conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 20 (masterpost here)
Dick: i was- see that's the thing, i was an absolute asshole to you,
Tim: and that's what i don't understand! like, Wing you fucking ooze big brotherlyness.
Tim: -the fuck did you end up like this when every story Hood tells us about your relationship before ethiopia is absolutely fucking insane.
Dick: *laughs* you know i was worse, too- because i had absolutely no place holding the amount of beef with you as i did,
Jason: the Shit You Used To Say-
Dick: *claps in delight* the shit i used to say! dude- Hood, i was fucking out of pocket,
Dick: you were- *abrupt wheeze, breathy giggles* you were twelve!
Tim: he can't have been that bad, i mean it's still Wing we're talking about. he's won the Gotham vigilante awards for biggest cinnamon role five years running.
Dick: *laughing* no- to be fair, i was HORRIBLE back when Hood was a kid. the only reason i learned my lesson is because he took the phrase 'traumatise them back' as a challenge.
Jason: *wheeze* yeah, we talk- we talk a LOT about the shit you used to pull, but we don't talk enough about how much i made you regret that shit real quick,
Damian: what on earth could you have possibly done?
Dick, amused: shut up! i remember i had to take him out for coffee once and as we were walking down the street there was this old fat guy who kinda stopped in front of us and Hood froze, and the guy kept going and i looked at Hood and i went-, i- *laughter* i said, 'what, was that one of the guys you used to suck off for money back on the streets?'
Dick: *cackle of laughter* no wait- you don't-
Jason: *high-pitched weeps*
Dick: -so Hood looks at me and just goes *abrupt serious voice* 'yeah.' *even louder wheeze*
Damian, mystified: you said that to a child?
Dick: I FUCKING- I SWEAR TO GOD HE GOES 'yeah' MY HEART DROPS,
Dick: I WAS LIKE 'oh my fucking god he actually was a child prosititute. the first Robin just made fun of a rape victim i have to die immediately.'
Damian, confused: but Hood- i remember you telling me about the time you lived on the streets. you would have told me if you'd ever had to sell yourself.
Tim: why would he tell you?
Damian, insant: because unlike you, Red, my brothers actually like me- anyway, Hood, you weren't a prostitute.
Jason: *coughing* i know i just- i said it on instinct to freak him out. fuckin' worked, too, you should have seen the size of the ice cream he bought me as an apology.
Dick: *delirious giggling* yeah man, i- fuck, you think i'm a good brother now? that shit only developed because Hood spent his early teenage years doing the brotherhood equivalent of psychologically squirting a misbehaving puppy with a squirt-gun.
Tim: why were you- why- why were you like that?!
Jason: dude- he wen't from the circus to new-parent Batman, at what point did you think anybody taught him how to act???
Tim, holding back laughter: i- ok point.
Damian: i would have thought Alfred would do something.
Jason: last week Alfred shot a squirrel through the kitchen window.
Dick: *bursts out laughing*
Damian: HE SHOT A SQUIRREL?
Tim: *starting to laugh* aw fuck- you sent Robin after him Hood, we're all fucked,
Damian: WHY WOULD HE SHOOT A SQUIRREL?!
Dick, choking: squirrel told him he couldn't have guns in the house.
Tim: *gasping laughter* s-squirrel told him that guns killed his parents,
Dick: *high pitched* -oh my god im in pain-
Jason: he told squirrel that a man killed his parents, not a gun, but squirrel wasn't having it.
Damian: you're all monsters.
Tim, Dick, and Jason: *start laughing again*