nothing lasts

say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe. red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams.

[macabrynn]

ofandor:

“yes,” he retorted flatly. cassian had never had much tolerance for foolishness in his youth, but his willingness to deal with pranking and playful banter had decreased as he’d risen in both age and rank. brynn was a thorn in his side. no matter how he grew, or how seriously he took himself, she would never let him forget the ill advised things he’d done early on in his training. still, somewhere along the line, he’d become somewhat fond of her. cassian crossed his arms over his chest, as if to protect himself, and shook his head stubbornly. he had no interest in telling brynn about what he and jyn had been through. to retell what had happened, how she’d asked him to leave, would be too much for cassian to deal with right now. he set his jaw, and seemed stubbornly hellbent against telling her anything of use. at least, until she’d started to talk about the cure. somehow, brynn’s lighthearted taunting made him relax a bit. “don’t think you’d be the only ghost haunting me,” he murmured, shaking his head, “or the scariest.” brynn hardly struck him as murderous, not even after death. “yeah i…” no, he wouldn’t. he’d scarcely been sleeping. “i’ll try.” 

“never thought the peaceful life would be for you, but i kinda hope you’ll surprise me.” it was times like these brynn found it easy to forget that she was the older one. she was nine years older back during their first lives. she should have been the one battle-hardened and made frozen by war. she should have been the one with the rank and the power. but things never worked out like that. she never regretted not advancing in the rebellion, though she often found it unfair how so much could be thrust on someone so young. she still remembered the first time she jokingly called cassian “kid” and teased him like a big sister would her younger brother. the fact that he could be so young yet so old at the same time didn’t seem fair. if she could trade her happiness for his, she would; but she couldn’t, so she simply tried her best. “you underestimate me, andor.” brynn protested. “i’m scarier than you think.” she paused. “i’m so scary that... if i was out there with you, i could probably force you to eat properly.” it was a reminder wrapped inside of a blatant lie. 

[macabrynn]

ofscavenging:

rey knew. it was obvious from the second she put on the poncho and hood that she was attempting to conceal herself. she knew she looked suspicious, but there was no other way to go about it. “i just… need time alone with my husband…” she muttered. even though ben was soon to be her husband, everyone knew they were not married yet. it was one of rey’s ways to deter her from realizing what her identity was. she knew being firm wouldn’t get to her; but she remembered from their previous conversation that kindness would. “you don’t have to go if you don’t want to… but i would just… appreciate it a lot…”

almost immediately brynn’s mind went to something vastly different. the woman wanted to see her husband, and she was being oddly defensive about being left alone and not being seen? more likely than not, a sex thing, and a weird one at that. brynn had her fair share of needs both during her first life and since her resurrection, though she’d never been this desperate (or stupid) before. “w-what? are you serious? people are dying, and you’re trying to have sex. through a glass wall.” brynn gagged in disgust. she didn’t want to think about the poor servants who would have to clean the couple’s mess up in the morning. and there was also the fact that the woman’s poor husband was sick. “i consider myself a pretty open-minded person but lady, there are other people that have to look through this wall.”

[macabrynn]

ofscavenging:

rey winced softly and turned her face further away so that brynn would not be able to see the pain that flashed across it. she felt horrible; all she was trying to do was help, but rey had to be firmer with her to drive her away. she hated it, but she knew she had no choice. she glanced back at her as she questioned the vague threat she had made and swallowed thickly before pausing then muttering, “just please leave…”

brynn had many flaws; among the worst was her stubbornness. when she latched onto something, she could not let go, no matter how much easier it would have been. even after her injury during her first life, it was not something she ever dropped. “look, i don’t know who you are, but i can tell you how you look right now,” she began. “first: dark figure, shadowy hood, standing in the darkness to hide your face? bad news. i know from personal experience. second: refusing help, and asking a stranger to leave you in the dark alone in an area made for talking? not worse than anything i’ve ever done, but it’s some really suspicious shit. so you can see why i’m not leaving.” such defiant words coming from such a hoarse, weak voice. brynn wasn’t sure if the throat soreness came from the disease or her speaking so much.

[macabrynn]

ofscavenging:

in the weeks since she’d gotten close with him, rey had been able to mimic ben’s accent pretty well now, and she used it, rather than her natural one, as she continued speaking. “i am here to see someone, but i don’t want to see anyone else but them.” desperately, she attempted to end any call she had made to ben; if he walked out as she was talking to brynn, it would become blindly obvious who she was. “so please leave. before i have to make you.” it was an empty threat; what could she use besides the force?

