big baby

[owlpip]

hey shortcake 🍓

[ao3-spideypool]

Blazed (Smoking Weed is Gay)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MDN5WF

by GreendaleHumanBeing

Peter is burnt out. Wade has been watching a lot of cult classics. Five times these fucking nerds smoke weed together.

‘Peter kicks a crushed La Croix can across the damp sidewalk. The empty clunk clunk clunk fades as the can disappears from view. Before the silence yawns further, Peter says, “my whole vibe is not wasting away just to live.”

“It sucks shit.” Wade mumbles softly, grabbing the outstretched joint from between Peter’s fingers like fucking Michelangelo painted it. “I’m wasting away and can’t die so my vibe is vibing.” He says this around the joint as if the smoke is comprised of this brief vulnerability—escaping Wade before he straightens up.

“Wade—”

He waves a hand. Letting the moment wash over him instead of soaking it in. Wade’s mellowed out a bit over the years. Gotten better at being a duck instead of a sponge. Peter’s proud. “I guess my point is, before I got all Happy Bunny ‘it’s all about me’ is; it’s supposed to wear us out. That’s the design. We gotta be selfish. Wring out all the good we can—take it before it’s given and give it back to whoever else is getting fucked too.”’

Words: 6088, Chapters: 2/7, Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse), Deadpool (Movieverse)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, M/M

Characters: Wade Wilson, Peter Parker, Johnny Storm, Gwen Stacy, Mary Jane Watson

Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Additional Tags: Bisexual Peter Parker, Stoner Peter Parker, Recreational Drug Use, Weed, So much oui’d y'all, John Waters references, Wade Loves John Waters, Burnt Out Peter Parker, Peter is like 26, ACAB, Twilight References, Banter, God so much banter, Kissing, Texting, Gratuitous Emojis, Bisexual Gwen, Nosy MJ, Capitalism sucks, Shitty Day Job

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2MDN5WF

[lordrenkylo]

Hehehe I wrote this

[lordrenkylo]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

I wrote this Spideypool fic about burnt out bisexual leftist Stoner Peter Parker :) it’s v gay and references John waters a lot

[lordrenkylo]

I am back to say I’m currently writing a Spideypool fanfic about 28 yr old stoner communist Peter Parker. Five times he’s smoked weed with Wade ;) It’s taking me a bit to flesh out but I wanted to share some snippets below the cut.

Snippet 1: J-walk

Sometimes, Wade walks him home from work. Always on the nights Peter is bone-weary from prior late-night patrols into long day-job shifts. Wade claims it’s for the free food despite never eating it and always making sure it ends up in Peter’s fridge by the end of the night. Peter always smells like someone tried to barbeque ranch dressing, but Wade says he doesn’t mind. This time, Peter greets Wade with an outstretched hand. 

“Please tell me you have weed. Please.” Peter says in a rush. He’s tired and keyed up. Bone-weary, crusty and on fucking edge. 

There’s a huffed laugh from the darkness of Wade’s hood as he passes Peter a beautifully rolled joint. 

“Nothing but the best for you, babe.” 

Peter blows smoke into his face. 

“Oh this is good.” Peter relishes, tipping his head back to take in the smoggy New York midnight. It smells like weed smoke and fresh piss. 

“The weed or the piss? Just wanna make sure we’re on the same page, darlin’” 

Walking backwards, Peter snatches the joint from between Wade’s lips. 

“If I didn’t love the smell of piss I wouldn’t be living in the piss capital of the world.” Peter stretches his arms out to the dirty streets in front of him. A few rats are tittering nearby, and a houseless man is in fact pissing on a wall in the alley they’re walking past. 

“You know what they say,” Wade starts thoughtfully. “Where there’s a massive wealth disparity there’s bound to be a whole lotta piss.”

Snippet 2: Hell House

When they walk into Hell House the ruckus and hollering stills. The cloud of tobacco and weed smoke that had mingled together is dissipating in the fresh air from outside. As the smog rushes out, Peter and Wade are revealed falling over each other to reach a booth. Weasel immediately groans. 

