she/her 23 ⚕️ my blog is really messy with snippets of my life, bts' real life and fics🌌 aot is my Bhagavad geetha isayama, my krishna I'm a medical intern and besides human body, - music, literature, mind, stars, snow covered hills, rain, trees and art fascinate me. I also enjoy doing yoga and my little workout session and occasional yet frequent jogs in the campus. when I'm not nose deep in textbooks, I might be star gazing and lost in time or maybe reading a book
𖤐 hii everyone i hope you all are well :< this was requested! hopefully i did it justice ;) also - first chapter of my new series just came out: inspired by arirang + swim mv…..bye angels!!
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• the moment he finds out
— jungkook doesn’t find out because you sit him down and tell him that he’s your first love, he finds out because he’s observant, because he’s always watching you, always paying attention.
— it happens one night when you’re sitting together on his couch, your head resting on his shoulder while he scrolls through something on his phone. he’s talking about a relationship he had years ago, not even seriously, just mentioning it in passing.
— and when he glances down at you, you’re suddenly very interested in the blanket covering your lap. that’s when he knows something is up.
— “what?”
— you immediately shake your head. “nothing.”
— “that’s definitely not nothing.”
— and after several minutes of him poking at the conversation, you finally admit it.
— you’ve never had a boyfriend before. ever.
— no first relationship. no first anniversary. no first “good morning” texts. nothing.
— for a second jungkook just stares at you. not because he’s judging you, but because suddenly so many things make sense. the way you got nervous the first time he held your hand. the way you spent twenty minutes choosing a text message before sending it. the way your face turned bright red when someone referred to him as your boyfriend.
— and instead of teasing you, his expression softens. completely, because suddenly he realizes something important. every single relationship milestone you’re experiencing…
— you’re experiencing with him first.
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• boyfriend things you never got to experience before
— jungkook becomes very aware of your firsts after that. not in a weird way, in a protective way, because he knows these moments matter to you.
— he remembers the first time he picked you up for a date, the first time he kissed you, the first time you stole one of his hoodies and refused to give it back, the first time you fell asleep on his shoulder during a movie.
— he remembers everything.
— sometimes months later he’ll randomly bring something up. “remember when you were too nervous to call me?”
— and you’ll immediately hide your face, while he’s sitting there smiling because he remembers exactly how cute you looked.
— you’ll complain that he’s embarrassing, he’ll complain that you’re adorable, and somehow neither of you wins.
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• him realizing how much you trust him
— out of everything, this is what affects jungkook the most. the trust.
— because being someone’s first boyfriend isn’t just about cute milestones, it means you’re trusting him with experiences you’ve never had before.
— you’re trusting him with your first relationship. your first heartbreak, if things ever went wrong. your first real love, and that’s not something jungkook takes lightly.
— sometimes he’ll be holding your hand while walking somewhere and the realization hits him all over again. you chose him. out of everyone. him.
— and honestly? it scares him a little, because suddenly he wants to get everything right. he wants your memories of your first relationship to be good ones. he wants you to feel loved, safe, cherished. he wants you to look back years from now and smile when you remember him.
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• your first time sleeping beside him
— The first time you fall asleep together, you’re nervous for absolutely no reason. Well. Several reasons.
— You’re aware of everything. How close he is, how warm he is, how easily his arm settles around your waist.
— Meanwhile Jungkook looks completely relaxed. Which honestly feels unfair, because you’re overthinking every movement while he’s already pulling you closer against his chest like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
— “Comfortable?”
— “No.”
— He laughs immediately. That deep sleepy laugh, the one that makes your stomach flip. Then he kisses your forehead and pulls the blankets higher around both of you.
— “We’ve got all night.” And somehow that makes everything easier, because he never rushes you, never makes you feel silly for being nervous, never acts like you should already know what you’re doing. He just lets you figure things out at your own pace, with him right beside you.
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• when he realizes how easily he affects you
— Jungkook discovers very quickly that he doesn’t have to do much to make you flustered. A look. A compliment. His arm around your waist. That’s usually enough.
— Which becomes a problem. Because once he realizes this? He starts enjoying it way too much.
— You’ll be talking about something completely normal and suddenly he’s staring. Just staring, eyes focused entirely on you.
— And eventually you’ll stop talking. “What?”
— “Nothing.”
— “Jungkook.”
— Tiny smile. “No, keep talking.”
— that somehow makes it worse, because now you’re aware of how close he is. How his hand is resting on yours, how he’s looking at you, and meanwhile he’s completely entertained by your reaction.
— The worst part? The second you hide your face, he’s pulling your hands away. “Don’t do that.”
— “Why?”
— “Wanna see you.”
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• the first time he realizes he’s in love with being your first boyfriend
— this is not because of possessiveness, not because nobody came before him, but because every experience feels special.
— The first relationship nickname, the first anniversary, he’s the first person you call when something good happens, the first person you want beside you when something goes wrong.
— Sometimes jungkook’ll catch himself thinking about it randomly. Like when you’re walking together holding hands, or when you steal his hoodie, or when you automatically curl up beside him on the couch.
— he’ll smile to himself, because those things are normal relationship moments for most people, but they’re new for you. And somehow you chose him to experience them with.
— Which still amazes him. Every single day.
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• when you stop being nervous
— His favorite moment isn’t actually your first date. Or your first kiss. Or any of the big milestones. It’s the day he notices you’ve stopped hesitating, stopped second-guessing yourself, stopped worrying about whether you’re doing things right.
— Because now you’re reaching for his hand first, leaning against him automatically, stealing kisses from his cheek without getting embarrassed afterward.
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• when he realizes how inexperienced you actually are
— At first, Jungkook thinks you’re just shy. Shy about holding hands, shy about compliments, shy whenever he gets too close.
— But the longer you’re together, the more he starts noticing things. The way you secretly google relationship questions, the way you ask your friends whether certain things are normal, the way you overthink every little milestone between the two of you. He notices all of it.
— And one night, while you’re curled against his side in bed watching a movie neither of you are paying attention to anymore, he catches you staring at your intertwined hands. Just staring. Lost in thought.
— “What?”
— You immediately shake your head.“Nothing.”
— “It wasn’t nothing.”
— “It was.”
— “It definitely wasn’t.”
— Eventually you sigh, then admit it. “I just never thought I’d have this.”
— Jungkook’s entire expression changes, because suddenly he understands. You aren’t nervous because you’re uncertain about him, you’re nervous because all of this is new. The hand holding, the cuddling, the good morning texts, the kisses goodbye, everything.
— And for some reason that realization completely wrecks him, because now all he can think about is how much trust you’re placing in him. How every relationship memory you’re making is being made with him first, and suddenly he wants to protect every single one of them.
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• your first sleepover as his girlfriend
— The first time you stay overnight with him, you’re so nervous it’s almost ridiculous. You spend an hour deciding what pajamas to bring, you overthink where you’ll sleep, you overthink whether you’ll snore, you overthink literally everything.
— Meanwhile Jungkook thinks it’s adorable. Not that he tells you that immediately, because he knows you’d die of embarrassment.
— Instead he just quietly helps you settle in, shows you where everything is, lets you take your time, and acts completely normal, even though he’s secretly smiling every time you get flustered.
— The thing that finally breaks him? When you emerge from the bathroom looking nervous and immediately ask: “Is this okay?” Referring to your pajamas.
— And Jungkook just stares, because suddenly he’s realizing how badly you want everything to go right. How much effort you’re putting into something that feels effortless to him.
— His chest hurts a little in the best way, so he simply reaches for your hand, pulls you closer, and presses a kiss to your forehead. “You’re cute, you know that?”
— Then he watches your entire face turn red.
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• clingy boyfriend jk after he discovers you’re touch-starved
— Jungkook discovers something very dangerous early into the relationship: You love affection, you just aren’t used to receiving it. Which means every little thing affects you. His arm around your shoulders, his fingers brushing yours, his hand resting on your knee during car rides.
— The first time he pulls you into his lap while you’re both watching a movie, you practically stop functioning, and he notices immediately. Of course he does. He’s Jungkook, nothing gets past him.
— The movie continues playing, but neither of you are watching it, because now he’s distracted by how nervous you are. How your hands don’t know where to go, how you’re trying so hard to act normal. Eventually he wraps both arms around your waist, pulls you comfortably against his chest, and rests his chin on your shoulder.
— “Relax.” Easy for him to say. He’s not the one whose heart is trying to escape through their ribs, but eventually you do relax.
— You settle against him naturally, and once that happens? Jungkook is finished, because now he never wants to sit normally again.
— If you’re nearby, he wants you touching him somehow. Holding hands, curled into his side, sitting beside him. Resting your head on his shoulder.
— Anything. Everything. Because he gets just as addicted to your affection as you are to his.
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• when you get shy about relationship things
— Sometimes Jungkook forgets that things which feel normal to him still feel huge to you. Like introducing each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. Or couple photos. Or meeting family members.
— The first time someone asks who he is and you quietly answer: “My boyfriend.” Jungkook almost loses his mind. Not outwardly, internally, because hearing you say it does something to him.
— The shy smile afterward. The way you immediately look away. The tiny blush spreading across your cheeks. He’s completely gone.
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• when he catches himself imagining your future together
— This one scares him. A little.
— Because one night you’re asleep beside him. Curled into his chest, wearing one of his shirts. Completely peaceful, and he’s supposed to be sleeping too.
— Because suddenly he starts realizing how attached he’s become, how important you’ve become, how natural you feel in his life. And then an even more dangerous thought appears.
— He doesn’t want to be your first boyfriend. He wants to be your last one too. And that realization hits him so hard that he actually laughs quietly to himself.