“then why don’t you let me go get them for you? i might not know their name, but i’m pretty good with faces and opening doors until i find the right one,” brynn said. all she wanted to do was help. she felt helpless behind the glass, and if she could make someone else feel a little less helpless, she’d be happy. because of her desire, brynn became immediately suspicious when the figure’s words turned sharp. she crossed her arms and leaned toward the glass. “oh, you’re going to make me, aren’t you? how are you going to do that, from all the way over there?”

[allison-laheys]

[macabrynn]

ofscavenging:

it wasn’t ben, that was for sure. but the person it was definitely would not be happy to see her, and rey held her breath before stepping even more away from the glass, letting the darkness of the room conceal as much of her face as possible. but she couldn’t leave; she needed to see ben. perhaps she could get away with passing off as somebody else for the time being. tucking her hood tighter around her face, rey turned her head aside and said, in a tone lower and firmer than her usual chirpy one, “i don’t want to talk to anyone else.”

when the coughs were finished, brynn straightened herself again and saw that the figure had stepped further into the darkness. “if you’re not here to see anyone, then what are you doing?” brynn asked. most people she saw come through either had someone to see, or simply were good people who wanted to make others feel better. in her mind, someone who wasn’t here to see a loved one and preferred to shroud their face in darkness was more harm than good. brynn’s eyes darted around the vistation area, wondering if there were any medics that happened to be around, just in case.

[ofscavenging]

was it a stupid idea? yes. but she needed to see ben. again it was late at night when she traversed back to quarantine, using the force a few times on people who happened to see her. they forgot in an instant. she had made her way to the visitation area, her poncho and hood still on and blocking most of her face, then closed her eyes and called for ben through their bond, focusing all her energy on it. surely he knew she had escaped, but she needed to see him again to keep herself sane. when she opened her eyes, rey noticed a figure approaching, but was unable to tell if it was him or not. so she just took a step further back into the shadows and pulled the hood more over her face. the only recognizable thing about her right off the bat was the teal-colored moonstone ring that glinted so elegantly off her left hand.

FOR THOSE IN QUARANTINE…

[macabrynn]

she couldn’t sleep. the aches in her joints was keeping her awake. she left her room toward the visitation area, hoping to find one of the medics to ask them to get her a painkiller, or maybe a warm glass of blue milk. that would always get her to sleep when she was a child. as she entered the empty visitation area, she noticed a figure lurking in the shadows on the other side. she couldn’t see who it was, so she stepped closer. “are you here to see someone?” brynn asked. “everyone’s asleep right now, but i can try to wake them up.” then, another fit of coughs. she keeled over and placed one hand on the wall to brace herself.

[galaxydealt-blog]

it’s probably not technically polite, to show up to a quarantine zone in a long fur coat and newly bought clothing straight from naboo’s most expensive boutiques. lando, at least, appeared here with all his recent memories, and thus knows exactly how to access his accounts. that does give him a few advantages.

but he wants to survey the landscape, so to speak. see who’s in quarantine and who isn’t. think about how to weigh his proceeding actions. after all, lando is not a fan of the first order. he loathes them, in fact, and merely makes a secret of that fact in order to pass among high society. he wants to see who they are going to administer the cure to. he wants to see how they’re doing, and the answer seems to be badly. 

so here, he merely presses gloved fingers to the glass and sighs. “i suppose the accommodations could be worse. not by much, though.” there’s a spark of humor in his voice, trying to add some levity to a situation that can be described as dismal at best.

[macabrynn]

well that was a sight that brynn never thought she would see. naboo never ceased to bring surprises, and this latest surprise brought a laugh to her exhausted, achy frame.

she hadn’t seen clothing so fancy since she’d been been smuggling and spying. when her the incident had made her give up her spying, she had unknowingly resigned herself to a life of sights mainly comprising of orange rebellion flightsuits. the man’s attire almost made her jealous.

“after you’ve lived in those slophouses the rebellion calls a base, anything is like a place,” brynn joked. “but i’m pretty sure you couldn’t relate.”

