FOR THE MEMORIES
⭒ Dan Feng x gn!reader ⭒
Summary: Your curse was catching up to you. You knew from the wear in your bones and the pain in your chest. The last person you expected to see showed up in front of you with the face of your past lover.
Warnings: Angst!! With comfort-ish!
w/c: 1.4k
loud notes: I feel like this was one was a little messy but I'm still going to post it just because I can lol.
“After all this time, now you decide to show up?”
Your voice was cold, laced with a sizzling venom. The expression on your face was nothing short of rage, a fire crackling in your narrowed eyes. Your robes covered your entire body, each movement of yours having a graceful edge.
You turned away from the edge of the balcony, gliding over to him, staring into his eyes. The same beautiful pale blue that had been ingrained into your mind for centuries. But time had made you hate the colour blue entirely. Even the blue sky you despised because it was all too similar to the pair of eyes piercing your very soul.
“Now that I am nearing my last breath, you dare show your face and disrupt the peace I have maintained for so long?” You snarled, voice taking on a deadly edge. “I do not get you, Dan Heng. Not you or your decision to journey onto the Express. I do not get why you are so alike to him but all too different.”
Dan Heng faced you with the face of a man who was already used to the hostile looks he’d been served his entire life. Like he was used to being blamed for the deeds of another person’s crimes. Though, with you, it appeared more difficult to keep his expression straight.
“I did not mean to cause a fuss,” he began, breathing deeply. “I am truly sorry that you are nearing your end. I figured you would have some answers, but I will not disturb you anymore with my presence.”
You cursed under your breath, fighting off the urge to smack him upside the head with everything you had. But what he had said made you curious.
“Wait,” you groaned. “What do you mean by answers?”
Dan Heng stopped in his tracks, throwing his gaze over his shoulder. “About Dan Feng. I figured that you would know more about him than I do due to the rumours about you two being quite close.”
“People just don’t know when to shut their mouths,” you said, running a hand through your hair. “But I suppose I can at the least admit that my... relationship, with Dan Feng was complicated.”
“Complicated how?” Dan Heng urged.
You shook your head with a sharp click of your tongue. “You are so stubborn. Just like that stupid Vidyadhara himself.”
Under his curious gaze, you relented.
“At some point in time, before he was consumed by his ideals, he was my closest comrade. My best friend, I would say. There were days where we would lie beneath the moonlight on the wet sands of the beach, shoulders touching as we watched the stars hang above us.” You rubbed your eyes, feeling nostalgic as you talk about Dan Feng with his reincarnation. “Though most depict him as a cruel, selfish, self-centred scoundrel, he was so much more than that.”
You took a seat on a nearby bench, your quivering legs unable to keep you upright much longer.
“There were days where I would feel like the world was meaningless, questioning my place in the universe. I wondered just how long I would have left with him, how I needed to treasure the memories I had with him before my demise,” you recalled. “He would go out of his way to provide me with flowers, unbothered when I lashed out at him for no reason whatsoever. He was considerate, kind, the most amazing man I have ever met in my very long life.”
Dan Heng had at some point taken a seat beside you, listening with his hands neatly folded in his lap, brows furrowed. It was like he was hearing another version entirely of Dan Feng. He knew all too well of the crimes that Dan Feng committed in his time, but hearing you speak so lovingly about him made him hesitate.
“You sound as if you were lovers,” Dan Heng spoke softly, lifting his gaze as you locked eyes.
You smiled wryly, tucking a grey strand behind your ear. “Yes, I suppose we were. Then the selfish scoundrel decided to get himself into trouble, leaving me all alone in this forsaken world.”
The young Vidyadhara fell silent, lost for words.
“Dan Feng and I weren’t all that secretive about our intricate relationship. If anything, he dared to look the entirety of the Xianzhou Luofu in the eye and present our love like it was a treasure so priceless that anyone else couldn’t live up to it,” you laughed, wiping a stray tear from your eye. “Even after he was tried, the High Elders thought that he deserved more punishment. That was where I came in.”
Dan Heng frowned, turning to you with confusion in his beautiful eyes. “Your name wasn’t listed in the Luofu’s records of Dan Feng’s trial though.”
“Just because it wasn’t listed in history doesn’t mean that I wasn’t present,” you grumbled. “But this was after his trial. After he was sentenced for his so-called crimes. This was when gave me my curse.”
“You curse?” Dan Heng questioned.
You smiled lightly, slipping off the delicate white gloves that had been adorning your hands. Your fingers felt the Xianzhou cool air brushing against your bare skin after being hidden for so long.
“Not a pretty sight, is it?” You hummed, presenting your hand. Purple cracks lined your palm, trailing beneath your sleeves, the skin around it a deep red. This was just one part of your body affected by the curse laid upon you. “This was my price for loving Dan Feng. Despite me not being an accomplice to Dan Feng, I was labelled guilty by the High Elders for having too much love in my heart for a man I knew was the one I wanted to spend my entire life with.”
Half-way through your speech, you could hear Dan Heng’s ragged gasp. You knew this was a lot for him to take in. The High Elders were never the most truthful, expecting Dan Feng to fold to their whims. But he didn’t, and you couldn’t have been prouder.
“If it’s easier to label me a liar than accept the truth, do that.”
Dan Heng’s head turned toward you. “What?”
“If you need someone to blame until your mind is ready to accept the truth, then please do call me a liar in your head. Sometimes letting yourself blame another person is much easier than accepting who was in the wrong in the first place.”
You watched Dan Heng’s brows furrow and rise, like he wasn’t able to land on one single expression. You almost felt bad for the boy in that moment, but you doubt he would accept your pity. He was like Dan Feng in too many ways, but entirely different in others.
“I’m not going to do that,” Dan Heng said finally. “Blaming someone isn’t going to disregard history. Letting my emotions get the best of me is not who I am, and I doubt that blaming you will make any of this better. You’re the one with the curse. I should be apologising to you.”
“You don’t need to keep apologising for Dan Feng’s actions. I know you’re not the same person. Reincarnation means to lead on a new life. Being blamed for another person’s actions isn’t fair,” you said. “I was hostile at the start of this conversation, wasn’t I? Blaming you for the fact that Dan Feng had to leave me. Not out of his own free will, but because of those narcissistic elders that think they rule the world.”
You place a hand upon his back, patting it softly. “Go and live a fulfilling life, Dan Heng. The best thing you can do for yourself is continue on your fulfilling journey with your lovely companions. Explore the stars with the fervour and wonder of a starstruck child.”
Dan Heng almost instinctively jerked at the touch, a familiar shiver going down his spine. He looked at your face, the almost sad smile that rested on your worn skin. Though you didn’t look old in appearance, the heaviness of life lay heavy in the dimness of your eyes.
“How do you live knowing that you’re dying because of someone else’s actions?” Dan Heng asked, wringing his palms. “Do you not hate Dan Feng for your fate?”
“No,” you replied. “I don’t think I could ever have it in me to hate him. He will live in my heart until my very last breath. For then, I will count down the days until I can feel his warm embrace again.”
“Even if he was the reason you’re dying?”
“Especially because he’s the reason, we’ll be together again sooner rather than later.”
