things that kill me about that scene from 4x05, Escape From the Happy Place
Eliot being so ashamed of himself he can’t even look at the memory of rejecting Q
memory!Eliot being so ashamed of himself while he’s rejecting Q and running away from the one man he knows loves him back that he can’t even look at Q
this being the moment in his life he’s the most ashamed of, he’s most traumatized by, his biggest regret, the one moment he can’t bear to think of until he’s forced to
Eliot being ashamed because he knows Q loves him and he knows he loves Q and he knows he rejected Q because he was scared and he tells himself off for that
Eliot being disappointed with himself, angry with himself, so horrified with how he treated Q, how he’d hurt Q that he had to repress the entire memory
just Eliot confronting himself for snuffing out and brushing aside what he and Q have
Eliot tenderly kissing Q, all the love and affection and longing he’s had for Q poured into that kiss
Q’s soft, stammering of ‘okay. sorry.’ after offering his heart to Eliot and asking if he wants to give it a shot and try for another 50 years and then gets rejected
now we know why Q kept pointedly referring to Eliot as his friend
Q getting rejected by Eliot - who he remembers spending half a century with as his partner, raising a child with, having grandkids with, and discovering the beauty of all life with - and then being willing to sacrifice himself and spend eternity with a monster
Q thinking Eliot is dead and being willing to sacrifice himself again and die killing the monster who’s wearing his friend’s face
Q not being at all put off when Alice says he’s going to die in two days because Eliot is dead and Q knows he has to be the one to kill the monster and he doesn’t care if he dies
Eliot grinning and being so happy when the first person he sees when he has his body back for all of twenty seconds is Q
Eliot being so desperate to convey to Q that he’s not just alive, but that he wants to give their relationship a shot and he wants to be brave
Eliot being close to crying when he says peaches and plums, motherfucker!
the look on Q’s face when he realizes it’s actually Eliot, how he steps forward, how over the moon he looks knowing Eliot is alive and that he wants him too
peaches and plums, motherfucker!
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