[macabrynn]

ofandor:

“live in peace,” he retorted with a frown. his girl. cassian wanted desperately for that to be the case, but he knew that it was not true anymore. jyn had demanded that he leave, and though it had damn near killed him to do so, he’d kept his promise. “she’s not…” he hesitated, and then shut up. it wasn’t worth explaining, not to someone like brynn, it wasn’t likely that she would understand. cassian wasn’t sure that he wanted her to understand. “vain. self-assured.” he shrugged a shoulder, his eyes flitting over her shoulder and into the quarantined area once more. “it’s all the same. you were fond of yourself.” he finished, and by the look of it, she still was. it was what came next, when she mentioned that she believed in him, that cassian paused. it was nice to hear, a reminder that he’d needed, and he met her eye once more. “we haven’t made much progress,” he confessed, “but i’m not giving up until we find something.” a pause. “hang in there, alright?”

“you really think you could do that?” brynn asked. it was something she genuinely wondered. she knew that cassian had been fighting since he was a child; she had no personal knowledge of what that kind of life could do to a person, but she couldn’t assume that it would be anything good. “what? she’s not what?” brynn sighed and crossed her arms adamantly. if cassian wouldn’t open up, she’d make him, even behind the glass wall. “one of these days, you’re going to appreciate me and my ‘vanity’, cassian andor. we’ve been fighting on the same side so long i think i’ve earned that respect.” then, hearing about the status of the cure team made her drop her arms and swallow in fear. “you better find something, or else when i die, i’ll come back to life to kill you myself.” the sarcasm: her preferred defense mechanism. “i’ll do my best. you... you hang in there too.”

[macabrynn]

how did you get those scars on ur face

“i’ll have you know, since i was resurrected they are gone,” brynn said sharply, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. she was hoping that in her new life, she could leave that part of her first life behind her. but things never went to plan, and the force could be cruel as well as kind. neither her past nor her vanity could ever disappear. “during my first life, i was a spy for the rebellion for a time, and my looks made me a damn good one. i guess i doubled-crossed the wrong imperial, and they knew me too well to just torture or kill me. so, they did something. i still don’t know exactly what it was. i just know that i hated it.”

[macabrynn]

feed this bitch's ego EVEN MORE and also make her cry if you want to xoxo

[quack-likeaduck]

you’re yelling? at ME? the one person who has never done anything wrong ever?????

[macabrynn]

pcifist:

   *  SHE  FEELS  COMPELLED  TO  HELP  in  one  way  or  another  —-  sitting  helplessly  while  others  did  all  the  work  was  never  satine’s  forte ,  even  as  a  championed  monarch ,  waited  on  hand  and  foot  if  so  desired .  she  tells  herself  she’ll  arise  soon ,  stand  and  dote  on  those  less  fortunate  than  her  at  the  moment ,  aid  them  in  their  endeavors  as  they  all  await  this  so -  called  CURE  to  be  found  (  if  there  is  one ,  a  voice  whispers  at  the  back  of  her  mind ,  a  voice  perhaps  named  FEAR  ).   ❛  i’m  inclinced  to  agree  with  you ,  miss  …  ❜  she  trails  off  for  a  moment  in  question .  ❛  however ,  i  would  trust  two  of  them  with  my  very  life  —-  have  done  so  in  the  past ,  and  i  find  myself  faithful  to  them  still .  if  anyone  can  find  this  cure ,  i’m  sure  it’ll  be  them .  i  just  wish  it  were  i  out  there  searching  alongside  them  …  if  only  there  were  some  way  to  help  speed  things  along .  ❜

“my name is brynn. brynn macaria. and you are?” brynn gave the woman a small smile. in her first life, she’d gotten to travel a lot, and one of her favorite parts was meeting new people. if she had to get stuck behind bars, she was at least glad to have some decent company. there were worse places to be. “that sounds good. it’s always nice to have someone you trust out there, with all the empire-looking idiots that are around here. one of my friends is out there too, actually.” brynn assumed the woman she was talking was on her side; in brynn’s mind, she didn’t seem to have the aura the empire (or their wannabes) had.

[macabrynn]

shocadii:

The closeness made Shocadi a little nervous, but she stayed frozen in her spot. She was okay, she reminded herself. The other was just as sick as her. “I hope they do,” Shocadi said. “Otherwise we’re in trouble.” She wished there was something she could do in here to help. But all she could really do was sit and cough. Not very helpful. “At least its comfy in here.” 

