I am a writer (Aren’t we all? ;)) and I am currently obsessed with wolfstar ship, so ofcourse that I meant I write wolfstar fanfics.
I have following other public accounts where I share my works at:
https://www.instagram.com/lyallblacklupin/?igshid=ze37f6r2ht4j
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyallblacklupin
I also upload my works here. I would love to take suggestions and your requests. Send me your prompts, and surely I will write as soon as I can. Thank you!
The First Wizarding War is saturating the air with doubts and terror, making it difficult to love or trust just like it has become difficult to breathe. Love and Trust; are they the same things? Because Sirius doesn’t trust Remus, neither does Remus trust Sirius anymore. Both live under the same roof yet their secrets are keeping them miles apart, until one day Remus leaves, but Sirius chooses to believe that he will come back, so he waits in agony.
Do they still love each other?
Chapter 1
Call him a Black or egocentric; they are the same thing. You’d imagine that after everything that has happened exactly the way Sirius yelled at Remus’ face, he’d be living in utter contentment.
“I just can’t stand you anymore!” Remus jerks up from his chair to flee the kitchen, aiming his way to grab his coat.
“You think I can!?” Sirius retorts back, louder than Remus, “You are a liar! Selfish git who would do anything to hide his pathetic secret! Because you prioritize yourself over us! I would die than let anything happen to you all! Do you think I’m full of myself? Why don’t you take a moment and analyze what you are becoming! What the war is doing to you! You are a coward, Lupin! I don’t want to be with a coward like you!”
Despite the invisible daggers thrashing onto his chest, Remus is still walking to the door in frantic, trying to gain composure over his trembling limbs.
“You go! Walk away! Like a coward you are. But I tell you this,” Sirius follows him to his pace in the corridor. It is quite a long corridor they have. He grabs Remus by his forearm which yanks him away. Those amber eyes glistening, wearing agony caused by the words of his best friend, his lover, his everything, “I’m not going to care! Just like you don’t! You never did, when you disappear for weeks and tell me nothing where you went. You’d just sit in your cloud of melancholy as if the world is harsh to you only. Can’t you see? You are ruining other people’s peace, breaking their hearts, causing them pain by your mere existence!”
Sirius knows he is out of the line but his body feels liberated as if his chest is opening, becoming weightless. The blood that has been racing in him has adept his body, consolidated in every corner of his body. This felt different, and not in an agonizing way. He is staring hard at Remus’ face, and he emphatically ignores to read him.
Nevertheless, he is taken aback by a major change in Remus’ expressions. He looks tired. He is not frowning. He is looking behind Sirius, lost somewhere. And suddenly, Sirius is out of words. He thought he has won, but when Remus slowly advances, speechless since forever, and walks past Sirius, to the bedroom, it doesn’t feel like winning at all. Sirius does not utter a word—more like he cannot utter a word.
Remus sighs, and retrieves a duffel bag from their wardrobe. Sirius’ blood runs cold because he sees him extracting a glop of his clothes and socks and stuffing it in the bag. He also goes into the bathroom to fetch his toothbrush and potions. Sirius stands there still like a sculpture, remorse gushing in him already. Remus has no anger lingering on his eyebrows, no anxiousness in his movements, and no semblance of mercy on his face, just despondency.
The sound of zipping the bag, throwing the keys in the bowl, and a gentle click of the door closing, and Remus has left. Little does Sirius knows, this is the start of his breaking point because his lungs constrict, his throat has tears, and the opening that has been made in his chest is widening. He doesn’t want to believe that Remus has left with his possessions, so he keeps up with his sanity by pretending that his Remus is just out for a walk, and then he would return when he is done being angry. He wants to believe that Remus will come back, and they will kiss and make up. But he doesn’t come back.
One week. He is not back. Sirius drinks and fights the death eaters.
Two weeks. He doesn’t come back still. Sirius drinks and owls Dumbledore that he is sick to go on a mission.
Three weeks. He doesn’t come back at all. Sirius lets himself live in agony and ceases his floo network to stop James from barging in.
A month. Sirius is asked to be the secret-keeper.
“He must be in Wales at his parents’ house.” Says Lily Evans, stroking Harry’s newly grown hair. Sirius is finally at the Potters, and it feels bittersweet to be here. The Potters are going into hiding. He is losing everyone, one by one. It is worse than losing himself.
“His parents are dead.” He says sharply, arching his eyebrows to sound as acrimonious as he can be, “And why are you telling me this?”
Lily studies him with hard eyes and shrugs in exasperation. He knows that everyone is tired of him. James doesn’t laugh. Nobody does, except Lily which doesn’t fit well because she should be allowed to stay miserable or, mourn the prophesied death of Harry Potter in exchange for the life of the darkest and the most powerful wizard of all time, Lord Voldemort.
Sirius sees James who is stirring the batter of coffee, while his eyes are focused on nothingness. He bit his cheek to suppress the pain in his chest. He walks up to James who takes notice and smiles barely. Sirius returns his smile gently and stands close to him. He doesn’t want to admit but they are all about gentle brotherly touches, and soft smiles, unlike before when they used to be loud cackles, stupid jokes, and fierce hugs. A lot has changed.
“You okay?” James asks as he pours milk in four cups.
“No, you?” Sirius says nonchalantly which earns him a smile from James.
“I have to be.”
“But you are not fine?” Sirius makes it sound like a confirmation than an actual inquiry. James finally looks at him with resigned facial expressions, and then returns to his stirring, “Care to tell me why you have four cups instead of three? Isn’t it too early for Harry to start consuming caffeine?”
“Ah, I asked Wormtail to come.” James murmurs dejectedly, glancing at the wall clock, “I guess he won’t come…”
“Speaking of Wormtail…I have something in mind, and I’d like to talk to you both about it…” Sirius has James’ full attention now as he escorts him to their living room where Lily has Harry asleep in her arms. She frowns on the tensed aura that Sirius knew he was radiating. James sits with him, both of his hands clasped together as he focuses on his breathing.
“I think I am an obvious choice…” Sirius begins.
“What do you mean?” Lily whispers.
“I mean I shouldn’t be the secret-keeper.” As he senses the perplexity overshadowing their faces, he continues, “Don’t get me wrong, I’d do anything for you three. If you don’t agree with me then we will go exactly by your plan.” After what feels like a decade, he sees reassurance in James’ eyes. “I think it would be very obvious to have me as the secret-keeper. Everyone knows I’m Harry’s godfather, and if there’s anyone Voldemort would be after, is me. So…I think we should make Wormtail as the secret-keeper.”
Sirius who has been looking down, wishing for a positive response with bated breath, looks up to find Lily Evans with the ugliest frown and tears in her giant emerald eyes. James reaches out her hands, and she quickly intertwines with his. He takes his spectacles off, rubs his blood-flecked eyes. It breaks Sirius’ heart to see them like this. Suffocated with death, surrounded with fear, clouded with ambiguity.
“Whatever you say…We trust you…” James says as if he is ready for any outcome, either if it saves him or swallows him. Sirius never thought he would see James Potter retired from the dedication that resided in the depths of his heart. He remains on the armchair which used to be reserved for Remus to read storybooks to Harry who would not have a clue what dear Moony was explaining, yet would admire how musical he sounded.
They all allow the silence to sink in, still with the atmosphere of uncommunicativeness, before Sirius gets up and kneels before the two of them, grasping each hand in both of his. James smiles weakly at him. He suddenly says something Sirius would never have anticipated because it turns his world upside down. He does everything in his power to compose his internal mourning, to keep himself from screaming.
“Talk to Moony…”
He nods, plants a kiss on Harry’s forehead, cups Lily’s tear-stained cheek for a few seconds, and hugs James, before apparating back to his flat.
When he feels the ground touch his feet, he is greeted by a figure standing with their back facing Sirius, a scarred hand clutching a goblet quarter-filled with fire whiskey. Despite the thunderous hammering in his chest, Sirius walks into the living room.
Hey everyone. I am not really one to post about things like this, but I am seriously in need of help. I got out of the hospital not even a week ago and nothing has changed at all.
I went into the ER on 8/16 for dizziness, pressure on the head, and nausea. These problems had been going on since 8/7 and had not gotten any better. They decided to admit me to run a MRI. The MRI came back with what everyone thought was a blood clot on my brain (picture below) and doctors immediately started treating me for a blood clot.
The doctors also started to run more tests to try to find out why I ended up with a blood clot on my brain at the age of 31. But everything was coming back normal. No pain medicine, no migraine medicine, nothing was helping the pressure on my head and the dizziness. Doctors ruled out vertigo and were still puzzled. They did another mri as well as multiple ct scans only to find nothing at all. No blood clot, nothing. So after 9 days, I was released on 8/24. When I got home, we loaded the scans onto the computer and noticed a white spot on my brain that looks like a brain lesion. I reached out to the hospital to ask why wasn't this addressed since it appeared on multiple pictures on multiple days and they still haven't answered me. (Picture below.)
