Finding Me

I have been in a losing battle with myself for my whole life. For the first time I am fighting back!

[lots2loveofme]

Gonna do things a little different now! So this morning my weight was 359.8! Very happy about that! I haven't been doing my workouts properly otherwise I'd prob be a little lower. But I'm ok with that! I've forgiven myself so I can move on and move forward! :-D This morning I had my Ore-Ida potatoes with my egg beaters and a morning star sausage patty. I added a tiny bit of sourcream because the eggs are kinda spicy. It was delicious!!! Today I am going to reset my Biggest Loser so I can start over fresh! When I started I was 20lbs up and it was back in April. And now my graphs are all crazy because I didn't play for months so I'm just gonna start over :-D Looking forward to a great day!!

[lots2loveofme]

Day 10 Recommiting

This past weekend was not a very good weekend and I wanted to just give up! I still did pretty good on my eating but I totally gave up on my workouts. But today I am recommiting to my workouts! This morning my weight was 361.1 Wish me luck!!

[lots2loveofme]

Day 6

Woke up this morning to a happy suprise!! And it was looking at the scale!!! I had an enjoyable day today! My daughter didn't have school today so we were able to spend a ton of time together!!! We had so much fun!! I worked my butt off durning my workout and sweat like crazy!!! I feel amazing!!

[lots2loveofme]

Morning weight 361.1 Breakfast: English muffin, egg beaters, sausage link, cheese Lunch: Meal replacement shake Snack: Cottage cheese, mini bag of kettle corn Dinner: Morningstar chik'n, lettuce, tomatoes, veggies, cheese

[jerfreyy-deactivated20240211]

Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.

Anne Lamott  (via floricawild)

[healthygirl-prettygirl]

Everything I love about meat lovers pizza in a dish… baked at 400 degrees. Crustless. 

Yummmmmm.

[lots2loveofme]

Looks amazing!

[lots2loveofme]

Day 5

Feeling awesome!! So everyday I replace one meal with a meal replacement shake and its horrible! Its a milk chocolate flavor which normally I love! But this stuff is aweful! I keep wanting to just quit taking it but the way I figure it is I've spent a lifetime eating whatever I want and enjoying the flavor so I can endure this while on a path to a healthier me! Even so this stuff is just aweful. So everyday I've been trying to add different things to make it taste better and today I NAILED IT!!! I make some sugar free hot coco and than dumped it into an icecube tray. Put it into the freezer until it was almost frozen. Dropped the coco cubes in the blender and slushed it up. Dumped the powder in and some almond milk. Blended it. Fantastic! I hardly even tasted anything but the coco!! So now I'm very proud of myself for not giving up. I am suprised everyday by my shock and perseverance!! Its gonna be a long road but I am one day closer!!

[lots2loveofme]

Morning weight 362.2 Breakfast: Veggies, english muffin, potatoes, morningstar sausage, cheese Snack: String cheese Lunch: Meal replacement shake Snack: Olives, wheat thins Dinner: Morningstar grillers, tomatoes, lettuce, avocado, onions, cheese

[lots2loveofme]

The picture at the top was from my wedding 5 years ago. The picture the the right was from a trip my mom and I took 2 years ago and the bottem is from June of this year (2014) This is me. I am a very very large woman and have been for many years. But not anymore!

[lots2loveofme]

Day 4

How do I shut the fat girl up? Today I'm a bit more sore and not particularly looking forward to my workout today. The fat girl in me is being very difficult today! I wish she was shut out already!! But my step on the scale was quite encouraging!! I have to keep up my motivation but I do need to slow down my excitement a little. This is gonna be a long journey and if I don't take it slow and steady I'm going to plateau and that discouragement maybe my downfall. I believe in myself for the first time. And I'm in this for the long haul. I just know myself. I don't want my brain to think of it as a game or quick obsticals to beat. I need to make sure it becomes habit and my way of life!

[lots2loveofme]

Morning weight 363.6 Breakfast: potatoes, egg beaters, olives, salsa, cheese, tortillas Snack: cottage cheese, pineapples Lunch: Meal replacement shake Snack: string cheese, wheat thins Dinner: Enchiladas So I am particularly proud of my dinner tonight!! It was amazing! I used a spicy bean and corn burger and chopped it up. Than I cooked some mixed veggies. Mixed the two together and rolled them up in the tortillas. Placed them in a pan and poured salsa over the top. Covered and baked for like 8 min. (@350º) Uncovered put cheese on top and baked another 4 min till cheese was melted. It was absolutely amazing!!