— Because he’s gone. Completely. Hopelessly. Embarrassingly gone. For the girl who still gets excited when he holds her hand.
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:< thanks so much for reading, requests are always open for new ideas :)
‧✧̣̇‧ Genre: muscle pig!Jungkook, strangers to lovers au, fluff, angst, college au, very enthusiastic kook, shy chubby reader, self hatred to self love au.
‧✧̣̇‧ Summary: Daisy takes you to the club and Jungkook tells you something that you never thought he would say.
‧✧̣̇‧ Warnings: cussing, drinking.
‧✧̣̇‧ Word count: 5.1k
“Wait WHAT?” Daisy shrieked and you’re glad that Yoon had a last minute trip that weekend, otherwise she’d try to sneak past your room to get the gossip” you’re shitting me right?”
You sigh and snuggle into your teddy bear,” I’m not.”
“But he likes you,” she pouts and you think you might have blushed just a little,” well shit, if you two don’t end up together then love really doesn’t exist.”
“Love does exist, it’s just not for me.”
Daisy pout turns into a glare and you have to hide your smile,” shut up.”
You chuckle even though it still stings. It’s been exactly a week since the kiss at the lake but the pain in your chest hasn’t eased one bit. That’s why you called Daisy who was more than happy to come to your place to hang out, you hoped telling her would help a little but you still feel helplessly in love with Jungkook.
You sigh once again and she notices how gloomy you seem, but you can’t help it. There’s been a sort of tension with Jungkook now, you still talk and work out everyday but there’s a feeling that lingers between you two and you’re not sure you like it.
“Come here my little love sick baby.” Daisy coddles you, hugging you tightly and almost suffocating you with her breasts
You whine and giggle just a little bit, she pulls back and cups your cheeks,“You know what?” Daisy squeezes them and coos because she feels like you’re her little sister now so she’ll do whatever she can to make you feel better and she knows just the thing you need,” let’s go to the fucking club.”
“The club? But Daisy I-“
“Babe don’t worry this club I go to is so fat friendly,” she looks excited and it’s like her excitement is surging through her to you because now you feel just as excited,” the bouncers are so sweet and respectful and BIG and I mean big Yn! Probably bigger than your man, they kick out any assholes and the drinks are fucking fantastic!”
You think it over, you’ve only been to a club once and got rude comments from men there and you said never again, but you trust Daisy. You know that she wouldn’t take you to a place where you would feel uncomfortable. Plus, it would be a good opportunity for you to meet new people and forget about that little achy feeling in your chest.
“Okay.” You smile and Daisy practically jumps off your bed to pull you to your feet.
“Fuck yea! I’ve been wanting to style you for the longest time.”
You feel excitement tingling through your fingertips and throughout your body. You thought about inviting Jungkook but you know that little tension between you two will feel heavier and you’d rather have a night to just have fun. Daisy drags you back to her place and you’re in awe at how nice and big it is. You know that she’s a full time influencer but you never actually realized how well she does for herself as one.
She shows you her walk-in closet and proceeds to dump a bunch of clothes on you. She puts her sexy playlist on and you both try on every outfit she picked out. Daisy hypes you up in every outfit you put on and you’re starting to feel good about yourself again. Being with her made you feel a new type of confidence that you’ve been craving for your entire life, the confidence to just exist in your own body.
After your little dress up party, Daisy puts the prettiest makeup on you and her and then dresses herself in all black with skinny jeans that hugged her curves and a mesh top that showed off her bra, she didn’t mind one bit. Daisy spent a while in her closet looking for your outfit for tonight but she ended up styling you in tight ripped jeans that so lovingly sat on your curves, with a corset top and a leather jacket. It showed off your cleavage and you felt shy at first but the way Daisy hyped you up again and called you sexy made the fear in your heart feel like it wasn’t real. Like the night at Yoongis launch party, you felt excited but most importantly you felt sexy again it was a refreshing feeling that you loved feeling.
When Daisy said the club she goes to was fat friendly she wasn’t lying, it almost felt like culture shock seeing so many people in different sizes in one place. You’ve never seen people with bodies like yours dancing and having fun like they are now. It’s making you excited to go meet new people and have fun.
Daisy drags you to the bar and introduces you to her friends. One friend, Hani, wore an outfit that made her look like a fairy, another friend, Melly, had an afro that was shaped into teddy bear ears. You loved their glowing confidence and felt like these are the people you were meant to be with. They compliment you and you feel included, it’s a weird feeling, a feeling you've never felt even with your own friends. It makes the loud music of the club even more exciting and you and Daisy start drinking every fruity drink on the menu.
You’ve always been a light drinker, five drinks later you’re starting to feel buzzed and emotional as you’re dancing next to Daisy. Especially because she’s holding you tight and yelling over the music,”You’re beautiful yn-“
“No you’re beautiful-“
“I am but listen,” she slurs and you nod your head like you are listening,” you’re beautiful, personality and everything babe, jung cock is a loser for not being at your feet worshiping you!”
“You’re right!” You shout over the music,” I should be worshipped!”
The club screams in agreement and you and Daisy take one more shot together.
Meanwhile Jungkook is at home fishing for sharks on Animal Crossing since he thinks they’d look good on your island. He has Bam on his lap and Yoongi by his side but instead of interacting with them he’s thinking about what you might be doing. And even though he’s been trying to give you space after the kiss he can’t seem to start to miss you already.
So he looks at his phone, still no message but he has a notification that you posted in your story. He quickly clicks on your icon and is ready to flood your inbox with hearts.
But what he saw instead completely derailed his plans.
“Holy fucking shit.” Jungkook almost screams as he falls off of the couch with Bam, he scares Yoongi who was sitting next to him editing pics on his laptop with lost inspiration.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Yoongi glares at him but Jungkooks is too busy replaying your story to care about his threatening stare.
“S-Sorry Hyung,” His heart freezes in his chest. He feels his whole world crashing and crumbling right beneath his feet.
Was that really you?
He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
You, at the club, drinking and dancing and most importantly wearing that. There was nothing wrong with your outfit, he loved it, he loved it too much he thinks. But you were drinking and dancing without him?
Jungkook stands up and heads to his room. He felt like a kicked puppy because you didn’t invite him of course, but the chink in his armor was the very slight possibility that you meet someone there.
He almost gasps in horror.
What if you’re going to hook up with someone? There weren't any guys in your story but what if.
Or even worse, what if you drunk text Taehyung?
Jungkook is pacing around his room overthinking and letting himself fall into the dark hole of ‘what if’s’
What if he takes care of you drunk and Taehyung finally realizes he’s also in love with you and then you start dating and get married and have babies and-
Bam‘s whine breaks him out of his scary thoughts. Jungkook knows that if Bam could talk he would be telling him that ‘she’s fine, but he should go check it out for himself. Just in case’
“You’re right buddy.” Jungkook kisses Bam and goes to his closet.
Maybe he’ll just go and see what’s up.
Just to hang out.
Not to go spy on you or anything.
No, of course not.
You can do whatever you want.
But he’ll be there just in case you need him.
He shrugs in agreement with himself and gets ready. He makes sure to wear something that doesn’t stand out, but something that matches with you, just in case you did see him and wanted to take pictures with him.
But just as he was about to head out the door, as if Fate was personally handling your love story, you were calling him.
Jungkook quickly answers and he doesn’t hear you, only music and loud voices. He thinks you might have butt dialed him but you suddenly spoke, loud and words slurred.
“Can you come get me kookie?” He hears you giggle and he visibly relaxes.
You called him and not Taehyung.
He wants to giggle and kick his feet but then he remembers that you needed him.
“Can you send me your location?” He hears you giggle again and he feels his heart shake in his chest. You send him your location, after a bunch of emojis that he can’t really decode. He smiles and steals Yoongis jeep once again.
Jungkook finds the place easily, it’s a club he’s never been to before but it looks different than any club he’s seen. It looks like a club from a cyberpunk film and he’s intrigued to look around but he spots you by Daisy, taking more shots. He’s walking to you in seconds but you don’t see him until you hear Jungkook calling your name. Your heels are hurting so you end up wobbling to him like an awkward duckling but to him you look like an Angel running to him for salvation,“Kookie!” You giggle and almost trip into his arms. He holds you up and he can smell the alcohol on you.
“Hi,” He's shy and really tries hard to not peek at your cleavage but it’s right there, against his chest and just asking to be admired,” did you have fun?”
“Yes,” you snicker and wrap your arms around his neck,” These guys bought us these pink glittery drinks and they were yummy!”
Guys.
He shutters at the idea of guys buying you drinks. Jungkook holds you tighter to him which makes you hum and bury your face in his neck,” I bet they were yummy, but I think it’s time we go home.”
This makes you giggle and sing,” yes! Home~ Yoons not home so you can sleep over~ we can cuddle~”
You’re starting to slip from his grip but he grabs you before you fall,” promise me we’ll cuddle?”
“Okay I promise but what about-” you snuggle into his neck again and almost choke him with your arms,”y/n wait- what about Daisy?”
“Daisy?”
“Yea, does she need me to take her home?”
You look up at him and pout and Jungkook has to hold his breath otherwise he’s going to kiss you again,” oh Daisy! Daisy wants to go to her friends. Can we take her?”
“Y-Yea sure where is she?”
You walk back to Daisy and she shrieks when she sees you holding hands,”Jung cock!” Daisy hugs him tight like they’ve known each other for years,” bestie!”
“N-Nice to meet you,” she nearly crushes his bones.
“Oh my god you’re HOT! Y/n he’s hot!”
