Hey! >:(" - 11:31
"I'm gonna write something confidential. *writes PENIS*" - 13:11
"Yeah, I'm the government, I'm the FBI. I'm coming for you." - 13:24
"That's the clearest penis I've ever seen. THIS IS SHIT." - 12:43
"This is not for... aggressive internal use." - 14:55
"I love it when you go to Japan though and you get that jet right up there." - 15:08
"YOU JUST DOUCHED ME ON YOUTUBE." - 15:38
"Why has it got like Shrek toes?" - 16:46
"Simulate the warmth of rubbing." - 17:14
"WHY DOES IT HAVE TOENAILS?" ' 17:48
"Is this our lowest moment?" - 18:37 (perchance)
"My ass is hot. Phil you got a hot ass." - 19:09 (I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE)
"It looks like someone's tiny dog is humping me." - 19:42
"Father! Father, please! Why don't you love me?" - 19:47
"Just keep going. Come on. Oh!" - 20:33 (DAN PLEASE.)
"Feet condoms." - 20:39
I have never been so emotionally uncomfortable watching Dan and Phil before
Quotes from their Reel? (Phil got his first tattoo)
"Which position do you want me in? *proceeds to get on all fours on the couch*."
"virgin snow."
"AVOID THE CRACK!"
"Right, Phil, you ready to get wet?"
quick little post because they said some heinous shit
QUOTES FROM THE NEW PHUPLOAD (Dan keeps licking things in public)
Phil is Green
Dan is Orange
"You lick Pringles in a very seductive manner and you look like a freak." - 0:14 (I WAS EATING PRINGLES WATCHING THIS WTF)
"Now, get tonguing the Pringle like you do in public." - 0:32
"He reaches into the tube... He grasps the crisp in his forefingers... And then he retracts his tongue." - 0:48 (Phil back to back rn)
"*Dan proceeding to lick the Pringle in the most uncomfortable way ever.*" - 1:03
"And I'm sat there appreciating every single one. Like it's a beautiful woman." - 1:42
"*Dan licking the Pringle AGAIN BUT IN SLOW MOTION AND WITH MUSIC.*" - 1:59
"You're like a gentle lover trying to tease the climax." - 2:11 (pardon? 😀)
"It's like, if I just sucked out the middle of a ravioli and left its floppy skin on the table in a restaurant." - 2:38
"But what can I say? Boys? If you see me doing this to a Pringle, you should see what I could do- STOP." - 2:56 (Add it to the what can I say comp)
"Why is the bed wet?" - 4:21 (I love with whatever is wrong with Dan's psyche)
"She was just like, "it's ok, baby, nobody pissed."" - 4:46
"And I just immersed my hands in her hair." - 5:01
"PLANET PISS." - 5:44 (restart the counter)
"I think Elon Musk should go there. By himself." - 6:10 (AGREED)
"Planet cum... STASH YOUR NUTS." - 6:24
"Uh oh, dead end. Who's around the corner? Harold. It's Harold." - 7:37
"Closest I'll ever be to a sport. Or getting muddy with 15 women on the floor." - 10:11
"I could be the Didsbury dingo. The Didsbury dildo." - 10:43
"They said gay, they said trans rights." - 12:26 (HELL YEAHHHH)
"*I have no idea how to quote Dan mimicking the Hot Border Agent helping the grumpy dad agent.*" - 15:14
"But I did think I'm gonna get probed... which depending on who... Maybe I should've been like, maybe I have a bomb." - 15:22
"Where is my mate? My burrow is lonely." - 15:46 (what in the omegaverse fanfic kinda quote is this)
"You're gonna see full hole when you scroll along. And Madonna." - 16:53
"Were you proud? I was proud of you in that moment." - 18:07
Just the entire locked behind the glass door at the airport story. 19:07 - 20:52
"The things I saw in the bathroom, Dan... What did you see? The guy and his sugar daddy? Oh yeah, and the one that they found on the plane. And Madonna." - 21:23
"🎶Time goes by so slowly in Stanstead airport. We're gonna die in this gate.🎶" - 21:35
"And me and Phil don't really participate in society..." - 21:44
"Just shove it in dry." - 22:03 (Philip 😧)
"Do you know? I don't think I could do one mile of a marathon. I know that, yeah." - 22:36
"This is actually how I ran. *insert a light jog? the lightest jog/shuffle I ever did see.*" - 24:00
"Let me just aggressively finger my glass." - 24:10
"Dan looks like... An old person having a medical problem. An old penguin." - 24:17
"And then at 11pm I was just like, I'm nervous. I just, what if I can't do it? And Phil went, you just shouldn't do it." - 25:10
"What about our fuckass podcast?" - 26:31
"I think people just tell themselves endorphins are real to make themselves feel better." - 26:41 (DAMN)
"What is an endorphin? We're just saying things now. Never found it once." - 26:47
"Phil, isn't that sexy?" - 27:37 (the way my mouth DROPPED to the fucking center of the Earth. Holy jumpscare)
"If you wanna see Phil's... uhhhhh.... Ass. Crack drip." - 28:05
"You know when Phil gets cancelled one day for being a cannibal." - 28:57
"100% ghosted. We went to the afterlife together." - 29:37 (add it to the 100% comp)
"Shout out to the bisexuals. Hello bisexuals." - 31:51 (HELLO FELLOW BISEXUALS)
"I've had the Pringle top between my leg this whole time. Save me." - 32:25
"If you were to propose to me what gem would you get?" - 33:16 (fan fic writers get ready)
"I want a meteorite." - 34:02 (why did I immediately think of "Daddy I want a pony.")
