The Blog of Requirement

Alyson | she/her | 21 | Pan | Texas Just here for the ride

[acapelladitty]

I wish I put as much effort into my life as Phil Collins did into the Tarzan soundtrack

[lesbianshepard]

I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

[lesbianshepard]

guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?

me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792.....4?

me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.

me:

me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.

[lesbianshepard]

guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!

me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.

[lesbianshepard]

me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.

my boss: Wait, what?

me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.

boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?

me: 

me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!

[askthecadetsquad]

Lotor: …The princess and I are… strong allies within the coalition. 

[gaming-misadventures]

[memesandlaughs]

[fakehistory]

Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)

[scarlettohairdye]

What true love looks like.

OKAY SO I had a coworker who was otherwise a standard clueless Straight White Guy, but this dude loved his wife and he knew her real good. And his wife LOVES shitty grocery store icing. So the first thing she’d always do with any cake is shove her fingers into the corner and scoop off whatever abomination of a flower was on there and eat it off her fingers. SO THIS DUDE GOES TO THE STORE AND HAS THEM MAKE A WHOLE CAKE OUT OF FROSTING Brings it home to his wife for her birthday She shoves her fingers into it and then they just keep going FROSTING ALL THE WAY DOWN He said the look on her face was the best thing he’d ever seen in his life It gives me hope that even a clueless Straight White Guy knew and loved his wife enough to give her the perfect birthday present cake frosting abomination

And I love to imagine the conversation he had to have with the grocery store bakery.

[neurodivergent-crow]

That’s disgusting, what a good husband

[hotvampireadjacent]

HIDEO KOJIMA, ABSOLUTE MAD MAN, AT IT AGAIN

[astraldeterminism-deactivated20]

if you wake up much earlier than normal you feel secret emotions

[otherwindow]

A lot of deep sea creatures are coloured red, but since the colour blends in so well with dark water it just ends up looking black or dark blue. 

In short, combined with the horn-like crown, submerged home, and pitchfork/trident, Poseidon is just another name for the Devil.

[otherwindow]

Humans misinterpret Hell as an underground cavern of fire, when in reality, it’s a boiling sea floor stoked by hydrothermal vents and exposed magma.

[queer-trans-amazon-deactivated2]

Dante describes the Ninth circle of hell as being where traitors are crushed in a dark frozen lake, which sounds like deep sea trenches or brine pools

[otherwindow]

Notice how the only thing demons and mermaids have in common is dragging human souls down?

There’s a reason why sailors used to call mermaids “Sea Demons”.

[space-is-out-there]

This post is prying open my third eye with a crowbar

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[astrangeenchantedboy]

“millenials are so stupid, they can’t perform basic life skills” cries the generation that failed to teach their children basic life skills

[exceptionalcelestial]

also a lot of those practical skills were taught in classes like home ec that have been cut completely as schools slash all spending not related to sports and STEM

[theshitneyspears]

2019 isn’t going to be any different unless you actually put effort in to change it

[pure-leafs-deactivated20190914]

[doctorpuppy]

If this site burns to the ground let this be my swan song

[jasper-boogus2112]

oh my god

[liberalsarecool]

Voting to ‘hurt’ people is sick.

[mellowfilmmaker]

“He’s not hurting the people he needs to be hurting” has such awful implications. Like there’s so many bad ways to interpret that line. 

[eunnieboo]

day and night. i was thinking about a member of the royal court who moonlights as a city guard… the constellations on her face are made up of her freckles!

[bisexualcrises]

WE’RE BACK, BABY !!!

[retrogamingblog]