He blushes but he knows you both are too drunk to really know what's going on. So he brushes it off
Getting you in the car was hard, probably the toughest thing he’s ever had to do. Only because you didn’t want to sit in the front seat, you wanted to be in the back with Daisy. He let you but you both kept singing together and crying about how beautiful the other was. He’s never seen you like this but he thinks it’s cute that even drunk you show your love for your friends. Even though he’s a little jealous you aren’t showing him that love, it’s okay he’ll get you all to himself back at your place.
Jungkook thought getting Daisy home would be a little bit easier but she gave him very vague instructions and only said her friend's apartment was across the street from his restaurant which Jungkook had to look up to find. You also refused to stay and wait in the car so he had you ‘helping’ Daisy which wasn’t much help, at all.
The apartment building was big and Daisy said her friend lived on the top floor, the penthouse. Jungkook felt like a third wheel again in the elevator as you and Diasy giggled and talked about, well he doesn’t know what about since all he heard was gibberish but it must have been something secret or funny. The hallway is the nicest thing Jungkooks ever seen but he can’t admire much because he hears a man cursing when the door opens. The man is tall and shirtless with wide shoulders and a face that Jungkook thinks he can stare at forever. He doesn’t say hi or asks anything instead he scoffs and looks at Daisy.
“Daisy you slut,” the tall man rubs his face and groans when he sees you snuggling on to her side and Jungkook holding her up,” go to a hotel and have your threesome I literally do not want-“
“Wow wow! No- no I’m not- we’re not hooking up,” Jungkook tries to explains but the man doesn’t seem the believe him and now Jungkook wonders what kind of sex Daisy is having,” I’m just dropping her off.”
The man grunts,” you literally have your own place.”
Daisy winks and smiles smugly at the man,”But your place has you and you cook!”
“Whatever get your ass in here,” he opens the door wider to let her in but she’s too drunk and uncoordinated,” I hope she didn’t gjve you trouble, sorry I didn’t catch your name-“
“Oh I‘m-“
“He’s Jung cock! He’s Y/ns boyfriend! Aren’t they so cute Seokjin?” She makes her way to him but trips on herself, luckily he catches her so she falls face first onto his chest. Neither of them seem to mind, so Jungkook focuses on holding you up again.
“Yea so cute,” Seokjin scoffs again and helps Daisy turn around,” let’s get you to bed, say bye.”
Daisy smiles and you want to hug her but Jungkooks grip on your waist is tight so you stay in place.
“Bye Daisy.” You sniffle.
“Bye y/n,” Jungkook hears Daisy sniffling and he knows if he doesn’t get you out of there you both will start crying over each other again,” love you my beautiful best friend, and you, fuck her good and sloppy-“
“Okay bye,” Seokjin cuts her off before she can finish her encouraging but vulgar sentence,” thank you for bringing her home safely.”
He closed the door and now it’s just you and him now. He’s walking you to his car and you’re singing softly and telling him how pretty and buffy he is.
It was easier getting you to sit in the front without Daisy in the back you sat pliantly and quietly.
“Okay now let’s go home,” Jungkook buckles your belt in but you whine and huff and puff in your seat.
“I don’t wanna go home.”
“Where do you want to go then? Are you hungry?”
“No, I want to cuddle~ can we go to your place?” You rest your head on the window and close your eyes,” I like your bed better.”
You hum and Jungkook feels his lip twitch into a shy smile.
You like his bed better.
For the second time that night, you make him giggle like a schoolgirl. But he doesn’t because he needs to take care of you.
Jungkook thought getting you and Daisy in the car was hard but now he knows getting you to change was harder. Instead of helping him change you lay on his bed and start pouting.
“Kookie you really regret kissing me?” You suddenly bring up the kiss which makes Jungkooks heartbeat a little faster than before.
“oh we should talk about this when you’re not drunk.” Jungkook tried unbuttoning your jeans but you weren’t letting him help you.
“But I wanna talk about it now~” You whine and wiggle and Jungkook chuckles because, fuck why are you so cute?
“But you’re drunk~” he fake coos and tries again,” I promise we can talk about it tomorrow.”
You grunt and let him take your jeans off, if you weren’t drunk off of your mind you’d be blushing and squealing right now. Jungkook tries to undress you without looking but it’s hard because he wants to so badly kiss down your body and maybe give you little love bites all over.
But he has to focus, you still have makeup on and you're starting to fall asleep. He finally gets his shirt on you, but without any shorts because you absolutely refused to wear any, claiming that you preferred sleeping in panties which made Jungkooks body freeze seeing your lacy panties and how beautifully they curved with your body. He bites his lips and has to take a deep breath because his fingers are itching to touch you. Instead Jungkook quickly sneaks into Yoonjis bathroom to get makeup remover and starts softly wiping your face and slowly taking off your lashes. You hum softly from how soft he’s being and it almost makes you fall asleep. He puts your fake eyelashes on his desk and finally settles next to you. You feel his body next to you so you use him like a body pillow and get comfortable on him. You knee rests on top of his bulge and he’s glad you’re too drunk to realize just how hard you've made him.
The room is silent except for your breathing but Jungkook can tell you’re not asleep yet. Your drunk mind is still going back to the kiss and how he regrets kissing you, so sleep is not your number one priority anymore.
Finding out why he kissed you in the first place was more important now.
“Kookie,” your whisper gives him chills and almost makes him shiver,” why did you kiss me?”
He knows you probably won’t remember any of this when you wake up so maybe that’s why he’s suddenly feeling courageous enough to tell you. Jungkook thinks that saying it out loud will make him come to terms with the fact that you don’t feel the same way as him. He closes his eyes and says it before he backs out,“Because I like you y/n.”
“You like me kookie?” You sniffle yet again, you’re not crying but Jungkook can tell your eyes are glossy with sleepy tears.
“Yes,” Jungkook sighs deeply and kisses the top of your head,” I do.”
“Aw I like you too kookie.” You say it barely above a whisper but Jungkook heard it clearly enough to make his heart stop completely,” I like you a lot.”
With that you fall asleep in his arms and Jungkook wonders if you meant the same type of ‘like’ that he meant.
He really hopes you do.
The next morning you feel like absolute shit. Your head hurts, your feet hurt but luckily you don’t feel like throwing up because that would be embarrassing especially since you just noticed you weren’t in your own room.
You were in Jungkooks, and you were half naked. You wanted to shriek but the thought of being louder than a whisper made your head throb in pain. Jungkook was nowhere to be seen but you could smell pancakes which he loved making you and you would have gone straight to the kitchen but again, you were half naked and your pants aren’t anywhere to be seen. You bite your lip and hope that Jungkook won’t get mad that you grabbed his clothes. You looked for the shorts he let you borrow before and make your way to the kitchen. Neither Yoongi or Yoonji aren’t anywhere to be seen and you’re a little glad since you won’t have to deal with Yoonji’s glare.
Jungkook is shirtless in his kitchen making breakfast, he hears your footsteps and your voice babying Bam. He smiles and reaches for the pain pills that he had put aside for you.
“Here,” He hands you the pills and a glass of water,”You feeling okay?”
You hastily take the pills and nod your head, the water feels amazing and you drink every drop, you wipe your lips and catch him staring which makes you blush,” I hope I wasn’t annoying or anything.”
Jungkook chuckles as he serves your plate, he notices you have shorts on and a little part of him is sad he doesn’t get to see your panties anymore but another part of him is happy that you feel comfortable enough to grab his clothes,” you weren't anymore annoying then you already are.”
“Hey!” You pout as he hands you your plate,” at least I don’t sing let it go like an opera singer.” You snicker and Jungkook scoffs.
“Don’t lie, you’re impressed by my vocals.” He sits down next to you and you just chuckle and dig in.
It’s quiet and comfortable, you don't think Jungkook is thinking much about anything other than the food but he is. He feels uncomfortable especially since you don’t seem to remember last night, which he’s glad, that way he can have another better shot at confessing.
But first he really wants to address the ache that’s been taking space in his heart.
“Y/n?” You hum in response,”about the other day, I-I want to apologize for what happened at the lake.”
You put your fork down to hide your anxiety since you felt like you both could have ignored it until it went away but you knew Jungkook wasn’t the type to let something like this go,”oh,” you sighed and it broke his heart just a little,” I said it was okay and-“
“No,” he looked up at you but you’ve never seen this look in his eyes before, it made your heart stop and your knees shake just a little,” I- I feel like I need to explain myself.”
“Y-You don’t have to-“
“I want to.”
You bit your lip and looked down at your lap,” no offense but it’s kind of embarrassing to find out why someone doesn’t want to kiss you- I mean-“
“No! No y/n,” he rushes to explain himself, you‘ve never seen him so flustered before and it makes you perk up in your seat,” It’s not like I didn’t want to kiss you, I did- I really did- it’s just- I don’t want to get in between you and Taehyung,” Jungkook scoots his chair closer to you,” you’re just starting to get on good terms with him again and maybe now he’ll finally see what’s right in front of him and you’ll get that love story you’ve always wanted and-“
”Wait.”Now you interrupt him because somehow, you’ve forgotten to tell him that you don’t like Taehyung anymore.
Oops?
You stand up and blush just a little,” I uh- I actually I-I don’t like Taehyung anymore,” you smile so shyly and so cutely that Jungkook has to step back otherwise he’ll smother you with kisses,” I haven’t for a while now if I’m being honest. I guess I just forgot to tell you.”
“You forgot to tell me?”
“Yes?” Your smile is smug now and Jungkook bites his lip to hide his own, but then he scoffs and shakes his head a little. The tension grows awkward because he’s not talking and you think he might actually be mad you didn’t tell him.
