Powers on the planes and the nature of my soul
One of the struggles that I have with starting this blog is really just still that internal hesitation, that learned reluctance to share this part of myself with anyone that isn’t my absolute closest friends. I’ve been burned before - I’ve had people use what little I had shared with them about my relationships with demons to make fun of me, what little I shared about my abilities to either challenge me, mock me, or for their own material gain even, or even just take the fact that I’m interested in this stuff in the first place as a sign that I’m not a worthy person to associate with period. So I’m sure you can easily understand why I still have this mental block to actually putting stuff down out here in a very public format.
But the purpose of this blog, for me, is to be more open about it. To express this part of myself like I never have before, because I feel like at my core, I don’t have anything to hide, and I shouldn’t. This is me. Real, unfiltered, genuine. I shouldn’t feel like I should have to hide anything about myself in the first place, and this is a very big part of my real self, my truest self, that I do want people to learn about, if only for the sake of not feeling like I have to hide anything anymore.
So, today, I’m going to talk about two things: My soul, and my abilities on the planes.
And I apologize that I’m not going to hide them under a cut, because then that would ironically defeat the purpose :P
Spiritually, one thing I can say I’m sure about the existence of is my own soul. I’ve had quite the journey into learning about myself and my origins, which led me to the point that I could perceive and even hold my own soul in my hands, in a manner of speaking. My understanding and associated beliefs regarding souls is that they do not live inside of your body, because souls are something that exist on another plane of existence entirely. When I feel for my soul or when I interact with my own soul, I feel it below my sternum about where my stomach sits, and I have a few theories on why that is, but it physically isn’t there. When I feel for that, I do so with the understanding that it is less an actual physical presence or sensation, and more the endpoint of a reflection bounced around a thousand million times before it reaches me here. The actual soul itself that I identify as belonging to me is not on this plane - it’s elsewhere, though I can still interact with the reflection that’s cast on me as if I were interacting with the physical thing, because it is a sort of two-way connection. The soul exists elsewhere and is reflected upon me, but I can interact with that reflection as if it were the real thing, which sort of bounces that back along the line to the actual thing.
Now, if that wasn’t confusing enough tell me, and I’m sure I could muddy it up a bit more :P
My soul is of a very unique and varied nature, at least as far as I’ve seen in comparison to other peoples’ and entities’ souls. I was told many years ago, and trust me that I am still skeptical about this so I only take this at face-value, by someone who claimed to have a higher understanding of souls and demons and the like, that before I was born it was discovered that I didn’t get a human soul for whatever reason. I just didn’t have one. Another belief that I have is that souls are what provide beings their free will and autonomy, so what this would have meant was that at my birth I either wouldn’t have been alive, or I wouldn’t have been a complete person. So, I am told, someone gave me a part of her soul in order to prevent this disaster from happening. This soul was not human in nature - it was full demon, and with a clear affinity for fire. If that doesn’t explain my super fiery temper, general rebelliousness and recklessness, my independence and my constant screaming matches with my mother growing up, I don’t know what does XD
When I first heard of this (remember - I’m still a bit skeptical even if some of the pieces make sense to me), my first instinct was that I wanted to give her back the part of her soul that helped to make me me. I didn’t want her to be diminished by her not having it, but I also didn’t want to be without a soul because that could clearly be very dangerous for me. So, I had to immerse myself in it, learn more about it, and then learn how to make changes to it.
I can’t recall the number of times I’ve gone in and edited the thing, but I have done so much work on it that it doesn’t even remotely resemble what it was when it was first brought to my attention that it was borrowed from someone else. It has expanded in size and yet remains in a super condensed form, so that when I pull it away from me and stretch it out it looks like this massive galaxy of mostly white lights, swirling around in patterns that I still honestly barely understand. A lot of my abilities (which we’ll segue into in just a moment) I used just with sheer force of will, so I can look at this thing and just add and remove parts to it just because I want them. It’s not always effective and I’ve gotten a bit less creative over the years, but I’ve been able to give myself even further abilities through editing. I have also had to go into it and sweep out corruption and corrupting influences left by other demons that I’ve fought, on many occasions, so I’m pretty used to looking at it and while I don’t have a perfect map in my head of what it specifically looks like, I can just sort of feel out what should and should not be there just by sort of opening it up in front of me and taking a look. It’s my soul, after all, so it makes sense to me that I should be instinctually familiar with it.
