˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ a study in pretend - psh ˖ ݁𖥔
pairing: park sunghoon x reader
professor!sunghoon x TA!y/n, slow burn, MDNI, university au, fake dating au, ex!sim jaeyun, smut with a lot of plot, slight angst, fluff, jealousy, yearning (mutual), oral s*x (both receiving and giving), petnames (princess, baby, angel), n!pple play, slight dirty talk, f!ngering, riding, unsafe s*x (don’t do this), creampi*s, aftercare, multiple org*sms, begging, soft dom!hoon, angst with a happy ending
tags: @satorus-slut @yunlazia @iouven @gardenwonn
wc: 13.3k (idk how it got like this… anyway enjoy)
an: this kinda links into my other fic as heeseung’s TA appears in his fic! you don’t rlly need to read that to understand this but the fic is all part of my future series i’m currently writing for :) that fic is here. thanks to my absolute sweetest best friends for beta reading and helping me through this process i couldn’t have done it without you!!! @luvvjongs and @irlmymelodyy i love youuu <3
“we need rules.”
“such as?”
“holding hands. keeping me close. maybe kissing if my ex is watching.”
sunghoon nods once like this is all perfectly reasonable.
why had you agreed to this again?
or;
the fake dating fic where heeseung sets you up with professor park sunghoon, who agrees to be your fake boyfriend to a birthday party only for him to realise:
your ex is sim jaeyun.
jaeyun is his best friend.
he’s been in love with you since you were both TA’s
when heeseung told you he had found you a date, you had thought the worst.
that he had found one of his grad friends that he had told you were complete losers.
or that he had gotten sunoo, who would have treated the whole thing as a joke.
the last thing you had expected was park sunghoon.
you nearly dropped the croissant that was in your hand as he entered the cafe.
tall, composed and dressed impeccably as always. he had dressed in dark colours and wore a coat that fit the autumn weather outside. sunghoon looked the same as he always had: intimidating and a little untouchable. which showed as his students would always straighten in their seats, the moment he would walk in to a lecture hall.
professor park sunghoon.
though you had known him when you were both just TA’s, he was different back then. he was a little softer, but he was still quieter and reserved. that softer side only managed to come out when he was with you, but you had never let yourself dwell on that.
you remembered late nights spent with sunghoon in the faculty office, helping professor kang mark papers. there were 200 students in the class, so you would compare marks and try to stay up. there was one particular night where you couldn’t focus, and as you felt yourself drifting to sleep, a coffee cup was gently placed in front of you. sunghoon wordlessly sat down and continued working, and you quietly thanked him. you hadn’t mentioned how poorly you slept the night before, but sunghoon had noticed.
he had somehow noticed everything when it came to you. from picking up the marks you forgot to tally, to the time you came in with a high fever, and he took one look before demanding you go home and rest. but that was all it was. he never made any other effort to take it further; it was always like he was holding himself back.
and then he became professor park sunghoon.
it was like a line was drawn. he was being professional, you had thought. and though there was distance, and you were now heeseung’s TA, you still found his gaze landing on you whenever you entered the room.
but sometimes you did catch glimpses of the old park sunghoon, in the way he bit the tip of his pen as he marked his papers, and the cute thing he did when he talked about something he was really passionate about. you found his gaze lingering on you a second longer than it usually would, which is why this was so dangerous.
your stomach tightened as he walked up to the coffee table.
“you’re late,” heeseung said casually, getting up from his seat with his drink in hand.
“by 2 minutes,” sunghoon muttered, his cheeks flushed from the cold air.
“that’s late for you.”
sunghoon’s eyes now landed on you.
his eyes look at you expectantly.
“hi,” you said, carefully.
“hi.” his voice was so calm and firm, it made your legs clench together.
“well! my work here is done.” heeseung laughed as he moved to leave from his seat.
“wait-” you started.
“you two talk.” he said, walking towards the door where mina, his girlfriend, stood waiting for him. “i’m leaving before this gets weird.” he shouted behind him.
“it already is weird-” the slam of the cafe door interrupted your words.
you sat in a slight awkward silence, sipping on your drink. clearing your throat, you finally spoke.
“well, first, i wanted to say thank you for agreeing to this.” you fiddled with your rings, as you spoke.
“… agree to what?” sunghoon asked, his face blank.
you paused. “the fake dating thing?” silence descended upon you again.
“…fake dating?” his genuine confusion only made you feel worse.
“yes?” you squeaked, now entirely unsure of yourself and what you were doing.
his eyebrows furrowed. “heeseung hyung told me i had a date.”
now you were confused. “a date for the party.”
“yes,” he said slowly, trying to piece things together.
you stared at each other. realisation hit you right in the face.
“oh my god.” you slapped your forehead in disbelief. “he didn’t explain anything to you, did he?”
“…apparently not.”
heat rushed into your cheeks. of course heeseung would do this. letting out a heavy sigh, you forced yourself to explain the situation.
“i need a fake date.” you blurted out, “my ex is going to be at the party, and heeseung thought it would help me if i had one.”
the moment the word ‘ex’ left your mouth, sunghoon stiffened.
“…i see.” he said politely.
god, you wanted to crawl into a hole and hide forever.
you completely missed the way his jaw tightened, and how he quickly schooled his disappointment. sunghoon had walked in expecting a whole different conversation, and now had realised he had misunderstood everything.
“it’s stupid i know.” you began, “you definitely don’t have to do it if you’re uncomfortable, but i thought we should go through some ground rules if we are.”
“rules?” he said flatly.
“yeah! like no unnecessary touching, no mixed signals, no-”
“no.”
you stopped.
“what?”
sunghoon remained calm.
“i don’t think this is a good idea.”
the rejection hits harder than you thought it would.
“oh.”
you look down now, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
“that makes sense.”
he felt guilty right away and suddenly wanted to take everything back.
but he stayed silent.
what was he supposed to say? that the thought of having you only for pretend made him feel so irrationally annoyed? or that the thought of being used to make your ex jealous was destroying him inside?
he had felt so stupid for even thinking heeseung was even trying to set the two of you up.
you forced a smile, “it’s okay,”
“i’ll try find someone else.”
and there it was again, the change in his expression. annoyance at your words.
“you’ll find someone else?” he repeated.
you were getting annoyed at this point.
“well yes.”
you watched as he leaned back in his chair his gaze focused solely on you.
“you’re comfortable asking just anyone?” he questioned.
“it’s not just anyone.” you huffed, “and it’s only for one night.”
“one night.” he echoed.
you didn’t understand why he was so hung up on that, or why he was so bothered at you bringing someone else when it was clear he didn’t want to do it.
finally, you sighed, “please just forget about this,” you grabbed your bag and tried to leave, but then he spoke.
“wait…” he lifted his hand to stop you, “i’ll do it.”
you stared at him as if he had just told you a joke.
“…what?”
“i said i’ll do it.” he said matter of factly.
you brain scrambled for a second.
“you… just said no?”
“well, i changed my mind.”
“that fast?” you asked incredulously.
“yes.” he says smoothly.
you narrowed your eyes at him, “that’s not concerning at all.”
you watch his eyes gleam with slight amusement.
“it’s practical.” he explained.
“fake dating your coworker is practical?” you ask.
“you said it was only one night.”
“you didn’t sound so happy about that before.”
his gaze held yours steadily, “i reconsidered.”
that explained absolutely nothing about his sudden change in attitude.
he checked his watch suddenly and his face became serious.
“my office hours begin in 15 minutes.”
you nodded, “so… you’re serious?”
“yes.”
“so you’re not gonna back out?” you asked, carefully.
“you’re weirdly calm.” you laugh.
“i’m trying to be.” he breathed.
before you could ponder on his words, sunghoon continued.
“if we’re doing this, we should discuss things properly.”
“rules.” you nodded.
“yes.” he agreed, “rules.” he tested on his lips.
you smiled slightly at his expression.
“i don’t have time now, but is there a better time to meet soon?”
“you’re scheduling fake dating preparations?” you giggled.