“Sorry I probably should have mentioned it.”
“Yes you probably should have,” He stands up and towers over you, he places his hand on the table and the back of your chair and your breath escapes from your chest,”that makes this a whole lot easier.”
He kisses you again. It’s not as passionate as the kiss back at the lake but you feel it just the same. He cups your chin and you feel his tongue against your lips, but his touch breaks you from your trance and you push him back and stare into his eyes that are hooded and a bit hazy. It stirs something in your stomach but it also breaks your heart just a little since you still don’t understand why he’s kissing you again and it upsets you. It makes your mind run with questions about him that you never thought you would be thinking of.
Is he just playing with you?
Maybe he does have a fat fetish?
You won’t let yourself spiral in the dark part of your brain, especially about Jungkook. You know him, he would never hurt you like that, but still, you stand tall and take a courageous breath.
But his sparkly eyes deteriorate that courageous breath.
”Why do you keep kissing me?” You whisper and Jungkook chuckles, he returns your whisper with a sweet kiss to your nose and a whisper of his own against your lips.
“Well, y/n,” he sighed, he doesn’t know what will happen when he says this but he feels it in his soul that it needs to be said,” I keep kissing you because I like you,” Jungkook took this opportunity to look into your eyes, your soul. You feel goosebumps prickle your skin because of how soft his voice is,” I like you a lot.”
But you don’t believe him, you doubt the very words that come from his mouth even though he’s speaking them to you so sincerely.
How can he like you when you’re you?
How can he like someone like you?
You’re not meant for love.
You pull back from his touch and he freezes, the only possible way someone like Jungkook would like you would be if he was doing it on a bet or because he feels bad. Just like the boys in highschool used to do, they’d ask you out just for fun or ask you to dance at the school dances because no one else asked you.
But this is Jungkook.
He would never do that.
You sigh, feeling so conflicted but Jungkook feels his confidence go down the drain, he doesn’t know what’s going through your mind but he wants to know. He wants to know what’s making your eyes tear up, and why you’re biting your lip so hard.
”Talk to me,” he begs,” please y/n.”
You take a deep breath and decide to pour your heart out to him. You don’t know if he’s joking with you or not and frankly you’re afraid to find out, but you owe it to yourself to speak what’s in your heart. Too long you’ve told yourself you're not worthy of love, but Jungkook makes you question that very thought that you and many others have planted in your mind. You sigh before speaking up,“I just don’t understand why you would like me? It doesn’t make sense and I don’t know if you’re pulling a prank on me or not, but I really hope you’re not, I’m so confused because deep down I want to believe you but I can’t because why would someone like you like someone like me?”
You sigh again, letting a couple tears run down your cheeks. You don’t wipe them because letting them fall so freely feels good.
But Jungkook takes in your words and he wipes your tears with his thumb. He rubs your cheeks and rests his forehead on yours.
It genuinely hurts him that you would question why he would like you? He can’t believe someone as unbelievably amazing as you doesn’t understand why he liked you? Wasn’t it obvious? Can’t you see what he sees?
Regardless, from this moment on, he swears that he’ll spend every minute with you showing you what he sees. He’ll make you understand what makes you worthy of love.
“You want to know why someone like me likes someone like you?” Jungkooks tone is soft and filled with love,” because you’re beautiful, you’re amazing, you’re sweet, you’re the kindest person I know, you’re goofy, and you make me feel like maybe the world is good.”
He holds you in his arms and continues because he has a lot to say and he wants to make sure you grasp every word that falls from his lips,” and you know what? you might not think you’re the most beautiful person in this world but to me you are. To me you’re gorgeous and I love every bit of you, even the things that you hate so much about yourself. Want to know why?”
“W-Why?” You sniffle in response.
“Because I like you a lot. Whether you believe me or not, I like you more than just friends y/n and I’ll tell you everyday until you get it through that thick skull of yours.”
Now it’s your turn to surprise him with a kiss. He nearly gasps but he kisses you back and wraps his arms around your body. You do the same while tangling your fingers through his hair, and right now, being wrapped in the arms of the man you love you understood every poet that has ever written a poem about love. You’ve never felt such butterflies in your tummy, but you love this feeling. Jungkook came into your life like a whirlwind of colors that painted your life into what it is today.
But you wouldn’t have it any other way.
This time Jungkook pulls away because you’re really overwhelming him and all of his senses. He wants to do more and he wants to show you just how much he likes you, but he needs to be patient. Especially because you haven’t said if you liked him back but either way he’ll wait for you, even if it takes you years to tell him, he’ll be there waiting to hear those words from you with a warm kiss.
“Let’s finish breakfast.” Jungkook smiles and slips his hand with yours and it just feels right to be tangled with you like this.
A/n: i felt like maybe it’s becoming a little fast paced but I really want the love and healing to start 😭🖤🖤
— based this off of a dream i had the other day;
idol!yoongi x best friend!reader — yoongi is seeking some feedback for his new track and the only person he trusts for quality control, is you.
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 — 1,389
𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 — fluff! almost friends to lovers, yoongi is sweet, affection, physical touch, words of affirmation
it wasn't unusual to just exist in yoongi's presence whilst he worked on music. he'd sit at his computer, slouched in his chair headphones lazily draped over his ears, fingers tapping at the keys on his keyboard as he endlessly looped the same section of music over and over again.
he would do this for hours while you entertained yourself; either catching up with emails or as much as you hated to admit it, probably doom scrolling on social media. your conversations over the span of a couple of hours usually consisted of you calling out his name, followed by a distant but acknowledging grumble, you asking him a question which he would answer with another disengaged exhale.
today, however, he seemed particularly irritated. not easily discernible; but you could tell by the way he shifted in his seat, the abnormal number of frustrated exhales, and the moment he suddenly thrust himself back and cursed under his breath, pressing his head into his hands. it was difficult to fight off the urge to ask "are you okay?" which was threatening to escape your lips, as you knew he'd just glance at you nonchalantly and utter a succinct, blasé "yes."
you were reclining on a couch not too far away from his setup. his long, dark hair was neatly swept back by his headphones, except for a few odd strands which draped over his forehead, occasionally sticking to thin veil of sweat beginning to coat his skin. his eyes just wandered the screen intently, although there was a tired glaze over them.
"can you do me a favor?" he asked softly, casually, turning his head toward you. you blinked. that had to be his daily word count used up all in one go.
his eyes were soft, mouth slightly ajar with a subtly curve to his lips. you didn't know why he was smiling, especially when he looked so frustrated just moments ago. maybe it was the way you looked: lazily sprawled out on the couch, limbs wrapped around a blanket, sleepily scrolling through your phone.
"hmm?" you murmured softly, unaware of how tired you had become. though grateful for the break in silence as you were probably only moments away from unconsciously dropping your phone from your hand and falling asleep.
there was a slight chuckle in his voice. "can you give this a listen?" he asked softly, a faint rasp coloring his words; likely from hours of silence, and maybe the fact that he hadn't taken a sip of water in just as long.
yoongi removed the headphones from his head, shaking his hair back into place as he did, lightly grasping them in his hand. he blinked at you again, letting out a gentle exhale that bordered on a laugh, eyes crinkling when he noticed you hadn't even budged.
being a night owl, it didn't bother him that it was creeping into the early hours. the sun had set long ago. you, on the other hand, had gotten far too comfortable on his couch and were only just managing to stave off sleep.
"come here, bring your blanket." he mumbled, his eyes still crinkled with amusement, the corners of his lips pressing into his cheeks in a tender smile. yoongi continued to watch you fight your way into an upright position, his attention unwavering.
if you hadn't of been so tired, the way he was staring at you so intently would have made your hands sweat, but you were too focused on standing up; which you eventually did, slowly pottering over to his side as he slid the headphones over your ears, gently adjusting your hair with his slender fingers so they didn't get in the way.
"why are you asking me? i'm not a producer," you sleepily quipped, adjusting the blanket that you had draped over your shoulders. "why don't you send it to pdogg or something."
"no, you're not," he stated softly. yoongi gently placed his hands to your waist and guided you to sit on his knee, pressing his chin onto your shoulder as he leaned forward, hovering the mouse over the play button, "but your input is important to me. you don't have to understand music to know if it sounds good."
you could've sworn you could feel your cheeks flush with heat, either that or you were getting too warm from the blanket.
he pressed play, and the silence of the room combined with the almost audible pounding of your own heart was swiftly replaced with bass.
sleepily, you found yourself subconsciously leaning back into the warmth of yoongi. he didn't pull away or resist. one hand rested gently on the side of your thigh, whilst the other affectionately hooked around your waist, holding you comfortably on his knee.
the song had so many elements that screamed yoongi, while still feeling fresh and different. it was the kind of track you'd listen to with headphones on, back against the mattress, eyes closed.
it was so immersive, you had almost forgot how close yoongi was, until you felt his warm breath on the side of your neck, his chin resting comfortably on your shoulder as he cocked his head ever so slightly to the side.
eventually, the song came to a stop. he used the hand that had been softly resting on your thigh to pull back of the cup of the earphones from the ear closest to him. "well? what did you think?" he uttered softly, a hint of apprehension in his tone.
"yoongi - i, i mean, it's just incredible-" you started, before feeling a short gust of warm air on your neck as he softly exhaled in a laugh. he eventually pulled away, reclining back in his seat, and the immediate loss of closeness and warmth left you feeling a little hollow.
"you don't need to be sarcastic," he mumbled, though you could hear the smile in his voice.