“Not you fucks again!” Weasel balls up his apron and tosses it dramatically onto the counter. Peter thinks this is unnecessarily showy and says as much. Wade barks a laugh, holding onto Peter for support. The barkeep massages the bridge of his nose, talking directly into the palm of his hand. 

“You two Freaks and Geeks motherfuckers almost ate me out of house and home literally last fucking night! Not to mention you kicked Human Mewtwo’s freaky ass at pool.” Weasel sticks out his thumb towards a sullen looking man with bulbus fingers and a misshapen face. “You shits know he hates to lose.” 

Wade doubles over and guffaws. “’Ate you out’ hehe,” he mumble-says. “As if.” 

Peter shrugs and hits his vape pen with more oomph, just to see the vein in Weasel’s forehead pulse. He has Wade keeled over the bar when he blows smoke directly into Weasel’s face.

[petey-pie]

[aiwa-sensei]

30 day AU challenge: 2.High School

“Say cheese!”

 Super strict history teacher Harry Hart has a soft spot for certain part-time janitor.

[themoriarty-deactivated20181204]

kylux fic recs

ok, i’ve been meaning to this since february (oops me), but better later than ever. down below are A++ fics, the one’s you can read and reread and then read again a while latter. seriously they are amazing. thank you dear writers for creating them and letting us read them <3

PRE/POST THE FORCE AWAKENS:

Children, Wake Up by hollycomb, 418k wip Hux follows orders and loses his way. The Slightest Shift In The Weather, A New Kind Of Fear, 31k wip by Clarice Chiara Sorcha The first time they met, they were neither General nor Master – they were only Major, and Knight. Things might have been better had they just stayed that way.

Not About Angels by MellytheHun, 176k wip General Hux makes several mistakes; his first, existing on the same plane of reality as Kylo Ren. His second; saving Kylo Ren from certain death. His third; striking a deal with the beauty-marked, raven-haired devil himself.

In A Place Where No One Appeared by Gefionne, 119k Following the destruction of Starkiller Base, General Hux is ordered to remove a wounded Kylo Ren to a place where he can recuperate. Knowing nowhere else to house him safely and discreetly, Hux takes Ren to his family’s estate on Arkanis.

the ghosts won’t matter ‘cause we’ll hide in sin by Clarice Chiara Sorcha, 51k Kylo Ren defects from the First Order, taking only one thing with him. General Hux, however, does not appreciate being hauled around the galaxy like an oversized suitcase full of contraband garbage.

Finitum by plinys, 35k, tags: friends to ENEMIES to lovers Lieutenant Hux gets a mission to pick up an asset for the Supreme Leader from the ruins of a massacred temple, and the entire course of his life is changed in one moment by the appearance of a bloodstained boy who calls himself Ben.

FORCE SENSITIVE HUX:

Smooth the Descent (and Easy Is the Way) by Metallic_Sweet, 38k Hux is simply a tool with remarkable instinct. (Or, Hux is Force-sensitive, but he doesn’t understand it that way.)

Don’t Fade Away by MargaretKire, 69k wip This was not the calm brightness of last night in the presence of Kylo Ren. This was a different sort of light altogether, massive and deadly.

Order in Chaos by Ezlebe, 110k Supreme Leader lifts his chin, countenance poised and inarguable. “Your sacrifice is not hollow, nor meaningless. You will assuredly follow him into greatness.”

HUMAN AU:

downbeat by acroamatica, 17k,  tags: orchestra au  Maestro Hux is at the helm of the Erste Orden Sinfonie for their big gala concert, a programme of the most stunning piano concertos ever written. With his continued employment and the future of the whole orchestra on the line, the last thing he needs is the incredibly arrogant (but wildly talented) piano soloist Kylo Ren. 

Doctor’s Orders by JinxedAmbitions, 93k wip,  tags: doctor hux The last thing he needs is Kylo Ren constantly taking up space in his waiting room for every imagined illness he can come up with. Hux isn’t sure if he hasn’t been loved enough or he’s got one hell of a doctor kink, and he doesn’t particularly care to find out. 