“you wanted structure.” he smiled, you felt your heart skip at the rare sight.
suddenly he looked fond, and it reminded you briefly of how he used to look at you.
he picked up his bag and stood, “how do you feel about tomorrow? after work.”
“yeah that should work. my place?” you asked.
“yeah.” he said softly, he didn’t move.
both of you waited.
you cleared your throat quickly, “well, good luck with your office hours.”
he nodded and held your eyes for one lingering second.
“try not to find someone else before tomorrow.” he teased.
your breath caught.
underneath his joke, you could feel the possessive edge in his voice.
before you could respond, he had already left the cafe.
fuck. what had you gotten yourself into?
—
you heard a loud knock at your door the next day at 4:30pm exactly. not a second later, which was what you expected from sunghoon.
you were nervous. you didn’t know what to do with yourself. the outfit you were wearing was what you had settled on after trying three different outfits. why had you bothered so much when it was just park sunghoon? but that was the issue, it was him and that’s why you had felt so bothered.
you smoothed your dress as you opened the door.
and there he was. stood, tall and composed as ever. his hair windswept, but neatly kept. his coat engulfed him and in his hand was a drink holder with two drinks.
“hi,” you breathed.
“hi.” he smiled as he raised the cup to hand it to you.
It was your favourite drink.
“how did you know?” you ask genuinely.
“i noticed you drink it a lot.” he said simply.
he had noticed your drink order, whether this was from your TA days or from recently you didn’t know, but it had made your heart feel warm.
you smiled as you drank, it was still as good as always. he had even remembered the extra shot of vanilla that you had always added.
you guided sunghoon to sit on your sofa and you sat next to him.
a quiet, comforting silence fell as you both sipped on your drinks.
“well… we should probably discuss how we’re gonna do things.” you started, picking up your journal which you had scribbled a few notes onto.
“you made notes for fake dating?” a gentle smile tugged at his lips.
“don’t blame me for wanting to be organised.” you laughed as you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, a nervous habit of yours.
“rule one: no excessive pda. i think we can both agree on that one.”
“and what do you mean by excessive?” he questioned.
“like being overly touchy, it will look like too much.” he nodded at your words.
“so… what pda are we allowing?” and then he continued, “hugging?”
“when necessary, yes.” you nervously said, gauging his response.
he seemed calm and just agreed as if it was the easiest thing in the world.
“holding hands?”
“yes.”
“arm around your waist?”
your breath caught at that.
“yeah, that’s fine.” but internally you thought this was the worst idea you have ever gone through with.
sunghoon nodded as if this was an academic discussion and he was agreeing with your idea.
“anything else?” he asked.
“no mixed signals.” you finally settled on.
“what do you mean by that?”
“this is fake and we should keep it that way.” you looked down as you said it and missed how sunghoon gritted his teeth at that.
“understood.”
“also, we probably shouldn’t date anyone else while we do this…” you spoke softly.
his eyes snapped towards yours.
“agreed.” the answer came so suddenly and quickly.
you blinked, “it would just make things complicated.”
“it would.” his voice lowered and you felt your legs clench. this was no good. how would you get through this when even his voice was affecting you?
you looked at your journal and paused.
“so…” he noticed your hesitation but waited patiently for you to continue.
“there’s one more issue…” you began, “kissing…”
and suddenly it was so tense you could cut it with a knife.
“...right.” he says after a short moment.
because of course there would be kissing. couples kissed all the time and that’s what people would expect of you both.
the thought alone made your stomach twist.
“well… we don’t have to exactly-” you started, trying to explain your rationale.
“i know.”
“but if we do it at the party and it looks awkward-” your cheeks flush as you continue.
“it’ll look fake.” he finishes now understanding the issue.
your eyes meet his.
“exactly.” you laughed nervously.
“we should practice.” the words leave his mouth calmly. as if he didn’t just turn your whole world upside down with that one sentence.
“...practice.” you say weakly, this was a horrible idea. why were you torturing yourself in such a way?
“yes.” he stared directly at you.
your heart was racing now.
“this is either a very good idea or a bad idea.” you chuckled nervously.
“i haven’t decided yet.” sunghoon said deep in thought.
The honesty made you feel worse.
you swallowed hard and before you could change your mind you nodded, “okay.”
sunghoon’s expression shifted for the quickest second, you suddenly became aware of the lack of space between you two.
he looks into your eyes before his gaze drops quickly to your lips for the briefest moment.
your legs brushed against his and you suddenly became aware of the faint smell of his cologne coming from him. a cool, musky clean scent that only made you want him closer to you.
he slowly raised his hand as if he was testing your reaction. his fingers gently brushed against your cheek, warm against your skin. his touch was gentle and smooth and you breath trembled as you leaned into his touch.
and for one moment it looked as if sunghoon looked completely undone by that alone.
his thumb rested near your jaw as he simply held you for a moment. you could not bring yourself to remind him that this was just practice and that was all it would be.
instead you nuzzled into his touch and felt his sudden inhale. his fingers trembled slightly as they drifted to trace your bottom lip gently with the pad of his finger, his gaze darkening as he watched intently.
“tell me to stop if you don’t want this.” he warned, giving you a reason to back out but you just nodded.
your eyes closed, a shaky breath left you and that snapped what little control sunghoon had left.
he pulled you closer and pressed his lips to yours.
slowly at first, but the moment yours moved against his, the kiss deepened. it became needier, your hands pressed at his chest as he kissed you as if you were the oxygen he needed to breathe. his tongue teased you, and you couldn’t help but let out a little moan at his ministrations on you.
when he finally pulled away he rested his forehead against yours now breathless.
you stared at each other, your lips swollen and pink and your eyes wide.
“that… was-” he breathlessly started.
“yeah…” you said, closing your eyes.
“pretty convincing.” sunghoon said quietly.
“right. practice.” you had remembered what had really happened. you were just practicing. none of this was real yet that had felt like the most realest thing you had ever experienced.
“practice.” he repeated, almost as if he was also trying to convince himself.
how were you going to survive on saturday?
—
you stared at yourself in the mirror as you fixed a strand of hair that had come loose. you spritzed your perfume and grabbed your phone and clutch. it wasn’t easy to calm your nerves down.
after what happened on your sofa, you weren’t so sure this was a good idea anymore but you couldn’t back out now.
your thoughts were disrupted by a sharp knock at your door.
you opened the door and exhaled.
it was as if you forgot how to breathe.
sunghoon stood dressed all in black.
his tailored suit clung to his body, a blue tie sat around his neck which suspiciously matched the colour of the dress you were wearing. he smelt like his cologne, it felt familiar already. his glasses sat on his nose and his hair was swept to the side.
the second he saw you he froze.
his eyes shamelessly followed the blue dress you were wearing that fit you perfectly.
the silence made your cheeks grow hotter.
“you okay?” you asked gently.
sunghoon just blinked, “you look… beautiful.”
your heart thumped in your chest.
“oh…” you breathed, “thank you.” you smoothed out your dress and nervously giggled.
“you look..” you started but your thoughts left your mind.
“…good.” you say weakly.
this sunghoon was affecting you so badly you didn’t know you would survive.
a faint smile reached his lips, “good?”
“you know what i mean.”
“i do.” he cleared his throat and held out his arm.
“ready?”
you nodded and grabbed his arm. it felt warm and strong and you couldn’t wrap your full arm around it. he definitely worked out… you thought to yourself.
—
the drive was quiet but not uncomfortable, sunghoon’s playlist played quietly through the speakers.
you sat beside him, and you felt his gaze on you occasionally before he focused on the road again.
“okay…” you began, “lets go over everything one more time.”
“debriefing on our fake dating rules…” sunghoon’s lips had the faint trace of amusement playing on it.
“we need to look believable.” you explained, “we can’t look forced.”
“we already do look believable.” sunghoon muttered.
you blushed at his words.
“you can hold my hand, put your arm around my waist and we can… kiss.” you said the last part in a rush but sunghoon just nodded.
“and our cover story is we met as ta’s and fell for each other.” you added.
“jake might wanna talk at some point, but i’m not sure if i want to yet.” sunghoon’s tight expression was not missed.