We do know that a shadow like this wouldn't show up on this many photos over multiple days and on different views. I am waiting for a call back from a neurologist to set up an appointment to see them and try to get some answers. At home, I am not walking unassisted, I am still dizzy, still nauseous, still having head pressure and at times seem worse than when I went in. Nothing at all has changed.
I know that the ER visit was $7,000 alone and haven't gotten the update from the hospital stay cost. I can't work and unemployment is waiting to get approved. I have insurance but that doesn't start till the first of September. I set up a GoFundMe in hopes of getting some help to pay for these crazy medical bills and get treatment for whatever is going on.
https://gofund.me/ef61f258
Please help if you can and if you can't, please share and help me get the word out.
Hey. I don't know if you are still taking prompts... but if so, I may have a challenge for you. 😉
Remus has to stay in the hospital wing for longer than usual. Sirius is secretly dating Remus and can't stand being away even though Madame Pomfrey says no visitors.
Thank you for such a cute prompt. I hope I have written just like you wanted. <333 Happy Reading! Stay Magical!
Rating: Teens and Up Audience.
The night was befalling as the walls of Hospital Wing started darkening, and the torches around the room ignited flames automatically with a thud. The room is filled with utter silence of the unoccupied beds with Remus Lupin being an exception, laying exasperatedly awake with bandages wrapped around his left leg. His stomach growled but it was the least he cared about because of the aching on the tips of his fingers and toes as his chest was in a constant state of agitation. He wanted something. No, he was craving for someone. He couldn’t stop his brain from the race of unwanted thoughts.
What if he doesn’t want me anymore?
What if he has realized that I’m not worth dating?
What if he is better off with my absence?
Suddenly, his thoughts came to a halt when his senses heightened with someone’s fastidious and highly familiar presence. Remus didn’t even have to look to recognize because it was none other than Madam Pomfrey. He loved her but not momentarily—infact not from the past five days who had strictly banned any visitors since his and Sirius’ fight. Speaking of, he shut his eyes as the memory enrolled in his mind all over for the hundredth time.
“I could have killed you!”
“But you almost killed yourself!” Yelled the boy who Remus was in love with.
“That is the last thing to be worrying—“ But he was not finished when the boy lunged at him and yanked him by his fists clutching his hospital dress, bringing him eye to eye and nose to nose as he growled, “Don’t you ever fucking say that. If you don’t care a shit about yourself then at least care about me! Us! But you don’t! You don’t care about us! Fuck you, Lupin!”
Remus’ heart was hammering in his chest, the pain of his broken leg was long forgotten. The tears glistened in the boy’s hard eyes. And before he could lift him his hand to hold his jaw, to soften the clenched face, to wipe his hurt away, Madam Pomfrey burst inside with her raging thunder.
“Mr. Black! Hands off this instant! How dare you bully a patient like that!? And within the Hospital Wing!” And he loosened his grasp which left Remus with an empty feeling in his chest. Even if he was being held brutally, he didn’t care because he was held by the foremost person in his life. The person he would never wish to leave.
“He’s my—“ He tried but his voice was a whimper in comparison to Madam Pomfrey’s.
“A week’s detention Mr. Black for scaring my patient like that! None of your friends will ever visit the Hospital Wing! Now off you go before I take away the house points!”
He gave Remus one last look of misery, tears still swimming in his heaven-made silver eyes, and scurried away from the hospital.
Remus numbly watched Pomfrey re-bandage his wounds. He suddenly felt so despondent and lonely after rethinking everything. He had hurt his favorite person in the world. And all that person had done was the care and love him with his deepest sincerity. He also knew that his lycanthropy had always been on his mind that even led him to convince the rest of his friends to become Animagis just to protect Remus from hurting himself. And now Remus had done the very same thing by not allowing his pack to accompany him to the last full moon. His broken leg and severe wounds were the aftermaths of his isolated transformation
He didn’t want to admit that he regretted his decision because deep down inside he had been unbound from the usual fretfulness of hurting his friends. He’d been better off hurting himself than hurt them, especially Sirius Black.
Now, it had been five days and Remus had not seen him. Neither James nor Peter.
“Ma’am?” He didn’t realize he had called her before she looked at him in question while applying the salve on the half-healed wound. He hissed in pain but asked anyway, “When am I getting discharged from this bed and these walls?” The bitterness cut through his voice sharply which made Pomfrey look up in surprise.
“Well, Remus. I expect to call me Poppy instead of Ma’am after five years I’ve been treating you.” Remus suddenly felt hot with embarrassment, “And it will take few more days until your walk starts, and then you’ll be well enough to join your classes and friends.”
The way she spoke, Remus felt like he had centuries to wait. He flopped down on his bed again with disappointment, the hollowness in his chest created a bigger void. A Sirius Black void. He needed it to be filled by that very person. The longing was more than Remus expected, intense enough to cause burning in his eyes as his throat began to constrict gradually, tightening his chest. He held himself until his throat had turned thorny. He let out a shaky breath and tears spilled down his temple, founding their place in his already messy hair. He cried silently. He ached and ached until sleep drifted him away.
Even in his dreams, he saw dark hair rippling like the black sea, shiny grey eyes like silver orbs, and fair skin like snow accompanied with pink flushes on the dips of the body. And then he saw a hand reaching out to him and just as he tried to grasp it, the hand flew away with a burning brush on his arm. The sensation was warm enough to jerk him from his unconsciousness. Remus’ eyes opened up to the same ceilings of the hospital wings. The room was still inky blue. He saw his dinner tray on the nightstand in which the food had gotten cold and dry. He immediately touched his left arm where the same sensation was tingling his skin. Or maybe he just felt it in reality? But no one was there. Remus was alone and cold.
He tried closing his eyes again, feeling no appetite at all, but he sensed a faint noise of rustle. He ignored it before it came back again with a feeling of fingers brushing his arm again. He sat up abruptly, clutching his sheets to his chest. His eyes were scanning the room desperately when—
“Moony?” Remus screamed when he saw Sirius’ head appear in the mid-air. Sirius rush ahead to put his hand on his mouth, “Shh! Please! I don’t want to get more detentions, Moony!”
It was all too much to process; Sirius appearing like a genie with no body—before he pulled off the Invisibility Cloak, and Sirius’ warm and sweaty hand on Remus’ mouth, and most importantly, Sirius was here in front of him after five fucking days. He removed his hand once Remus calmed down.
“Look, Moony, I’m sorry—“ He never got to the end of it because Remus shoved Sirius in his embrace. The embrace that was yearning for Sirius only. He thought he might have thrown away anyone if they had tried hugging him before his boyfriend. Remus squeezed him impossibly closer and tighter. He was clutching him like a lifeline. He had his face nuzzled in Sirius’ chest. His fragile arms were strongly wrapped around Sirius’ torso. He was relishing the scent, the touch, the love, and everything he had missed.
“Fuck, I missed you, Pads.” He grunted in his collarbone, “I was longing for you…”
“I’m here.” Sirius cooed in his ear, pressing a kiss beneath it, “And I’m not going.”
“You’ll have to,” He chuckled, traveling his hands to find Sirius’ and intertwined them both.
“Eventually, yes but don’t ruin the moment, Moony.” Remus was torn between tightening his embrace or pulling away to gaze at Sirius’ face but then he felt the other move away. They parted from their lingering hug, and Sirius delicately held Remus’ face and bent down to kiss him. Remus felt his body was set on fire. They kissed languidly at first until their desires amplified their passion. Sirius dug his knees on the bed while Remus complied by pulling him in his lap. Suddenly, his boyfriend gasped and jerked away.
“Remus! Your leg is broken and—I’m sorry!”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s just my calf area. I was not hurt okay?” Remus shushed him, peppering kisses on Sirius’ hands. The other boy nodded but frown still sitting on his face. He sat against him on the bed and Remus didn’t leave his hand. He just wanted them to be touching like an assurance of never parting again. They sat in silence. The flaming torches on the walls had already died out.
“Why did it took you so long?” Remus asked sheepishly, running circles on the outside of Sirius’ palm to make him sure that he was not mad.
“It’s not like I didn’t try,” Sirius spoke softly, “Had to sneak out from James’ hell hound eyes. And the last two days were spent in getting caught by Mrs. Norris. That fucking cat.”
“I love cats, okay? Don’t insult them.” Sirius cocked his eyebrow at him, “Yeah but she is such a pain in the arse.” They giggled. Remus couldn’t avert his eyes from Sirius who was avoiding his gaze, “Last two days, huh? It’s actually been five days. Are you mad at me?”