Off the Rails by JinxedAmbitions, 37k,  tags: manager hux Hux manages the day-to-day running of a luxury train. When one of his personal attendants gets violently ill during one of the legs of their journey, Hux takes their place in the private cabin of the infamous Kylo Ren. 

It’s Dark Here Next To The Spotlight by Starshaker, 51k,  t: manager hux Kylo Ren has undeniable talent on the big screen, but it’s Hux’s job to control all his talent for tantrums and destruction off screen. 

Checking Out by TabisMouse, 29k,  tags: manager hux Flights are grounded as a blizzard sweeps through town and Manager Hux is frustrated enough at having to man the front desk against the influx of irritated and irrational hotel guests.

Hotline Bling by minzimpression, 36k,  tags: sexting  Hux wants a dick pic from his recent hook-up. Unfortunately, he texts the wrong number.

Sentimental Rubbish by samzillastomps, 66k wip,  tags: mafia au In a city run by criminals, mob families, and militias, two kids grow up and struggle to embrace the darkness that surrounds them.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE / CANON DIVERGENCE:

Escape Velocity by Clarice Chiara Sorcha, 50k wip,  tags: politics au Brendol Hux Jr., only son of a former First Order commandant who sold out to the New Republic, struggles to find a means of advancement in a political world that rejects his Imperial pedigree at every turn.

Just Don’t Put Down Your Guns, Yet by acroamatica, CyanideBreathmint, 103k wip, tags: inception au Inception-styled modern AU fic, where I tone down the angst and drive up the suitporn and gunporn.

A Song of Crows by Ficlet-Machine, 55k wip, tags: fantasy au Warchief Hux has just buried his trusted Crow, and, if the Gods still favour him, a new one will find their way to his lands. The House of Paper Bones by ofcorsetstrash, 57k, tags: very au  Cadet Prestor Hux is everything he is supposed to be. Son of the Commandant Brendol Hux, with perfect scores in every class, perfect performance in battle simulations, and perfect control of everything at all times. Any outside observer would say he led the perfect life.

Ex Machina by sual, 32k, tags: droid hux, ben solo au An AU inspired by Ex Machina where Ben Solo never became Kylo Ren, General Hux is a droid that used to be human, and they might just be what the other needs.

Breaking Down Like Fractions by Flyting, 9k, tags: ben solo au And then the Resistance captures a prize: General Hux of the First Order. He’s building a base somewhere that can destroy an entire star system at once. And Ben is the only one who can find out where it is.

[suzannartafterdark]

uh so Hux is lowkey obsessed with Kylo’s gigantic chest and stops giving a fuck this one time they get wasted

Kylo is amused yet flattered :)

[isadancurtisproduction]

The Pants

“So, who wears the pants in the relationship?” The man waggled his eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”

Wade’s hand curled tighter in Peter’s, and Peter knew, without having to look, that Wade was glaring at the man who’d started a conversion with them on the subway. The guy was a jerk, but a harmless one, and Peter just wanted the dude to step back and let them have their private time. It was Friday, date night. They were on their way to a little Bulgarian theater that played old horror movies on Fridays at midnight. Tonight was Bride of Frankenstein.

Peter pointedly looked down at his jeans-clad legs and then over to Wade’s cargo pants. He looked up at the man with an unimpressed expression.

“Well,” Peter said, “currently we’re both wearing pants, so…” he trailed off.

“Yeah,” said the man, and gave a smarmy little grin, “but who wears the pants?”

“Do you see either of us wearing skirts right now?” Wade practically growled.

“Later…” Peter let the word roll slowly across his tongue and he shrugged. “Well, later I plan on getting us both pants-less. Then neither of us will be wearing the pants. Or the underwear. Or you know, anything else”

The man scoffed and readjusted his ill-fitting suit. “What I mean” he said, as if speaking to someone particularly dense, “is which one you is the girl?”

Peter gaped at the man. “Are you serious? You’re really going to ask that here?” He looked to the old woman reading the funny papers across from him, the young father cradling an infant in his hand, the pair of teenage girls with piercings and radically colored hair sitting farther down the car. “On public transport?”