“how long were you together?” he asks.
“a few years in high school…” he nodded slowly taking in the information you had told him.
“that’s serious.”
“it was a long time ago… i just need to show him i’ve moved on.” your chest tightened at your words.
jake had known a version of you that had felt so long ago. you were no longer that wide eyed girl from high school that followed him around. a part of you thought you might never move on from jake. he was your first love after all. your first boyfriend, first kiss, all your firsts were with him. which is why it broke your heart when he had told you it wouldn’t work out. you were going to college in different parts of the country and he wasn’t willing to make the long distance relationship work.
it had taken you a long time to be okay. but even then a part of you longed for it again. sometimes you wondered whether it was jake you missed, or the idea of being in love. you hadn’t exactly figured it out with your string of failed first dates which didn’t lead to anywhere.
the closest you had felt to moving on was recently… not that you’d admit it. deep down, sunghoon had moved your heart in a way you hadn’t felt since… jake. if you had thought about it really hard, you had waited for him to make a move when you both had started out but he never did. then the doubt creeped in. he probably didn’t feel a thing towards you. in fact, it was perhaps your mind playing tricks on you, he was just nice. but then he had become a professor, and it had all ended. yeah you had spoke on the occasion, but it was never the same. you had never thought in your wildest dreams that you would be here today acting as his fake girlfriend.
it was as if you had to keep reminding yourself that this wasn’t real. he was just helping you out because he was nice. that’s all there was to it. and yes, you might have had a kiss that had changed the trajectory of your life, but that hadn’t meant that anything had changed. you still felt somewhat of a distance between you and sunghoon.
“oh god.” you whispered to yourself as sunghoon parked the car.
“you’re panicking…” sunghoon’s hand reached over to hold yours gently. “it’s going to be okay, y/n.” he finger rubbed gentle circles into your hand and you felt like you were going to melt there and then. he had no idea what he was doing to you.
you looked into his eyes and noticed his gaze was dropping to your lips.
“wait a moment…” he leaned over and used his finger to swipe the corner of your lips.
“lipgloss.” he said, now looking up to see your struck face.
he had leaned so close, you were certain he was going to kiss you again. his eyes widen for a moment before he starts to lean in for real this time.
“we should get going.” you say, breaking the moment immediately. sunghoon looks away for a moment and you miss how his hand clenches at the missed opportunity.
“yeah…” he gets out of the car, shutting his door and swiftly opens your car door, offering his arm to guide you out.
you gracefully take his arm and steady yourself on him with the heels you were wearing.
“hey, we’ve got this.” sunghoon reassures you as he loops your arm through his. You grip his arm as he guides you to the door.
–
the party had already started by the time you had gotten inside. people were mingling, champagne chutes in their hands as the soft jazz music played.
“you were invited to jay’s party too, weren’t you?” you question sunghoon as he guides you to the drinks.
“yeah, he’s head of faculty which is why i’m here, but i heard it’s not the same for you?” sunghoon asks.
“me and jay used to go to high school together.” you confess, “we’ve known each other for years.”
“oh so that’s how you know him… and that’s why your ex is here?” sunghoon concludes.
you nod, “we were all high school friends, and we’ve all ended up in the education sector which is kind of funny when you think about.”
you notice that sunghoon’s gaze is now preoccupied. he’s staring in the opposite direction and when you look, your heart stops.
sim jaeyun.
jake.
he looks as beautiful as ever, his tailored suit clung to him well, and his soft brown hair curled behind his ears. his glasses rested at his nose and suddenly his eyes caught yours and he froze. his eyes drifted down to sunghoon’s arm around your waist and an expression of hurt flashed across his face before it became unreadable. he began to walk towards you and you felt as if your heart was in your throat.
“that’s him. jake.” you pointed out to sunghoon as he quietly watched jake approach.
“...sunghoon?” jake looked to sunghoon and you gaped.
“you know each other?” you asked in disbelief.
“sunghoon is one of my best friends.” jake said, confused at the two of you.
“jake.” sunghoon looked equally confused. how small was the world that your ex jake, was sim jaeyun, his good university friend?
fuck. you were so screwed.
how could you pretend to be dating when he clearly knows the both of you?
you felt sunghoon’s grip tighten on your arm and then he began.
he smiled slowly at jake and pulled you closer to his side his arm now slung around your waist, “this is my girlfriend, y/n.” you could feel tingles up your arm and you could only look at him.
“...hi jake.” you said quietly, you gasped as you felt a quick press of sunghoon’s lips to your forehead. a sweet kiss that would be normal for couples but you felt as if you were going crazy.
he had called you his girlfriend and then had kissed you in front of jake too. how had he recovered so quickly? It was as if it was so natural to him, as if loving you was as easy as breathing. your heart clenched at his actions, this was getting worse for your heart. you knew already going into this of your lingering feelings towards sunghoon, and now this had blown everything all open. how could you go back to being friends when you had already felt the taste of his lips? you were utterly screwed.
“when did this happen?” jake asks pointing to sunghoon’s arm around you.
“we fell for each other when we were ta’s.” you explain, looking lovingly into sunghoon’s eyes.
“i fell for y/n the moment i saw her, and i think i have been falling ever since.” sunghoon’s words echoed in your mind. this wasn’t real. what he said wasn’t true. it couldn’t be. he couldn’t have been in love with you this whole time. he had drifted from your cover story, why had he done that?
it’s almost as if he can notice you spiraling at his words and swiftly changes the subject.
“have you seen heeseung hyung yet?” sunghoon asked jake.
“yes, he came in with mina earlier.” so somehow jake knew heeseung too. how did things get this twisted? you sighed at the thought.
sunghoon was now just holding your hand but rubbing gentle circles like he did in the car. it was calming you down, it had felt so warm you didn’t want to let go.
already your rule of excessive pda had been broken. but how could you stop? sunghoon’s touch felt so loving and it wasn’t as if he was bothered. you were making excuses but it didn’t matter. that could be dealt with later.
“so you’re still working in busan?” sunghoon asked politely, snapping you out of your daydream.
“not anymore actually.” jake replied, you listened intently.
“sunghoon, i was actually gonna let you know with the guys, but jay got me in contact with professor yang.” he explained animatedly with his hands like he always used to.
“i’m joining the physics department next week.” jake looks pleased but you couldn’t stop the horrified expression from coming on your face.
your stomach dropped.
he was joining the university.
that meant faculty meetings, lunchtimes, he would be there. and so would you and sunghoon. were you supposed to act at work now too?
you felt sunghoon’s hand grip yours a bit tighter at his words.
“guess i’ll be seeing you guys a lot more soon.” jake smiled genuinely. god you were gonna be sick. how had this all gone so terribly wrong?
this wasn’t just one night anymore. this suddenly had consequences.
“that’s good news.” sunghoon quickly replied, patting jake on the back.
“yeah i’m excited. it’ll be nice having some familiar faces around.” jake grinned at you as he said it.
sunghoon’s silence became obvious. jake cleared his throat, “well.”
“i better get going, gotta greet the birthday boy.” he laughed and walked away into the crowd.
you immediately let go of sunghoon’s hand and let your arms drop to your side.
“he’s joining the university.”
“i heard.”
“we can’t stop.” your words came tumbling out before you could stop them.
if you had stopped this now there would be too many questions. you would have to explain it to jake and you didn’t want to do that.
“do you want to stop?” sunghoon suddenly asks, making your head snap in his direction.
he’s giving you an out.
“i don’t know…” you admitted.
“we’ll figure this out, y/n.” the low reassurance in his voice made you feel better but somehow you were realising how you didn’t want this to end at all.
–
on monday morning, you entered campus with sunghoon by your side. trying to not let it freak you out, that he was holding your coffee and standing close next to you.
people started to notice and of course they began to chatter.
the infamously, cold park sunghoon was carrying coffee and trailing after you. The students could not believe it. how was this the same professor who would coldly stare someone down for talking in the middle of his seminar? he actually looked… happy.
he mindlessly spoke about his day, and how he was looking forward to doing his seminar on chaucer for his second years. you watched as he quietly described how the students had prepared presentations last week, they had actually done better than he had expected. it was so easy to watch him speak about the things he was passionate about. you could really tell how much he loved his job and it just made you like him even more.
