Hi :D

[dreadwedge]

Secret to my success? I do a yearly meetup in the Denver airport with 40 of my closest friends where we basically just eat smashburger and vibe. None of even us live in Colorado; we call it layover con. We all live in different spots so it’s the only time we get to see each other. Everybody books a trip to visit their moms with a connecting flight in Denver and we just take over the food court for a day and then go out separate ways. It’s like a two for one of trip because you have to visit your moms anyways.

The trick is to book two redeye flights a day apart. You just sleep on the first plane and then stay awake for 18 hours partying at the airport just riding the moving walkways back and forth with your boys and then sleep again on the second plane. The moms don’t even have to know.

The airport is like a little city where the party never stops. We even have some weed stashed in the false ceiling of an indoor pet relief area. You can just spread out on the fake grass in there and talk about life and sometimes you even get to see a dog. We made friends with this TSA girl who is honestly really chill and she helps us smuggle the drugs in. Sometimes she even lets us play with the confiscated knives and shit if we promise to give them back.

[dreadwedge]

People keep responding to this saying it’s fake because “nobody has 40 friends” but they have no problem with the rest of the details. From this data I can extrapolate that everybody on this website knows like 3 people max but at least one of them is a chill knifeplay TSA girl.

[glumshoe]

I’m suddenly laughing at the idea of a cliche noir detective story written in the brutally concise style of Hemingway.

A woman walked into my office. She had legs. I noticed her legs. “I have a problem. I need your help,” she said. They always said that. I knew her legs weren’t the problem. I hoped she might want my help with them anyhow.

[glumshoe]

“Can you pay?” I asked. Of course she could. Her shoes were worth more than my rent. She could pay. “I can pay,” she said. Her eyes were wet. I wondered if anything else was wet. Probably not. I am not handsome. Not since the war. She was looking at my scar. Lots of people do. Most look away. Not her. She did not look away. She looked at my scar and I looked at her legs. There were two of them. I liked that about her. I liked that a whole lot. “Will there be danger?” I asked. There always is. This city bleeds danger, then drinks it right back up again.

[glumshoe]

“I’m afraid there might be danger,” she said. She had the voice of a beautiful woman. She also had the face and body of a beautiful woman. She was beautiful.

The light from the window was striped. It made stripes on my cigarette smoke. The end of my cigarette crumbled into ash. My marriage had also crumbled into ash.

“I can handle danger,” I said. I patted the butt of my gun. My gun was a Colt. My gun and my scar were all that was left from my time as a soldier. My gun, my scar, and the nightmares. I looked her up and down. “I am good at handling things.”

[glumshoe]

“It’s about my husband. He’s gone missing.”

She was not wearing a ring. It means something when a woman does not wear a wedding ring. Usually, it means that she is not married. “Seems your ring has also gone missing,” I said. I hoped her dress would join it.

Her red mouth curved upwards. She was smiling a little. “I don’t wear it outside. A diamond that large would only invite trouble.”

“In my experience, trouble doesn’t wait for an invitation.” I looked at her legs again. They were both still there. “When did you last see your husband?”

[low-functioning-young-adult]

Sometimes I need to sleep in a hotel but then I remember that people can be gross in hotels. Could we all just promise to not be gross in hotels because sometimes I need to sleep there.

[unalivejournal]

Im probably a bad person but I'm a bad person so idrc about that rn

[kazuoishiguro]

✦ PROJECT HAIL MARY by andy weir —in the style of a 70s sci-fi novel.

[silly-blue-gosling]

okay so lets say that Grace lives to be about 80 years old

Rocky has said that Eridians live for an average of 689 years

If we figure out what percent 80 out of 689 we get 11.61%. If you were to have 11.61% of the human life expectancy you would get 9.288 years. It gets even worse when you realize Grace is probably in his forties so in reality Rocky only knows Grace for the human equivalent of 4.644 years

imagine you're Rocky and you learn that the amount of time you get to experience with your best friend in the universe is smaller than the amount of time someone is considered a child

[ukwheretofindme]

mood

[sillygoose-xp]

comic that appeared to me as I was waking up from a dream

[majorarc]

it's the look of betrayal on both the father's and the baby's faces that sell it.

[userfish]

missing Joann’s like a limb

[autophage]

You make soup in a big bowl. You serve it in a smaller bowl. And then you convey it, using a spoon, to your mouth. But what is the spoon? Simply a smaller bowl still

[bibaleen]

[viscerate]

“hot girls hit curbs” “hot girls can’t drive” “hot girls can’t do math” is there anything you guys CAN do besides romanticize your ineptitude

[viscerate]

hot girls do STEM. hot girls get 8 hours of sleep. hot girls don’t wear makeup. hot girls are smart and self sufficient. what about that

[low-functioning-young-adult]

“I wish the kids were still mew-ing so they would stop saying 6-7”

[transgenderer]

whenever youre wasting time on job applications always remember youre ALSO wasting someone else's time. so it's not all bad. going down, hand in unlovable hand, with an anonymous HR manager

[the-quasar-hero]

We need to seriously consider killing the people that are responsible for the ridiculous hurdles of the job application process. While I don’t love résumés, I can see what use they have. They list the relevant skills and job history you have pertinent to the job you’re applying for. That’s reasonable. Why on God’s good green Earth did we, as a society, accept cover letters as a thing? “Write some fanfic about what you’ll do on that thang if we hire you. Tell us you’ll bounce on it, that you’ll spin and do tricks on it, we wanna read that shit.” How about I stab you with a trident? Hmm, did you consider that? We gotta do cover letters for entry level jobs? “Do this personality test and we’ll see if you’re compatible for the job.” Is this speed dating? Are we about to get married? “Make an account with us, then you can apply for a job.” How about I tie you to five different angry horses? How does that sound?

[fossaheel]

opposite of a wife guy im a my friends guy. oh you like that flower thats crazy my friend literally gardens. oh you ate a bagel today thats crazy when i hung out with my friend we got bagels. oh you took a walk by some water that's crazy because a year ago me and my friend took this specific walk by the water and it was meaningful. phone screen of my friends. always talking about my friends. starting to think nobody else has my friends in the same way that i have my friends and im really sorry about that you know what i mean

[puppygirlirl]

you aren't insane you just live with your parents

you aren't insane you just live with your parents

you aren't insane you just live with your parents

you aren't insane you just live with your parents

you aren't insane you just live with your parents

[caesarsaladinn]

RUN! RUN!!