“we’re going to be fine,” brynn said. in truth, brynn was losing faith that everything would be solved, but she put on a brave face anyways. acting sad and hopeless wasn’t going to help anyone. “yeah, i’ve never been anywhere as nice before.” she shrugged. “if these are what the sick quarters look like, it makes me kinda wonder what the rest of the palace looks like.” she hoped she’d survive long enough to see.

[macabrynn]

starveiins:

she rushed over to the glass and lined her hand up with brynn’s, a rare smile appeared on her face. “how long have you been here?!” orion asked with wide eyes. she didn’t think she saw the other woman on earth. then again, she was always so occupied with her own problems, it was hard to know who had been sucked into this mess and who had been spared. “yeah. it’s kind of… crazy,” orion breathlessly stated. all of her favorite people had been showing up from her youth and she couldn’t be more happy about it. the only problem was… “damn,” she said as a new found realization began to set in. “are you doing okay in there?”

“a few days. seems like i got sick maybe a minute after i got resurrected.” there was a hint of bitterness in her voice. she resented being stuck in quarantine, unable to do anything. it was as if she came alive just to die again; there were so many things she never got to do during her first life, and she hated that she couldn’t do anything. “when i get out of here, you have to tell me everything, starting with how you look like a teenager, and i’m thirty.” she grinned at orion. seeing someone familiar made her heart feel light. “i’m fine,” she said. in truth, she seemed to be getting worse every day, but she wasn’t about to say that out loud.

[macabrynn]

ofandor:

happiness had never come particularly easily for cassian. his life had been too overrun by war and loss to celebrate small moments or foolish jokes, but it was good to see an old ally. in truth, he wasn’t quite sure what to think of brynn, he’d never been sure, but her allegiance to the rebellion had won him over. just as he’d begun to relax, however, she mentioned a girl and his expression twisted into something between confusion and surprise. “i should have known you’d come back from the dead to give me hell,” he grumbled, crossing his arms protectively over his chest. he couldn’t deny his relationship with jyn, but he didn’t really see how it was any of her business either. “so you’ve said,” he replied with a shake of his head. “you were always vain.” at lest, she had been until her injury, but thought better of bringing that up. “there’s a team looking for the cure. we’ll find something.” they had to find something. 

for a moment, brynn wondered if she had struck a nerve. she’d only barely met jyn, and that short meeting hadn’t given her all the information. but it was in her nature to take something and run with it, and that was no different with cassian. she always tried to push him, both for her own amusement and because she cared. she knew that one of these days, she might push him too far. but if it meant chipping away at some of his walls in the process? it was worth it. thus, it was a relief when he didn’t close up when she mentioned jyn. “someone here has to. who knows what you’d do without me?” she smirked. “i prefer self-assured,” she countered. she’d mellowed out slightly after the injury and the initial gloom that followed, but her obsession with how she appeared, both physically and as a person, stayed. “i know. and i believe in you.” he’d always had her back before. this time should be no different.

[macabrynn]

nervetests:

“you know what - that’s a fair point. better theory for everyone coming back from the dead than i’ve heard before.” it’s true. wedge wasn’t one of the ones who came back from the dead specifically, but he knows people who have, and no one seems to know why they were picked. he’d also love to know, since he’s pretty sure there’s old members of rogue squadron and other pilots who are incredibly stubborn and ought to be standing on naboo’s verdant surface right now.

hopefully not infected, of course. that’s the new caveat.

wedge shrugs. “that’s basically me, yeah. moral support and - i guess you could call it personnel management. making sure everyone’s doing what they need to and people are actually getting sleep and whatever. wish it was more illustrious than that, but i guess not everyone’s cut out to synthesize cures out of thin air.”

he taps an index finger lightly against the glass. “how’re things in there?” morale matters equally on both sides, after all.

“maybe once we figure out this whole cure thing, someone could get to work on figuring out why we’re all here and alive,” brynn said. the logical side of her knew that it would be near-impossible to find a pattern or explanation for everything, but she liked to hope, just in case. there were people she would have liked to say goodbye to, like her parents. there were also people she wished that she could have killed herself. that is, if the disease didn’t kill her first.

brynn chuckled. “personnel management, huh? that’s a new one. i never heard it put so nicely before.” it made sense, though. making sure everyone didn’t go insane was an important job, and not everyone could execute it to perfection.

“they could be worse.” that was the truth. so far, no one in quarantine had kicked the bucket yet, though some people were looking real close. “we’re holding on the best we can.”