“you know everyone is staring at us.” you whisper.
“that’s the whole point.” he whispered back.
you walked into the faculty building together and heeseung spotted you right away.
at first he did a double take at your closeness and then grew smug.
“oh my god…” he whispered, “did you guys actually hit it off?”
you blushed instantly, “stop!”
sunghoon remained unbothered as he sipped on his coffee.
“oh yeah jake is starting today, did you hear sunghoon?” heeseung said absentmindedly, fiddling with his rings.
“yeah, he told me last night.” sunghoon muttered.
“lee heeseung.” you started. heeseung looked up in alarm. you never called him by his full name.
“when were you going to tell me that jake is in fact sim jaeyun?” you grit your teeth together.
“yeah that’s his real name, what about it?” heeseung asked confusedly.
“sim jaeyun is my jake.” you breathed, “my ex.”
sunghoon froze at your words but schooled his expression.
“he’s what?!” he shouted, “did you know about this?” he gestured to sunghoon.
“i found out at the party.” sunghoon shrugged.
“what do you mean your ex boyfriend is his best friend?” heeseung pointed out.
“i know.” you sighed.
“oh that’s sick actually… you’re fake dating your ex’s best friend.” heeseung teased.
“that makes it sound really bad.”
“it really is bad…
heeseung continued, “no but this is insane…” he continued, “i expected awkwardness and maybe some flirting but not… this.” he said pointing to your arms that were touching closely.
“wow first year TA y/n would be going crazy.” heeseung laughed and you slapped his arm angrily.
heeseung’s held his arm in pain as you gave him your best ‘don’t test me’ face.
sunghoon blinked at your antics.
“hey! what was that for?” he rubbed his arm where you had hit it.
“watch what you say.” you hissed under your breath.
“what does he mean?” sunghoon asked, and then you wanted to jump into a hole and hide forever.
“he doesnt-“
“well you see in her first year y/n had like the bigggggest-“ you elbow heeseung so hard in the stomach he lets out a wheeze and dramatically holds onto his stomach and lets out a yell.
“oh my god.” sunghoon checks on heeseung but he’s already up.
“she elbowed me.” he croaked, still getting his breath back.
“you deserved it.”
“i was going to say biggest academic rivalry!” heeseung spat.
you rolled your eyes, “you’re a liar.”
“you just tried to kill me!” he laughed as he held his belly.
“you’ll survive.” you say dryly.
sunghoon cracked a rare smile at your behaviour and you felt your heart burst.
“and what was he trying to say now?” he asked, intently looking for your answer.
“nothing!” you blurted immediately.
“that reaction says the opposite.” heeseung wheezed. you threw your death glare and he finally shut up.
“i can’t believe you attacked your supervisor, TWICE. i could get you fired, you know!” heeseung dramatically rubbed his stomach and arm.
you ignored him.
“you know what? fine! keep your secrets.” he pointed at you gingerly, “but when this turns into a 200k slow burn fake dating to lovers, i will take all the credit!”
sunghoon laughs quietly under his breath.
you and heeseung gaped at his laughter that usually wouldn’t show.
“oh yeah he’s gone gone.” heeseung pointed.
“leave.” sunghoon said flatly.
your face burned even hotter as he scurried away with his office hours starting in 5 minutes.
“so… what was that about?” sunghoon genuinely asks and you don’t even know what you should say.
“it’s nothing…” you try explain but how could you?
“it sounded like he was going to say crush.” sunghoon said thoughtfully.
you choked on your gulp of coffee and coughed, “what?”
sunghoon looked at you again, calmly, “he said biggest and only a crush would make sense.”
your heartbeat thumps in your throat.
“well thats-” you start, “…nothing.” you say weakly.
sunghoon leans in closer, “you know you get really violent when someone tries to reveal a secret about you.”
your eyes widened.
“i dont know what you’re talking about.” you deflected.
“liar.” he whispered in your ear.
the word came out teasingly. softer. and that made it worse.
because now sunghoon was looking at you and you could tell all your first year memories were flowing through his mind. all your late night conversations, every stare and moment.
he just smiled.
then his gaze focused on whatever was behind you both.
his expression changed slightly before he grabbed your hand, slightly squeezing it as if he was preparing you.
it was jake.
he looked unfairly good, his wavy brown hair tucked behind his ears, and his thick frames that sit on his face. he wore a dark coat, coffee in one hand as he held his books in the other.
he scanned the room and his eyes landed on you.
his eyes softened and then he smiled.
his breathtaking smile. the one you had fallen for all those years ago.
“hey.” the words echoed through the hallway as he made his way to you both.
sunghoon went still. he just watched.
your hand was still in his. his thumb was rubbing gentle circles into it and you hadn’t realised till now.
he had pulled you closer to his body and jake had noticed too.
something unreadable flashed across his face but then came his easy smile.
“there you are.” jake said casually, “i was looking for you, i got lost 3 times on campus already!”
“that sounds like you,” sunghoon said wryly.
jake scoffed, “you’re very unsympathetic for someone who convinced me to apply for this job.”
“you signed the contract.” sunghoon shrugged slightly.
the atmosphere shifted slightly at sunghoon’s coldness.
jake looked towards you now, “we didn’t get to talk much the other night but it’s good to see you, y/n” his voice soft as ever.
jake was still as kind as ever.
“it’s good to see you too.” you smiled.
sunghoon’s thumb stopped moving and you noticed immediately.
“maybe we could get coffee sometimes?” jake shrugged, “catch up together.”
your eyes widened.
“oh-”
“she’s busy.” the answer came from sunghoon who now sounded colder. flat, a hint of possessiveness lying underneath.
jake blinked, “i… didn’t ask you.”
“she still doesn’t have time.”
you stared at sunghoon and his reaction, “you don’t know my schedule.”
“i know you’re busy.” sunghoon stared at you carefully.
jake let out a little laugh at you both.
“you two are pretty close.”
“we’re dating.” sunghoon said smoothly.
“yeah. i can see.” jake nodded towards your intertwined hands and general closeness. his tone feels a bit defeated but before you can think about that too much sunghoon catches your attention again.
he brings your hand close to his lips and presses a soft kiss to your hand.
jake looks at you both, “well, i’ll stop interrupting your morning.”
“you’re not.”
“thanks.”
you both answered at the same time. you furrowed your eyebrows at sunghoon’s words.
jake just laughed softly under his breath.
that only made things worse, because now sunghoon looked annoyed.
“i’ll see you both around.” sunghoon nodded, but you noticed that jake’s eyes lingered on you for a moment.
he looked down at your hands that were interlocked with sunghoon’s and his smile dropped for the quickest moment before he smiled again and walked away.
—
it had been two weeks of fake dating and you were dying. It was as if sunghoon was really your boyfriend. you came to school with each other, ate lunch, spent your free periods together and it didn’t just end there.
you had started going out together, it had began with going to see the newest adaptation of jane eyre in cinema. there wasn’t anyone to go with and sunghoon had offered.
it ended up being a great time, you had both bickered over the film’s portrayal of mr rochester but enjoyed how well it had stuck with its original source. what was interesting was how sunghoon kept his arm around you the whole night despite there being no reason to do so. you hadn’t mentioned it, but even you were becoming more aware of how domestic this was beginning to get.
but it wasn’t just that. the intensity of his touches had you going insane. how were you supposed to be okay, when he was leading you with his arm slung around your waist? his touch ignited something inside you and it could be felt by sunghoon undoubtedly. it was noticed, especially in the way he reacted one night when you had opened your door in just your shorts and tank top not expecting company. his eyes had darkened at the sight of you and he had muttered out an apology before trying to leave.
“wait… do you want to come inside for a drink?” you had asked him, opening the door to invite him in.
you knew what you were doing, you were wearing your tiny shorts and a tank top that was surely showing your body off.