In the physical world, I can’t do much. Let’s get that out of the way first and foremost. I can do a handful of things that don’t really work as parlour tricks or anything like that, though they’re all still sort of willpower-based:
- I can give basically anyone an eerily accurate Tarot reading without knowing the first thing about them, their situation, or anything beyond their given name or whatever other symbolism I’ve been offered to focus on for them. This just involves me focusing on them as I massage my deck of cards and turn them over in my hands, just trying to feel out their energy and transfer them to my cards.
- I have some limited ability to scry out objects or people if I have some sort of impression of it or them that I can focus on in my mind. It’s wildly inaccurate, but it means that I can never truly lose my phone or my keys, and I have at least on one occasion found someone else’s key that I’d never seen before with this ability.
- If the planets are fuckin’ aligned and the full moon is out and I’m just generally feeling into it, I can make a tin paper pinwheel spin without touching it. This is after literal years of practice using guides off the internet for telekinesis, but I have never been able to do much more than the paper pinwheel thing (and not for lack of trying - moving shit with my mind is fucking rad). I’d post a video of it but I can’t do it on a whim and I am so out of practice it’d take me weeks to sort of get it going again.
- This is subjective as fuck, but I have had a lot of success with healing people through burning tall orange candles for them. I use a similar method for when I do a Tarot reading for them - focus on them or a symbol representing them while holding the candle, and just trying to put positive energy ‘please get better’ vibes into the wax through my hands. This is the sort of thing that I physically cannot prove without like super hardcore down-to-the-minute testing by a doctor, which has never and will never be the case whenever I do this, but in almost every instance where I’ve tried this, and not told the subject that I’m doing this in order to avoid some placebo/nocebo effect, they have told me that they’ve started to feel better almost immediately after that candle is lit. One downside of this is that I cannot do this for myself when I’m feeling super ill, only for other people.
- Oh, and of course, predictive/precognitive dreams. I could go on for-fucking-ever about my predictive dreams, so I won’t. This time. XD Maybe in another post.
As you can see, none of these are super demonstrate-able tricks (or if you want to use the word spells, go nuts - I just slot them under ‘abilities’ because I think that’s the most accurate word I’ve got for them) as they’re very situational in their use or just can’t be produced on a whim, but that’s what I’ve got going for me in the physical world.
In my dreams, and by extension on the planes, I can do so much more.
Literally if I tried to write a novel (framed as fiction) about the sorts of stuff that I can do on the planes, people would find it pretentious power-fantasy garbage. They’d call the main character, me, the worst Mary Sue they’ve ever had the misfortune of reading about. It would die off in obscurity and I’d probably get mocked and ridiculed for ever even conceiving of writing it. They’d say I was trying to make myself out to be some kind of god, that there was almost no conflict worth speaking of as I always had the answer to any situation right at my fingertips, and that it was just boringly mundane throughout.
But, you guys. The reason for that is because my abilities in my dreams and on the planes are literally anything that I can imagine, I can do.
It’s awkward to kind of get into it for the reasons I started this post off with, as well as the reasons I’ve just laid out. But the point of this is to get it out there so that people can understand this part of me, so I can’t hold back now.
Well... Down the rabbit hole we go:
- I think the first and most obvious ability is that I can basically float and fly around anywhere at will any time that I want to. I can also just be anywhere I want to be, whenever I want to be there. I have been told by others in spiritual and paranormal communities both that this is unusual, that there is a process or an order to things, but yeah. I kind of get to skip over that no problem with literally no effort at all.