“Moony, how can I be mad at you?” The gentleness in his voice was powerful enough to cause Remus to feel hot behind his cheeks, “But yes, I admit that I was angry. I thought you didn’t want to see me. I thought that you’d want some space. But then I couldn’t stay away from you for so long. Life has been terrible without you.”
“Life has been terrible without you too, Sirius. I missed you so much. I felt bad the second you left this room. I felt so sorry to hurt you like that—“
“Your pain is my pain, Remus,” Sirius said sternly. His eyes are hard as steel. “You can’t isolate yourself like that. I know you fear hurting us but Moony, can’t you see? You are already hurting us like that. James has been quiet lately and Peter…well, he is just following his pursuit. What I mean is, none of us can see you wounded in hospital for like a week because of us. That we weren’t able to protect you.”
“It’s not your responsibility—“
“It is. You are mine.” Sirius squeezed their already entwined hands. The words were like a gush of affection in Remus’ heart. He was suddenly out of arguments. He smiled at the boy before him who smiled back weakly, “And yes, it’s been only two months since we started dating, but you already feel like my responsibility now.”
Remus arched an eyebrow at his flustered expression, “Wow, that’s quite patriarchal with few amendments since a man is claiming his supremacy on the other man.”
“Wha—you dominate over me all the fucking time!” They broke out in fits of laughter but then immediately clapped their hands on each other’s mouths to keep it down. Funnily, the more they forced themselves to be quiet the more laughter bubbled out of them. Remus suddenly grabbed Sirius by his collar and crashed their lips together. Their giggles were turned muffled until they were silently devouring each other’s mouths. Sirius was now moving from his jawline to his neck, and Remus turned into mush as the warmth began pooling into him. He just wanted to stay like this forever.
Suddenly, they both froze when the sounds of approaching footsteps came from the hall. Sirius lunged down to the floor to grab the invisibility cloak, and suddenly the door swung open.
“Mister Lupin?” McGonagall?
“Professor McGonagall.” Remus’ voice shook.
“I am sorry for barging into the Hospital Wing just like that, but I wanted to ask if Mr. Black might have stopped by here?” Even in the dark room, Remus was able to see the grave creases on her forehead. He gulped and eyed down the floor to found Sirius was nowhere to be seen.
“Umm…No, Professor.” He stammered.
“Well, that lad is one hurricane, isn’t he?” She sighed, “I hope you are recovering well, Remus.” Her voice softened and a hint of a smile passed her face. He nodded and then she was out of the hospital.
After he had made sure that there were no sounds of any footsteps he said, “What did you do now?”
“I came during my detention with McGonagall.” Sirius peeked through the cloak, with his entire body invisible.
“Okay, you look very creepy like that.” He stood, brushing off the dust from his trousers, “Come here, now. I want to relish you till my heart is contented. You are getting more detentions anyway.” He opened his arms for Sirius who fell into them with the goofiest smile on his face.
Famous Actor Remus Lupin and Famous Singer Sirius Black, Wolfstar Getting Back Together with a Happy Ending!
How It Was With You
“Good evening, and welcome to Celebrity Insights, the show where we give you an insight into the lives of your favourite celebrities!” The pretty hostess beams into the camera. “I am here with one of the biggest actors of the moment, and one of the stars from the most-anticipated movie of this season, Mary McDonald’s latest work Wanderings with Werewolves, none other than Gilderoy Lockhart!”
People cheer, and Gilderoy Lockhart throws his thick, wavy hair back with a flourish, while giving a practiced wave to the audience.
“I must say, it’s an honour to have you here, Mr Lockhart!”
“It is,” Gilderoy confirms. “But please Marlene, call me Gilderoy.”
Marlene chuckles. “Alright then, Gilderoy. First we need to talk about your new movie! Mary McDonald is known to be very demanding of her actors, requiring them to give each character a deeper layer. Was this challenging for you?”
Gilderoy laughs. “I can imagine it might be challenging for some actors, but for me, it just comes natural. So no, I can’t say I found it challenging.”
Remus snorts as he stuffs another piece of chocolate into his mouth, sitting cross-legged on his hotel bed in front of the telly. The guy had nearly driven Mary to despair! While Mary had tried to keep reporters and fans away from the set, Gilderoy had cared more about having his picture taken and handing out autographs than getting into character. Remus had managed to convince him to practice lines with him, but only by swallowing his pride and stroking Gilderoy’s ego by making him think Remus needed his help.
“Well Gilderoy,” Marlene says with a cheeky smile. “There is of course one thing we need to talk about...”
“Alright, I’ll say it!” Gilderoy laughs. “Yes, these really are my real teeth.” He gives the audience a toothy smile. Only a few people cheer.
“That’s... lovely,” Marlene says. “But not what I meant. We need to talk about your on-screen romance with Remus Lupin turning into an off-screen romance!”
The audience whoops and whistles.
“So tell us everything! How did you two got together?”
“As it turns out,” Gilderoy begins. “Remus has always been a huge fan of mine. When I arrived at the set, poor guy was totally star-struck. But I did what I could to make him feel at ease, and even helped him with his acting, and eventually he gathered up the courage to ask me out, and I thought, why not?”
Remus groans into his pillow. Of course. Of bloody course he was going to paint Remus as some lovesick schoolboy gushing over him! Remus had wanted to come up with a story together in advance, but Gilderoy had said “While some actors may need lines for everything, the more naturally gifted ones can improvise.” He had told Remus not to worry, to just watch tonight’s live show, and stick to the story he would come up with.
Marlene laughs awkwardly. “I’m sure you must’ve thought something more than ‘why not’? I mean, it’s Remus Lupin! The hottest actor of the moment, widely acclaimed by film critics, and overall fan favourite! I can imagine you were ecstatic!”
“Right,” Gilderoy says. “Of course, it’s nice to date a fellow actor. It’s in my nature to help others when I can, and I don’t mind imparting my wisdom, so to say. Remus was very grateful for my advice, and you could tell I made his performance better.”
“It’s not like he was struggling before,” Marlene says, trying to keep her tone light. “He has already won two Oscars, after all.”
“Well, he has always admired my work,” Gilderoy smiles. “I’ve always been an example to him when it comes to acting. Did you know his Oscar-winning performances were actually inspired by me?”
“And yet, you’ve never won an Oscar yourself,” Marlene says sweetly.
Gasps can be heard from the audience, and Gilderoy’s face flushes in anger.
Marlene blinks, seemingly startled by her nasty reaction herself. She’s not afraid to ask the tough questions, but her show prizes itself on always keeping a friendly vibe and making the guests feel at ease. “Eh, right. Let’s... Let’s go to some questions from the audience! Yes, you love! What would you like to know?”
A girl in the audience gets up, and Remus groans. She’s wearing a Mischief Managed shirt, and Remus already knows what she’s going to ask.
“Hello Mr Lockhart! I was just wondering, how do feel about Remus being Sirius Black’s ex?”
Someone was bound to bring up Sirius. He and Remus had been society’s it-couple. The most beloved actor of the moment, with his dazzling smile, warm eyes and angelic-like beauty, and the best musician of the moment, with his undeniable sex-appeal, bad boy appearance, but heart of gold. People had loved them together, had been obsessed with them, and many still hadn’t accepted the break-up. Remus can relate.
Gilderoy ostentatiously rolls his eyes. There might be some spite there. “I don’t care,” he says in a haughty tone. “If anything, it makes me think it must be quite an improvement for him to be with someone on my level. If he was dating some ignorant rock star before, he must be very happy to be with someone with some substance.”
“Booooo!” Remus throws a pillow at the TV, which only results in making his hotel bed less comfortable. By the sound of it, the audience seems to agree with his sentiment, only they have no pillows to throw. Remus gets that it’s no fun to be compared to someone’s ex-boyfriend, especially when that ex-boyfriend is bloody Sirius Black, but Gilderoy doesn’t have to go and talk shite about Sirius!
“Ignorant?” Marlene raises a perfectly manicured eyebrow. “Sirius Black has never struck me as ignorant. He’s never afraid to voice his political opinions, and even in his music, he sometimes addresses quite heavy themes. And if you listen to Lie Low with You, the lyrics are so deep and profound...”
The song Sirius has written about the break-up is his greatest hit so far, topping the charts all over the world. The song is constantly being played on all radio stations. And isn’t that just splendid? What could be more fun than hearing the song your hot and famous ex-boyfriend, who you’re quite possibly still very much in love with, wrote about your break-up every-bloody-where you go?
The song isn’t nasty. It’s heart-wrenchingly beautiful, not nasty. The break-up wasn’t nasty. There was no arguing, no fighting, no shouting, not even simply falling out of love. They broke up because of practical reasons. And somehow, that makes it even worse.
