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Even if you find it easy to make friends — and it’s not, for most people — getting truly close to people is still difficult. Here’s how to make it easier.

Before we can attempt closeness, we need to have security. Through his research, Dr. Levine has identified the five foundational elements of secure relationships, which he refers to as CARRP.

Consistency (Do these friends drift in and out of my life on a whim?)

Availability (How available are they to spend time together?)

Reliability (Can I count on them if I need something?)

Responsiveness (Do they reply to my emails and texts? Do I hear from them on a consistent basis?)

Predictability (Can I count on them to act in a certain way?)

Once these five elements are in place, it can pave the way to a deeper connection. “From an attachment perspective, once we feel safe, we can start being more adventurous and playful, which helps us at work, raising our kids, in every aspect of our lives,” Dr. Levine said.

That doesn’t mean that you have to respond to texts within the hour, but it does mean that you need to create a baseline of responsiveness and availability so your friends feel secure in your friendship. Likewise, if you have friends who are flaky, unresponsive or unreliable, it will serve you to try to see if they can become more CARRP and if not, look to other people for close friendship.

“We often tell ourselves that we shouldn’t care if somebody cancels plans or we can’t count on them, that we should be more laid back and stop being so needy, but that’s the same as fighting against biology,” Dr. Levine said.

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psychesandsexdrives-deactivated

Let me tell you a fucking thing about costume design. That’s some in depth, difficult shit to learn. And the fact that this goddess can ramble this shit off the cuff means she knows her shit. ELLE WOODS IS A GODAMNED GENIUS AND IT’s NOT A STRETCH TO BELIEVE SHE GOT INTO HARVARD LAW MMMK?

katecod

FUCK YEAH ELLE WOODS OR DIE

alimarko

this movie is literally about an attractive woman who loves to party having to prove over and over again that she’s also intelligent and hard-working to those who judge her based on her looks (who also empowers and fights for other women, and fosters unlikely friendships instead of engaging in girl hate) and if you don’t think that’s some great feminist shit then I don’t know what your problem is

lilyskinned

Let’s not forget that in the end when the guy wants her again, she turns him down because she knows she deserves better.

aphony-cree

The movie’s director made fun of Reese Witherspoon for taking the part too seriously. He was trying to make a silly movie where you laughed at the sorority girl

Reese’s co-stars have said her hard work inspired them to play their parts with more focus too. This is one instance where a lead actor actually should get credit for the movie being as iconic as it is. If everyone had followed the director’s vision this would have been another forgettable college comedy

smalltownboymp3

lesser movies than mamma mia (2008) would've made the central conflict be between the three dads and stoked endless competition and jealousy between them, fighting about who gets to be sophie's "real dad" and who has (and had) a "right" to pursue donna but mamma mia is no such movie. mamma mia is a cinematic masterpiece and as such they are pals throughout, happily go along with all the shenanigans and spend loads of quality time together throughout the film. they are just vibing! and then all three of them become the dads no questions asked. no drama! only vibing in greece

omghotmemes

Finally.

holyunholy

glowing hot metal is such a touchable shade of orange

thyrell

im a welder and this let me tell you this does not go away if youre around a lot of hot metal its actually worse

agendermetalbender

im a foundry metallurgist working with thousands of pounds of metal sometimes and yeah it’s real bad

archbudzar

U can always improve and learn as a human!

Follow my work on Instagram

(C.B)(3.20.19)

weaponsofclairvoyance

being in your 20s is just going to the store

weaponsofclairvoyance

its also about feeling very sad. at the store

waitineedaname

lil nas is part of the category of musicians whose music I don’t actively listen to, but every time I see something about them, I’m like “you go you funky little artist”