- I can absorb any sort of energy out there to charge myself up, and I have no limit on how much energy I can store. Another thing I’ve experienced in dealing with souls is that your soul is also a battery - when I pull energy towards myself in order to use it for something or store it for later, I pull it in towards my stomach and feel my soul getting filled up. And I can do this forever without feeling like I’ve hit some sort of limit. This is sort of handy because whenever I do do something that expends energy, I kind of blow the top off and use a lot of it at once.
- I can create ‘boxes’ I like to call them, around other entities or even their souls, in order to trap or imprison them, or to cut off their access to their own abilities. And if my own self or my own soul is trapped, usually I can break out effortlessly with no problem. I can also use this to create very strong shields of any shape or size around myself and my loved ones. This was the true inspiration for Reader’s barrier magic, if you read my Undertale fanfic I work on over at my main blog @ladyanatares :P
- Because I have some mastery over souls (editing mine, boxing them up, finding others based on looking for theirs, holding them in my hands, even creating a couple from scratch), I have been called a Reaper on more than one occasion by people in communities I’ve frequented and by entities on the planes. This kind of gives me a presence that other demons and ill-meaning spirits will largely leave me alone because of, and it’s got some ground in fact, too. If I so choose to, I can shatter a soul in the palm of my (astral form’s) hand with barely any effort to speak of, instantly killing them, but I can also put one back together in an instant, effectively resurrecting the owner of it. And, if someone or something has died in the physical world that I know of, I can sort of show them the way to the well, which is what I like to call the place where souls go to get recycled into new living beings. It’s kind of a creepy ability to have even to me, and it’s not something I do all that frequently. I actually prefer not to get mixed up in matters of life and death as much as can avoid it, but you can be sure that if my family’s been hurt there’s going to be some muscle thrown around >:( Oh, and I can totally swing a long-handled scythe in and out of the planes like nobody’s business XD
- I can create little pocket dimensions or planes for my own personal use at will. Remember when I said I can do literally anything? I meant anything. I have one that’s basically my cottage, I have one that has only a mage tower in it of my own design, and I have a few others I’ve made here or there when I had to keep moving my family around in order to keep them safe.
- This is a newer one but as I suggested above with creating new souls, I can create people from stitching together different parts of souls from different wells and then also sculpting a form for them as well just from the ether. I’ve only done this a couple times and I’m not super interested in doing it all that often, there were just a couple situations where I felt like I had to, and it was like ‘hey, I can do this? Well, okay, cool’.
- And I can do so, so much more. Seriously if you can think of it, I already have and I’ve done it a dozen times over easily. It’s pretty insane what I can do over there.
So, after reading through all that, I’m sure you can see how people might think I’m ridiculously overpowered. I think I’m ridiculously overpowered, but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my abilities are very much based on sheer force of will, and I had to have a lot of that in order to counter some stuff in my early life (and my early life itself, see also: severely antagonistic primary caregiver).
I have some difficulties with these abilities as well, in that sometimes it can be way too easy to hurt someone with a stray thought that I don’t intend to harm at all, so I have to be very careful not to do that. My boxes (or barriers or shields, whatever your flavour) that I put around myself are so strong, that I actually can’t hear anyone on the planes, and we have to have conversations through empathy, hand signals, and vague impressions (which is annoying as hell to be honest, and sometimes I really just want to hear their voices). Finally, I have tried to dial it down a bit, learn some control over the force and strength of my abilities, but overdoing it just comes so naturally to me and due to the inability to hear anyone (and my actual ADHD making it difficult to focus in the first place), I can’t seem to keep up with any lessons I’ve sought out to give me some finer measure of control. Which feels a bit embarrassing with how reckless I continue to be. Sometimes controlling these abilities is like trying to direct and guide a fucking firehose - which is an appropriate analogy for me because odds are good that I set the place on fucking fire in the first place.
Well, that’s all I have for today I guess. If you found this interesting or want to ask me more about it, please feel free. Thanks for listening <3