When they met, Sirius had just finished his American tour, and was searching for inspiration for new music, and Remus had just wrapped up filming, and had decided to give himself a break. They had all the time to just be together. But then life came and disturbed their precious little bubble where nothing else existed but each other.
Sirius’ management was pressuring him to do an European tour, and Remus got casted in Mary McDonald’s new film. It’s hard to be in a long-distance relationship. It’s extremely hard, if not impossible, to be in a long-distance relationship when you have no idea when you’ll be able to see each other again, when you’re both so busy you’ll barely have time to even call, when you’re constantly surrounded by reporters who’d love to stir up any drama between you and people throwing themselves at you wanting your relationship to fall apart. The memories of their time together were so good, they didn’t want them to be tainted by inevitable miscommunications, suspicions, and false accusations. No, better to end it before it went sour.
So they did the smart thing and it was all for the best. Well, if you ignore the fact that Remus is still desperately in love with Sirius, and feels like he’s been walking around with only half of his heart these last months, that is.
Gilderoy looks thoroughly unimpressed with Marlene’s defence of Sirius. “If you say so,” he says in a slightly mocking tone. “I wouldn’t know. I don’t listen to his music. My taste is more... refined than that.”
“I must say, I admire your confidence,” Marlene laughs, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I honestly don’t know if I could be so calm about it if I were dating someone whose ex is widely considered to be the most eligible bachelor, and who has been voted Sexiest Man Alive three times in a row!”
The audience laughs as well, but Gilderoy’s expression darkens. The spite in his expression is now evidently clear, and that can’t be good. “Black is no competition,” he says firmly. “At all. Whatever he and Remus had, it was never real. Remus told me himself that sure, Black was nice to look at, but nothing more, and he quickly grew bored of him. There was nothing meaningful between them.”
Remus can only shake his head in stunned disbelief at the blatant lie.
Marlene frowns. “That’s... contrary to everything we saw of them when they were together.”
“Oh, yes,” Gilderoy says, really getting into it now. “It all looked great on camera, but that were all appearances. There were no real feelings, believe me. Remus just couldn’t connect with Black. Remus told me that, at times, Black had quite a temper, and the rest of the time he was just detached. Like someone who was, say, under the influence of drugs and alcohol.”
Marlene’s jaw tightens. “Those are dangerous insinuations, especially when uncalled for and unfounded. We will not make such insinuations in this programme.”
Gilderoy laughs and holds up his hands. “I’m not insinuation anything! Just making an observation. Like how it’s also an observation addiction runs in the family for Black.”
Remus is seething. How dare he! Remus can and will deny it a thousand times if he must, but it has been said, and the implication will linger.
Sirius grew up with an alcoholic, violent father, and his younger brother nearly died of an overdose just last year. Sirius hates drugs and alcohol, and won’t touch them!
Gilderoy has to wait before he can continue, due to the loud booing coming from the audience. “Anyway,” he says airily, throwing his blond hair back. “Remus says Black can’t hold a candle to me, and he’s just happy to be with a real man, who knows how to satisfy him,” he adds with a wink.
Remus wants to gag and laugh at the same time. Gag because, gross. And laugh at the idea that Sirius wouldn’t have satisfied him. If he just thinks back on those nights with their bodies intertwined while nothing else existed...
Remus is pulled away from his thoughts by his phone ringing. His private phone only a few people use, which means it must be Lily, his PR manager, to yell at him for saddling her with this PR nightmare of Gilderoy painting him as an arse-kissing twat who talks shite about his ex.
He starts pacing the hotel room, to release some of his frustration, while he picks up the phone. “I swear, I had no idea what that fucker was going to say!”
“Never real?!” The voice on the other end of the line asks incredulously.
Remus stops in his tracks upon hearing that voice. While he’s been hearing that voice in every car, every store, every bar he’s been in these last weeks, it still feels like he hasn’t heard it in forever. “Sirius...”
“Nothing meaningful? What the hell, Remus?”
Remus feels something warm swell in his chest at hearing that, despite all the shite Gilderoy said about him, it’s the suggestion that their relationship wouldn’t be real that’s making Sirius angry. “Look, Sirius,” Remus says, running a hand through his hair. “I swear to god, I never said any of those things! That pretentious stuck up bastard made it all up himself.”
“You and your boyfriend have some weird pet names,” Sirius replies.
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
Even though Remus can’t see Sirius, he can just picture him arching an eyebrow. “You might want to inform him of that.”
“It’s a fake relationship,” Remus explains. “His management contacted me, saying how it would be good for both our media coverages, and great publicity for Mary’s work... You know how these things go.”
“I thought you hated that kind of fakery?” There’s disapproval in his voice, yes, but Remus also thinks his voice sounds somehow lighter, though that might be just his imagination.
“Well, as it turns out,
I hate it even more to be constantly bombarded with questions about my love life and...” Remus doesn’t finish his sentence, but the word ‘you’ hangs heavily in the air.
The reporters really had been awful.
‘Remus, why did you and Sirius break up?’
‘Mr Lupin, do you think your relationship with Mr Black was a mistake?’
‘Is it true you and Sirius Black were engaged before you broke up?’
‘Remus, do you agree with the speculations that the entire ‘Moonless Nights’-album was written about you?’
“What do you make of Sirius Black being spotted with Fabian Prewett, Remus?’
Each question made Remus want to rip his heart out. Remus had tried to do it the proper way. He had placed himself in a vulnerable position and made a statement saying that he was going through a difficult time, and needed space to heal, and requested the reporters to give him that space. They didn’t.
Remus doesn’t feel bad about feeding the reporters a fake story, as they blatantly ignored his mental health to get their headlines. Questions like ‘Is it true that you had a thousand flowers delivered on set to win Gilderoy Lockhart over?’ ‘Were you and Gilderoy already together before you started filming?’ ‘Are those Gilderoy’s real teeth?’ make Remus want to puke, but that’s a hell of a lot better than ripping his heart out.
“Yeah, it was hard to be constantly confronted with it,” Sirius agrees. “In hindsight, writing that song about our break-up that’s constantly following me around might not have been such a good idea either.”
Remus snorts. “You think?” Then he sighs. “I’m going to end the pretend-relationship with Gilderoy anyway. Even fake, I don’t want to be with someone who would say those things.”
“You shouldn’t be!” Sirius says firmly. “He was totally belittling you and your career!”
The warm feeling is back. Gilderoy basically called Sirius an ignorant drug-addict, and here he is, angry that Gilderoy wasn’t respectful enough towards Remus. God, he loves this man. Oh god, he loves this man.
After a moment of silence, Sirius asks “It was real, right?” and there’s a rare vulnerability in his voice.
“Do you even doubt it?” Remus asks quietly.
“Well, I have it on good authority you’re quite a decent actor,” Sirius laughs, but Remus can hear the anxiety in his voice.
“It was never an act with you, Sirius.”
Sirius lets out a shaky breath. “It was the realest damned thing I’ve ever had in my life.”
Remus swallow against the lump in his throat. “You were the one real thing in a world full of fakery.”
“Do you...” Sirius begins hesitantly. “Do you think that maybe we’ve... made a mistake?”
YES! Remus’ mind screams. YES, YES, YES!
“I don’t know,” he says carefully. “I suppose we had valid reasons at the time...”
“It just seems a bit silly now,” Sirius says. “Ending it because we didn’t want to end up unhappy, and what did that result in?”
“Are you unhappy, Sirius?” Remus asks quietly.
“I just... miss you so damned much, Remus.”
“Me too.” Remus’ voice breaks. “I miss you too.”
Both of them fall silent again, except for the ragged breaths while they try to control their emotions.
“I could get on a plane,” Sirius suddenly says. “I’m in America at the moment. I don’t have any performances planned for the weekend, only some interviews, which I can by video call. I could get on a plane and be with you.”
Remus opens and closes his mouth, his mind racing. “I don’t want you to get on a plane,” he eventually says. “If it’s only for the weekend. If you do get on that plane, I want us to actually try this time. You and me, giving it a real chance. Otherwise, please don’t bother.”
From Marlene McKinnon:
Rem, I don’t know Gilderoy very well, and I don’t want to be judgemental of your relationship, but I need you to know that I almost punched your boyfriend in the face on live TV.
From Lily Evans:
Well, that was a train wreck. I’ll drop by tomorrow so we can talk about what to do, and what statement you want to put out. And Remmie, don’t worry too much, okay? It reflects worse on him than it does on you.
Gilderoy Lockhart Finally Talks about Something Other than Himself, and We Kinda Wish He Hadn’t...
“Sirius Black is a Drug-Addict and Remus Lupin Never Had Feelings for Him”: Why Lockhart is Facing Backlash for his Latest Interview with McKinnon
Gilderoy Lockhart Claims Remus and Sirius Didn’t Love Each Other, Here Are 20 Pictures that Suggest Otherwise
Remus sends Marlene and Lily a quick reply, and scans through the headlines, feeling relieved that Lily seems to be right. He’s too anxious to really read any of the articles, however.
