It's diabolical, honestly. In the front, you get this utter disregard for group harmony in tiny innocuous ways (creating situations that promote hierarchy, reasons for people to compare how much other people like them, the "I dont have to be friends with everyone" attitude right off the bat, people talking about themselves too much [a faux pas, you let others bring you up, you never mention yourself] etc.) and in the back you get a blanket ban on dropping any semblance of face.
Personally, I find it quite cold and not at all friendly. It's giving corporate. People start off rude as hell and will later act surprised when you try to upgrade their friendship subscription to "uncensored". They start thinking Oh, you're showing your true colors... which is just not how face works.
Because "face" has tiers. There is your core intent and the layers you put on top of it. "Brash and cruel" is just "this is an invitation to get behind the damn face".
I start thinking I'm tweaking. I begin to question my sanity. 15 other Asians drop into a group chat to tell me Im not tweaking, theyve seen this shit play out 249439430340 times as well.
So honestly, I give a side-eye when people say "Oh, your people are so friendly and non-confrontational." because they will also later be surprised at what they perceive to be explosive tempers.
People will call Asians rude, non-confrontational, friendly, temperamental and every contradiction without considering that:
They put you in situations that are very awkward because they make you ask for favors, inclusion, etc.
They impose in material ways where you will have to explicitly turn them down. Can you do this, can you do that.
For some reason, questions about family, dating, work, etc. which are just words are treated as personal and rude, but again, no problem with imposing on you materially.
They "come as they are" but will react negatively if you start interacting with them without layers of face.
Honestly, I'm finding int'l fandom and ppl deep in the Asian cultural sauce have very different ideas of friendship. They just cant wrap their head around face for your community, face for your family, face for your friends, and face with your deemed-kin. It's all just face for community with them, and it can drive a doll up the wall getting treated like you're psycho for upgrading people to tier 3.
Also, because we're already here: formal apologies. They're fucking diabolical too. Awkward on both ends. Given between people who are not equals.
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