“…okay.” he murmured as he entered your place.
you guided him to the sofa you had kissed on just weeks ago and went to get him a drink from the fridge.
when you came back, his coat was slung on a nearby chair and he was sat in his tight white button down and black slacks that made your mouth water.
you settled his drink in front of him and sat close to him.
you felt his breath stop as he felt your bare leg against his.
neither of you touched your drinks and the air got heavy in your silence.
you exhaled slowly, “we’ve been dancing around this for a while haven’t we?”
sunghoon’s eyes landed on you, “what do you mean by that?”
you laughed nervously, “i mean…” you began, “…maybe we should just get this out of our systems.”
sunghoon stared at you. he gulped.
you swallowed, “we should sleep together.”
sunghoon’s eyes grew heavier and darker, “you think that will fix this?”
“probably not…” you admitted.
“then why suggest it?”
because you’re all i think about? because everytime you touch me i feel like i’m flying? because i have never wanted someone as bad as i want you.
instead you whisper, “because i don’t know what else to do.”
sunghoon’s eyes widened and then softened at you.
his jaw clenched as if he was trying to control himself but it wasn’t working anymore.
“you have no idea how hard this has been for me.” he growled lowly.
you felt your belly pool with heat.
“say it again.” sunghoon demanded, now staring into your eyes closely.
your throat felt dry, “what?”
“tell me what you want.”
“i… want you.” you declared breathlessly.
sunghoon moved instantly, pulling your face close to press his lips to yours. this time it was heated, his tongue slipped into yours and you were both making obscene noises.
his hands roamed all over your body from your waist back to your chest. he brushed against your breasts with his thumbs, and you moaned into his mouth.
you tangled your hands into his soft, black hair pulling him closer.
sunghoon pulled apart reluctantly, his hair fell into his eyes. “please tell me you’ve wanted this as much as i have?
you nodded, “i wanted this so badly.”
he kissed you even deeper and this time took off your shirt to expose your breasts to the cold air. he palmed your chest with his warm hands. your nipples immediately hardened at the contact. he circled it with his thumbs and watched as your head rolled back. this time he attacked your neck with kisses and bites as he tweaked with your hardened tits.
“yes, fuck that feels so good.” you moaned into his ear.
he looked up as he popped one of your nipples in his mouth. you nodded as he began sucking hard and massaging the other with his hand.
“your tits are perfect. made just for me.” he groaned.
he teased and bit you till your breasts looked swollen and puffy from his attention.
“i’ve been dreaming about this. for so long.” sunghoon revealed, you were so hazy from the lust you couldn’t even focus on his words.
“please touch me…” you begged.
“where? tell me where?” he growled.
“here…” your hands drifted to your panties before he slapped them out of the way.
“use your words, princess.” he demanded.
“please touch my pussy,” sunghoon pulled your shorts and panties off at an alarming speed.
he dipped his fingers inside, moaning when he found you drenched. his fingers slid in through your arousal collecting all your juices.
“fuck. you’re so wet for me. it’s like this pussy was made for me.” he groaned as he found your clit and began rubbing tight circles, watching as your mouth opened. carefully waiting, before he pushed two fingers inside slowly and deliberately.
you moaned loudly as he curled his fingers hitting that spot that made you see stars. gripping his hand as his thumb rubbed your clit, you were getting so close. he latched his mouth to your nipple at the same time and you felt like you were close.
the pressure kept building and building till he added a third finger stretching you out completely.
“fuck, you’re gonna cum all over my fingers aren’t you.” he whispered in your ear.
you nodded quickly, crying as you came all around him. he pulled out his hand gently and brought his fingers to his lips. he sucked them and moaned at the sweet taste of you.
“tastes so good. even better than i imagined.” he confessed.
you sat up this time now panting heavily as you pushed sunghoon back on his side of the sofa. he landed with a thud and watched with hazy eyes as your hands trailed up to his pants and onto his belt. you made quick work of his belt and pulled his pants half way down. you crawled right between his legs and looked up into his eyes as you took his huge, leaky cock into your hand.
sunghoon hissed as he watched you pump it up and down with your fingers, spitting on it to get it all ready.
“how bad do you want it?” you teased, looking sunghoon into his eyes as your fingers grazed his leaky slit.
“so bad. need you so bad.” he begged now playing with the strands of your hair.
you leaned down and took him into your mouth. his head fell back as you started slow. just licking the head and swirling your tongue around it before taking him deeper in your mouth. your hand pumped the base as you moved up and down sucking harder. he was thick, hot and filling your throat so well you were moaning as you took him down your throat.
his hands threaded through your hair as he he gripped it tightly and began bobbing your head on his cock.
“just like that. fuck.” he panted as he watched you gag on his dick from taking him all the way down. you picked up the pace and let sunghoon fuck your face and felt him pulse on your tongue.
“i’m close angel, tell me where you want it?” sunghoon asked breathlessly.
you didn’t pull off, you looked at him. your eyes now watering and kept sucking. he came with a loud moan and noticed how you swallowed every drop of his cum.
“fuck you’re so perfect for me.” sunghoon stared, his chest now heaving.
you smiled, “let’s take this to the bedroom.”
he nodded and gathered you into his arms carrying you to your bed.
dropping you onto the mattress, he ripped off his shirt and watched as you stripped out of what you had left on. sunghoon knelt at the bed and dragged your legs closer to him.
“it’s my turn to taste you, baby.”
he buried his face in between your thighs, his tongue flat against your clit licking up all your juices. you were wet again from sucking him off and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was.
you cried out as he thrust his tongue inside and licked like his life depended on it. your gripped his hair tightly as you felt yourself coming again. you screamed as you came for the second time that night.
you rose up this time and pulled him closer to you. you pushed his body against your headboard and positioned yourself over him. you looked into his eyes as you reached down between yourselves. wrapping your fingers around his shaft, you felt it pulsing as you guided the head to your entrance. you teased it with your folds flicking it through your folds and then you sank down.
“fuck.” he grunted as you took him inch by inch, your tight walls stretching to accommodate his girth. sunghoon’s hands rested at your waist, fingers digging into your hips as you bottomed out, his cock now buried into you.
“you feel so fucking good, hoonie.” you moaned as you began to move. you rose till the head rested at your hole and slid back with a wet and deliberate slowness that made you both shudder. now you took control and set a rhythm that was deep, you rolled your hips as you grinded down onto his cock.
sunghoon’s hands roamed around your body, sliding from your hips to your tits. fingers tweaking at your nipples that made them even harder. you leaned forward and wrapped your arms around sunghoon, and wrapped your legs taking him even deeper into you. sunghoon could feel your breasts pressed completely against him as you bounced on his dick. he moaned and didn’t hesitate as you began to slow as you got tired.
he took over and gripped your ass with both hands as he began to thrust upwards, hitting you in places that had never been reached before. sweat slicked on your skins as you melted into one body. your legs tightened against his body holding him closely as he fucked into you.
his mouth found yours and the kiss felt hungry and desperate. nothing like what you had practiced. he swallowed you up and bit against your lips as he moaned. he chased your peaks and got faster and faster, his kisses had now turned into bruises at your neck as he got closer.
“i’m so close. fuck.” he groaned against your lips.
“me too, don’t stop hoonie please.” you begged as you let him use you completely.
he drove into you with everything he had, his hands gripping so tightly they were definitely leaving bruises. locking your legs around him as your buried your face into his shoulder. moans muffled as you the wave crashed over you. your pussy clenched around him, milking him as he began to empty himself inside you. hot ropes of his cum filled you up as he held you closely to himself. his face breathing in the gentle scent of your shampoo as he pressed his face into your hair.
you both stayed like that for a moment, tangled together and breathing deeply. his cock softened inside you as it recovered from the residual tremors of your walls around him.
finally you lifted your head and smiled, “you good?”
“yeah… i’m good.” sunghoon laughed as he pressed a quick kiss to your lips that you weren’t expecting.
he pulled out slowly as you collapsed against his chest. your body now limp and leaking his cum all over your thighs.