"i'm not. friend to friend," you said, almost tasting the bitterness of the word friend on your tongue, knowing how giddy and anxious you felt around him at times. "this song is beautiful. i, i have nothing else to say. it's perfect."
you turned to look at him, feeling a little uneasy under his intense, affectionate stare. "that snippet at the end - the rain and the laughter," you started, "is that from when-"
"we were at hangang park," you both said at the same time, laughing softly.
yoongi's hand unconsciously made itself comfortable on your thigh, his thumb absentmindedly grazing back and forth. "even though i told you to bring an umbrella. you were so soaked. i mean, we both were..." he spoke fondly, stumbling on his words slightly as if he was just now remembering that he got wet too; like you were the only one who really mattered in that moment.
"i didn't realise you still had that video. that was a while ago." you chuckled, reminiscing on yoongi almost keeling over belly-laughing as you were absolutely sodden, sat on a picnic blanket trying to shield yourself from the rain in between laughter. he had his phone out recording you as the heavens opened from above and a torrential downpour assaulted you both. yoongi, however, was under the luxury of an umbrella 'this is what happens when you don't listen to my advice.' he said between ragged giggly breaths.
with perfect comedic timing, the wind swept the canopy of the umbrella inside out and he lost his grip, it rolled down the grassy bank and hurled itself into a nearby bush. and this was the point of the video you heard overlapped on the song; you laughing at the wind taking revenge for you, and yoongi laughing at the absurdity of it all. you both laughed until it hurt, absolutely soaked through, cold, damp and filled with a euphoric sense of happiness.
"you always notice the little things," he murmured, brushing astray strand of hair from your face. his voice quiet, almost reluctant before he added with a subdued smirk. "maybe that's why i keep you around."
you smiled, feeling your heart flutter but saying nothing, letting the moment hang between you for a beat.
"what's the song called?" you queried, smile lingering on your lips as the memory remained in the forefront of your mind.
summary: a normal day. a casual hangout. the kind of moment that doesn’t feel important—until it is.
to read the full summary and see what’s to come, click here.
genre: situationship au | strangers to friends to situationship to ??? | slow-burn romance | angst with happy ending | eventual smut
warnings: none here, just soft yearning and emotional foreshadowing.
word count: 2.1k
a/n: this is like… 90% accurate. don’t ask me why i let it happen. i’m writing about it instead </3
masterlist | drabble masterpost
You hadn’t expected Yoongi to text you today. Work had been a blur of emails and half-hearted coffee, the kind that leaves your tongue buzzing but your brain foggy, and the last thing you were prepared for was someone actually wanting to spend time with you after hours.
The message comes in right when you’re about to shut your laptop.
yoongi: u done with work
yoongi: come eat w me
No greeting. No punctuation. No explanation. Just that.
You stare at it for a second, thumb hovering, a small smile already threatening to form before you can stop it.
It’s not unusual. That’s the thing. It never is.
you: where
There’s a pause. You picture him typing—slow, deliberate, probably lying back in his chair like he always does.
yoongi: the place w the bad lighting and good noodles
you: that narrows it down to like 20 places
yoongi: the one u complained about but kept eating anyway
You huff out a quiet laugh under your breath, already grabbing your bag.
The restaurant looks exactly the same as it always does—dim in that intentional way that tries to feel cozy but lands somewhere between shadowed and half-forgotten. It’s late afternoon, that in-between hour where the sunlight softens, slipping through the windows in lazy streaks. The place isn’t crowded—just a few people scattered around, quiet conversations blending into background noise.
You spot him immediately. He’s already there.
Of course he is.
Min Yoongi doesn’t do late.
He’s already seated, slouched like the chair belongs to him, one arm draped over the backrest, the other scrolling lazily through his phone. His hair is slightly disheveled, like he’s run his hand through it one too many times. There’s a glass of water in front of him, half-finished, condensation slipping slowly down the side.
He looks up.
And something in him stills.
He doesn’t realize how automatic it’s become—this quiet recalibration whenever you enter a space. The way his attention narrows and sharpens, like everything else fades into something less defined.
The way your shoulders drop a fraction when you spot him. The small adjustment of your bag strap—once, then again. The almost-smile you try to hide and fail.
He doesn’t question why it matters. It just does.
“Late,” he says, like he didn’t text you ten minutes ago.
“You literally just told me to come,” you reply, sliding into the seat across from him, breath still faintly uneven from the walk.
He hums, unconcerned. “And yet.”
Your eyes narrow, but there’s no bite to it. “You’re annoying.”
“And you came anyway.”
You don’t answer that. You don’t need to.
Conversation with Yoongi never feels forced. It moves—effortless, fluid, like something that doesn’t need to be thought about.
“You’re getting the same thing again?” He asks, glancing at the menu even though he already know what’s on it.
“You’re judging me?” You murmur.
“I’m observing patterns.”
“You sound like my therapist.”
“You don’t have a therapist.”
“Exactly.”
You snort, and something about the sound—unguarded, unpolished—makes his chest tighten in a way he doesn’t immediately examine.
There’s no gaps. No searching for what comes next.
You talk about your day. He complains about a client who “talks like he’s being paid per word.” You jump from that to a random video you saw earlier, which somehow spirals into a debate about whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza.
“It doesn’t belong,” he says flatly.
“It absolutely does.”
“You’re wrong.”
“You’re close-minded.”
He hums, like he’s considering that. “Or maybe I just have standards.”
You nudge his foot lightly under the table. He nudges back.
Small things. Insignificant.
Except they’re not.
Somewhere between your laugh and the way you absentmindedly tap your fingers against the table, it settles in—quiet, irreversible.
He likes this. Too much.
He looks away for a second, exhaling through his nose like that might reset something.
It doesn’t.
He realizes, with a clarity that feels almost inconvenient—
He’s absolutely fucked.
Not in a loud, dramatic way. Not in something he can point to and name.
Just… this.
The way he wants to stay. The way he listens to you—adjusts without thinking.
The way he wants to be here, in this exact moment, doing absolutely nothing important.
With you.
But not without the silent, creeping sense that he’s already going to regret the moment it ends.
Halfway through the meal, you groan dramatically, dropping your head into your hand. “I swear, if I have to answer one more email that starts with ‘per my last message’—”
Yoongi snorts softly. “You say that every week.”
“Because it’s every week,” you shoot back, lifting your head just enough to glare at him. “And they’re always wrong. Like confidently wrong. It’s exhausting.”
He hums, leaning back slightly, eyes on you. “Then stop answering them.”
“Oh, right. Yeah. I’ll just tell my boss Yoongi said I don’t have to.”
“You can quote me.”
“I will.”
There’s a beat where you both just look at each other—and then you laugh, the frustration bleeding out of you a little.
He softens.
It’s subtle. Barely noticeable unless you’re looking for it.
But it’s there. And that’s the thing about Yoongi—he doesn’t rush to fix things, doesn’t offer empty advice. He just holds the space. And somehow, that makes you spill more. More than you intended.
“How are they wrong this time?”
You blink, like you weren’t expecting him to ask. “They—okay. So I sent the file, right? With the correct formatting. And then they reply saying it’s incorrect, but they’re looking at an old version—like two versions ago—and somehow that’s my fault?”
He nods slowly, following. “So they didn’t check the timestamp.”
“Exactly.” You point at him, a little sharper than intended. “Exactly. And then I have to re-explain everything like I didn’t already explain it the first time.”
“That sounds annoying.”
“It is annoying,” you insist, leaning forward now, fully caught in it. “And then my boss jumps in and says we should ‘clarify internally’—what does that even mean? I did clarify.”
Without thinking, you rub your wrist, a little absentmindedly, something you do when you're stressed which causes the pain to bloom there.
It's a habit. Yoongi notices. One he’s seen enough times to recognize without thinking. He leans forward, hand brushing yours before it rests gently on top. Not intertwining fingers, just—presence.
“You’re doing it again,” he murmurs.
You still. “…What?”
“Your wrist.”
Your breath catches—small, quiet, but there. “Oh. I didn’t—”
“I know.” His voice softens. “Let me.”
His fingers close gently around your wrist, thumb pressing into the familiar spot with careful precision. Not hesitant. Not forceful.
He starts massaging it like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Like he’s done it a hundred times. Like he’s allowed to.
He tells himself it’s nothing. Just comfort. Just instinct. But his hand lingers a second too long.
You feel it immediately—the relief, yes, but more than that—the awareness. It spreads, slow and consuming, from your wrist up your arm, settling somewhere behind your ribs.
He keeps talking.
“They’re not gonna fall apart if you don’t reply right away,” he says, tone even, like this is just another part of the conversation. “You don’t have to fix everything the second it breaks.”
You glance at him. You’re hyper-aware now, every nerve alive, watching the subtle movements of his fingers, noticing how the sunlight hits his hair just right, how the faint crease near his mouth softens when he speaks to you. The way his gaze dips—not quite meeting yours, focused instead on your wrist, on the way your skin shifts under his touch.
You blink. “…I know.”
But it lands differently coming from him.
Your fingers twitch slightly in his hold—not pulling away. Just… reacting. He notices that too.
He could let go. He doesn’t.
Because even knowing—even knowing how this is shifting, how it’s slipping into something harder to control—
He still wants to be close to you.
The rest of the meal slips back into something lighter.
“You have terrible music taste, by the way,” he says suddenly.
You're stunned. “Excuse me?”
“It’s predictable.”
“You’re predictable.”
“At least I’m not listening to the same five songs on repeat.”
“They’re good songs!”
“They’re safe songs.”
You gasp, offended. “That’s worse.”
He grins—small, fleeting, but real.
You nudge his arm. He nudges back, softer than you expect.
There’s a care in it. A restraint.
