How do I accept my imperfections?
I used to go through periods, when my level of self resentment was so high, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror - all I saw was my flaws. And that is coming from someone who has been earning her living through modelling. The fact is, I’ve known a lot of people who have been truly solid individuals – amazingly beautiful women and men, fantastic parents and partners, confident professionals, genuine friends – who confess that certain things about their appearance bother them. Those feelings exist as background static they notice on occasion. Yes, you could say they have it “all,” but there’s still that nagging source of vulnerability. Vulnerability. I think there’s a essential point here. If we can see these thoughts in that light, we recognize two things. The first is that the problem is really our feelings/self-talk about the imperfections rather than the imperfections themselves. We attach judgments to the features we decide we don’t like (or that others have so generously took it upon themselves to criticize for us in the past), but in all objective reality, these features are generally speaking neutral traits. More than at any other time in history, we’re now surrounded by that “ideal” to the point that it’s perceived to some degree more as an average. The omnipresence of media displaces comparative real life perception here. Likewise, this “ideal” is further stylized through “developments” like backlighting, airbrushing and plastic surgery, etc., which only further throws off our true sense of average, let alone healthy. No wonder we feel disoriented about what’s physiologically normal. Our expectations these days are admittedly skewed and manipulated, but our emotional responses are genuine albeit often unhelpful, there fore my Suggestion 1: let yourself off the hook for feeling the way you do. That said, focus on the knowledge that this feeling is totally unproductive and fleeting if we let it be.
Ultimately, we choose how much power we give our “imperfections.” How much of our mental bandwidth will we give away? What opportunities will we forgo? What intimacy will we restrict or not enjoy? How much time will we spend observing our bodies rather than relishing the freedom of being in them. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good, but it’s important at some point to think about what’s emotionally healthy for you as an individual.
The shockingly brazen truth is that you get to show up to life exactly as you are. You seriously aren’t required to be anything else. Put yourself in the mindset of hunter-gatherer pragmatism for a minute, and you’ll get what I mean. We get to want what we want for ourselves – health, fitness, longevity and even good looks. That said, if we think our basic value is conditional in any way or if those desires keep us on the emotional sidelines of life in any way, we’re setting ourselves up for a miserable and isolated existence. Interestingly, some people often say they didn’t learn real body confidence until they got sick. And by sick, I mean cancer. Gently peeling back bandages to reveal massive bruising and other post-surgery wounds elicited a self-compassion that had been inaccessible – inconceivable even – to them before. One family friend described it as finally understanding what the term “loving” her body meant. When she could take in the visual of what her body had been through – seeing the physical manifestation of the emotional trauma of her illness, she felt an amazing tenderness for her body, she said. While the physical wounds and medical crisis passed, her new perspective on her body did not. She describes it as one of the “gifts” of her experience. Most of us, fortunately, don’t have to go through medical calamity to gain a healthier outlook on our imperfections. So, what can we do? How about this…. We can accept our vulnerability to judgment and self-judgment and understand that we don’t have to identify with it. Our self-concept is much bigger than a feeling. We can shift our frames of reference by culling/changing our media intake and focusing our awareness on real-life exposure to genuine human variety. In other words, ignore the airbrushed magazine covers and go people watch at the airport. We can put ourselves in the center of that frame of reference. Collect some photos of yourself that you genuinely like and keep them somewhere you can see them or look through them frequently. Blame me personally for any embarrassment you might feel or questions you get. Take more photos in your daily life to collect even more of these. We can learn to better integrate our self-concept. Why would we separate out a flaw to obsess over? Because we want to distance ourselves from it? Because we want to drive ourselves insane mentally extracting parts of ourselves that aren’t up to par? Practice seeing the “imperfect” parts of yourself within the whole. They don’t exist separately from us – and neither should our thinking about them.
We can invest in ourselves – in our health and in our appearance. Enjoy what you have physically (and otherwise). Wear things you like. Learn to play up your assets. Develop your personal style and let yourself enjoy identifying with that means of self-expression/self-bedazzlement in addition to other elements of who you are. (Think it’s superficial? So is identifying yourself with a body flaw.)
We can cultivate self-compassion. Books exist on this, and specific styles of meditation include it. Do you have young kids? Try on their view of you – what they feel and see when they look at you. Tape one of their enormous-head-stick-figure drawings of you on one side of your mirror. Instant perspective.
What puts you in a healthy mindset about your body? Share your thoughts, and thanks for reading, everyone!
The article and extract are from Mark’s Daily Apple-incredible source of information and inspiration for me! Thank you Mark!!! http://www.marksdailyapple.com /span>
