calm - hollanov - @hollanovmicrofic - word count: 520 - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3
"I know I am not what you wanted for him."
Ilya says this as a statement of fact, rather than a question. He's not laboring under any delusions that Shane's parents looked at their child when he was small and wished for him to be with a Russian asshole who can't keep his mouth shut. Especially one that is a man. It bothers him, not a small amount, but he also knows that it can't be helped.
But Yuna, who is sitting with him in front of the television as David and Shane stand in the kitchen, pointing to a cabinet that is concerning them for some reason, both of their monotone voices low as they stand with identical stances, hands on their faces and eyebrows furrowed, just gives Ilya an unreadable look.
Her eyes, which remind him of Shane's, pierce his soul for a long moment. Then, she says, "Ilya. Has Shane told you about what used to happen when he'd get overwhelmed as a child?"
He frowns, struck once again by the fact that though he feels like he knows Shane better than anyone else in the entire world, there is still so much more to learn. "No."
"When something bad happened, or things were too loud, or scary, or big changes happened...he would...well, you saw," she explains gently, obviously referring to how Shane had shut down at the table at Yuna and David's house the day before. "He'd stop talking. Hyperventilate–breathe really fast, that is–or start to cry. Shut himself in his room, or even try to bang his head against the wall." Her voice cracks a little at the last phrase, and Ilya's heart breaks a little as well, picturing a tiny Shane with tears in his eyes, trying to get ahold of emotions he couldn't even explain. "It used to take us hours to calm him down."
"That is...I am sorry. Must have been difficult. For everyone," he murmurs, because he can't find the words to explain his urge to travel back in time and scoop that small child into his arms.
"It wasn't easy," Yuna relents, giving him a tight smile. "But the point is, even as he got older, it was still hard for him. Still is hard for him, when he gets upset. He just…stops talking. Gets overwhelmed. David and I have tried everything to help. But when he gets like that, it’s....But Ilya, seeing you calm him yesterday in a matter of seconds?"
He blinks, thinking back again. Yes, he had calmed Shane, but it hadn't been some difficult puzzle. It'd just been a firm touch, a few simple words. Instinct, really. "Was not a big deal," he murmurs, flushing.
"It was. And that is the only thing we've ever wanted for Shane. Someone who understands and loves him enough to be there for him like he needs. We don't care about anything else," Yuna says, smiling softly.
He blinks again, taking that in. But even though it sounds too good to be true, it makes a little sense. "Okay," he nods, accepting her words for now.
