💫 SafeSpace 🪐

This is a blog for those who struggle with self-doubt and self-consciousness like I do.

[lrigl00c]

Do what you used to love.

For those of you who remember your childhood, what were the things that brought you joy? What did you do for fun? Would you constantly immerse yourself in journaling or creative writing? Did you love to sing and dance? Did you like learning about things you didn’t understand? Did you build things with sticks or draw in the mud? Did you imagine a different world and pretend to live in it? Did you believe you had powers and move the ocean or control the wind? Would you combine random ingredients in the kitchen and taste test them? Did you like sports or just go outside and play?

When I was little, I seemed to do so many things that brought me joy, a lot more than I do now. I used to write, paint, draw, dance, sing, collect random things, and play outside all the time. I used to have a wild and vivid imagination. If I was bored, I was able to entertain myself somehow.

Being an adult now, I feel like I’ve suppressed that part of myself. I forgot what it was like to do things just for the joy of it. I stopped doing all my hobbies either because I was too old and it was uncool. I told myself I could be doing more productive things for my future. I thought it would be a waste of time. I thought I would never be good enough. I pretended to be something I was not, just to fit in or to feel more mature. The things that I loved, I had put on the back burner for so long, I forgot my passions and what brought me joy.

When people would ask what my hobbies were, I wouldn’t know how to answer. I would just say I work or go to school and don’t really have time to do things I enjoy.

Life became this series of constant obstacles I had to hurdle through instead of something I could simply experience and learn from. Everyday felt like a chore. I forgot what it was like to just sit and think, be bored. Social media drained me of my creativity and individuality. I started to feel like who I was, wasn’t enough. I idolized other people and started to hate myself more and more. I became unhappy and insecure. I constantly compared myself to others. And I still fall victim to it to this day.

I lost my curiosity, my imagination, my creativity, and my joy for the simple things in life.

But recently, I picked up my old hobbies. Even though I’m not as good at them as I was, I do them because I loved them, because I still love them. It has helped me realize that we are all starting to forget or have already forgotten what truly matters. We have made life a competition for success and a constant battle of comparisons.

What truly matters is that you do what you love. No matter the circumstances or the situation. You will never be happy trying to conform to societal standards just to try to succeed in a system that was created to work against you. You are allowed to be different and weird. You allowed to do things that people consider childish or stupid. You are allowed to not be good at something. If you know something will bring you joy, despite what others think, just do it. No one wants to look back on their life, wishing they had done it all differently, wishing that they had just been themselves, wishing that they kept pursuing their old passions and hobbies.

I don’t want you to regret the life you are living. So just start today. One thing at a time. You don’t have to be a protégé or even good in the slightest. Do it because you love it. Do it because you enjoy it. Start living for yourself again.

[simply-a-dream]

I text back fast with no shame. yes, I want to talk to you.

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

you can start anytime.

you can brush your teeth in the middle of the day. you can wash the dishes at 2am. you can do things outside the normal times assigned by society.

[lrigl00c]

7 Day Challenge made by Dr. Izzy Sealey

Check her out on YouTube! She is incredible! She uses science-based methods to help improve mental and physical wellbeing with an emphasis on personal growth and development.

This is her template I tweaked to help me. If it’s too much to read, take it one day at a time. :)

If you want a more detailed, in-depth explanation of the method, here is the link to the exact video I had watched:

Start with a “Wheel of Life”

Put these 8 categories listed below from a scale of 1-10 based on how close you are to your dream life:

- Physical Health, Mental Health, Family and Friends, Romantic Relationship, Career, Finances, Personal Growth, Purpose and Contribution

Now for each of these categories, write a short summary of how you feel about each of these areas of your life and specifics about what you would like to improve. Also write about your ideals for these categories and what you want your end goal to be.

This will act as a reference for the rest of the week. Of course, things always change, so you can re-evaluate at the end of every week to see what has improved and what you want to improve.

———

Day 1: Morning Routine

Make it as achievable as possible for you. The easier it is to achieve, the more likely you are to accomplish it, but whatever works best for you. Things can always be tweaked later.

Write down your ideal morning routine. For reference, here is mine:

Wake up at 6:00, drink water, brush teeth, wash face, skin care, get dressed, do makeup, do hair, eat breakfast, drink coffee, sit outside for a few minutes, pack lunch, pack bag, leave for work.

This is my ideal so depending on whether I give myself enough time to do everything will determine on what I get done. Sometimes I’m quick with my hair, I won’t have time to sit outside, I have to take my coffee on the go, stuff like that. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it perfect everyday. Consistency of the routine beats perfection.

———

Day 2: Declutter

You don’t have to do everything in one day, but you feel so much better if you do at least a few things from each category.

- Declutter Digital Space: unfollow accounts that don’t benefit you or bring you joy, updated and polish your profiles, unsubscribe from things that don’t resonate anymore, clear up old apps you don’t use, clear emails that are no longer important, get rid of photos/screenshots you don’t need or want, etc.

- Declutter Physical Space: clear out trash and dirty dishes, put away clean clothes, do laundry, do dishes, dust, scrub/wipe surfaces, organize, get rid of things you haven’t used in a long time, etc.