The smart thing to do is to text Sirius the name of his hotel, so that when his plane has landed (He must’ve gotten on the plane. Yes, he most likely got on the plane. But what if he didn’t get on the plane? Oh god, he didn’t get on the plane!), he can come to see Remus, and they can talk face-to-face about where they both stand and what they both want, without drawing too much attention. Yes, staying here and waiting for Sirius to arrive (If he arrives!) would definitely be the smart thing to do.
Ten minutes later, Remus is sitting in a cab on his way to the airport. Unsurprisingly, his arrival at the airport lobby causes quite a stir.
“Oh my god, is that-?”
“Yes, yes, it is!”
“Is that really Remus Lupin?”
“It has to be! Who else has eyes like that?”
“I can’t believe I’m in the same room as Remus Lupin! I can’t believe I’m breathing the same air as Remus Lupin!”
“I hope he’s fleeing the country after saying those things about Sirius Black!”
“I hope he’s fleeing the country to get away from Gilderoy Lockhart as far as possible!”
“He’s so beautiful, it hurts my eyes!”
“I don’t think that’s biologically possible.”
“Do you know what’s not biologically possible? To be that beautiful!”
“His hair looks so soft, I just wanna run my fingers through it!”
“Great. You can immediately get his autograph on you restraining order.”
Remus ignores the buzz of voices around him, and searches the crowd, getting more anxious by the minute. Suddenly, he sees a man standing near the end of the hall. He’s wearing sweatpants and a hoodie with the hood pulled up, covering his hair and obscuring most of his face, but Remus recognizes his slightly too upright posture, that he never quite learned to shake from his upbringing, and the way he’s opening and closing his hands, which he always does when he’s nervous. When his eyes meet Remus’, he knows for sure.
Remus starts to run. Well, he is an actor, after all, and he does have a taste for the cinematic dramatics. He throws himself into Sirius’ arms and Sirius hugs him tight.
“Sirius,” he whispers.
“I got you,” Sirius speaks against his hair. “I got you, and I’m never letting you go again.”
When Remus pulls back slightly to look Sirius in the eyes, he’s vaguely aware of talking all around him and the clicking and flashing of cameras, but his attention is mostly drawn to those silver-grey eyes, with a sparkle that hadn’t been there all those times he saw them on a television screen these last months. “You came.”
“Of course I came,” Sirius smiles. “How could I not? I love you.”
“I love you too,” Remus says, and the words come easy as he pulls Sirius into a kiss.
The situation with Gilderoy is still a mess, and being spotted kissing his hopefully-no-longer-ex-boyfriend in public will only make it worse, but he can’t bring himself to care.
After years of regrets and sorrows, Remus tries to apologize to Sirius for his own mistakes, despite the fact that he has been hurt by the very same person who he wants to say sorry to. The years of damages has passed, should they give each other a chance, or start fresh with new people in life to forget their old wounds?
Tags: Heavy Angst, Fluff, Post-Azkaban, Angst with Happy Ending.
Sirius walks in the kitchen, completely heedless of Remus’ presence—or he pretends to be heedless after he catches the sight of Remus. He walks promptly, not limping but flinching at his aching bones. This is how Sirius Black has become: broken. And he has not just broken out of thin air, it has taken fourteen years which includes the twelve years of unjust imprisonment and two years of being a prison escapee, and Merlin knows how many more to go.
Half of Sirius’ time is spent in thinking about death and longing for it. Remus can tell because he has witnessed the hunger of dying in his eyes when he’d sit alone with himself, and the other half is always occupied in worrying about Harry Potter who is last person keeping him from dying out of misery; his dear godson only. Otherwise, he’d have been free.
He stops at the stove and boils the water on the kettle. He doesn’t have his wand so muggle way it is. Muggles have been growing on him, a lot. He keeps talking about them with Arthur. Remus is glad that if there is anything Sirius is looking forward to the order meetings is for the conversation with his new friend Arthur Weasley, who also attains the equal amount energy for the same subject. It makes Remus happy to witness that they have any reason to—even temporarily—lit up in the times of war. However, Sirius never smiles. He nods, or makes a funny face. He only smiles when Harry visits.
“If you want for yourself, it’s still in the kettle.” Sirius says without looking, and begins to walk out of the kitchen but Remus rises from his chair.
“Sirius.” He stops but doesn’t turn to face Remus.
“What?” His voice cut through Remus’ heart.
“I was hoping we could have tea together?” He tried, his heart hammering in his chest.
Sirius finally turns and hold his gaze. After a lingering eye contact, he nods and brings Remus’ tea with pink mug that has a David Bowie on it. He is slightly hopeful that Sirius has kept it because Remus gave him on their sixth year Christmas holidays. But he highly doubts that Sirius remembers it. Sirius sits across Remus’ seat. The silence is irksome.
“I want you to know that I’m sorry for…all that—“
“Define ‘that’, Remus?” Sirius’ facial expressions are blank but very grave.
“For believing the murder of Lily and James was because of you.”
Sirius scoffs, and Remus wants to scream because deep down inside he doesn’t feel he deserves it. He suffered too for twelve years. Even so, he tries to sustain the ceasefire he is trying to build between them.
“I should have believed that you would never have done anything like that to the Potters. You loved them more than anything in this world and—“
Remus pauses because Sirius is shaking his head with a manic smile playing on his lips.
“Wrong. I didn’t love them as I was supposed to. It wasn’t that I didn’t, but it was more like I couldn’t. My fucking stupid heart belonged to just one person that time as if my life would end if I stop centering my life on him.”
Remus swallowed. He knows that no kind of eloquent words are going to be good reply to what Sirius has said, so he says, “You did. Love them, that is. I know that.”
“Oh what did you know!?” He shoots up so violently that the chair collapses down on the floor that Remus inhales sharply, “You were out there kissing Dumbledore’s shoes!”
He knew that this will happen, that he will be humiliated again just like the times in the first war when Sirius would scream at him for going on the secret missions and not giving a clue about when and where he would go and come back, and for not being there for his friends and family. But in reality, all Remus did was to protect the order, and the people he loved. However, the questions still pops in his head, ‘for what? How did he not see it that they were breaking apart?’ It feels like he was watering a dead plant over and over again during the severity of lacking water, but the plant didn’t revive, and the precious water spilled into filthiest vain. Despite of that, Remus shuts his mind and chooses that pettiest way to get back at the person who endured twelve years of imprisonment for the crime he never committed.
“Don’t you dare!” Remus rises from his chair too, leveling up at Sirius, “Don’t you dare go down there again after all these years!”
“WHY NOT!?” Sirius yelled anyway, “YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS NOW! YOU NEVER BELIEVED ME! EVEN BEFORE YOU THOUGHT I BETRAYED JAMES AND LILY!”
“WHEN DID YOU BELIEVE ME!?” Remus is now few inches away from Sirius. He wants to slam him against the wall and put some sense into him because he still cares about him, no matter what.
“WHAT!? You made me this way! You build this mistrust with your hands! Don’t you dare forget that!”
“I did!? Or was that you!? Who didn’t believe me when I said I was not allowed to tell to anyone!”
“I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ANYONE!” Sirius’ voice breaks poorly that hits like a dagger in Remus’ heart. Sirius holds himself by the chest and leans down to rest his torso on the kitchen table, breathing heavily. Remus instantly feels the stinging in his eyes, and followed by the hot tears spilling from them. He comes behind Sirius, and places a hand on his back.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Shut up. Just shut up.” Remus whispers, and pulls Sirius up in his arms. He sobs and sobs, and Remus sinks down to the floor with him, squeezing him tightly in his embrace. “You are right. You were never just anyone. You were never…” He tries to put his feelings into words but Sirius interrupts him.
“You stopped loving me.”
Remus feels his stomach twist but what comes out of his mouth is a laugh. An empty laugh.
“Hell, I didn’t even stop loving you even when I thought you killed James and Lily.”
Silence.
“I was disgusted by myself. I used to feel so filthy. To want you even after believing you ruined my life by walking away so brutally, killing my friends. Killing my reasons to stay on this planet. I wanted to hate you. I couldn’t. I didn’t think that I even deserved to go to their funeral, you know…because I thought I’d be downright hypocrite to grieve for their loss when I was actually grieving the loss of you. I’d dream about you. The only thought keeping me sane and alive. Sirius, I’m not sure if this makes sense to you…I don’t even know if I’m asking you to love me back or what, but I have always loved you, mostly when I shouldn’t…”
Sirius is staring at him with his tears streaming so rapidly down his cheeks. He is trembling as sobs are racking through his body, his breath hitching every now and then. Remus’ heart breaks to see him like that. It is like Sirius is cleansing himself with all of the unwanted darkness off his soul by spilling all the expanse of pain in form of tears. Remus can see that he is not stopping himself from weeping. He seems lost somewhere, with his eyes shut and his hand on his mouth.