The man sneered. “I just want to know how you gays have sex. Don’t make such a big deal out it!”

“Ok, I’m going to stop you right there,” Peter said. “We’re not telling you shit.”

Wade tucked his face into the crook of Peter’s shoulder, thus muffling his voice when he said, “I’m going to slice open this douche-nozzle’s carotid artery.”

“No you’re not,” Peter said, “because this incredibly invasive and rude man is going to leave us alone.” Peter turned to the man. “Isn’t he?”

“Why should I?” the man asked.

“Because you’re not a total idiot?” Wade rejoined and pulled a bowie knife from the small of his back. He gestured with it to the man and the noise around them dropped. The old woman eyed Wade’s knife with suspicion.

“Urk,” the man said and leapt to his feet. He rushed to the end of the car and made a quick beeline off the train as soon as the doors slid open.

“Wade,” Peter chastised.

“What?” Wade said. “That totally worked.”

“He deserved it,” one of the teenage girls said and then took her companion’s hand and laced their fingers together.

“Shouldn’t have used the knife,” the old woman said and folded up her newspaper. “He’ll get the police now, dearies.”

“See?” Peter said.

“I woulda decked him” the father offered, “only Aubrey just fell asleep and it’s so hard to get her down.”

Wade stuck out his fist and the father fist-bumped him.

As the train slowed for the next station Peter could see a pair of police officers waiting.

“And there they are,” the old woman said.

The doors slid open, and Wade made to confront them, but the woman waved them away. 

“Thanks,” Peter whispered and grabbed Wade’s hand to pull them to the platform. 

Peter could hear the cops talking, asking after a knife-wielding lunatic.

“We haven’t seen anyone like that,” one of the girls.

“Are you sure?” a cop asked.

“You think I’d lie about something like that?” the young father asked, “I’ve got a baby!”

Peter let out a peal of laughter and Wade grabbed his hand in a tighter hold.

Up they ran, through throngs of people, tired business workers and girls in tight dresses, up dingy, dimly-lit stairs, up into the smoggy, smoky air and twinkling lights of the city that never sleeps. And on they went, still laughing, hand in hand.

An homage pants in general, and to sitting in a dressing room with my one-try-fit Levi’s while my mom tried on every pair of pants available. 

[lemony-thicket]

Visit Original Link

[howverydrarry]

Malfoy was the best form of evil, if only because he made those little sounds that he’d deny later when Harry touched his stomach, his hips, lower. And his teeth would crash into Harry’s lips, or his teeth, or his tongue, and Harry would taste blood and not care to find out whose it was. “I hate you. Shut up and kiss me,” Malfoy might say, And then Harry would be shoved up against a wall, his shoulder blades digging into the cold stone and there was a mouth biting at his lips, and pushing a tongue inside and— Really, Malfoy was such a drama queen.

Nightingale by michi_thekiller (via howverydrarry)

[shantyarchive]

They will see us waving from such great heights, “Come down now,” they’ll say But everything looks perfect from far away, “Come down now,” but we’ll stay…

[sarahconnorjr]

But do u think canon spideypool could happen

Yeah, I actually do think that Spiderman and Deadpool will eventually date. I don’t believe the current writers will get them together but the upcoming generation is definitely going to change Spiderman, no one under the age of 30 seems to think he is actually heterosexual, millennials more or less have grown up believing that Spiderman is bisexual so once people in our generation start writing him it’s going to be canon

And the only reason I think Spiderman and Deadpool will eventually date is because comic books are soap opera and everyone dates everyone they can at some point, especially Spiderman. It would obviously sell well.

[sciderman]

the only kind of therapy i can afford (i need it) 

[lethal-desires]

“C'mon baby. You don’t mean that. It’s alright. It’s just the mood swings.”

[childofsquid]

i like to think Peter gives Wade millions of opportunity’s for sweet romantic moments, but Wade can never let them last. 

I live for the HC that Peter is a hopeless, cheesy romantic while Wade is cheesy but really bad at the romance stuff without making it slightly more raunchy and sexual 

[spideylacus]

you’re welcome @midorieyes