Time slips by without notice. The sun has begun to dip below the skyline by the time you realize how long you’ve been laughing, talking, playing with the salt and pepper shakers, teasing each other over ridiculous things. Neither of you wants to leave.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
You both stand, gathering your things, stepping out into the cooler evening air. The sun’s dipped lower, painting everything in that soft, late-afternoon gold that makes even cracked pavement look warmer than it is.
You walk side by side toward the parking lot.
Not too close. But not far, either.
Your shoulders bump once. Neither of you apologizes.
The walk to your cars is short. Too short.
You stop when you reach them.
Then you step forward and wrap your arms around him. The hug is easy. Familiar. Your arms wrap around him like they’ve done this before—because they have.
“Drive safe,” you say.
“Yeah. You too.”
You turn slightly, reaching for your door—“Wait.”
You glance back just as he steps forward again, pulling you into another hug.
You huff softly. “Again?”
“Your jacket smells like coffee,” he mutters, voice low, almost brushing your ear.
“It does not—”
“Does.”
Your hands come up anyway.
This one lasts longer. Not enough to question. But enough to feel.
You step back. “…You’re weird,” you mutter playfully.
“Yeah,” he says easily.
You both hover there. Then—
“Actually—” He reaches out again, tugging you back.
The third hug. It’s lighter. Almost playful.
You laugh, teasing, “You’re making this ridiculous.”
He shrugs, casual but deliberate, “That was weak. Needed another.”
“Liar.”
“Mm.”
But this time—his arms tighten just a little more.
And then—unexpectedly—he lifts you, just barely, a quick, effortless motion off the ground.
You let out a surprised laugh, grabbing onto him instinctively. “Yoongi—!”
He’s dragging it out. Giving himself reasons to stay. To touch you again.
He sets you back down just as quickly, like it was nothing. Like it didn’t mean anything.
But his hands stay at your waist a fraction too long.
And his chest feels… too full.
He doesn’t fully understand why he keeps pulling you back, why letting go feels… premature. You fit against him in a way that feels dangerously natural, like you’ve always belonged in his space.
And what he does know—what settles, heavy and certain in his chest—is that he doesn’t want this moment to end. Because somewhere along the way, he’s already stepped into something he won’t be able to walk back from.
Eventually, he lets go.
This time, for real.
You step back. He does too.
And then you just stand there.
Looking. Lingering.
There’s something in his gaze—something you almost recognize, almost reach for—
But it slips away before you can hold it.
“Okay,” you say, quieter now.
“Okay.”
Neither of you moves immediately. Then you open your car door, sliding inside, glancing at him one last time before closing it.
But you don’t start the engine right away.
Because you can still feel it. The warmth of his hands. The weight of his attention.
The shape of something neither of you said. And it settles in your chest—quiet, certain, and a little bit devastating.
Then that's when you realize... you’re going to keep choosing him. You already are.
It’s not a decision you make consciously—it just happens. The way you text him first. The way you say yes without thinking. The way your day feels slightly incomplete if you don’t see him.
And you don’t know if he would choose you the same way.
The thought settles somewhere in your chest, quiet but persistent.
You know you’re going to have to live with that—this soft, lingering sting in your throat every time you’re around him, every time you don’t quite say what you’re thinking.
And Yoongi—
He stands there a moment longer than he should, watching your car like something in him is trying to memorize the way you leave. Trying to understand why it feels like something is already slipping through his hands.
He exhales slowly, dragging a hand through his hair.
Too late.
He’s already in too deep.
At the time, it just feels like a good day.
But you don’t realize it’s something you’ll end up replaying—then find out it was one of the last times it ever felt this easy.
a/n: yes go ahead and clown me for this guys... anyways, i've been thinking about creating a space for extra scenes and bonus content. stay tuned!
It feels so great to see bts content on my feed once again, on spotify, on youtube, on instagram and most importantly here too on tumblr. Feels good to be back!
I'm 23 and an intern in govt hospital now, but I've been 18 and lonely in a new city and it's was bts content that kept me company when I was away from home and figuring out medschool and friendships side by side.
Somehow a little around their beginning of hiatus and solo projects, mid 2023, I navigated an emotionally dependent break up from a friend I called home and hence thought I could see a future. That disappointment furthered when my grandma died and suddenly all I could care about was losses everywhere even after I brought my parents with me to this new city!
Internship is a bittersweet year for I not only saw textbook cases come to life but I've also seen life at its most fragile and withering phases. Navigating this in a non-empathetic, non-considerate work place made me eventually sad from within. All I needed was a reminder, not just a distraction or an escape.
I need someone to remind me despite this fucked up cruel world, being me and being caring will keep me happy too. I tried spending time with my friends and it helps a lot. It feels less like an escape and more like diversion for my stream of thoughts. I am someone who thinks deeply and also loves to get lost in the abyss of sorrow. So naturally, it was like a happiness loan that I was drawing.
On top of all this, we graduate in a month and as the date draws closer I realise life will be different from now on (instead of then on) and that I'll miss my girls even more and now I have NEET PG and my future at stake.
I needed BTS to comeback to remind me that
"Futures gonna be okay"
That life is a "marathon" and obviously I can sit and worry all about future but it will never end.
I've been borderline sad for so long, I can call it dysthymia at this point, that now when I'm finally happy, I feel like a maniac. I feel like I've reached the light at the end of the tunnel.
This doesn't feel like an escape or a distraction like how I was obsessed with stranger things as a distraction over November to December or how I'm watching Brooklyn 99 as an escape since feb.
This feels like a reminder, that there's more to life.
BTS is basically, a crush gone right. It's not just about the looks, aura and potential, it is the goddamn achievement as a person because of the said potential.
Imagine a song about "Put your phone down and study, for I know I'm the flutist you love to listen, I am your guilty pleasure"!!
Imagine that cheering up a 23 year old!!
Imagine watching a live performance remind you and reiterate the fact that in the end, it's the people I surround myself with that's the most important!
Imagine rewatching old performances and instead of just stopping at the nostalgia or "HOME"feeling, I enter the "MAGIC SHOP" and my "MIKROKOSMOS" where my 52Hz is heard, appreciated and reciprocated!!
Imagine receiving a warm hug that says "You've been through enough, don't you worry my little heart. Don't you stumble at the short comings of this world. Here, let me love you, hold my hand and let's navigate the world together. Together we can make this right. We can make the world a better place because living and loving just starts with us but, it multiples with you, ARMY"
Imagine being that empowered from being in a stardom that you see a bunch of people pick up trash post concert, help each other out, help the community and be a better person in this just because the world is letting you be with them! I mean if this isn't love ?!!(apart from family and friendship)
Author’s Note: This story can be read as a stand-alone, but also fits into a headcanon of mine where Yoongi meets you during season 4 of Bon Voyage.
Warmth
It was a remarkably beautiful sight seeing the sun disappear behind the mountains, the snow-covered peaks sparkling in the fading rays. There was a feeling of sweeping, awe-inspiring majesty as you and your seven travel-mates stood on a precipice overlooking the whole valley, but it was hard to enjoy it when you felt so cold.
You hugged your shoulders, clenching your teeth to stop them from chattering. You mentally kicked yourself for not bringing your coat. Unfortunately, you had incorrectly assumed that it would stay warm after the sun set, but as soon as it started dipping low in the sky, the temperature began dropping, too.
You saw the boys around you finding their own coats and pulling them on. Hoseok was closest to you and noticed you weren’t doing the same.
“Aren’t you cold?” He asked, incredulous. “Don’t you want to put your coat on?”
You shook your head, feigning a smile.
“I didn’t bring my coat. But it’s okay, I’m not that cold.”
Hoseok’s mouth fell open.
“Wha-no, it’s freezing! You have to be cold!” He began shrugging his jacket off as he spoke. “Here, you can wear mine.”
“No Hobi, it’s okay, I’m fine, really. You don’t-“
But before you could finish objecting, pillowy down enveloped you, and you realized a coat was being draped over your shoulders. You turned your attention from Hoseok, still half-in, half-out of his own coat, to see that it was Yoongi who was wrapping his parka around you.
Your breath hitched, and you were sure your face betrayed your surprise as you accepted his coat and he stepped back, zipping up the collar of his fleece pullover.
“Thank you.” You smiled meekly at him, but he didn’t meet your gaze. He only shrugged, looking out over the horizon though he remained by your side.
With a small, knowing smile, Hoseok snuck away as you slipped your arms into the coat sleeves and pulled up the zipper, burrowing your frozen nose underneath the high collar. You inhaled deeply, savoring the scent combination of vanilla, soap, and coffee that was distinctly Yoongi’s. You then looked to him, admiring the way the golden light of the sunset reflected off his face as you contemplated his thoughtful, quiet gesture.
In the short time that you had known each other, Yoongi had always been amiable, and surprisingly easy to talk to, but this was by far the most obvious display of affection he had ever made towards you. You couldn’t help but wonder if he was starting to let you in, starting to let you get close to him.
You wanted more than anything to be close to Yoongi. As an ARMY, you’d had a crush on him for years; you had admitted to all of the guys the night you met that he was your bias. But the superficial attraction to him you felt before meeting him was now replaced by genuine endearment as he had proven to be even more kind, funny, interesting, and passionate in person. You only hoped he was beginning to see in you someone he could trust to care for and respect him like he deserved.
“Won’t you be cold now?” You asked him, feeling a little guilty as you noticed his breath was visible in the chilly air.
He finally turned his head to look at you, his eyes meeting yours in a way that made your cheeks flush.
