【 ❝ 𝐒ɦ𝖾 𝗌α𝗂ᑯ, “ 𝐓α𝗄𝖾 𝗒ⱺυ𝗋 𝗍𝗂ꭑ𝖾, ωɦα𝗍'𝗌 𝗍ɦ𝖾 𝗋υ𝗌ɦ?” 𝚰 𝗌α𝗂ᑯ, “ 𝐁αᑲ𝗒, 𝚰'ꭑ α ᑯⱺ𝗀, 𝚰'ꭑ α ꭑυ𝗍𝗍!! ” ❞】 ───𝐌υ𝗍𝗍 ᑲ𝗒 𝐋𝖾ⱺ𐓣 𝐓ɦⱺꭑα𝗌.
𝖦౿𐓣𝗋౿: 𝐅ᥣυ𝖿𝖿, 𝐒ᥣ𝗂𝖼𝖾 ⱺ𝖿 𝐋𝗂𝖿𝖾, 𝐄𝗌𝗍αᑲᥣ𝗂𝗌ɦ𝖾ᑯ 𝗋𝖾ᥣα𝗍𝗂ⱺ𐓣𝗌ɦ𝗂ρ, 𝐂ⱺꭑ𝖾ᑯ𝗒. 𝖢𝗁ɑ𝗋ડ: 𝐋𝖾ⱺ𐓣 𝐒 𝐊𝖾𐓣𐓣𝖾ᑯ𝗒. 𝖱౿ɑᑯ౿𝗋: 𝙉𝙤 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙔/𝙉❟ 𝙣𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙚𝙙❟ 𝙣𝙤 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙨. 𝖲ɕ౿𐓣ɑ𝗋ꪱ𝗈: 𝐇ⱺω ᑯⱺ𝖾𝗌 𝐋𝖾ⱺ𐓣 𝐊𝖾𐓣𐓣𝖾ᑯ𝗒 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌 𝗒ⱺυ? 𝐒𝗂ꭑρᥣ𝖾. 𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒𝐍𝐓 𝐇𝐄𝐒 𝐀 𝐏𝐀𝚰𝐍 𝚰𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊𝚰𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐒𝐒. 𝖠υ𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗋౿ડડ 𐓣𝗈𝗍౿ડ: 𝐔ꭑ… 𝗌ⱺ 𝚰 𝗃υ𝗌𝗍 𝖿ⱺυ𐓣ᑯ ⱺυ𝗍 ꭑ𝖾 α𐓣ᑯ 𝐋𝖾ⱺ𐓣 𝐊𝖾𐓣𐓣𝖾ᑯ𝗒 𝗌ɦα𝗋𝖾 𝗍ɦ𝖾 𝗌αꭑ𝖾 ᑲ𝗂𝗋𝗍ɦᑯα𝗒 ꭑⱺ𐓣𝗍ɦ, ɦ𝗂𝗌 ᑲᑯα𝗒 𝗂𝗌 𝐉υᥣ𝗒 31𝗌𝗍 α𐓣ᑯ ꭑ𝗂𐓣𝖾𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗍ɦ𝖾 24𝗍ɦ 𝗌ⱺ ɦαρρ𝗒 ᑲ𝗂𝗋𝗍ɦᑯα𝗒 𝗍ⱺ ɦ𝗂ꭑ!!
Leon slumped over the kitchen counter, tired and with a mug of coffee in his hands.
You leaned against the opposite counter, a mug cupped between your hands, watching him.
He looked entirely ridiculous. He was wearing a pair of faded grey sweatpants that had seen better decades and a black t-shirt that stretched tightly across his shoulders but was frayed at the hem. His signature bangs, usually kept in immaculate, gravity-defying order during high-stakes missions, were currently a chaotic, fluffy mess, falling directly into his eyes. Every few seconds, he would let out a heavy sigh, huffing a breath upward to blow the hair out of his face, only for it to fall right back into place.
"You gonna sit there and brood all day?" you asked, taking a sip of your coffee.