[lots2loveofme]

Day 3

Today has been a pretty great day!! I worked out, cleaned, and ate well today! One thing I've noticed though is that I'm always thinking about food. Usually about what I'm going to have for my next meal or snack. I have notice that since I'm eating every couple of hours I don't think about food as much. I hope that one day I won't think about food the way that I do now and that it only comes to mind when I'm actually hungry.

[lots2loveofme]

Morning weight 365.4 Breakfast: morning star sausages, broccoli, egg beaters and multi grain english muffin Lunch: healthy choice cafe steamers Snack: veggies Dinner: Meal replacement shake Snack: pickle and wheat thins

[lots2loveofme]

Just try it on!

I am so suprised by my own determination!!! I am so much stronger than I ever knew! I have to thank my mom for putting the driving idea in my head. "Just try it on" Is what she told me the other day when taking me clothes shopping. The idea is instead of saying you don't think it'll fit just try it on anyways you maybe pleasantly suprised. Now it won't leave my mind and has spread and grown! I was doing my work out today and I though omg I can't do this! Than I realized how do I know whether I can or can't without doing it! Just try it! So I did. I busted my butt and as the sweat came pouring over my face I thought I can't believe I'm still standing. I can't believe that I did it!! Had I not just tried it on I would have cheated myself out of how amazing I feel right now! So now I'm making my replacement meal shake and I see the Vanilla bean flavor and shudder as I am not a fan. So I say suck it up and try it on! Wow was I suprised as the liquid first touched my tongue. It was fantastic! I may have set backs and I may want to give up occasionally but I was successful today! Today I found something that works! I think ill just try it on!

[lots2loveofme]

Day 2 Good Morning

This morning I woke up sore but when I stepped on the scale and saw 365.4 I didn't care anymore!! When I began to make my breakfast I saw the eggos in my freezer and for a moment was tempted to just go the easier way. I tried justifying it by saying I'd put strawberries on it and would use less syrup. Thankfully I was able to get real with myself! I always add sugar to my strawberries and there is no such thing as going light with the syrup. It was hard but I began to remind myself to read the labels. That alone turned me away from the eggos! Than I thought about the sweaty, knee aching, and arm shaking work out I did last night and how it was all for nothing if I gave in for something that will leave me hungry in the next hour. Its not easy to make better food choices. I can't believe the struggle that I go through. Its throughout my whole body! I often feel like I have a war raging inside me! I call this the battle between the fat girl and the skinny girl within me. In the past not only did the fat girl win but she had skinny girl locked up so tight I didn't even know she existed! Now the skinny girl is free and soon fat girl won't even exist. Till than that fat girl is trying her best to fight her way back in. The hardest part of this journey so far seems to be being honest with myself. Honest about my body, about what I'm eating, and about how hard im exercising. If I don't keep an accurate account of my activities and eating eventually I will fail! So I may only be on day 2 but so far I am very proud of myself and shall keep looking forward!!

[lots2loveofme]

Oct 5th is what I’m considering day 1. Morning weight 368.8lbs Breakfast: potatoes with red and green peppers, egg beaters, broccoli, salsa, and white sharp chedder. Lunch: Replacement meal shake Snack: Granola Dinner: Garden burger, salsa, snap peas stir fry, and tortilla Snack: Mini Kettle Corn and a Pickle

[lots2loveofme]

A little about me!

I had originally intended on giving my life history and explaining how I got to where I am now. Instead how about I don’t! Instead I am just going to accept that I made very poor choices and acknowledge that I had excuses for letting myself go but they were just that! Excuses! Instead lets talk about why I’m moving forward! •I don’t want to hate myself anymore. •I want to feel comfortable in my own body. •I want to feel beautiful and attractive when my husband looks at me. •I want to be able to play with my daughter and not loose breath or have back pain after only minutes. •I want to safely have another child with my husband while also giving that child the best and healthiest start to life as possible. •Finally I want to prove to myself that my life is worth more than the way I had been living! So here’s to new beginnings! Here’s to learning who I am! Here’s to loving and living life!!!