Diary of my first Love

03 - 06 2020  Scenes and scripts of my first love. Early facades of an unhealthy relationship. E-mail: [email protected]

[loveinquarantine]

Last Thursday I was at a guys place.

We sat down and had some coffee together. He said:

"I like my woman like I like my coffee"

I answered: "Sweet?"

"No, strong"

He looked at me and smiled. You know, that after sex smile.

I smiled back at him and continued:

"Because if it were the latter, you'd have a problem"

"No" he said and he looked at me with a determined look in his eyes.

"Yes" I replied

"No"

"Yes"

This has been a theme throughout my life. Up until now I have always acted that sweetness has not been part of my character. I was ashamed, reluctant to share it. Knowing how much it is seen as a weakness.

Yes, you took advantage of it. I should be more weary in the future.

But sweetness is not a weakness.

Certainly not mine.

[loveinquarantine]

There's no reason why I should give it away, when it could easily be borrowed and returned.

[loveinquarantine]

When you hurt me,

You hurt my ego as well.

But it's a good thing.

You helped me in a way you never planned to.

It was weird thinking I could go into this relationship armed. Love shouldn't be a battle.

[loveinquarantine]

You took your time,

And a lot of faked affection.

A lot of what I liked to hear,

Like sweet kisses on my ear.

It was hard to do,

Sometimes I wondered why the struggle.

But there was so much to be gained for you,

That you didn't mind the hassle.

[loveinquarantine]

Nevertheless beautiful. But bound to live for only a little while

[loveinquarantine]

Sorry doesn't exist to you

[loveinquarantine]

Three eyes be staring at me, one of them saw sights you never got to see.

[loveinquarantine]

And I watch them alone at the dock we used to sit together.

It''s actually not so bad at all.

[loveinquarantine]

Love is dangerous. Guaranteed that you will feel happy in the moment regardless of the circumstances, and that happiness always sticks too long.

[loveinquarantine]

Our minds become one.

Our mouths speak none,

Our eyes tell more

Then they have ever done before.

[loveinquarantine]

Doing something fun with someone is easy, facing the harder moments isn't

Listening to music with someone is easy, listening to eachother isn't

Enjoying nature with someone is easy, having deeper conversation with eachother isn't

[loveinquarantine]

I remember the feeling of the soft warm sand. I remember your feet, and my feet and how we were studying them, comparing them. My body is a total opposite of yours. short, sturdy, round edged.

Every inch of your body is elongated, light, sharp edged. This image frozen in time, is the perfect example.

[loveinquarantine]

You said you like it when a woman makes her own choices, there you go.

[loveinquarantine]

And it's okay

[loveinquarantine]

They say when a person appears in your dreams, that very person was thinking of you right before going to sleep.

I'm here wondering if that is true, and if that's so when will the dreams stop?

[loveinquarantine]

I know what you meant.

Are you sure?

Are you sure you want to miss all of me?

All of this?

The one to ask that question certainly wasn't you.

[loveinquarantine]

It's not coming back to you or me.