“you’re incredible.” he murmured into your hair, “so perfect.”
you smiled against his chest, “you were so good to me.”
he held you closely and you felt yourself drifting to sleep. you felt him stroking your hair, praising you, calling you his. when you felt yourself stirring, he kissed your shoulder and rubbed your back till you felt yourself falling asleep again. he had gotten a warm cloth and had cleaned you as you slept.
when you woke up again, you felt your head resting against sunghoon’s chest. his fingers traced shapes against your shoulder as he felt his slow breathing match yours.
you both didn’t say much.
sunghoon lazily traced his fingers against your arms before shifting slightly.
“you should go pee.” he nagged.
you lazily looked up, “hmm?”
“i don’t want you getting sick.” his expression stayed serious.
a sleepy laugh escaped you as you nodded.
you smiled as you forced yourself out of bed with a groan. you shivered at the feeling of cold against your naked skin. you looked around seeing if there was anything around you could put on. spotting sunghoon’s discarded white button down, you lazily put it on not thinking much as you did the buttons.
it smelled like sunghoon, like his faint cologne and detergent, just him.
then you quickly slip to the bathroom not realising the effect you just had on sunghoon.
he stayed still and tried not to think about how fucking good you looked wearing his shirt.
he had failed so badly.
because when you returned a few minutes later rubbing your eyes, sunghoon felt his soul leave his body.
the oversized shirt slung off the side of your shoulder the sleeves covering your hands. your bare legs peeked out, hair still messy and your neck littered in marks thanks to him.
you stopped halfway to the bed when you noticed him staring, “what?” you asked self-consciously touching your face in case you had something on it.
sunghoon blinked slowly as he’d gotten caught. then his eyes dragged over you again before he could stop himself.
“you’re wearing my shirt…” he pointed out, his voice sounding rougher than before.
“i was cold.” you said nervously rubbing your arms.
“i can see.” he gazed at your perky tits that were poking through his white shirt.
you blushed as you wrapped you arms around yourself.
“come here.” he says suddenly.
sunghoon lifted the duvet beside him and invited you to come in.
you crawled into bed slowly but the second you settled beside him his arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer to him. you breathed out as sunghoon carefully tucked you into the blanket. you went still as his hands slipped past and rested at your stomach. he was hugging you.
“are you feeling warmer?” he asked.
“yes… thank you.” you nodded softly and found yourself getting sleepy again.
sunghoon began humming gently, he started to sing a song that had sounded vaguely familiar to you. his voice sounded so sweet you could only rest your head against his chest as you drifted to sleep.
“i love you…” he whispered. but you had already fallen asleep. he pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead and let the words that were said to linger in the air.
–
you had said it was a one time thing. just something to get the tension out of your systems, so you could go back to normal.
except things didn’t go back to normal, because three days later you found yourself at sunghoon’s apartment with food and somehow ended up in his lap again.
the next week, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other and he then bent you over his desk.
it had gotten to the point where you were casually sleeping together and even though you’d both whispered it would be the last time it never was. you never talked about what you were. you still fake dated, but now you’d be finding any excuse to be close to him. it was as if this had started a chain reaction. once you had it, you couldn’t get enough of it. you thought sunghoon probably felt the same, with the way he so eagerly kissed you back everytime you knocked at his door.
but now things started getting blurry.
sunghoon started keeping your favourite drinks in his apartment fridge.
he had bought his spare toothbrush and stuck it in your bathroom without a word.
he had started texting you every morning without you realising it. in fact, you found yourself missing him when he wasn’t around.
and then there was jake.
it really did feel harmless at first. jake had always been thoughtful and kind.
there was a reason you had fallen for him all of those years ago.
he remembered things, small details that others would forget.
like how you hated cucumbers, and how he had pointed it out one lunch, when you were eating a salad bowl sunghoon had bought for you.
“she doesn’t eat cucumbers.” jake pointed out, grabbing the cucumber and popping it into his mouth.
sunghoon looked at you with confusion, “you don’t?”
your cheeks flushed, “i don’t but you bought it for me so of course i’d eat them.”
“i’ll remember that for next time…” sunghoon said, quietly.
and then jake began bringing you coffee when you were in the faculty office.
“just dropping this off,” jake smiled as he placed the cup in front of you.
“oh my god!” you gasped bringing the coffee to your lips and taking a sip.
“you looked tired earlier,” he admitted casually, grinning at your response.
“you remembered?” you said excitedly.
“the extra shot of vanilla.” jake laughed.
–
sunghoon felt like he was intruding. he was just sat on the desk nearby watching it all unfold. he knew that. that you liked an extra shot of vanilla. so why did it hurt to know that jake knew it too?
he watched as you both laughed at a memory jake had bought up, and felt a pit of jealousy start to grow.
he had started to notice it, the way jake was doing these little things for you.
he had even seen him handing you your favourite snack after a meeting because “you always used to eat these while studying.”
he had heard from you that jake would walk you out from the faculty building because “it was dark out.”
none of it had crossed any lines but it bothered sunghoon more than he would like to admit.
sunghoon could notice the years of familiarity around each other, the way you had even finished each other’s sentences off, and the way jake had made you laugh like sunghoon had never seen before. it was so natural that it made him feel worse, because all you had was a fake relationship and words that were left unsaid.
it finally got to him one evening when jake had asked sunghoon out for drinks.
heeseung had already left saying he was picking up his girlfriend, jay had left then too citing his busy work schedule that was piling up. sunoo had tapped out quickly, he was meeting up with jungwon and riki for karaoke and didn’t want to miss out. which left jake and sunghoon sat together alone nursing their beers.
jake stared at his drink before he spoke, “you really like her, don’t you?”
sunghoon looked over immediately.
“we’re dating.”
jake gave him a look, “that’s not what i mean.”
sunghoon looked away first.
jake exhaled, “you know, seeing her again felt really nostalgic.”
he smiled softly, “she still laughs the same,”
“buys too many books that she can’t finish, still gets too quiet when she gets overwhelmed.”
every word felt like stab in his chest.
jake knew everything about you.
“and i know it’s terrible of me, but seeing you guys together made me realise i never truly got over her.”
sunghoon felt his jaw tighten.
“and i think i owe it to her to say it,” jake said finally.
“you had years to say something.” sunghoon said cooly.
jake nodded, “i know.”
“when we broke up in high school, i handled it really badly.” jake started.
“she loved me a lot back then, and i left things unfinished because i thought one day we would find our way back to each other.”
jake shook his head, “that wasn’t fair to her.”
sunghoon breathed deeply as he kept listening.
“and then being close to her again, seeing her like i used to bought all these feelings rushing back. i realised i’m still in love with her.” the words landed heavy.
gripping his bottle tightly, he felt suddenly like he couldn’t breathe.
“but i’m not telling you this because i expect something to happen,” he said quickly, “i know she’s with you.”
that only made sunghoon’s heart ache even more.
if only jake knew the truth, and whether he knew how complicated this was all getting.
jake rubbed at his neck, “i just think she deserves honesty from me for once.”
sunghoon cleared his throat, ”and if she doesn’t feel the same?”
“then she doesn’t” he said sadly.
“i just needed to tell you first sunghoonie, i’m not trying to ruin things but i just think this is what i need to do.” he said finally.
sunghoon breathed in deeply then nodded.
how could he fight this? jake wasn’t doing this maliciously. he was truly in love with y/n which was what made this hurt more.
“she’s probably over me…” jake said bitterly, taking a swig of his beer.
sunghoon couldn’t say a word, he couldn’t answer for you. for all he knew, this might be the thing you were waiting for. he had loved you this whole time, you both had history. how could he even compete?
sunghoon swallowed, “are you going to tell her?”
jake was silent for a short moment, “...yes.”