“Seeing you warm makes me warm.” He explained simply, and though you noticed him shivering slightly, his voice was so sure and steady with sincerity that you could find no argument within yourself.
Almost without thinking, you reached for his hand, interlacing your fingers. He moved his gaze away again, his face expressionless as he observed the magnificent landscape before you, but he curled his fingers around your hand, holding on, and a soothing heat that had nothing to do with clothing warmed your entire body.
I think Eren is meant to be seen as a kind of personification of the lies we all tell ourselves to excuse and justify our own worst desires and actions. Because that’s what Eren does throughout the story, and especially the final arcs. He makes every excuse imaginable and lies constantly to others and himself, acting as if his actions are the result of him having no other choice, all in a vain attempt to run from the truth, which is that he wants to carry out and intact his own, worst desires. Like any soldier on a battlefield who commits horrific war crimes, they use the excuse of wartime conflict to act out their darkest impulses, othering and dehumanize the “enemy” to justify their own cruelty and monstrosity, just like we see Eren do at the beginning with Mikasa’s kidnappers, instead of owning up to the fact that they simply wanted to do what they did and enjoyed it. But in the end, there is no excuse, there is no justifiable reason. If you’re willing to engage in deplorable acts of wanton cruelty and destruction, then that’s just who you are, regardless of circumstances, and that’s something Eren finally is able to confess when he confesses the truth to Armin. I think that’s why you see so many people refusing to accept that Eren was the bad guy all along. Because they saw themselves in him, and they wanted to be like him, and admitting that Eren was always a villain forces them to confront their own natures and why they felt such a kinship with someone who, in the end, was capable of the most horrific crimes imaginable. People would rather deny the truth or make any and all excuses for how and why Eren did what he did than admit their reluctance to face themselves. To admit that maybe they connected with Eren so much because, deep down, they share those same, destructive desires, that same dissatisfaction with the world. Because maybe they realized, upon seeing Eren’s monstrosity, that same capacity lies within them, and they can’t face it. Instead of allowing Eren’s self-destruction to serve as a warning and an imperative to improve themselves and their own failings, they instead rail against the ending and continue to deny Eren did anything wrong, to the point of even accusing Isayama of “changing” the ending or criticizing him for framing Eren in a negative light. Essentially, it amounts to them refusing to accept any fault in themselves, and thus, refusing any attempt at self-improvement.
The anime that helped change the way I view the world. The anime that made me realise that dreams are dynamic too. The anime that made me learn, that forever is never. The anime that made me think about seeing change in a different light, as a possibility of becoming something new. The anime that made me rethink the way I judge people based on how little I know about them. The anime that made me see the very people I share my life and meals with in a different way. The anime that taught me what friendship is meant to be. The anime that I feel is the epitome of what workmanship and dedication should be. The anime that I'm so glad didn't end in one volume like isayama first wanted it to. The anime that made me appreciate anime music. My 2nd anime but 1st to ever make me fall in love with the process of making an anime. The voice actors who do a marvellous job. The musicians, vocalists and composers who do an irreplaceable job. The animators who only keep the story interesting. The first anime (probably because I watched it early on in my anime journey) that I am attached to.
I can see how much I've grown in the past 3 years. Definitely aot has something to do.
Infact it had many things to do.
I have many instances when I spoke wisely thanks to aot.
I can't thank aot enough for being my icebreaker and getting me a good friend.
Aot made me appreciate japanese music and culture.
The night I watched the lyrics of season 1 ending:
"Ustsukushiki zankokuna sekai"
That's when I cried and felt some emotions I never could verbally explain until that point.
I watched it while I was 17 maybe?
The summer of 2021 is ❤️🔥
I can't believe aot is ending sooner than my mbbs 😭😭😭😭😭
Then again, didn't it begin in 2013? Guess this is my fate and just like the scouts have it, I have to respect my fate and do the best I can.
Shinzou sasageyo ❤️🔥
Why does it just seem like yesterday that i was singing shogeki, red swan and akuma no ko?
Aot became my ritual and religion (religion especially when life gets too much for me)
I will miss you scouts 😭😭😭
(We've come a long way kiddos)
(I'm almost 21 and I've grown up with aot in a way)
now that i rmb it, I love how Jinwoo's character reasoning for doing his job is mainly for his family. Like everyone else was second thought.
Im just so used to every mc having "I want to be number 1 hero, hokage—"(no i love these series actually lol they raised me But GOD ITS SO REPETITIVE)
The money? Its for his mom and his sister.
He risks his life for his family, he needs the quick cash to pay for sht.
"Family first" Its just so good, i love new found family plots but mngh,... It was just so new with Jinwoo's motivation and I live for it. Like yes there are other series where mcs arent motivated to be the best. But idk, Jinwoo's motivation just touches the heart.
And when he finally gets what he needs to have to provide with his family? He goes to save everyone else.
And I bet my goddamn ass that that mtf put in his insurance of billions of usd directed to Park Kyung-hye and Sung Jin-ah before he fled off for war. Jinwoo is ready to leave his family because he left them with the resources they need, his duty with them is mostly 'done' and now he needs to protect others because they need him too.
I just love his character in a genuine way not just because he's hot daddy step on me fuck yes morally-grey chaotic petty mtf that scams the living sht out of you nO—(well mostly yes but u get what I mean)
I swore to myself that I will not journal multiple times or as frequently as I did the past few months. Although therapeutic, journaling has solidified some memories for me that I shouod be forgetting and they push me further into the loop of overthinking. Moreover, I've journaled as if I was venting out my anger in the past few months. So now, I'm trying to redeem.
But I cant stop myself from journaling one time on tumblr. Cause it's been so long.
Firstly, I've moved on from my first crush. (Or atleast, I'm beginning to move on from him)
This is a milestone in itself because I realised that I do not want to be a secret admirer for someone I talk to very frequently that too,in a filter-free manner.
Although pretty late to join the other end of the sea called "first crushes and hormonal rushes", I've realised that it's either -
You stay a secret admirer while keeping your interactions minimal
Or
You let them know how you feel a little early in the relationship
So that you don't let the guilt of becoming a delusional take over whatever friendship you've really established enroute that's actually needed for the 2 of you but, you're too guilty when he needs you as a friend.
Learnt the lesson a really tough way, but we both have our lives moving in different paces in our unis so "it is what it is"
(I really wish we could hang out sometime soon. But I swore to not get ahead anytime soon, so)
Secondly, I began coloring in the penup app of my new tab and doodling a little albeit rarely. This got me into training my mind into being a little patient. Maybe right now I'm patient by 4% more than I was before on an average
Thirdly, I'm chronically having headaches.
It could be me stressing out or overthinking subtle things when I let my emotions and silliness take over the rationale. Also because although im not entirely a people pleaser, i have a hard time saying no and even taking it (should seriously work on better communication)
Or inadequate sleep mostly due to my inefficiency in planning things for the day or night if I'm being specific.
I should be sleeping now so I get sufficient rest for tomorrow, but I'm typing away anyways :p
Or me studying under stress! Panicking. Worrying about my future.
Or missing home and worrying about family
Or under-hydration
Or micro nutrition deficiency cause I get fatigued after I'm out in the sun, pretty easily.
So to sum everything up, my health is getting fucked up. Mental health and physical one too.
Hence the pms and pcos.
Fourthly, I read a lot than I studied in the past few months.
Be it solo leveling to begin with.
Or subtle art of not giving a fuck.
Then recently I've read It ends with us and It starts with us.
While rn I'm binging on Omniscient reader and Eaternal Nocturnal.
Even anime wise
I've watched too many it seems
Kaguya Sama
Suzume (in theatres ✨️)
Your name (rewatch, in theatres 💫, and re-rewatch in my new tab)
Your lie in april
Garden of words
Horimiya (S1)
Demon slayer (rehabilitation arc and mugen train)
I've watched many movies too
Jailer (in theatres)
Happy days
Anand
Gharshana
Good night
(Okay not too many but yeah more than my average in the recent times)
Now it makes sense why I get all panicky before exams. I almost never touched my books because I know, I know how the next 3 and the next 3 years of my life are gonna be like, academically
Lastly, yoongi's lines from magic shop are making so much sense to me right now that I want to turn back time and just live happily with my family but this time around - Imma take care of my parents more and show my brother I love him more and not think about growing up or idolize growing up. Cause adulting is so damn not easy! And I'm not even 21 yet (will be in a few months though)
It's tiring
Taxing
Exhausting
Exasperating
You can't even blame your parents anymore (that feels morally wrong!)
☾ i feel you in my heart and i don’t even know you
☼ min yoongi x reader (ft. jungkook x reader)
✰ genres: drama, angst, romance, second chance
✰ warnings: explicit language, mentions of blood, infidelity, smut, mentions of depression, trauma, miscarriage, anxiety
✰ soundtrack: nineteen by hayley williams (the con x covers for tegan & sara)
summary: nearly 2 months after their divorce, yoongi and y/n wade through the aftermath of the fallout by themselves. yoongi is moving on with someone else while y/n finds herself stuck in waves of anxiety and depression. soon enough, they are brought together again by an unfortunate accident.
note: hi guys! a new social media au from me, this might be a long one! It’s actually based off a original work I was trying to write but never finished lol
1. profiles
2. it feels like you left a long time ago
3. phone in my hand and heart in my throat, it was my gift for the night
4. what do you mean?
5. i don’t want you to hurt me anymore
5.1. interlude: the news
5.5. interlude: september 10 to 22
6. these echoes of laughter fade into a distant memory
bonus ✰ soundtrack
6.5 interlude: july 11, 2020 (before things really fell apart)
7. i loved you. i’m sorry.
