Love Sick, Butterfly

[lovesickbutterfly]

Fuzzy Peach.

I lay there until All the bubbles went Away and all that Was left was the Murky water And I thought about The time someone had said "You're just laying in your filth." But I chose to see it As all the sadness That had leaked out Of my pores Making room for love And happiness.

[lovesickbutterfly]

Last night.

     I couldn't sleep last night       So I read my old       Diary entries       And I found out       It took me only 3 months       To fall in love with you.       It's been 3 months now       And sometimes I still wake up       In the middle of the night       And reach out, expecting       You to be there.       But you're not and       Won't ever be again.       And I wonder if you       Ever really were.

[lovesickbutterfly]

This time.

I won't pretend That my Heart Didn't crack Or falter But at least this time It didn't Shatter.

[lovesickbutterfly]

100.

It took me A tenth Of the time We spent together To learn how to Be without you And not lean On another. Don't you ever say This was  Easy for me.

[lovesickbutterfly]

Cherish.

I will cherish  The memories And the Way you looked After waking And the way Your skin smelled After a shower. But I will not Seek others Because I will Cherish myself More.

[lovesickbutterfly]

Used.

"If you don't Feel used," he said, "Then you Really should." And the  Brutal honesty Was so Comforting and So refreshing That it made me Smile. 

[lovesickbutterfly]

Road trips.

Today I learnt that The fastest my car Goes up a hill Is 65km/hr. And apparently the trip to Jasper takes 4 hours and 12 minutes. Also the sun rises before 5 am And the mountains Are beautiful distractions. So yea, I guess I'm still angry You never wanted To take the trip With me.

[lovesickbutterfly]

Hole.

I didn't need you but You carved A hole in My heart So you could fit there. And now You are gone But the hole Remains. What the fuck do I fill it with?

[lovesickbutterfly]

I miss.

I miss the coffee Machine turning on At 5 45 as I crawled Back into bed After I showered So your mom could Use the bathroom. I miss the inconvenience Of having to disturb Her make up routine So I could brush My teeth. I miss how she never minded.

[lovesickbutterfly]

Scars from her.

I want to Kiss Every scar She left behind. But I can See now That the wounds Are still raw, Just starting to Heal. And I am Trying to understand That you need Time.

[lovesickbutterfly]

975

I didn't waste The days I gave to you. But some nights When it's 12:17 And you're calling For the third time To tell me you Still love me I wish I could have them back.

[lovesickbutterfly]

Someday.

I want you to be my Other Person. I want to wake up next to you, And hold your hand walking down the street. I want to tell you all my secrets, And share with you my hopes and dreams But not today. If you gave me your heart today. I wouldn't give it the  Care it needs.  So please, keep it in your hands. Until I can hold it gently.

[lovesickbutterfly]

Let go.

I was immersed So deeply Into your world That I was afraid To let go For so long. Because you  Got the friends And you Got the family And you got To keep Everything I worked So hard to Share.

[lovesickbutterfly]

Miss you.

When I miss you I listen To all the Songs To which You've loved my Body And it's Easy to imagine You here.

[lovesickbutterfly]

You.

I deserve more. I deserve more. I deserve more.   I repeat this Every minute Of every day.   But all it takes Is one Look One moment In which my eyes Meet yours. And all I want is you.

[lovesickbutterfly]

This morning.

I woke you With soft Kisses. I didn’t want to. I wanted to Watch you sleep Still and Peaceful. I wanted to Lay my head On your Chest. I wanted to let The beat of your heart Make me feel whole.

[lovesickbutterfly]

sometimes

I miss you Sometimes.

I get an Urge To text you or call. To message you And say How things  ended badly.

But then I remember.

I still hate what You did to him. And you Still have my dress

And I  Hate who you have become.