- Declutter Mental Space: journal, meditate, therapy, breathing exercises, listen to relaxing music and close your eyes for a few minutes (whatever you do to relax and ease your mind)

(Side note: I swear to you, you feel so good and light at the end of the day. I felt so accomplished after the first time I did this.)

———

Day 3: Upgrade Your Operating System or “Hardware”

- Sleep Optimization: make room dark/use warm ambient light at the end of the day, keep bedroom cool and quiet, no caffeine after noon, no alcohol before bed, set bed time alarm (this is a game changer because you give yourself time to get tired and relaxed so you feel ready to go to sleep), avoid using devices at least an hour before bed

- Commitment to Movement: JUST SHOW UP! Put on the gym clothes and go, you can always leave whenever you want. Don’t even set a time goal, just go. Put out the yoga mat on your floor and sit down, do a few stretches. If that’s it, then that’s it, at least you showed up, but if you start, you are more likely to keep going because you are already there.

———

Day 4: Train your Edge

Using your “Wheel of Life” as a reference, look at the areas that need improvement. Just pick one category. Use this day to put effort towards improving that area of your life. Read books to help improve skills, take classes, practice, etc.

———

Day 5: Rewire Your Mental “Software”

- Stop ‘Should’-ing All Over Yourself: Change “I should” to “I want/get to,” for example; “I should drink this bottle of water” to “I want/get to drink this bottle of water.” Remind yourself why you want to or get to do this thing.

- Create Simple Magic and Joy in the Everyday: Write down the things that give you the most joy, even just the simple things like drinking tea or walking in nature. Put it somewhere you can see it. If you are having a rough day, use it as a ‘pick-me-up’ reference sheet. It will make your day just that much better.

- Gratitude Journaling and Affirmations: It’s recommended to try to do this everyday. It will improve your perspective of your life and situation. If you are grateful for something, write it down and say why. Whether it be a person, place, thing, an aspect of your personality, the weather, the food you’re eating, a drink you had, absolutely anything you are grateful for. Be kind to yourself. If you adopt positive thoughts, you will attract positive things. You will start to focus on positive things as opposed to negative.

———

Day 6: Reconnect Your Power Source

Text or call the people you love or care about. Focus on forming deep connection. Have deep conversations. Be vulnerable and curious. You might even help the other person and improve their day as well. We all desperately need connection in times like these. Get off the internet and ground yourself in a bit of reality. Real people and personalities are out there, you just have to discover and find them.

———

Day 7: Lock in Your Transformation

Cement these changes into permanent systems. Do another “Wheel of Life” and reassess. Compare it to last week. Change accordingly. Why did the changes happen, what made the difference, what impacted you the most, what would you like to keep, what would you like to let go of?

Decide on 3 action points for the upcoming week. What would you like to try, add, or do differently?

Acknowledge all the effort you have put in. It might not feel like it’s working sometimes. That’s okay, but realize and remember the conscious efforts you are constantly taking to improve your life. Your persistence to reach your goals and obtain that dream life is what matters. Feel the gratitude and point it towards yourself for actively trying to change, whether these efforts were big or small. You will gain your own trust when you are consistent with yourself and recommit to your self-improvement and development.

———

And then repeat every week! :)

Thank you, Dr. Izzy Sealey for making such an amazing 7 Day Challenge! It really has helped me tremendously!

I hope it helps you, too, reader!

[lrigl00c]

Question to my future self:

Will I get the life I dream of?

Yes! It is so much better than you dream of. What you think is for you now, is going to change constantly once you start discovering more of the real you. You will feel more fulfilled, more alive, never ashamed of who you are and what you’ve been through.

People don’t recognize you anymore, which has been a really good thing! The person you were pretending to be before was a survival mechanism, a bad coping skill you adopted. And it’s not your fault. You did what you needed to do to keep going, to keep surviving.

Now living is easy, natural, and exciting. You have gained so much perspective and wisdom by meeting new people and experiencing new things. I would spoil it for you, but the surprise is part of the journey, the fun.

You deserve so much more than you have given yourself. You will get yourself to where you want to be. You just need to believe it.

In this superficial and transactional world, you will be real and good. You will be your own role model and the person you wish you had to go to growing up.

You are doing better than you think, you know. Just be grateful for the now. It will get better, but don’t take the current time for granted. It is necessary. It is important. You are worth the effort, the struggle, the pain, the stress, the drama, but remember you are not your past.

These were all lessons meant to be learned, not chains to hold you down, to keep you from freedom and growth. Everything is a tool to push you forward, just change your perspective. No one is out to get you unless you allow it.

I am proud of you for starting over, for starting a new beginning. It takes a lot of courage and strength. You are stuck in your own mind because you have put up the walls yourself. Let. It. Go. Let it all go. Look stupid. Look ugly. Look crazy. Be real, be authentic. You are so afraid of judgement, but you have judged yourself the most. If you can just be there for yourself, believe in yourself, you can do anything you want.

Now take deep breaths, ground yourself, and keep going. You will get here and you will be so proud of how far you have come. I am proud of myself, of you. It will only keep getting better, I promise you.