“I am not defending myself,” Remus whispers once he notices Sirius is just sniffling and wiping the dampness from his face, “I never meant to bring that up. I just want to let you know that whatever you went through had not even a single place or moment you deserved to be at.”
Sirius looks up with wide teary eyes, staring at Remus’ hopefully. He looks innocent and raw.
“Tell me,” His voice rough with tears but still a whisper. He clears his throat, “that I deserved all of that.”
“That is not true.” Remus says instantly, his hands grasping Sirius’ wrist instinctively, fearing he might fade away with the wind swooping in from the kitchen window.
“It is,” He says in the weakest voice, “My mistakes brought me here. For not trusting you enough…”
No words comes out from Remus’ mouth but they are caught in his throat like a lump. He can feel their prickling. The silence stretches on, smoothly breaking by the sounds of fire battling the wind filling the kitchen. There is also some faint sounds of dripping water from the tap into the basin. Someone must have forgotten to turn it fully. Huh, wizards.
“You are one celestial presence on the world, Remus Lupin, aren’t you…” Sirius chuckles softly, leaning back on the paddles of the chair to rest his back on them. Remus doesn’t understand but Sirius continues, “You are…this sacred or a saint-like wizard—half-blood werewolf whose father committed suicide because he thought he was the reason for his son’s affliction, and whose mother faded away with grief…”
Remus’ heart feels fragile in his chest, fearing it might break again after the poor mending.
“Merlin puts a very heavy price on people to pay who hurt Remus Lupin, who mistrust Remus Lupin...who thinks little of Remus Lupin.”
There is something strange in Sirius’ eyes. There is surrender and envy but Remus stares back into those glistening, and almost-silver orbs with courage to find what he wants. And he does. There it is. Love, swirling into the diffusion of grey and blue.
“I paid twelve years of losing myself and my family for mistrusting you, Remus.”
“I’m sorry…” He doesn’t expect his voice to whimper but it does because his chin is trembling and he is trying hard to gain composure. He is trying so hard with his clenched jaw, and balled fists in either sides of his lap. But Sirius put a thumb under his chin, and he shudders.
“You’re so stupid, Moony.” Sirius whispers when he is just an inch away from his lips.
“I know,” And just as those lips touched his, he feels a tear trickle down his cheek before Sirius has completely captured his mouth. They move languidly but cautiously, scared they might break each other again with haste and roughness. They don’t trust themselves to be firm either. Remus doesn’t. But when Sirius pulls back a little, he comes back and kisses him again decisively on the lips.
“I don’t know if it is still worth it,” Sirius says when both of them are resting their foreheads against each other, breathing in and out one and other, “But I want you to know that I don’t blame you for anything. Maybe I did. Just to keep myself sane by pretending to believe the lies I made within my already suffocated brain.”
Remus lets out a small laugh, which follows by Sirius’ arms wrapping his waist.
“I hope you can still accept me despite of everything, Remus.”
Remus hold his jaw, and tries to smile at him because he still feels like it is not enough. Nothing is enough with Sirius Black. It is always so much, even in this flickering flame which is almost dead. He knows that it will ignite again to fiery life once they become one. They are dangerously perfect for each other. He leans in to kiss the back of his ear, and inhales a whiff just like the wolf would do when Padfoot would return on first full moon after the summers, to recognize his mate. Sirius smells of rain and cigarette, mixing the aroma of the tea that has been sitting out in two mugs before their argument.
“I do. And I hope the same from you for myself?” Remus cringes after he realizes how lame they sound next to Sirius’ words. After few minutes which feels like hours to Remus, Sirius gropes his hands to hold both of his wrists, with his eyes still locked with Remus. He then bends down to press a lingering kiss on the right, and then on the left. Remus just looks at him, feeling utterly weightless in Sirius’ hands.
“I will not fail you again, Remus.”
“I trust you. I love you,” Remus says with all of the broken words spilling out his mouth, “I love you so much. I will not let you go. I will not let you be alone.”
They embraces each other again, just enjoying the warmth and the closeness. It reminds Remus of their time at Hogwarts when their limbs used to be wrapped around each other at every possible free period, smoking cigarettes at the Astronomy Tower.
“Don’t make such promises, my dear Moony.”
“You’re just saying that because you’ll be annoyed of me for sticking around you all the time.” Remus wipes his tears, and Sirius helps him too with his sleeve, shaking with silent laughter.
“Yeah, maybe. Just don’t follow me in the bathroom.”
“You can’t just give up on this. On me. Don’t you know what we have? It’s the sort of thing people dream about. They make potions to steal it.”
- Any Way the Wind Blows by @rainbowrowell
Please don’t be mad at me, y’all. I just found the entire blocking of this scene so powerfully gut-wrenching, I had to get it out of my system before I moved onto anything happy. From the wand held between them to the fallen wings to Baz’s desperation and Simon’s resistance, every sentence felt designed to run us through, and I totally dug it.
Posting my first fanfic series that I wrote last year.
Remus and Sirius are finally ready to come out to their friends as a couple as they have been dating for four months secretly. However, Sirius might have said something to Severus Snape on the night of a full moon which is going to destroy everything. Will Remus be able to forgive the love of his mere life?
Tags: Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Secret Relationship, Best Friends, Break Up, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Coming Out, Angst with a Happy Ending, Post-Sirius Black's Prank on Severus Snape, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sad Sirius Black, Slow Burn, Breaking Up & Making Up, Idiots in Love, Requited Love, Gay Sirius Black, Gay Remus Lupin, Minor Violence, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Depression, Panic Attacks, Gay Panic, Homophobia, Minor Character Death.
Prompt: Wolfstar - Sirius opens up to Remus about his thoughts on dating a werewolf. Any rating you want.
I truly apologize for such a late response. Your prompt was quite the unique one and I hope you like how I wrote it. Thank you for an amazing suggestion! Happy Reading! <3
Rating: Mature (Implied Sexual Content.)
Sirius bursts into the common room with the deepest frown on his face and the biggest pout on his lips which is enough to cast everyone’s attention in the room. Marlene squints from her magazine, James sits up from Lily’s lap, and Peter sets down his chocolate (which rarely happens, that means some disaster awaits the Marauders and others around them.) However, the only person who is straining his nerves to look nonchalant—but the nostrils don’t help much but flare hopelessly—is none other than Remus Lupin.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” Sirius says curtly. James looks around to see who is he addressing with such aggression, and it is again none other than Remus Lupin sitting with a book hiding his face. The tension in the air is so thick that can only be cut with a knife.
“I am talking to you, Remus.” He speaks again, his voice is emphatic on each of his words. Remus changes the direction of the book from his face as if it is a mask, but it is still in between his index finger and thumb. His eyebrows are cocked up higher enough to disappear in his golden fringe.
“I’m sorry but I don’t have time to discuss anything as useless and pointless as your drama.” He says.
Peter gasps, Lily flinches, and Marlene snorts. Sirius shoots her a glare.
“Sorry.” She recovers and hides back her face in the magazine.
“You think I am being dramatic about this?” Sirius turns back and asks indignantly.
“I don’t think you are being dramatic,” Remus makes an innocent face suddenly, waving his hands to his sides. His facial expressions are always priceless, “but I think you are dramatic.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Lupin!” Sirius looks extremely mortified as he scoffs at him and the next thing everyone knows that he is climbing the dormitory stairs, and then which follows with a loud slam of the door.
The silence in the room is filled with the crackling sound of the fire before their sitting spot until James clears her throat as his eyes—in fact, everyone’s eyes land on Remus who is sitting like a terrified cat, scared but too prideful to admit his harshness.
“So…umm, you guys having a row?” James finally says.
“You think?” Marlene makes a bored face before she turns to Remus, “So tell me, darling, what is your problem?”
“My problem?” He asks as if he can’t believe he has been asked that question.
“Yes, Rem,” Lily says suddenly, looking stern and concerned at the same time, “Your problem.”
“How can you say that without knowing what’s going on between us!”
“We don’t know what’s going on between you two, but what we know is that you insulted him in front of everyone and now you don’t feel bad about it?” Lily scolds Remus, who looks like he has been slapped. He looks down at his hands. His books are still between his hands. He has been feeling bad the second he said those mean words to Sirius, and now he feels a lot worse than a few seconds ago. He is looking down at his book while his mind racing on how should apologize to his boyfriend before a shadow grows on which makes him look up to see James Potter snatching the book from his hands. He doesn’t even get a chance to protest because James is already settling his head on Lily’s lap, and acting to read that book.