8. seeing you is like a dream
bonus ✰ yn’s apartment
9. stuck in emotions and i don’t know what they mean
warnings: break up, insecureness, not feeling good enough, jk is lowkey ignorant and annoying in this one
summary: in which jungkook breaks up with you.
a/n: i like to break my own heart what's new🥲
masterlist
⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒
You don't have a good feeling about this.
Jungkook ignoring your good morning message since, you don't know how many hours, and then suddenly texting you that he will call you later that day, because he "needs to talk about something important with you" ? Definitely not good.
What a shame that it's one of your free days, no work or anything else to help you stay distracted from the nerve racking and anxious thoughts that fill your mind. The amount of different scenarios you imagined could happen? Too many to count. And yet, you feel utterly unprepared for what Jungkook is about to tell you.
Once your ringtone resounds in your room, you pause the kdrama you started watching - not even Woo Dohwan was able to distract you - and gulp the dryness of your mouth away.
To say that you are nervous as you pick up your phone from the bed is an understatement.
,,Hi," you greet, that small word already exposing your uneasiness.
You push your laptop from your thighs, pulling your legs to your chest and leaning back against your headboard.
,,Hey...so, uhm..." Jungkook seems like he doesn't know where to start and hearing him being nervous makes your heart twist. You know exactly what is about to happen.
,,I've been thinking about this for a while and, and I think that our relationship is getting nowhere. Like, there's no progress happening." Jungkook sighs, as if he had to bear something so intolerable around with him and finally gets to confess to you, put off the weight he had been carrying for the whole time. It makes you feel sick and hurt.
,,No... progress?" Your throat feels dry again, your stomach clenching when you realise that, no, you don't want to hear his explanation to the words he said.
,,Y/n, we still argue about the same topics as in the beginning of this relationship."
They weren't exactly arguments - Jungkook is way too much of a sweet guy to pick up a real fight with - but you know what he means.
,,I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me," he continues.
,,I do trust you, Jungkook."
Jungkook says your name, pity and compassion lingering in his voice, like he is aware of that you are lying and wants you to be truthful with him, because he knows. Jungkook always thinks that he knows, always so certain and sure that there's nothing he doesn't know about you.
,,I get that I have to do with a lot of people in my job and that there are rumours flying around about every little thing, and I know how hard I must be like to read and see all of that stuff, but I don't understand why you still doubt me. I thought that once I get to show you how much I truly love you, you'd be more comfortable, but I don't see any change. You're still doubting me, and honestly, I don't know what to do anymore, y/n."
Your fingers fiddle around with the pendant of your necklace, the one that Jungkook bought you three months ago as a present for your six months anniversary. You wore it every single day since then, but you're afraid you'd have to take it off soon.
,,It's not that I doubt you, I know that you won't betray me or do anything like that... I- I just...," you trail off, because god, how are you supposed to explain it to him? He won't understand, and quite frankly, you're scared to open up and tell him why.
,,What do you mean 'you don't doubt me'? That is exactly what you do, every goddamn time, and then I try to prove you my love and show all I've got for you, but I know that any of the things I tried never worked. It's pointless, y/n. I've tried to uphold our relationship, but it's not working," he claims, obviously upset about your bland words, because in his perceptions everything looks different.
Jungkook sounds frustrated and you hate that it's because of you. Your heartbeat roars in your ears as your body fills with anxiety.
,,You don't understand," you say, words almost coming out as a whisper.
,,I don't think there's anything unclear about our situation right now."
Yes - yes there is. So so many things that are unclear.
You take a long breath, trying to calm yourself from the increasing pressure on your lungs. ,,I trust you, Jungkook. It's just- It's just...I'm afraid that you'll see how much better everyone else is and leave me once you realise that I'm not good enough for you." Your eyes sting with tears, but you bite them back, you won't cry. Not now. You've never told him this before. You only got the courage to tell him about your insecurity now that your relationship is threatened to end, but perhaps he'll understand and think twice about ending things with you if he knows what you are dealing with.
,,What are you talking about? Of course you're good enough for me, why else would I be together with you? I only have eyes for you, no one else."
This only proves your perception of Jungkook. He will never understand you. Perhaps its partially your fault for only giving him crumbs of the real reason of your behaviour, but Jungkook never had to deal with insecurities. He's loved by everyone. So how would he be able to grasp the things you have to deal with, because your anxiety is constantly getting into your way when he never had to cope with the same problems?
Of course you can't blame him, but listening to his apathy he confronts you with, after you told him one of the biggest issue that you are constantly dealing with, hurts like hell.
Maybe that should be a reason for you to let go of him. God, you don't even want to think about that. You like Jungkook, love Jungkook, and the thought of ending this relationships feels so wrong, makes your stomach unpleasantly ache.
,,I don't know, I just feel that way. There are so many amazing girl group members and soloists and... I'm, I'm scared that you'll leave me for one of them. I- I feel like I don't deserve to be with you, because everyone else is so much better than I am." A single tear runs down your cheek and you quickly wipe it away.
,,That's bullshit, y/n. If you would have trust in me all of these things wouldn't even come to your mind."
His words sounds so cold and narrow-minded, like he isn't up for hearing your side and whatever you have to tell him won't affect him, because he doesn't care.
,,My trust for you doesn't have to do with any of this." You're more confident and certain now, your heart not beating faster because you're afraid, but because Jungkook is frustrating you.
,,I told and showed you so many times how much I love you, what else am I supposed to do to make you believe me? I've kept up with this for months now and you still didn't change."
,,Telling me that you love me is meaningless when it comes to that," you murmur.
,,Oh, is that why you never said it back? Because saying 'I love you' is meaningless? For some people it does mean something, especially for me," he scoffs, completely offended and piqued, his voice getting louder after every word. ,,And now tell me, am I out here being sceptic about your faith, even though you never said those words to me? Huh? No, because it's stupid to assume that you're not loyal, just because you're not ready to say it yet. But here I am, putting effort into this relationship, because I truly care about it, showering you with love and so much more and you're still mistrusting me!"
Your hand claws at the sheets beneath you, grasping it so tightly that your knuckles turn white.
You never told Jungkook that you love him. Too afraid and scared and still wounded from the scars that the past relationships brought you. Not once did you attempt to tell him why, he always seemed okay with it, never really questioned why there wasn't a reply from you when he said those words. He told you many times, and each time you cherished it with your whole heart.
You want to say something, but your throat tightens, the air in your lungs suddenly gone. You briefly close your eyes, catching your breath.
,,You can't- You can't compare yourself with me," you sniff. So many tears escape your eyes and this time you're not able to wipe them away.
Jungkook utters a heavy sigh. ,,Seriously, I'm so tired of this. And to be honest, I'm already over this thing between us."
Your heart gradually shatters into little pieces, falling to the dark and lonely ground, no one there to try and heal the mess that got created.
Jungkook is over your relationship. He's done. He already made up his mind when he called you. You didn't have to tell him all of these things to explain yourself, they didn't have any affect on his opinion or decision at all. You basically gathered courage to tell him about your insecurity for nothing. It's ridiculous. You are ridiculous.
,,So, this is it?" you whimper, biting your lip to not expose your crying, but it's unnecessary, Jungkook already knows, and the fact that he is not trying to comfort or calm you down is making you want to cry even more.
,,I tried everything to make this last, y/n. I love you, I swear, but it's not working between us."
You tried too. You tried to put away your insecurities and not ruin it so desperately, but it seems like all your efforts were for nothing.
It's over.
,,Text me when you'll have time so I can return your clothes that are at my place."
Your head rests against your knees, face wet from all the tears that stream down your cheeks. You suppress a sob that threatened to bubble from your throat.
,,Okay," you whisper, afraid you'll completely break down if you speak normal.
,,You're an amazing person, y/n. Don't forget that, okay?"
God, can he stop talking with that soft, baritone voice that always managed to make you feel secure and comfortable, when he is breaking up with you?
You don't reply, hastily tapping on your phone to hang up.
You throw your phone across your bed and tear the necklace from your throat. It flies through your room, landing somewhere on the floor.
You loop your arms around your legs, resting your head against your knees and let all the emotions overcome you all at once. You're crying and sobbing and weeping. Letting everything out.
And that's how a nine months long relationship perishes in a barely 3 minutes long phone call.
Laughable, you think. Just another memory to add to your collection of pitiful events in your life.
You should be used to it at this point, but somehow your naive self thought Jungkook was different from everyone else. Of course he isn't. All guys are the same. How pathetic of you to even have the slightest bit of hope to think that it could be true.
Jungkook isn't better than any of those guys. He took your heart, replaced the broken pieces with bits of himself and made you feel loved and respected again, just to destroy it once more, like the times before it got broken weren't already agonising and exhausting enough.
You thought he could save you. Thought he was the one to make you feel like your old self again, and perhaps he partially did, but now you're back at where you started nine months ago. 9
This time there's is no one to catch you from the long and exhausting fall through the darkness.
And there also won't be anyone to help you see the light again.
I'm fortunate I am able to see myself for what I am and not what people made/make me feel like.
My insecurities with friendship stem from mishaps till early middle school and my take on it being self-isolation in highschool and early college.
But during the first year of college, it made all sense and difference.
2 of my friends that I love with all of my heart are the guys I wasn't talking to at all in 10th grade.
Small talk? Yeah.
Conversations? Nope not at all.
But they are really are patient. Atleast the first guy. He has a way with his words that makes you think he's the most invested in your words and he surely is, that level of assurance is incredible.
Him along with another friend of his took of all my fomos and fears.
My point here is
"When someone went through something, they need validation that their thoughts are justified and assurance that world isn't the same"