Leon stopped the movement, blinking his heavy lids as he looked up at you. A sleepy, slightly lopsided smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Cant help it. Residual adrenaline. Or maybe the coffee. Did you put extra caffeine in this batch?"
"Its standard roast, Leon. You're just experiencing the terrifying sensation of having nothing to do."
"Terrifying is right," he muttered, stretching his arms over his head. The fabric of his shirt rode up, exposing a strip of a dirty blond trail and the edge of a jagged scar from a mission three years ago. He let out a soft groan as his joints popped, then collapsed forward again, resting his chin on his folded forearms. He looked up at you through his eyelashes, a look that was entirely too soft for a man who routinely suplexed zealots and shot mutated monsters in the face. "Come here."
You set your mug down on the counter with a soft clink, a skeptical smile spreading across your face. "Why?"
"Because I miss you." He retorted.
Amused, you walked over to his side. Before you could even settle into a standing position next to him, Leon reached out, his large, calloused hand wrapping around your waist. With a gentle but unyielding tug, he pulled you flush against his side. He didnt let go, instead burying his face directly into your neck, letting out a contented, muffled sigh against the fabric of your shirt.
You laughed, running your fingers through his messy blonde hair. It was surprisingly soft, devoid of the hair gel he usually slathered on before heading to the DSO headquarters. "You are incredibly needy today... or maybe you want something."
"Mm. Just a nap," he mumbled, his voice vibrating against your hip. "With you. For about forty-eight hours."
"We have errands to run, Leon. We need groceries. The fridge is a wasteland."
"We can eat ice cubes. And sleep."
"That is not a sustainable diet for a government agent."
Leon finally lifted his head from your neck, shifting his position so his back was pressed against the counter, though his arm remained firmly anchored around your waist. He looked up at you, his blue eyes clear and bright despite the fatigue etched into the lines around them. The sunlight from the kitchen window caught the stubble along his jawline, giving him a rugged, unwashed charm that he wore entirely too well.
You looked down at him, feeling a sudden, overwhelming wave of affection. He looked so vulnerable like this, stripped of his tactical gear, his leather jacket, and the heavy burden of his responsibilities. He was just a guy in sweatpants who wanted to avoid grocery shopping.
You leaned down, tilting your head slightly to let him kiss you, trying to coax him into a better mood. Leon watched you silently... bad sign already.
As his face neared yours, you closed your eyes, anticipating the soft warmth of his lips against yours.
Instead, you felt a sudden, distinct pressure.
It wasn't the soft touch of lips. It was a pair of blunt teeth wrapping gently around the fleshy part of your cheek.
NOM.
A faint, absurdly soft vocalization escaped his throat as his teeth clamped down with enough pressure to register, but not enough to hurt. It was a textbook, deliberate bite.
Your eyes snapped open. You immediately stumbled backward, breaking his grip on your waist. Your hand flew up to clutch your cheek, which was now slightly damp.
"LEON!" you yelled, your voice cracking slightly in pure, unadulterated shock.
Leon remained leaning against the counter. He didnt look remorseful. In fact, a slow, utterly delighted grin spread across his face, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He looked utterly fucking smug he just bit you. Like some sort of dog kiss!
"What?" he asked, his voice dripping with feigned innocence.
"I ASKED FOR YOU TO KISS ME NOT BITE ME!!!"
Leon shifted, crossing his arms over his chest, his grin widening into something distinctly cocky. "I did kiss you!"
"NO YOU IDIOT THATS HOW DOGS KISS!"
Without missing a beat, Leon leaned his head back against the upper cabinet, his eyes locking onto yours with a terrifyingly smooth, unblinking intensity.
"I am a dog, for you."
You froze, staring at him. The sheer, unmitigated audacity of the statement hung in the air between you, heavy and ridiculous. You could actually feel the brain cells leaving your skull.
Lord have mercy.
The corny never left Leon. It didnt matter how many traumatic incidents he survived, how many shadowy government conspiracies he uncovered, or how many years passed. The man was fundamentally, biologically incapable of being normal when a terrible line was available to him. He was a walking, talking 1980s action movie quip machine, and you were his primary victim.