–
that night, sunghoon could not sleep. he tossed and turned and thought about what jake had told him. he had thought about all the time you had spent together. your relationship was not even real, it would never even equate to what you had with jake and he knew it. sunghoon was just a fake boyfriend who had stupidly been in love with you this whole time. he just didn’t know how to tell you.
so he didn’t.
he began pulling away slightly.
not answering your texts right away like he usually did. skipping nights at yours because he was ‘busy’. making excuses to not have you over like you used to. and of course you noticed. you started thinking he was getting bored of you. that he was getting tired of playing your boyfriend but you were to scared to say anything. it was scary, you didn’t want this all to implode just when you had started to understand your own feelings.
you had fallen for sunghoon, you think you had all those years ago, and now you were finally admitting it. he made you feel good truly, like you were the only person in his orbit. it was as if you had forgotten the true reason for getting into a fake relationship in the first place. how could you even look at someone else when sunghoon had captured your heart in such a way?
but telling him felt wrong, he came into this expecting a fake relationship, you had broken one of the many rules you had laid down in the first place. so you let it fester, even though he was pulling back you couldn’t find it in yourself to bring it up.
your phone buzzed one saturday morning, you checked it quickly hoping it was sunghoon.
JAKE: hey y/n, would you wanna get that coffee now?
your heart deflated. it was just jake. you had no plans so you quickly typed a response.
Y/N: sure, at our local spot?
JAKE: yes, see you there y/n!!!!!
he seemed excited. it was nice to catch up with jake these days, it reminded you a lot of your high school days. but a part of you wanted to know what sunghoon was doing. whether he was busy or perhaps meeting with friends. you just wanted to know everything about him.
as you grabbed your keys, you tugged on your coat and prepared yourself for the cold walk. it took you longer than usual, you entered the cafe and looked around.
sitting in the corner of the cafe, with his drink piping hot in front of him, was jake.
he wore a soft jumper and jeans, his brown hair was styled with the long parts tucked behind his ears. his thick framed glasses sat on the bridge of his nose, and you watched as he tapped a finger against his mug. he was nervous, you had noticed, it was one of his tells. he smiled as you approached and stood up quickly to help you into your chair. You thanked him and sat and saw a steaming mug of coffee in front of you. he had ordered for you already, you sipped on it politely but made a face at the sweetness of it.
“i put 2 sugars in, it’s how you usually take it.” jake tells you now concerned.
“oh… i don’t take sugar in my coffee anymore.” you said softly.
“i didn’t realise, sorry y/n. should i get you a new mug?” he stood up but you quickly reassured him it was okay.
“i think sunghoon has rubbed off on me.” you smiled, you didn’t notice how jake’s smile flickered slightly.
silence filled the air as you both sipped on your drinks.
“i think i made a mistake.” jake began.
you looked up in shook at his words.
“when we broke up in high school, i thought i was doing the right thing.” jake laughed softly.
you stayed silent.
rain had started to fall against the cafe windows.
“we were young.” he murmured, “i always thought if we ever broke up, we’d find our way back to each other.”
once upon a time, you had believed the same.
“and seeing you again…” he paused, “i realised i never stopped loving you.”
for a second you could have sworn sim jaeyun had just told you he was in love with you.
you blinked.
“i know the timing sucks.” he admitted, “and i know you’re with sunghoon.” his fingers gripped his cup, “i just needed to tell you the truth.”
your throat tightened, because you knew it was too late. your heartbroken teen self longed to hear this but it was far too late. he was your first love, your first heartbreak. a part of you believed he’d always have a place in your heart. but the hurt you were feeling was because you hated hurting him, not because you wanted him.
you looked down at your drink, “jake…”
he immediately knew from your tone.
you swallowed, “i did love you, a lot.”
jake had noticed how you had used past tense to talk about your love.
“and maybe a part of me always will hold you in my heart.”
you continued, “but i don’t think you’re truly in love with me.”
jake blinked in confusion.
“i think you’re in love with what we had.” you admit.
his expression shifted, he looked wounded at your words.
“you miss us.” you say quietly, “what we had, the comfort, the ease. the way we loved each other back then. but we’re not those people anymore.”
jake looked away.
“i loved you, i truly did.” you confess.
his face only shows hurt.
“loved…” he says bitterly.
“but i’ve fallen for someone else.” your mouth now feels dry, as you say the words that have been sitting in your mouth for weeks.
“i really fell for sunghoon.” you say softly, “it started out as this fake relationship, but along the way i found myself truly falling for him.”
a faint sad smile stayed on jake’s face.
“i found myself wanting to tell him everything about my day, i wanted to hold his hand when no one was around, and i found myself wanting to be with him even on my worst days.” the words come spilling out, as if you can no longer control them.
“i figured.” jake admitted, now looking down into his drink.
“you knew this was fake?” you questioned.
“I mean, it was kind of obvious, y/n.” he sighed, “i know you and him so well. sunghoon would have surely told me if he had started to date his crush of multiple years.”
you gaped at his words, “his… what?”
jake looks genuinely surprised, “you didn’t know? sunghoon always spoke of this TA that he really liked but was too nervous to make a move on. i just never knew it was you till that night.”
you’re still reeling from his words. “crush of multiple years.” sunghoon had fallen for you that long ago? was that why he had gone along with this stupid plan of yours despite having his reservations in the first place? you felt your heart swell at the thought, but that came crushing down.
he had been ignoring you. if anything he had grown bored of you and your relationship. there was no chance he felt the same way. especially now that you had used him. it wasn’t even to make jake jealous, you had just wanted to show him you had moved on but he had definitely assumed you were still in love with jake.
you look stricken for a moment and jake asks what’s wrong.
“i need to tell him.” you say suddenly, rising from your seat.
you grabbed your coat as jake looked at you in confusion and hurt.
“i’m sorry, jake.” you said softly.
jake could only smile sadly.
“i know.”
“i really hope you find someone who loves you the way you deserve.” your words are honest and he nods.
and then you’re heading for the door. your heart pounding, but knowing that soon enough sunghoon will know the truth fills you with relief.
you head towards campus, sunghoon’s class should have finished. he’s either packing his things away in the classroom or in the faculty office.
deciding to head for his classroom first, you take a quick pace. the sky is grey and the clouds ready to cry tears of rain. the air feels cold against your skin, you feel alive. although, your palms feel sweaty and your knees ache, you force yourself to continue. if you don’t do this now, you may never get the chance to do it again. that is what spurs your forward, to the door of sunghoon’s classroom. you stop at the door and take a deep breath. what would you even say? you hadn’t planned this far and yet you were here.
you needed to tell him before it all went wrong, before he pulled away completely and this strange distance became permanent. because now you didn’t know how to live your life without sunghoon by your side.
the lights were still on, relief hit you instantly. it meant he hadn’t left just yet.
your stomach turned as you peaked through the open doorway. then you froze.
a grad student stood at sunghoon’s desk. they huddled over her laptop facing the opposite direction to you.
she was pretty. confident and laughing softly while leaning closer to sunghoon more than what was necessary.
sunghoon stood beside her looking down at the papers next to him, sleeves rolled up and his glasses sliding down his nose.
you watched as she casually touched his arm while smiling and you felt your chest ache.
the jealousy hit you so fast you felt silly.
what right did you have feeling like this?
there was nothing between you and sunghoon, there was no label.
but seeing him with another girl so comfortably made you feel so horrible inside.
especially after he spent weeks avoiding you.
you took a step back instinctively but it was too late. sunghoon turned around at exactly the wrong moment.
your eyes met instantly, you watched as his eyes softened, “y/n?”
it was too late, you turned around and walked away fast before he could say another word.
–
the light drizzle of rain had now turned into pellets against the windows as you rushed past the corridor.
this was terrible. you hated this, hated how much it hurt, hated how jealous you sounded about a student who you know sunghoon wouldn’t mess around with. most of all, you hated how much you loved sunghoon. and how it had hurt you so.
you burst through the doors and headed out into the rain, cold water soaked through your clothes while hot tears burned at the corner of your eyes.
“y/n!”
you kept walking.
“wait!”
wiping away your angry tears, you kept moving without looking back.
then suddenly, warm fingers wrapped around your wrist.
you gasped as sunghoon pulled you towards him under the arches near the literature building.
rain poured around you as sunghoon stood in front of you breathing heavily from chasing you.
his hair was damp and slightly curling at the edges, glasses splattered in rain.