"I used to sit on my bedroom floor and just stroke my rocks." - 34:41 (No Dan we can't save you)
"Where the fuck was this? In York. When the fuck was this? When I was at York." - 35:25
"As many balls as we can release." - 36:04
BE SAFE, DRINK WATER AND GET YOUR SHOTS PEOPLE
QUOTES FROM THE NEW PHUPLOAD (Addressing our BTS Cease and Desist Allegations)
Phil is green
Dan is orange
"I'm insecure in my manlihood. I want to be able to open cans like a true trad Alpha." - 0:40 (a really gripping start)
"I can explode cocks with my palm?" - 1:00
"Not mine! I don't want you to explode my cock!" - 1:13
"Wait, it's hard." - 1:28 (boing)
"My bunny bussy was out." - 2:19 (thank you to bbstarrbunnyy on twitter for the art)
"And I'm Davis!" - 2:53 (he returns)
"Cause they don't want us talking about naked men rubbing each other down." - 3:17
"You wanted the viral 14-hand BTS gay massage. And more." - 3:53
"Wow, this is just a porn account, isn't..." - 4:09
"Stop smutting." - 4:23 (top tier quote)
"We can't talk about being gay. Fucking, cock, weed, alcohol." - 4:44
"🎶Phivorce🎶 What? Absence made the heart grow phonder." - 5:08
"You're proud of me for being shit?" - 5:36
"*SCREAMING* WHY DON'T MY KNEES WORK?" - 6:11
"I just wanna ride on the back of a hunky man, and he skis for me, and I enjoy the thrill of the wind in my hair." - 6:37 (me too Phil)
"I will say I missed you." - 7:24 (WHERE ARE THE FAN FICS)
"Touch, touch me. Touch." - 7:28
"He squeezed me until it exploded." - 7:36 (WOAH)
"Oh look, there's Gwyneth Paltrow, no." - 8:07
"Did you say you've gotta hold your balls? Poles." - 9:03
"where's the balls coming in?" - 9:13
"I can't rub myself and tap myself at the same time." - 9:27
"Oh my god, he's a fucking apres ski basic bitch, isn't he?" - 9:58
"What's wrong with Germans?" - 10:33
"No, I said don't do that! You lie. Okay Eleven." - 11:13 (I know they said Eleven at the same time but shh)
"I want you to do it, and I missed you, but it was just never happening." - 11:42
"Ugh, Phil-o-phobic." - 11:52
"Just remove my eyes, Jigsaw. It's fine." - 12:42
"And then a guy came on, you'll love this, Timmy Trumpet." - 13:34 (AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE)
"Did he let you blow his trumpet?" - 13:47
"I think that would freak me out slightly if I was on a drug." - 14:21
"It's just that one ant. It really likes my feet. It's a perv." - 16:40
"There's ant." - 16:48
"Oh, fuck just get divorced somewhere else." - 19:08
"Welcome back from the slopes. Did you see any snow?" - 20:06 (insert northern accent)
"Growth moment. You learned to shut the fuck up." - 20:12
"I always get sticky hands... from a cone." - 20:35
"Bland bitches rejoice." - 22:52 (oh ok then 😀)
"And it's cheaper, like Dan." - 23:13
"... double fisting sausage rolls." - 23:41
"Loves your gray sausage pastry." - 23:52
"It's like a hippo eating a lion. It's like a meerkat gangbang. And now I've got the rare double sausage roll English kite." - 24:22
"Not a gay sauna story." - 24:44
"Yiff, yiff, yiff, thank you." - 25:40
"Richard... are you a drug dealer?" - 25:51
"🎶Crank him hard.🎶" - 26:04
"Do you think I look like Brian Cox? I do see what that's about. Do you think he's hot?" - 26:42
"The only people that can say that they are conscious, I think, are asexuals." - 28:12
"And I'm Davis." - 29:37 (he returns AGAIN?)
"Our ears are penises. Our toes are penises. Your hand is... an ass." - 29:50
"Give them a real posh clit, Phil. ✨️Clit.✨️" - 30:40
"Oh Charles. Dan, you're not doing Diana. Clit. NO! oh my god." - 30:53
"Look at it's ridges. It's phallic. It's bulbous. Look at it's bulb. It's ribbed for their pleasure." - 31:36
"I think this is non-binary. Cause it's round and spiky." - 32:13
"I wanted to have sex with that door. Open can." - 32:51
"He probably did skin your family!" - 33:49
"We still have that Shrek porn book in our toilet." - 34:20 (haha 420 but I BEG YOUR FINEST FUCKING PARDON?)