"You cannot be serious," you whispered, your hand still pressed against your abused cheek. "Did you actually just say that with a straight face?"
The lazy, sleepy demeanor from moments ago vanished, replaced by that smooth, predator-like confidence he possessed when he knew he had the upper hand. He took a single, deliberate step toward you, closing the distance until you were forced to tilt your head back to look at him.
He leaned down, his breath warm against your ear as he whispered the final blow.
"I like it ruff." (Rough.)
You let out a loud, horrified groan, covering your face with both hands as you took a massive step back, nearly tripping over the kitchen rug. "Oh my god. Stop. Stop talking. I am evicting you. Leave my apartment."
Leon threw his head back and laughed, a loud, genuine sound that echoed off the kitchen tiles. He reached out, grabbing your wrists and gently pulling your hands away from your face. His eyes were sparkling with mischief.
"Come on," he chuckled, pulling you back into his space. "It was a good line. Admit it."
"It was the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life, and I have heard you try to speak Spanish to cultists," you shot back, though the corners of your mouth were twitching.
"Ouch," Leon said, placing a hand over his heart in mock offense. "That hurts. I practice."
"Well, practice kissing like a human being instead of a golden retriever going through teething."
"Hey, come on," Leon nudged you with his shoulder, his chin resting on your collarbone. "Dont be like that. Besides, you cant blame me for trying to be paws-on in this relationship. I'm just looking for some re-tail therapy after a long week."
"Stop."
"I'm trying to unleash my affection."
"Leon, I swear to God." "What's the matter? Am I just too fetching for you to handle?" "Leon, I'm BEGGING YOU. Have some self respect!!!"
"Fine, fine," he laughed, finally giving you a proper, actual kiss on the side of your neck, lingering there for a sweet moment before pulling back to look at you. "But you have to admit, my love for you is pretty fur-real."
You stared at him for a long, silent moment, trying your absolute hardest to maintain a stern expression. But looking at his ridiculous, expectant face, you broke. A laugh snorted out of you, and you hid your face against his chest, shaking your head.
"The government pays you to save the world, and this is how you behave at home?"
"Fine, no more puns," he whispers, his blue eyes locked onto yours. "Let me try again. A real kiss. Standard human behavior. I can do that."
You look at him suspiciously. His expression seems sincere. His lips are parted slightly, looking soft and inviting. You feel your heart rate spike just a little, the irritation evaporating, replaced by that familiar, dizzying rush of being completely perceived by him.
"Promise?" you ask softly. "No teeth?"
"Promise," he murmurs.
You close your eyes, leaning forward once more. You can feel his breath on your skin. You wait for the soft, romantic climax to a ridiculous morning.
Chomp.
Your eyes fly open as he nips your cheek again, a tiny, playful little bite that is over as quickly as it started. He pulls back instantly, letting out a laugh as you swat wildly at his chest.
"LEON SCOTT FUCKING KENNEDY!" You shriek, reaching a hand up to push his face away.
"I couldnt help it!" he laughs, stepping back out of your striking range, his eyes sparkling with pure, unadulterated joy. "You're too ir-resist-tail-ble!"
You walk away, trying to feign anger but you weren't truly mad. "You are sleeping on the couch tonight!" you yell, though you are laughing now, unable to hold back the joy that his ridiculous, chaotic affection brings into your life.
"Hey!! Dont walk away from me- am I in the doghouse?" Leon says, blowing you a theatrical kiss from across the kitchen. "Guess that means I'll have to bark for it, you know I'm claw-strophobic."
"Leon." You warn, "we have neighbors."
"RUFF!" Leon barks, on his knees now.
He was actually on his knees... Leon Scott Kennedy, the legendary agent who had survived Raccoon City, rescued the president’s daughter, and stared down mutated bioweapons without blinking, was currently kneeling on your checkered kitchen rug, looking up at you with a wide, tongue-in-cheek grin.