“Fine, Potter!” He threw his hands up in surrender and stands up to make his way to the dormitory. He sees the smirk breaking on James’ lips but his eyes never leaving the book page which he is definitely not reading at all.
He opens the door of the dorm, and the air smells stale and something is on fire. The urgency suddenly takes place in his body as he walks around to find four perfectly tucked beds, the bathroom door is opened which means Sirius is not inside.
He sees the window opened and sees the wisps of faint smoke in his view. He comes close to lean out. His side glance catches Sirius sitting on the extremely narrow ledge with his legs dangling in nothing but a groundless view of Hogwarts beneath his feet, and for a second Remus has decided that his heart has stopped beating. He staggers back in to process the view in his head.
“Fucking shit! Fuck! Merlin!” Remus curses when his brain completely registers the terrifying idiocy of his boyfriend. He leans out again to call him, “Sirius, are you out of your fucking mind!?”
He doesn’t reply because he is smoking his cigarette in the most seductive way, or maybe he is smoking just fine but Remus can’t help but feel something funny in his lower abdomen.
“Sirius?” He says again with his clenched teeth.
“I will not listen to you unless you put your anger aside,” Sirius says with a deadpanned face which is, by the way, glimmering in the moonlight as if it is something sacred. His beauty is ethereal and yet so sharp to cut someone’s heart into two. Remus swallows because it is a mouth-watering sight. But then he remembers. This is exactly what they have been fighting about; Werewolf instincts. The moon is close, and the wolf is flowing into him.
“This is not some joke, Sirius! This is extremely dangerous! Come back in this instant!”
“See, no gentleness,” Sirius sighs and takes a drag from his cigarette, “Not coming right now.”
This is infuriating, Sirius is in fact infuriating. However, yelling at him is just like setting more fire on the raging flames. Remus inhales, and then reaches out his hand from the window for Sirius, “Please. Come inside, Sirius.”
“Nopes.” Remus clenches his mouth but then relaxes.
“Look, Sirius, I’m getting really worried for you. Please, come back? I promise I’m not angry.”
“I can see you grinding your teeth.” Remus grimaces but then eventually smiles in surrender. Sirius can be very convincing without any animalistic forms.
“Yes, because you are annoying,” His voice is utterly soft, “but I love you just like that. Will you come to me?”
Sirius narrows his eyes and cocks an eyebrow which instantly causes Remus to chuckle, along with a feeling of gushing love inside him.
“Okay, I’m coming.” He takes his hand and jumps inside to wrap his arms around Remus who immediately holds him in his embrace. Due to the height difference, Sirius stands on his tiptoes to hug him so the latter boy scoops his legs up to wrap around his waist and Sirius wastes no time to comply.
“I’m sorry, love…” Remus nuzzles his head in his hair.
“It’s okay, I know you’re not feeling good. The moon…” Sirius' voice is tired and low. It is always surprising to see his bottomless patience for Remus’ condition, considering how much edgy he can be otherwise.
“Hey…” Remus makes them sit on the nearest bed. Sirius completely sits on his lap with his legs tied around him, and his hands laced around his neck. He looks so small, and Remus doesn’t want to see his sadness. After a long drag of silence and relishing each other with feather-light touches and kisses, Sirius whispers in his skin.
“Why can’t you let me have you?”
“I’m right here. You have me.” Remus whispers back with his lips still lingering on his cheeks.
“Completely…Moony…” The voice breaks his heart, and he looks up at Sirius' hurting eyes.
“Sirius, this is not a joke.”
“Moony, I don’t take you as a joke in my life. Not even in the slightest.”
“You don’t realize how dangerous it is.”
“Then make me!” And Remus winces but doesn’t leave his grip on Sirius’ waist, “I want you all. I…I like it that way…” The last words hang awkwardly in the air with Sirius blushing like he has tomatoes beneath his cheeks.
“You are not serious, are you?” Remus lets out a hollow laugh.
“Yes, Moony, I’m serious about this.” He is frozen because Sirius’ eyes scream nothing but the truth, and most importantly he has completely missed the pun.
“You are…” He stutters but Sirius cuts him off.
“Yes. I want to be with you in every part, Remus. You lose control? I don’t care! I want you to be the most honest version of yourself. I want to love you more. I fell in love with your rawness, your scars, and your real self. I want you to lose control.” Sirius rocks him and tightens his grip on his neck, and Remus closes his eyes, “I want to have you in the most Remus way. Your way. Just you. All of you.”
Remus inhales the scent of Sirius that is beginning to saturate around him, enveloping him in the haze of his soul and body. He feels lightheaded with the softest sensation of certain lips brushing his neck and jaw. A shiver runs down his body, and a whimper comes out of his mouth.
“Sirius, you…can’t…you are…please, no…” Because Sirius cannot understand this.
“Moony, it’s okay.” Lips still roaming dangerously at the back of his ear.
“No, it’s not!” Remus snaps, causing Sirius to flinch, and instantly he feels terrible. He immediately rests in hand back on Sirius’, “Please, don’t be disappointed in me…Merlin, I can’t hurt you, Sirius.” His free hand travels up to hold the other boy’s face which looks as gloomy as death, “I just love you too much for that…you can’t ask me to ruin you! You can’t ask me to fuck you like an animal! I know I’m not enough for you—“
“No! You are more than enough, Remus!” Sirius pleads with eyes that were at the brink of spilling tears.
“Sirius…” Remus sighs, not leaving his grip on Sirius’ hand. The silence fills them up again. His eyes wander around the dimly emitted dorm, then to the opened window where an almost full moon peeks out like a thundering reminder. Sirius looks down at their hands but stays quiet…pretty much tired. He looks exhausted. Remus shakes their hands for him to look up and he forces a smile on his tightly pressed lips.
“I’m not asking you to break me,” Sirius speaks lowly after a while, “I’m asking you to be yourself. Is that too much to ask?”
“Myself is not pretty to encounter, Sirius.”
“You think I need you to be pretty? You think I would want you fancy and sparkly? I don’t expect perfection from you because I know you have millions of flaws and imperfections, and fuck I fell in love with all of those! Call me sick or downright stupid, but it is the truth. You being a werewolf is something that the Marauders know, and that makes us feel honored and so so special to know that part of you. That you allowed us to know that part of yourself. Is it a beautiful part to you? No. But is it a beautiful part to me? Yes! I cannot disgust you because this was never in your hands. You were given this! Worse or best, but it is you. And I love you. I love that part of you. I’m so sorry that you got what no one would ever even wish upon their enemy, but that doesn’t make me want to hate that part of you. I love you whole.”
He reaches forward to put both of his hands on Remus’ face to wipe away the flooding tears, which is when Remus realizes that he is crying. The realization hits him like an iceberg and sobs erupt from him. Sirius wastes no time to quickly hold him against his chest as he keeps rubbing his back.
“Listen, you are not ready, and it’s okay my love,” Sirius brings in mouth closer to Remus’ ear, “I just want you to know that you don’t have to hold back your urges. You don’t have to hold back anything. I want to let you know completely and soundly that I’d do anything for you to make you feel yourself. This is what I feel about you. I hope you understand this, truly, but tell me if you still don’t I’ll try my best to open up more to you. But at the same time, open up to me, too. Be with me, for real.” He emphasizes each of his words, and Remus nods in his chest.
He pulls himself back to look at Sirius’s face. His hands trace his perfect face with careful eyes and he realizes that he fell in love with the real Sirius Black. He knows that his boyfriend has different images for other people which mainly rules by arrogance and reserved personality. However, with Remus, he is a totally different person, the happiest and calmest he has ever seen.
“I love you, too.” It comes out in a wavering voice, and Sirius smiles genuinely, “You already opened up to me, you, perfect git.” He nudges his elbow in his ribs, making him laugh, “You wouldn’t…care…if I…you know…”
“Lose control?” Sirius suggests with tenderness in his voice which causes Remus to shudder. He nods at him tentatively.
“No, Moony. My love for you will never lessen because of that. I want you this way. I want to see you this way. Your way. Just don’t hold back. I am here. Always will be.” He turns his face just a fraction to plant a kiss on Remus’ hand that was holding his face.
“Okay…okay…” He swallows and feels damp with cold sweating. His palms are sweating too against Sirius’ face but he brushes off the thought and braces himself to take that mask off. It feels like tearing down his skins. It is like more than being naked. He leans in and kisses him hesitantly but Sirius complies with firm lips and eager hands. And Remus relaxes, deepening the kiss. His head feels fuzzy, his fingers are altering to the warmth of Sirius’ bareback, and his legs are wrapping round his waist as if they are returning to the place they belong. He is melting in his body.