“what happened?” he asked, immediately.
“nothing.” you say automatically.
“that’s obviously not true.”
“she’s pretty.” you laughed pathetically under your breath.
sunghoon blinked, “what?”
“your grad student.” you said ruefully.
“oh my god.” he ran a hand through the wet strands of his hair, “please, y/n she’s just my student.”
you stayed silent.
“it doesn’t mean anything.” he added quickly trying to explain himself, “i don’t think of her in that way.”
“well it doesn’t matter.” you exhale.
sunghoon frowned immediately, “what do you mean it doesn’t matter?”
“what we had wasn’t even real anyway, right?” you say laughing bitterly.
“don’t say that.” he demands. his expression now looked as if he had been hurt.
good.
maybe he could feel the absolute pain you had been feeling all these weeks.
“but it’s true.”
“y/n-”
“you’ve been pulling away from me for weeks.” the hurt in your voice shows.
sunghoon went still as he watched you wipe away your tears.
“if you wanted to end this eventually,” you began shakily, “i just wish you would have said something sooner.”
sunghoon looks confused, “end this?”
“you stopped staying over sunghoon,” you say helplessly, “you barely even touch me anymore and now there’s some pretty grad student flirting with you and-”
“she’s nothing to me.” he pleads.
you laugh weakly, “she’s beautiful.”
sunghoon just stares for a moment before his eyes soften.
“…you’re jealous.” he says, finally.
heat rushes to your cheeks.
“obviously, i’m jealous.” you spat.
sunghoon’s eyes widened as you continued, “i have been in love with you this whole time.”
the rain pounded on the floor nearby.
your voice trembled, “and this whole time i was falling for you, you just kept getting further away from me.”
sunghoon is stunned, “you’re… in love with me?”
“yes.” you cry, miserably.
“the way you held me after that night, the way you took care of me like i really mattered- no one has ever treated me that way.” you whispered.
sunghoon stared at you like he couldn’t comprehend what you were saying.
“what about jake?” he whispered.
“what?” you blinked.
sunghoon’s jaw tightened, “he told you how he felt.”
oh. oh.
sunghoon had known about his confession.
“i know he did.” you carefully admit.
“and?” sunghoon questions, his eyes searching for an answer.
your heart shattered. is that what had happened? the distance sunghoon had created was because he knew about jake’s feelings?
he thought jake still had a chance?
“sunghoon.” you step forward and closer to him now.
you grab his hand and hold it tightly in yours, “it was never jake.”
you shake your head, “i loved him a long time ago, but that’s not what this is.”
“it’s you,” you whisper, “you’re the one i want, sunghoon.”
sunghoon pulls you towards him, his hands reaching for your face as he pulls you into a bruising kiss.
one hand tangles into the wet strands of your hair while the other holds your face gently like he can’t let go of you ever again.
it was messy, full of relief and you gasped as he kissed you deeper. like he needed to prove this was real and that he couldn’t believe you had chosen him.
he parts from you reluctantly and rests his forehead against yours.
“i have been in love with you since we were TA’s.” he confesses breathlessly.
your breath caught at his words.
“i was a coward and didn’t know how to ask you out. and then you came to me with that proposal…” he says thoughtfully, “how could i have ever said no? but then being near you again and being the way we used to made me realise how i never wanted to let you go.” he presses a sweet kiss to your forehead.
“i know i did this all wrong, but will you please give me a chance and allow me to be your boyfriend?” he pleads, waiting for your answer.
“you idiot.” you whisper tearfully.
a smile finally breaks on his face, “i would love that.”
and then he kissed you again.
this time it was filled with love, happiness and relief.
sunghoon kissed you like he loved you. with everything in his body, all the soft touches, careful moments and every look he gave when he thought you hadn't noticed. it was all there.
he kissed you like you were really his. and now you were.
—
heeseung had found out completely accidentally.
which only offended him even more.
“you couldn’t have told me?” he demanded stood in front of you both.
sunghoon was grading papers in the faculty office and you were sat closely next to him. your head leaned against sunghoon’s as you listened to heeseung complain.
sunghoon barely reacted.
“you’re being too loud.”
“i introduced you two!” heeseung looks betrayed.
“i deserve the truth!”
“you don’t deserve anything.” sunghoon muttered under his breath.
“i am taking credit for this, if i didn’t do it y/n would have been yearning for another few years.” heeseung shot back smugly.
sunghoon looked at you smiling, “you were yearning for me?”
your cheeks flushed, “you know that… i had the biggest crush on you.”
heeseung looks disgusted as you lean over to kiss your boyfriend.
“good for you guys. but i’m out of here.” heeseung quickly turned away as sunghoon’s kisses got hotter.
“i love you, y/n.” sunghoon whispered.
“i love you too.” you smiled as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to you. he was all yours. for real this time.
—
on the other side of town, jake was drunk.
not blackout drunk.
just emotionally reckless and ready to make mistakes that he can never take back.
which was how he found himself sitting in a dimly lit bar at one in the morning drinking his sorrows away.
the bartender had already cut him off. he didn’t know what else to do.
at 12:27am, jake calls his best friend.
she almost doesn’t pick up.
mostly because she knew exactly what state jake would be in if he was calling this late.
still, she sighed softly before picking up her phone, “hello?”
she can hear music and laughter in the background and then,
“soojin.”
he’s drunk. she closed her eyes briefly.
“oh my god.”
jake laughed weakly, “that obvious?”
“you sound terrible.” she grabbed her keys quickly, “where are you jake?”
jake muttered the name of the bar he was sat at.
“i’m coming to get you.” soojin spoke, “stay where you are.”
—
by the time she made it there jake was slumped over his chair.
his head lifted as he saw her.
“you came…”
soojin snorted as she lifted his arm up to help him stand.
he stumbled into her and leaned into her. she carefully guided him to the exit.
“you smell really nice.” he mumbled tiredly, breathing in your scent.
“you’re drunk.” she dragged him quickly to the car.
as she put his seatbelt on, she could feel his gaze on her.
“she loves him.” he said miserably.
soojin just listened as he continued.
“i knew even before she said it.” jake played with his fingers.
“i think i waited too long.” soojin frowned bitterly at his words, she knew exactly how that felt.
“you’ll be okay, jake.” she whispered.
he nodded.
they drove in silence until she parked outside his house.
he looked tired. so soojin leaned over to unbuckle his seatbelt.
“let’s get you inside, big guy.” she muttered to herself.
the click of the seatbelt sounded loudly in the quiet car.
soojin’s hands brushed against jake’s chest as placed the seatbelt back in its place.
she then paused. she could feel jake staring at her.
her stomach tightened at the sight.
“jake.” she called out carefully.
his eyes dropped to her lips. she was so close to him she could smell the whiskey on his breath.
“you’re really pretty, soojin. you’ve always been here.” he spoke gently.
soojin shifted back slightly but then jake softly grabbed her wrist.
he then leaned in and kissed her.
she froze. soft lips, his hand that was tracing circles into her wrist, the faint taste of alcohol on his lips.
she almost wanted to savour it, she had waited so long for this moment.
for one terrible moment she kissed him back. jake made a sound and kissed her deeper, and that snapped her back to reality.
soojin pulled back quickly, breathing unevenly as she placed a hand against jake’s chest.
“no.”
jake blinked at her slowly confused.
“soojin…”
“i’m not gonna be a substitute for y/n.” she said sternly.
the words stun him into silence.
jake frowned, “that’s not-”
“it feels like it.”
“i would never use you like that.” jake carefully explains.
“maybe not on purpose.” soojin swallowed, silence filled the car once more.
“you’re hurting and lonely, and you miss her.” she cried.
“… i’m sorry.” jake’s words hung in the air.
and somehow that hurt worse.
because soojin had loved him all these years and she knew he meant it.
“let’s get you upstairs.” she whispered softly.
jake followed her quietly.
all soojin could think was how she couldn’t do this anymore. she would no longer love sim jaeyun.
a/n: look forward to jake’s story because that will be next!!!