"Ruff! Ruff!" he barked again, throwing his head back with entirely too much enthusiasm.
"Oh my god, shut up!" You scrambled forward, frantically waving your hands at him as if you could physically swat the sound waves out of the air. "Leon! The walls in this building are paper thin! Mrs. Gable next door already thinks I'm running a zoo because of how loud you watch action movies!"
Leon didnt care. If anything, your panic only fueled his determination. He plopped his hands onto the floor, genuinely committing to the bit, tracking your movements with wide, unblinking blue eyes. He let out a low, playful growl, digging his knees into the rug as he shifted his weight.
"Leon, I am begging you, get up," you whispered-yelled, feeling the heat rise to your face. You covered your eyes, but you could still hear the friction of his sweatpants against the floor as he crawled a few inches closer.
"Arooo," he let out a soft, mournful howl, pitching his voice down so it vibrated through the small kitchen.
"Thats it. I'm calling Hunnigan," you threatened, though the laugh bubbling up in your throat was making it incredibly hard to sound menacing. "I'm telling her the DSO needs to put you in a kennel. I'm telling her you've completely lost your mind."
"Tell Hunnigan I'm having a hound-erful time." Leon chuckled, his voice dropping back into its normal, gravelly register, though he stayed firmly on the floor. He crept forward until his head was level with your thighs. He didnt hesitate; he leaned in and pressed the crown of his head directly against your leg, nudging you firmly like a dog demanding head scratches. "Come on. Pet the dog. Give him a treat."
"After he just bit me?!"
"He'll bite again if you dontttt..."
You sighed, but your hands automatically found their way into his messy, dirty blonde hair anyway. The moment your fingers began to massage his scalp, Leon let out a long, dramatic sigh of pure contentment, practically melting against your legs.
"See? I'm a Good boy," he murmured, his eyes closing as he leaned into your touch.
You looked down at him, your fingers gently untangling the knots in his hair. For all his ridiculous, embarrassing antics, your heart was beating a steady, warm rhythm against your ribs. He was completely absurd, an absolute pain in the ass who refused to give you a normal kiss, but he was entirely yours.
"You're still sleeping on the couch," you reminded him softly, tugging playfully at a strand of his hair.
Leon opened one eye, a slow, confident smirk spreading across his face as he looked up at you from the floor.
"Thats fine," he murmured, his hand reaching up to gently grip your ankle. "I'll sneak into your bed at 3:00 AM. Dogs dont know how to follow rules anyway." Then he suddenly rolls over onto his back, lifting up his shirt shamelessly. "Now... rub my belly."
You stared down at his belly, fighting the massive smile tugging at your lips. "You are pushing thirty, Leon."
"And I'm a very good boy!" he lets out a soft howl again with a big smug grin.
ᑯⱺ𐓣𝗍 𝖿𝖾𝖾ᑯ ꭑ𝗒 𝗌ɦ𝗂𝗍 𝗍ⱺ α𝗂 ⱺ𝗋 𝚰'ᥣᥣ 𝗍𝖾ᥣᥣ ᑲᑲ𐓣ⱺ$ 𝗍ⱺ ᑯ𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌 υρ α𝗌 𝗒ⱺυ𝗋 𝖿α𝗏ⱺ𝗋𝗂𝗍𝖾 𝖼ɦα𝗋α𝖼𝗍𝖾𝗋 ω𝗂𝗍ɦ α 𝗍ɦⱺ𐓣𝗀 α𐓣ᑯ α 𝗍𝗋αꭑρ 𝗌𝗍αꭑρ 𝗍α𝗍𝗍ⱺⱺ. 𝐌𝗒 𝐋ⱺ𝗏𝖾ᥣ𝗒 𝐏α𝗌𝗌𝖾𐓣𝗀𝖾𝗋𝗌… @miyurimi @lokisloverisnthere @lawfem @aheonynan @kisses-for-kennedy
Ate this at 6?08 am. Yummy. Delicious. YUMM yum yummers.
(I’ve only ever seen one resident evil gameplay. And Leon wasn’t even in it.)
