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AnasAbdin
★
todays bird
d e v o n
Claire Keane
⁂
RMH
Misplaced Lens Cap
🪼
DEAR READER
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
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Sade Olutola
#extradirty
$LAYYYTER
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@lovingsaladballoon
Nineteen
Nineteen children dead
Uvalde, Texas
I am screaming, my lungs won’t stop
It’s the saddest place on Earth
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Nineteen lives violently stolen
At school, the horror
We are failing our children in an unimaginable way
The despair is unspeakable
Nineteen little girls’ and boys’ lives have been ended
Their final moments full of terror
We know why this keeps happening
We cannot bear it anymore
OLD UKRAINIAN MAN
I care
That your precious life was selfishly and foolishly stolen from you
When Russian soldiers shot you
In the back
I care
That you left this world tragically in an incomprehensibly unjust war
When Russian soldiers shot you
In the back
I care
That your family and others loved you, so much
When Russian soldiers shot you
In the back
I care
That your death demonstrates the catastrophe of humanity
When Russian soldiers shot you
In the back
I care
That you were killed by cowardly men, each deluded by power and greed
When Russian soldiers shot you
In the back
I care
About you, even though I did not know you
My Tragedy
I am not my tragedy, my trauma
I am here because of it
I owe my life to it
But it is not all of me
The shame and shock belongs to you, only
It does not exist in me, or elsewhere
I accept the trauma as it is, and will forever be
Because it is a part of me
You do not know tragedy, or trauma, yet
But in time you will
When your tragedy, your trauma, bears upon you
I will not be moved
Cancer is a Heavy Word
Cancer is a heavy word
No matter what form it takes
Too heavy for one person to hold
It makes my body feel heavy
It is a tonne of bricks sitting on my chest
It feels immovable and unchangable
It makes my thoughts heavy
It anchors them to my mind and body
I cannot hold the line alone
Give me love and healing
To ease the weight of cancer
I will have the strength to hold it
STRANGER
Father, the stranger in my house
Was you
I didn’t know your interests
Or your inner circle
Or your hopes and dreams
These are the things a little girl should know
About her father
I didn’t know where you went at night
Or if you loved my mother
Or who, if anyone, you loved
These are the things a little girl should know
About her father
I didn’t know if you were happy
Or sad, depressed and full of regrets
Or something in between
These are the things a little girl should know
About her father
I didn’t know what demons haunted you
Or if it was my fault
Or if I should help, somehow
These are the things a little girl should know
About her father
I didn’t know if you knew me
Or if you cared about my interests
Or my plans for the future
These are the things a little girl should know
About her father
I didn’t know if you loved me
Or if you were ashamed
Or merely distracted by other things
These are the things a little girl should know
About her father
Father, now that you and I are older
I know the answers to all of these things
You are no longer a stranger
SILENCE
There is the silence after a death
It’s sodden, heavy and unbearably cold
Much like the fur of a rain-soaked dog
There is the silence after a beautiful song
It’s light, fluffy and floating away
Much like a cumulus cloud high in the sky
There is the silence after a long goodbye
It’s still, warm and will probably linger
Much like sweet and sour sauce in an order of take-away
There is the silence after proclaiming one’s love
It’s loud, bustling and inwardly hot
Much like factory men working their shift all day
There is the silence after a lover’s fight
It’s sticky, thick and impossible to escape
Much like an anaconda snake ready to strike
There are many kinds of silence
Too many to describe in this poem
Much like the flora and fauna found in the ocean
THE CUL-DE-SAC
The childhood I recall is mysterious and dim
But I vividly remember a play-ground of sorts
The kind full of spirit and dance and parade
Though every inch after inch; it was all empty space
We were siblings of four; a range of six years
We lived in an unheard of small town; in a one-story house
That was found at the end of a flattened concrete-temple
And we worshiped that pavement like stewards of nature
We found freedom year-round on the sacred cement
In summer, it was hopscotch, street-hockey or tag
In winter, the snow plow; a huge mountain it made
And we protected our snow castle day after day
The neighbourhood kids would trickle in from the streets
Can we join, they would say, the street lights are still bright
Come over, we would say, let’s play for a while
We were the guardians of the paved semi-circle
The divine cul-de-sac, we showed such devotion and love
But it was taken from us when we moved away