"Dan, Phil, Ant, signing off." - 34:54
Roller-coaster of a phupload.
"We're not doing the Elite Semen Auction. It's an expensive cow." - 20:29
God I love Dan and Phil phideos 😭
NEW PHUPLOAD LETS GO
HELP
RICHARD NO
RICHARD
RICHARD X HATSUNE MIKU?????
I TRIED (emphasis on tried) to make Richard in Tomodachi Life
is she a serve???
Rewatching the "What Dan and Phil Text Each Other (relationship reveal edition)" video and realising that I might have been on the same pontoon 2 years ago.
Except instead of food poisoning there were a FUCK TON of sea snakes hiding in the pontoon.
i think about this combo way too often
QUOTES FROM THE NEW PHUPLOAD (420 Phlaze it)
I wanna try colour coding the quotes so people can tell who says what so:
Phil will be green
Dan will be orange
"GOD HAS ABANDONED US!" - 0:11
"All right, let's crack the Monster." - 0:59
"What in the Victorian fuck is that, Phil?" - 1:20
"... so we can be trad husbands." - 1:25
"It's creaming." - 1:50
"A thick, frothy, nice, Jägerbomb." - 2:47
"I've never gone into something more scared and left so pleased since my first gay experience." - 2:53
"And I'm Davis." - 3:09 (Well I guess Davis can be pink?)
"Happy six months of the "Hard Launch" podcast." - 3:31 (HAPPY SIX MONTHS!!!)
"... in Keir Starmer's Britain we take it." -3:43
"We've been frolicking naked in public. Hand in hand." - 4:36
"We export so many maracas in the UK." - 5:33
"Has the Phedible hit? The Phedible." - 5:44 (so glad I've made Phil green)
"I was giggling a lot at Toad. I thought Toad was hilarious." - 6:53
"🎶I GONNA SWING FROM THE CHANDELIER.🎶" - 7:07 (yes Dan sing it)
"Imagine Jake Gyllenhaal's just gonna show up to your friend's house." - 7:43
"Where did you go? Asda. I went to Asda." - 8:30
"Wow, you're so cool and attractive and... put together. Love your T-shirt. Great outfit. Great hair, timeless. Keep being a great person, Miranda." - 9:28 (you're doing great Miranda)
"Sat in the cuck chair." - 10:24
"🎶You're gonna hear me roar.🎶" - 10:30
"Roar. It's fucking raw! Actually too much information on your Trudeau fan fiction right now." - 10:36
"The VI-Penis of Coachella. Penis." - 10:47 (and Phil saying it again at 10:55)
"... and this is decrepit cannibalism situations, okay?" - 11:00
"We had to go on a three hour journey to a Burger King just to poo." - 11:21
"It's all about having your butt cheeks encrusted with Diamentes and having a photo and going home." - 11:40
"Are we the gay best friends?" - 13:04
"Chuck E. Cheese, more like chuck that child." - 13:49
"I heard 70 is the new 30." - 15:14
"What the fuck does a flamingo do for 75 years?" - 15:34
"Oh it was sex chocolate." - 16:09 (ha nice)
"Once on TATINOF I bought like one of those- Where the fuck is this going?" - 17:05
"Phil died. Just Phil died. Yep, no clickbait." - 18:30
"... industrial foot smell." - 19:53
"We smell like a cheese foot house." - 20:26 (ayyyy)
"We really pleased the people of Sweden." - 20:56 (YOU WHAT?)
"... Dan and Phil: Our Nasty Student Cock..." - 21:30 (😭)
"🎶Richard's feeling ready. For Dan to give the twisty.🎶" - 22:12
"Please do not live in North Korea." - 22:47
"Read it in a sexy ASMR voice. Do you think penis size should bother people?" - 22:51
"Even if you've got a 0.2 incher, there's a lot you can do with other body parts. You could have a long toe." - 24:07
"We should be spreading baseless conspiracy theories." - 25:20
"I would rather talk about the 0.2 inch penis." - 25:51
"LMAO, Dan's big naturals. Yeah, disowned. disowned." - 27:14
"Every time you squeeze it, it could make a noise. Like the Jesus, like- 🎶Aaaah🎶" - 27:49 (and another "🎶Aaaah🎶" at 27:46)
"9/11.... respectfully." - 28:28
"That was food poisoning 4D." - 29:53
"I felt it deep in my belly button." - 29:58
"Don't fill me in. *points to belly button*" - 30:46
HUZZAH! HAPPY 6 MONTHS OF HARD LAUNCH PHODCAST EVERYONE!
New phupload means one thing and one thing only for me.
QUOTES!
pray for me.
a study of phil bullying dan on the phodcast~
Every single time Dan and Phil talked about Keith in the phodcast, I kept picturing Keith Urban.
Can't believe he slept with Deborah.