It doesn’t take long when the swooning is over, and the urge to get the upper hand on their intimate connection grows on Remus. His hands slide down from their intertwined hands to hold Sirius’ wrist. He uses his weight as leverage to push him on the bed, and dive in to kiss his neck. He also realizes that Sirius is loud as he groans and moans on the tiniest touches. Remus doubts that they will get through this. He gets on all fours with a flushed Sirius beneath him. He sees his face is glowing like pearls that speak nothing but reassurance.
“It’s okay, love. It’s alright, Moony.” He whispers and gets up to reach Remus’ mouth. When they share a languid kiss, Remus decides that it is going to be okay. It is going to be alright.
I wanted to ask you I'd you could add 'read more' cuts on your work? or if theres a reason you dont.
I dont know if you care about reblogs at all or if you're just having fun without caring if a lot if people read it, but I think if you added those cuts, more people would reblog your work, since it doesnt appear that long anymore.
sorry if this sounded rude, it was meant as friendly advice, definitely not as criticism. your work is incredible!
Ah! Not at all rude! <3 Thank you so much dear! Whoever you are, and wherever, I hope you are having a good day! I wish you the best <333 lots of love and hugs!
If you are taking suggestions, then can you please write Remus being a little shit and just driving sirius crazyyyyy like Remus smirks and Sirius just dies. Ps love your writing!!
Wolfstar AU: Enemies to Lovers.
Sirius is breathing raggedly. His heart isn’t beating at a normal pace. Not because he is at a dinner party at the Black household but because he is at the dinner party of the Black household. And with none other than Remus Lupin.
“Will you relax?” Remus whispers in his ear.
“How can I relax when I’m in the middle of people who don’t just despise their son’s ‘house mate’—“
Remus bits the inside of his cheek to keep himself from sniggering.
“—but the son as well! Look, there are Lestranges, Averys, Malfoys and fuck here is Lupin? How?
“Because you invited me?” Remus suggests with a smirk which pushes Sirius on the edges.
“I cannot believe my parents approved of letting me bring a friend to this party.”
“Sirius, it’s your birthday.” The birthday party is just a platform made by Walburga and Orion to eradicate all of the doubts and misjudgments of the high pureblood families towards Sirius who was on the front page of the Daily Prophet last year to be almost beaten to death by his family and ended up in the St. Mungos. The news was accelerated faster, in Great Britain, than the Black Family’s anticipations, so to keep up with their reputation, they have thrown Sirius a formal birthday party. The guests seem relaxed to see the Black heir suited up on the staging area with his parents on either of his sides. So, technically the birthday party is not for Sirius in any way. “And what did you just call me your friend?”
Sirius rolls his eyes at him. Remus Lupin is one of the roommates he shares his dorm with at Hogwarts. They have survived four years together without ripping each other in halves. But one day, the enemies became allies when James Potter interfered with his utter generosity by asking him and Peter to become Animagis to accompany Remus on the full moon after they openly confessed that they knew about his condition. Peter has been humble like James—but dense, of course—but Sirius has been unable to. However, Remus has softened up comparatively to him. Again, Sirius finds it difficult to reconcile. Fortunately, now he knows why.
Remus takes the champagne from a grim-looking waitress before Sirius bats his hand away and puts the drink back on the tray.
“Don’t you dare drink or eat anything from here. They must be trying to poison you.” Remus slams his palm on his face in exasperation but then he smirks.
“So you do care about me, don’t you, Black?” Remus winks at him, and Sirius swallows hard. The blood feels to be reaching up to his neck and cheek. He feels very hot all of a sudden because Remus Lupin is stupidly grinning in an abnormally tight suit. The blue shirt underneath his black mackintosh is unbuttoned from the collar, and his tie is loosely hanging around his neck. Sirius tries to avert his eyes from him.
The fact that he has a filthy half-blood werewolf in the middle of the dark pureblood families, and how he has to cope-up with an extreme sweet behavior—not to mention, fake—of his parents, are not the only reasons for him to look like he has ants in his pants. He is troubled by his very own fact that Remus Lupin looks utterly, insanely, and hopelessly breathtaking. He doesn’t want to accept that he is head over heels in love with him, and no one is ever going to find out.
“Sirius, that was the same drink Bellatrix picked up,” Remus whispers when Sirius doesn’t answer, eyeing the Lestranges cackling loudly as if they are competing against each other on who cackles the loudest.
“Oh, her blood is already venomous. I highly doubt a poison could kill her.” Sirius whispers back harshly. He feels like he is stuck to stand too close to Remus—not that he doesn’t enjoy it because he relishes it a little too much—and it does no good to him in breathing normally. His nostrils are filling the scent of Remus’ cologne, which is infuriating. He stops himself from picturing Remus laying shirtless on his bed.
Remus lets out a sweet chortle which brings Sirius out of the haze that sings ‘Remus’ like a mantra, but then Remus is staring at him intensely. His amber eyes remind him of honey and autumn. Sirius looks away again.
“What’s going on?” His voice is so gentle that Sirius feels his insides squirm.
“Shut up.” He mutters.
“Okay.” And Sirius is extremely indignant at him for not arguing. He loves to argue with Remus because it makes him love him fiercely. It is nonsensical, but it is what it is.
Push him on the wall so hard that his head bleeds, and then I kiss him firmly on the lips. What!? Yes, disturbing. An absolute disturbed heir, everyone!
“What do you mean ‘okay’?” Sirius protests.
“You command me to shut up, so I shut up.” Command? Command, Lupin? Are you trying to kill me? Remus looks thoroughly oblivious while Sirius thinks he must be looking like a raging psychotic because he believes he is one.
“Fuck you.” He says under his breath, and fucking Lupin smirks!? Sirius grabs the first glass of the pack of champagnes the waitress comes with and drinks a long sip of it.
But then Remus begins to wander here and there. Sirius feels like his anxiety is back taking a toll because a dark-skinned girl is smiling at him. Before he knows it, they are hitting off with each other. Sirius clenches his teeth at the sight, and the grip on his glass is tight enough to break it as he feels his magic raging up inside him.
Thankfully, the party goes on, people have come to wish him birthday greetings with hopes that he might offer them to take a picture with them, but his feet remain grounded on the spot he was standing at, with Remus. His eyes fixedly are following him everywhere he goes with that girl. At the same time, Sirius is surprised about how the girl hasn’t figured out that he is a half-blood who also hasn’t suited up like an aristocrat. He smiles deviously to himself with the satisfaction that soon the girl is going to figure out and eventually she wouldn’t date him, and then…
“Mine,” Sirius growls.
A few minutes later, Sirius finds Remus reachable—fortunately, without that girl—trying to make a conversation with other people. Sirius immediately smells something bad when he realizes that Remus is going to talk to some Averys. Without thinking, he lunges towards Remus and grabs the first thing his hands could reach. He hasn’t completely registered that his fingers have caught the loops of his belt, which takes Remus off guard. And he slams his steel chest against Sirius’ and the champagne pours on his expensive suit. Remus gapes at him, looking angry and apologetic.
“Oh, Merlin! Sirius, I am so sorry but what the hell!?”
“Wow, the audacity!” He spits with venom in his voice, “My suit is spoiled, not yours!”
“Wha—? You pulled me!” That’s it, my boy, keep arguing! You drive me crazy, Lupin.
“You were clumsy enough to ram into me!”
“I—“ His anger is like a feather. It flies away, “I’m sorry…come here, let me fix it for you—“ He is taking out his wand but Sirius doesn’t like it because he doesn’t approve of the simplicity in the situation. He needs fire and set himself on it. But for that, he needs Remus Lupin.
“No. You have driven me crazy tonight, Remus Lupin. I am going to make you pay for it.” Sirius grunts, and then they are out of people’s sight as he drags Remus to his room. He looks genuinely surprised. His parted lips, his rosy cheeks, his silver scars glowing on his face make him look ethereal. Sirius walks towards the dumbfounded prey of the night.
But then Sirius is rammed into the wall as Remus crashes his lips against his. He instantly kisses him back. Hard, like he has been wanting. For years.
“I drive you crazy, huh?” Remus says against his lips, before slamming his mouth back to Sirius’.
Sirius pulls him closer by those fucking belt loops that have gotten them here in the first place. He deepens the kiss but Remus pulls away to take a breath.
“I will drive you crazy for the rest of your life,” Remus whispers in his ear maliciously, which causes Sirius to shudder beneath him. He has no time to process how it is all happening, but for now, he knows that this is the best birthday of all of his years.
“Yeah, you better.” He manages to say between his breathlessness but then Remus takes him again by the back of his neck and doesn’t stop kissing him.
Hello my favourite people and place to be at, I’m keeping up with all of your requests for wolfstar fanfics with your beautiful BEAUTIFUL prompts! I will soon respond y’all! Thankyou for such amazing ideas! Keep sending them. You are all very talented! Bless you all!