I pray the new keepers can sense we were there
And they dance with the ghosts of our youth and charade
Snotty-Nosed Bitch
I used to be friends with a snotty-nosed bitch
She had perfect hair, two dogs, and even a house
She had many fine clothes that I could not acquire
Turns out this girl was a phenomenal witch
She did not love me, and not others, but only herself
And cared only of capturing her made-of-dreams sire
She married a man which cemented the ditch
I was shook by the pain from the sudden stab to my heart
To be cut-off so cold; no good soul will admire
When she crosses my mind, I still feel a twitch
She has two babies now, and a much grander house
One day I tepidly thought; should I inquire
What is life like for the snotty-nosed bitch
I suppose she is happy, with her dreams coming true
But I secretly hope they burn to dust in a fire
NIGHT
What would I have
If night came upon me
Relief of constant daily burdens
The toil of life; of societal struggle
Untangling of a thousand threads of worry
The big and the small; none of any importance
Loss of hope for my own future
The stifling of dreams; no more today’s and tomorrow’s
Absence of time spent with my loves
The smiles on your faces; the forcefulness of deep laughter
Freedom from my mind-dwelling demons
Their form; it does not matter
Would it be better or worse
If night came upon me
O’ MAMA
When I was a new-born
I had the warmth and safety of your bosom
You gave me fulsome comfort and protection
When I was young
I saw the strain of your offspring in your temper
You pushed us aside for snippets of quiet
When I was adolescent
I witnessed the strength of your character when your husband betrayed you
You were gone for a while in grief and denial
When I was grown
I felt your mothering nature at the hearth of your heart
You showed me your presence and dutiful compassion
When I was sick
I observed the lines in your skin and eyes grow increasingly deeper
You worried alone and in palpable silence
HOSPITAL ROOM
I am lying in a hospital bed
My feet pressed flat against the plastic foot-board
I am staring at the beige-pink walls of the room
My legs barely covered by a scratchy-thin blanket
I am feeling the air from the fan on my face
My back and neck propped up by four scrub-blue pillows
I am hearing sounds from behind the window with the pulled-down shade
My body spread out on the wet-proof foam mattress
I am resisting my reality as a prisoner of this room
My mind is transported to a far-away place
(UN)CERTAIN
When all is uncertain
We can rejoice in the unknowable
In endless potential
And outcomes aplenty
We only have this moment
Life is always uncertain
We can embrace the unknown
We can hope
Its better than fate
We only have this moment
Worship the uncertain
And curate our freedom of not knowing
We can live for today
With inherent curiosity
We only have this moment
I AM SURE
1. No one is getting out alive.
2. I have the freedom to disagree.
3. My thoughts are my choice.
4. My reactions to external events are my choice.
5. Everything I perceive is filtered through my own mind and that will naturally differ from what others perceive.
6. I have to accept everything wholeheartedly to find inner peace.
7. Nothing is permanent (this too shall pass).
8. The future does not exist.
9. There is no grand moment in life.
10. I cannot change people. Real change happens one by one; each person doing what they can; seeing where they can stand to improve; as opposed to pointing their fingers at the injustices they see in others.
11. Wisdom is knowing that you do not and never will really know anything.
12. No one is coming to save you. No one can and no one will. You must save yourself.
13. It is okay if/that my speech offends others.
TO MY DONOR
I have a chance
Because of your gift
I don’t even know you
Yet you saved me
I have a life
Because yours is over
I promise to cherish it
You will live on with me
I have a future
Because you do not
I will always know
Your ultimate sacrifice
HEROIN GIRL
Oh, Heroin Girl
Where are you from
Did your mother hold your hand
Did you frolic in the grass and trees
Cartwheels and chasing dreams
No, Heroin Girl
Where are you going
Did your mother say goodbye
Did you choose a wretched path
Dark alleys and suffering fiends
Please, Heroin Girl
Why do you take so much
Did your mother let you down
Did you find some peace of mind
Needles and terrifying highs
Yes, Heroin Girl
You are going to die
Did your mother intervene
Did you think you would be saved
Pills and haunting deeds
Bye, Heroin Girl
Were you all alone
Did your mother grieve
Did you welcome your last breath
Graves and falling tears
LIFE GIVER
When you are part of me
Will I think of you
When you give me life
Will I know you
When you give me breath
Will I feel you
When you are missed
Will I be with you
NARCISSIST
You are blind
Not by your eyes
You cannot see
Reality
You are alone
Not by yourself
You exist outside of
Humanity
You are mistaken
Not by others
You are consumed by your
Grandiosity